Tag Archive | Sexual intercourse

Birthday Sex: The Extended Version

bday sexAt 7:00 am I heard my bedroom door open.  Someone crawled into bed beside me.  Someone naked.  I opened my eyes just a sliver and it was my new friend-boy, Mr. 7am.  After I opened my eyes and saw him leaning over me and coming in for a kiss he said, “Good morning baby.  I’m here to give you that birthday kiss I promised you.”

He had to work the late shift the night before and couldn’t make it to my party.  So I told him he could come by after work and I would leave the door unlocked for him.  I wasn’t really expecting him to come by after working all night, but I’m so glad he did.

Az5CUnmorning-sex-alarm-flirting-ecards-someecardsHe kissed me and then kissed my breasts and then kept going until his face was buried between my legs.  Forget alarm clocks.  I’d rather have a tongue between my thighs at 7am.

Mr. 7am is not my usual type.  He’s a little country and from this small town, but he seems very genuine and laid back.  He’s a foot taller than me, in great shape, and has just the right amount of chest hair (and no back hair).  He was a vision to wake up to.

I grabbed his head and pulled him up to mine and kissed him.  He tasted like sweet pussy…he tasted like me.  I grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him closer, letting him slide inside.  For the next hour we fucked, and I sucked, and we fucked some more until we both came simultaneously.

That was the beginning of my birthday sexfest.

Over the next week he came by a few more times, always at 7am.  Each time was better than the last.  I always had to get up for work though, so we didn’t have much time to talk.  That was fine with me.  He’s hot, and willing, and makes me dripping wet.

As the week progressed I went on a couple of other dates, but they were all duds.  I was completely unattracted to them.  One guy couldn’t stop staring at my tits, and the other had no filter so any dirty thought that came to his mind, he just said out loud.  Not the best dates I’ve had, but not the worst either I suppose.

Then on Thursday I got a message from a guy who lives quite far away and we started talking.  This guy managed to get me so worked up so fast that I couldn’t wait to see Mr. 7am again.  Unfortunately for me, Mr. 7am couldn’t make it for a few days for a few reasons.  So I was left to take care of things myself.

Saturday I thought I was going to die of boredom until my friend DC asked me to meet her at the bar.  We had a good time listening to music and talking until closing.  At closing our friend Bacchus showed up.  He invited me to go out bar hopping and we did just that…until 4 in the morning.  I was exhausted Sunday, but pleased that we had such a good time the night before.

mr booty

Well, hello Mr. Booty.

Since Mr. 7am had to work, I didn’t expect to hear from him until at least yesterday, but at 4pm Sunday he sent me a text.  He said he could be here in an hour.  What?  Mr. 7am is going to be here at 5PM?  What has the world come to?  LOL

So I hurried to get ready for his arrival and in between getting ready I was still talking to my out-of-town friend online.  Once again, he was getting me all hot and bothered, so by the time Mr. 7am got here I was ready to strip him down and go for a ride.  He had other plans though.

When he came in with a six-pack of beer and a bottle of Crown I knew I was in trouble.  He handed me a beer and sat down at the table.  I joined him, reluctantly.  As we drank our beers, we talked and he told me some funny stories.  Don’t get me wrong.  He’s a really nice, funny, charming guy, but I had other things on my mind.  I do want to talk to him and get to know him better, but maybe some other time when I’m not about to soak through my panties.

Anyway, as we sat there I kept looking for an opportunity to make a move on him.  I didn’t want to interrupt him as he was telling a story, and I wanted to let him finish his beer, and then his cigarette…but, but, dammit boy!  Fuck me already!  LOL

Finally I saw my opportunity.  He stood up to go to the fridge and as he came back to the table I told him to come over to me, where I was sitting on my bar stool.  I wasted no time in grabbing a hold of his ass with both hands and pulled him in so tight that I could feel his cock pressing against my thigh.  He had on these gym shorts that made it very easy for my hands to slide in and down to his ass.

