Tag Archive | work

Customers of the week

Pissed-OFf-Girl[1]A chubby little girl about 8 or 9 years old came into the store with her dad.  As I was standing at the register I heard someone saying, “Hello?”, and then a few seconds later, again I heard, “Hello?”  This continued for a good minute and a half.  I looked over and the little girl was standing in front of the wall of house phones, picking up each handset one at a time and saying, “Hello?”  After picking up about six of the phones, she said, “Hello?  Oh, hi.”  Umm…who the hell was she talking to?  LOL

The other customer of the week was a nightmare customer.  He came in the door wobbling around, barely able to stand.  He then carefully placed a large black trash bag by the door.  As he walked toward the counter he was trying to tell me what he needed, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.  Once he got to the counter I understood why.  He was drunker than a teenage girl on spring break.  I could smell the alcohol from five feet away.

K-95PKI asked him again what he needed, which for me means me saying, “I’m sorry…what???”  What I really wanted to say was, “What the fuck do you want you drunk old man?”  However, my customer service training forbids it.  Instead I patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts and words, and to dig something out of his pocket.  As he fumbled around I began to get nervous and backed up a bit.  He must have noticed because he said, “Don’t be scared.”  That right there…made me scared.

He kept saying something about needing a charger.  I thought he meant he needed a charger for his phone, especially when he pulled out what appeared to be a hot pink old-school type cell phone.  I was wrong, very, very wrong.

He set it on the counter and I picked it up to see what kind of charger it needed.  It didn’t look like any phone charger I had ever seen, so I told him that we would probably have to order a charger for that phone.  Then he said, “Oh, that ain’t no phone.  That there’s a taser.”  Oh, my, God.  I immediately pushed it away from me (on second thought that probably wasn’t the brightest thing to do).  He picked it up and said, “Yeah, this thing has one million volts.  I’ll show you.”  I quickly said, “No, you don’t have to do that! I believe you!”

My pleas did nothing to stop him from demonstrating the awesome power of the pink taser.  He discharged the damn thing within three feet of me.  I jumped back reaching toward the aluminum baseball bat that sits behind the counter.  Fortunately I didn’t have to use it.  I kind of blacked out after he set it off, and I only remember trying to not piss my pants while simultaneously trying to get him the hell out of the store.  I felt like I was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same time.

girls-with-guns-27Once I had managed to order his charger and collect his money and get him the hell out, then I was able to breathe again, but barely.

The next day I told Bossman about the incident and he said that he was going to update the security system and put in a panic button for me.  Well, it’s about damn time, I thought.  Too bad it took me nearly getting tased for him to do it though.  It’s times like that when I really miss my Saturday night special.  Oh well.

And one last thing.  Unfortunately Hamster, my co-worker of nearly a year now has moved on to another better paying, more convenient job.  God bless him.  Now I have no one to accuse me of looking at porn on the company laptop, or ask me who I’m dating this week, or to talk to about customers once they leave the store.  So needless to say, he will be greatly missed.  In honor of Hamster, I’m dedicating this post to him, even though he’ll never know it.

Happy humping & stay safe!


Grandpas and porn

Working in retail does have its perks, sometimes…

An old man just came in with a portable dvd player.  He needed a power adapter for it.  I found the right one and hooked it up to see if it would work.  I turned it on and waited.  There was a dvd already in it.  All of the sudden it comes on and bam!  There’s a big white ass on the screen.  It’s some serious porn.  As grandpa and I both turn red, he says, “Oh my goodness. What is that?”  I’m thinking yeah, right, you know what it is you old perv.  I had quickly closed the lid on the dvd player.  He apologized, and told me it was his grandson’s.  I said, “Don’t worry. It just makes my day interesting. And now we know what your grandson’s been doing.”  LOL

Bedtime Stories

I had resorted back to trolling Plenty of Fish a month or so ago, purely out of boredom.  It possibly has to do with the fact that I had stopped taking my hormone medicines, but continued to take my Wellbutrin (or as I like to call them, my happy pills).  I originally started taking the happy pills because I read on a forum for premature ovarian failure that a side effect of Wellbutrin can be increased libido.  Luckily for me, it worked.

