Tag Archive | Stress

My Husband the Meth Addict

After I kicked my husband out of the apartment almost a year and a half ago, he admitted to “trying meth a few times” with some girl he had seen.  Well, over the past six months, or maybe more, he has sunken to new lows.  He was living in a house with a bunch of junkies and whores, and now he’s completely hooked on meth.  He told me before Christmas that he was not smoking it, but that they were injecting it.  I didn’t even know that was possible, but then again, I’m not a meth addict.  To be perfectly honest, meth is the one drug that totally scares the shit out of me and he knew that.

So one of the people living with him in the junkie house was pink-haired girl in her early thirties.  To see her pictures on Facebook you might think, oh, she’s pretty, but those pics are old and I’m sure by now she looks like your typical meth-head.  In fact, my husband looks like your typical meth-head now.  Well, he’s been infatuated with this girl for a while now and still is, even though he told his mom otherwise so that she would think he was serious about getting clean this time.  I don’t know what all is going on between them, other than the meth, but he’s been posting shit all over Facebook about how one day she’s the love of his life, and then next he hates her.  I don’t believe a word he says about anything anymore.

Over the past couple of months I have tried to talk him into getting help, not only for himself, but for his son in particular.  He doesn’t care about any one or any thing anymore.  He had called his mom a couple of weeks ago and she came and got him and was letting him stay with her.  I was happy about it at first because I thought that finally he was going to get the help he needs.

Well, last Wednesday he called me crying and talking crazy.  He said he was driving around and didn’t know where to go.  First of all, I didn’t understand how he was driving because he didn’t have a car.  Or so I thought.  Then he told me that his mom bought him an old car.  That is the stupidest thing she could have done because that gives him the ability to go out and get more drugs.  Then he texts me later saying that he was back at her house.  I thought all was well again.

This morning I messaged his mom to let her know that I wouldn’t make it to church this morning.  She asked me if I had heard from him because he got mad and left on Thursday and hadn’t been back.  I immediately pulled up his Facebook page and saw that he had made a post three hours earlier saying he was stuck at Wal-Mart, broke, no food, no gas, and needed help.  So I messaged him.  He messaged me back saying he was at his mom’s.  Of course I didn’t believe him because I had JUST talked to her.  After I told him that he sent me a picture back and the message “Fuck off.”

There is so much more to all this than I can write about in one post, but this will have to do.  The fact that I never could bring myself to completely stop worrying about him, or to block him from contacting me, or to stop hoping that one day he would decide to get help, has made my life stressful and depressing.  Drugs like meth do that.  They don’t just hurt the people doing the drugs, they hurt everyone in that person’s life.  I have my own issues and problems, but I was trying to help the man who I married, and even though it didn’t work out and never will, I still wanted him to be safe, healthy, and happy.  It doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen now.

I did block him after his hateful messages this morning.  I am done with him and his fucked up lifestyle.  If his mom wants to keep trying, then good for her, but I’m done.  Meth is an awful drug that turns good people into bad ones, and the bad ones into even shittier ones.  He’s one of the shittiest.  He’s a manipulator, a whiner, a liar, a lazy bastard, and a heartless asshole.

I tried being a better, more forgiving, more helpful person and to keep hope alive, but it’s dead now.  He probably will be soon too if he doesn’t go get some real help at a rehab facility.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in such a long time, and that my first post back has to be about my meth addicted soon-to-be ex-husband, but sometimes life is shitty and people are shittier.  Sometimes, you just have to let that shit go.  That’s finally what I’m doing because if I don’t, it’s going to kill me too.

Until next time…

Peace, love, & happiness.


My Band of Ex’s and O’s

Somehow I just managed to realize that I’ve dated a lot of damn musicians.  Enough to have my own band.  So here’s who would be in my band…

Teacher.  Duh, he teaches music full-time and is a professional musician.  He plays just about every instrument, but he’s amazing on guitar.  And, he sings.

Art.  I’d put Art on keys.  He can play guitar too, but he has more of a piano kind of vibe to him.  He’s a….Cad.  Yep.  That’s the word.

Bluegrass.  Ah, shitty old Bluegrass.  Unfortunately, he’s the only banjo player I’ve dated.  Being from Alabama, it would be a sin for me not to include the banjo in my band.

Rocketman.  I can’t even be mad at Rocketman anymore.  He was a sweet guy.  He just had some major issues.  He was a bass player, like me.  He committed suicide five years ago.

Ok.  So far we have guitar, keys, banjo, and bass.

Last, but not least, is drums.  This is going to have to go to Redbeard.  As far as I can recall, he’s the only drummer I’ve dated.  He’s also a tad crazy.  Today he posted a series of FWB memes on his Facebook feed.  Here they are for your enjoyment:

This bitch be like, “he crazy and needy.”