Also my moods have been a bit wonky lately, and the hot-flashes have started back.  It happens every time I stop taking my hormones.  Another awful side effect is that I’m tired a lot, but that could also because I’ve had crazy dreams lately and have not been sleeping well.  The dreams that I have had are usually sexual in nature.  They never have the same people in them though.  In one dream I found myself in bed with Stephan & Klaus from The Vampire Diaries.  I really don’t understand why they were there.  I’d rather have Damon & Caroline in my bed.  Anyway…

My raging libido and lack of a steady sexual outlet is making my mind go into turbo slut mode again.  All I can think about is sex.  It’s terrible.  I can’t focus on anything for very long without my mind wandering off into the gutter.  It doesn’t even take much to get me there either.  I’ve found myself staring at my bosses ass wondering why he doesn’t wear tighter jeans, gazing at the adorable blonde boy from the AT&T store next door as he walks to his car for lunch, and even flirting with every other guy who comes in to the store.  Granted, I’ve sold the shit out of some stuff lately, but I’m sure to the women, I’m just coming across as a big ol’ hoe.

Even my boss seems to think I have issues.  A couple of weeks ago he, my co-worker Hamster, and I were talking about my dad being a player, and my boss said, “So that’s where you get it from.”  Not that my boss has any room to talk.  From what I’ve been told, he’s been quite the player himself.  However, even though I have no desire to play home-wrecker, I can’t seem to keep myself from daydreaming about him.  Playing the player possibly.  I don’t even find him that attractive…well, until his ass is right there in front of me, then I can’t help but notice how nice it is.  Believe me, I’ve tried to stop these thoughts from entering my consciousness.  It’s just not working.  I don’t even think I’d ever act on them, even if he initiated something, but just that the thoughts are there bothers me.

My boss comes across as a prick a lot of the time, but then there are times when he’s really nice and playful.  Yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the stream of cute young guys that kept coming in, and all I could do Continue reading

No more freaking out

Just following up with you on my “I’m Freaking Out” post from a week ago.  My boss still hasn’t told me if he figured out what happened to the missing money from that Saturday.  It wasn’t taken out of my paycheck so I guess I’m in the clear.  I really wish he’d tell me if they figured it out though.  He’s been in the store here for a total of maybe thirty minutes in a week.  Everything seems to be going to hell, and unfortunately he’s taking us all with him.  All of the employees here are disgruntled now because of the moving and mayhem that’s been going on for the last couple of weeks.  I will be really surprised if he has anyone left working for him after the end of the year.

When I went in to work this past Saturday I made sure to count the money before I put it in the drawer.  I wrote my total down and at the end of the day I did another count of what I had in the drawer, printed out a report that showed my sales for the day, and then I compared it to what I should have had in the drawer.  I was one penny off.  I put everything in the bag, including my printout and handwritten totals.

I didn’t work yesterday, so I didn’t expect to hear from my boss until today, if at all.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Also, I took Single Blonde‘s advice and have kept Harry away from my workplace.  Not that it matters much now because my boss hasn’t really been here in over a week, but it’s better to be careful at this point.

Happy humping!

The Age of Enlightenment – Part 2

In all the excitement I completely forgot to tell you about my new job.  I started working there a few weeks ago.  It’s a nice little family owned business, and so far everyone there seems very friendly.  Before I went to the interview my sister warned me that the owner, OS, was a little odd, which I sort of already knew because I had heard the Preacher talk about him before.  Not talk about him in a gossipy bad way, just talk about the Preacher’s dealings with OS and his company.  OS and his family are Mennonites.  I don’t really know much about what the Mennonites believe, but I always assumed they were a little like Amish-lite.

During the interview with OS and the office manager, I got a little taste of just what type of person OS really is when he asked if I was a smoker.  I told him the truth.  There’s no point in lying about it because if he were to hire me he would find out eventually anyway.  After I made my confession he went into this story about how he had a woman working there once who was a smoker and after she left he swore he’d never hire another smoker again.  Evidently she was one of those smokers who got very snippy and cranky when she couldn’t go out to smoke at least once an hour.  Now I do like having my smoke breaks, but even I think that’s a bit excessive.  I’m good as long as I can go out at lunch and smoke, and maybe have one more in the afternoon.  So after his little story I told him that I’m a “light smoker” and he had nothing to worry about.  What I was really worried about was whether he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, because I was pretty sure that he was the anti-tattoo type too.  He never said anything about it though.

While he was asking me some other questions about the work that I had done for the Preacher, whom he knew of course, I happened to look over at the office manager.  The office manager was checking me out, staring right at my chest.  He quickly averted his eyes.  I wanted to laugh, but managed to keep my composure.  It turns out he’s a very nice, very married, goody-goody Christian man.  It’s the little things that amuse me most of the time.  Can I get an “amen?”