I didn’t respond in any way.  He’s just not worth it.  I’m sorry for breaking his heart, but he’s not alone in that.  There was a line of heartbroken guys before him, and there will be more after.

Until next time…

Peace, love, & happiness.


Babe, I’m gonna leave you

I promised a follow-up to my last post.  Better late than never, right?

For the past two months I have seen Doc Oc occasionally, usually once a week.  About one month ago he came over one evening and as we were sitting on the couch he said he needed to tell me something. I immediately got nervous, thinking that maybe he had a girlfriend or wife.  No such luck.  He told me that he was moving back to his hometown, which is over four hours away.

My heart sank.  I thought I had finally found a guy in this crappy state that I not only could tolerate, but actually liked.  And now he’s leaving me.

Of course this is the guy who I thought could possibly be a serial killer.  He isn’t, of course.  However, he’s a very quiet person, much like myself, but even more so.  I told my sister that now I know what it’s like to date me, and it’s awful.  And I don’t mean that negatively against him.  I just know that quiet people are difficult nuts to crack.  We hold in so much.  All of our emotions and feelings, hopes and dreams, thoughts and beliefs.  Introverts can be extremely complex people.  Personally, think I do better in relationships with extroverts, even though those are the one’s that usually don’t work out.

Anyway…Oh!  I haven’t even described Doc Oc to you yet.  He’s sexy, in a nerdy hipster subdued kind of way.  Think Robert Downey, Jr. meets young James Spader.  His ass though.  Thank you Jesus for this boy’s ass.  It’s so grab-able.  He’s also intelligent and funny.  It’s just that he doesn’t open up and talk much, which I do wish he had done.

Oh, well.  The good ones always go away.  Or I go away.  Someone always goes away.

My prayer for the day:

“Jesus, just send me Bruno Mars…or Sting…I’d accept Sting also.”

Because I could fuck the hell out of some Bruno, or Sting, right now.

Until next time…”It’s only half past the point of no return.”

Peace, love, & happiness.


Setting Precedent: The Follow-up

In my last post I told you about Buck cheating on me and lying to me.  I am far from over this, but for now I did allow him to come back to the apartment.  We had a long talk yesterday.  I reminded him of the rules that are in place so as to make the “open marriage” concept work for us.  Obviously it wasn’t working for him.  He had it so easy.  All he had to do was be honest with me and not lie and hide things from me.  He realizes that now, but it’s too late.  I’m not sure I can recover from this betrayal.

He told me that he can’t stop and won’t stop being with other people.  I knew that already, but I thought with the rules we had agreed upon that it would not be that big of a problem.  So, now I realize that it’s not just that he wants to be with other people, it’s that he wants to be sneaky and for it to be taboo.  He doesn’t enjoy it as much if I know what he’s doing.  I understand that there is an element of excitement to cheating, but the price you pay is never worth it.  Unfortunately for me, I’m probably going to be the one who pays the greatest price with my health.  He doesn’t use protection and doesn’t seem to understand that you can still get an STD from performing oral on someone.  I told him it’s only a matter of time before it all comes to a crashing halt, and I’m not willing to just ignore his idiotic behavior anymore.

He has no respect for me, and he sure as hell doesn’t care about my feelings or needs.  So I’m guessing that this marriage (number three for me) will probably end much sooner than “till death do us part.”  I swear to God and Jesus and Bruno Mars that I will never ever get married again, not even for the health insurance.  I’d rather die of a wonky heart than have to put up with this shit any more.

Dumb ass.  Just like my sister Fallen Angel says, men are all dumb ass motherfuckers who are selfish pricks.  They can’t be trusted with anything, especially their own cocks.

One more thing.  I owe an apology to my friends in Mississippi.  They tried to warn me about Buck.  They didn’t like him and I just thought it was because I was moving away with him.  I was so wrong.  They were right.  Buck is a lazy, selfish, cheating, lying, son-of-a-bitch.  Damn, I have horrible taste in men.  WTF is wrong with me?


Setting Precedent

I am setting a precedent right now on how fights will go in my marriage.  Even though we are in an open marriage, we still have rules to follow.  One rule is that there is to be no lying or hiding things.  If he were to go spend the night with someone and not tell me, or worse yet, lie about where he was, then we would have a huge problem.  Transparency is key to an open marriage.

So he actually did what I described above.  He lied to my face and he hid being with another person from me.  Two rules immediately broken.  The last thing he did, once outed, was to not apologize immediately.  So I told him to leave the apartment and go stay elsewhere.  He asked for how long and I told him I didn’t know.  He’s texting me, but I haven’t replied.

He’s just going to have to ride this one out.