So far the job has been less than fulfilling, and challenging, but it pays the bills, so I guess I’ll keep it, for now.

Some other things that have gone on here at the Farm:

My sister, Fallen Angel, and my nephew, Little Bubba, have been driving me crazy with their lack of concern for keeping the house clean and tidy.  I’m not a neat/clean freak, but I do like things orderly and presentable.  There’s nothing worse to me than having someone drop by the house and it look like a tornado (aka Little Bubba) just came through.  I’m working on not nagging my sister too much about this because I know she works hard, but she needs to realize that I can’t do it all on my own.

We’ve had a couple of barbeques with the downstairs neighbors, MW & AW.  I think they are really cool people, but there is something that isn’t quite right about them.  My sister says there’s definitely a story there.  We just haven’t figured out what it is yet.  We do know that they moved here from up north to help out with her mother.  We also found out that she has had five kids, none of which she has custody of now.  One of the kids is just a little baby that she had about eight months ago.  From what we gather, either the baby is in foster care or MW’s family has her.  They are supposed to get her and bring her here, but I seriously doubt that’s going to happen.  AW doesn’t seem like she’s in a big hurry to get the baby and be a full-time mommy.  Hopefully more details will surface as time goes on.

In other news…It seems that even though the Preacher has been gone for some time now, a lot of people around here still remember him and their dislike for him has trickled down to my sister and I.  My sister had to call the local police department one day to find out about something and the receptionist who answered the phone asked who was calling.  My sister told the receptionist her first name.  That wasn’t enough; she wanted her last name too.  So even though my sister knew it probably wouldn’t go well, she told the receptionist her last name.  There was dead silence on the other end of the phone for about fifteen seconds.  Then the receptionist said in a snotty tone, “Well, he’s not in now.  You could leave a message I guess.”  Wow.  People here really do hate us (my sister and I) for no reason other than what our last name is.  LOL

Living here in this small town is definitely going to be interesting.  My sister says she just wants to live a quiet life and not stir up any trouble.  I, however, only want to stir up trouble and make these backwards rednecks squirm in their holier-than-thou pews.  But that’s just me.  It’s probably just because I’m bored to death out here in the woods.

And for the grand finale!  At the beginning of May I received a message from a young man on OK Cupid.  His profile said that he lived nearby and that he was 18 years old.  Now I know that’s a bit young for me, but I figured he’s only 6 years younger than Endymion, so what the hell.  I replied to his message.  As we kept talking he started opening up and telling me a lot about himself.  He even told me that he’s still a virgin.  Awe, ain’t that sweet?  There aren’t many of those around these days.  I guess you pretty much have to catch one early to get one that’s still a virgin.  Anyway, we moved on from that topic and kept texting and messaging one another.  He seemed like a really nice kid guy.  He goes to church, plays guitar, likes a lot of the same music & movies I do, etc., etc.  Sounds good right?  I thought so.

Then one night he added me as a friend on Facebook.  I started browsing his profile and noticed his birth date, especially the year.  Then I started calculating, which I am pretty good at, but decided to use an age calculator that I found online just to be certain.  Yep!  You guessed it!  He’s only 17.  He won’t be 18 for another couple of months.  Now at that point I had to jump-start my heart because I started remembering some of the conversations he and I had.  I don’t want to go back to jail.  So I immediately send him a message asking why he didn’t tell me that he was actually 17 and not 18 like his profile had stated.  He replied, “Oh, I’m sorry.  I was going to tell you.”  When?  After I was in cuffs?  I had to explain to him that I could get into a lot of trouble just for talking to him.  He understood.  So we agreed that all future communications would have to stay G-rated and we could even think about meeting until after he turned 18.  To be perfectly honest, I really have no desire to meet him at all now.  A couple of months difference may not seem like a lot, but now every time I think about him I think of him as a kid, and I just can’t go there.

What was even funnier was when he told me one day that he was going to graduation later that night.  I congratulated him, thinking he was the one graduating.  He said, “No, I’m not graduating.  It’s my friend who’s graduating.  I’m class of 2013.”  Oh Dear Sweet Baby Jesus in a Manager.  That was my “what the fuck am I doing?” moment.  You’ll be glad to know that my communications with the kid have ended.  I really would love to find another Endymion, but he at least needs to be able to buy beer for me.

Happy humping!