imagesAfter some really good kissing, and his being shocked by how eager I was, he said, “That’s enough. Let’s go to the bedroom. Now.”  He grabbed my hand and led me straight to the bedroom.  He was undressed before I even sat down on the bed.  I started getting undressed and was laying there on my side in just my underwear.  Since I hadn’t planned on having company I didn’t have time to put on my fancy panties.  You girls know what I mean.  I just had on some cute orange stripped cotton & lace bikinis.  He didn’t seem to mind.  He took one look at me and said, “Damn girl.  Look at that ass.  You’re looking fine.  Mmmmhmmm.”  You have to imagine him saying it in a nice thick Southern drawl.  LOL  Needless to say, my panties didn’t stay on much longer.

I wore him out, and he did the same to me.  By the time he left I was shaking all over from the five orgasms I had and I could barely walk.  Twenty minutes later I was still shakey when he sent me a text that said, “Omg u r hot.”  He texts like a 12-year-old, but he fucks like a pro.  Either way, I was flattered and ready to pass out, which I did.

So that was my week of birthday sex and damn it was good.  Hopefully it will continue and I’ll have at least a whole month of mind-blowing orgasm-inducing sex.  😉  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Happy humping (from the now 40-year-old Preacher’s Daughter)!

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Viagra: The Great Deceiver

thingThing was a former body builder in his late forties.  His hobbies included going to the gym daily, eating 8,000 calories a day, working, and playing with firearms.  His arms were huge by the way, and his ass was hard as a rock.  Just picture the Thing, but without all the weird rock skin.

His personality wasn’t as satisfying though.  He was not what I’d call exciting by any means.  He was nice and somewhat talkative, but that was about it.  On our first date we drank several beers at his house while he cooked dinner.  Actually I think he went through a full case, but he is a big guy.  The date started early in the afternoon.  We went out to the woods and he let me shoot his .22 (that’s a hand gun 😉 ) for a while.  I killed an empty beer box, so that was fun.  Then we went back to his house.  By the time we got to 5 o’cock he started making his move.

I was fairly tipsy by then so I just went with the flow.  Actually I kind of attacked him…in a good way of course.  My hormones had been in overdrive and he seemed like a good outlet.  We made out for about ten minutes in his kitchen and I finally just asked him if he wanted to go to the bedroom.

Once we got to the bedroom he stripped me down, then he stripped down and I got to see him in all his musclebound glory.  Unfortunately the muscles were the only impressive things about him.  He was ok though.  We had sex, then I fell asleep.  About an hour later I woke up to him pulling the covers off of me and getting ready for another go.  Afterwards, I fell asleep again.  Another hour later, yep, you guessed it, he was back for round three.

After round three I thought surely he’d let me get more than an hour of sleep.  He did.  He waited two hours until wanting round four.  By then I was exhausted.  I managed to get another couple of hours of sleep before rounds five and six.Viagra-Ring-Results

As I lay there after round six, I couldn’t help but wonder, WTF dude?  He’s almost fifty years old and just came six times in less than 12 hours.  I was so tired that Viagra hadn’t even crossed my mind.  I was tired and sore and couldn’t think straight, so I slept.

He took me home the next morning.  He had to take his mom to church.  It was Easter Sunday, the day that I have chosen over the years to celebrate my debauchery at it’s finest.

Five days later he came over to my place.  We didn’t waste much time getting into the bedroom.  Naturally I thought it would be like last time.  Not that I wanted another sex marathon, but one good time would have sufficed.  That didn’t happen.  He came within three minutes.  I, however, didn’t, at all.

He headed to the bathroom after he finished, so while he was in there I got dressed.  I tried to lead him back to the living room and towards the door because at that point I just wanted him to leave.  He did.

So, after consulting my sister on the matter, we decided that Viagra, or the lack thereof, must have been to blame for that second “date” disaster.  Shame on you makers of Viagra.  You got my hopes up and then sent them crashing back down.

Happy humping, and humping, and humping, and humping!

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The case of the missing condom

Late Easter Sunday night my phone rang.  It was my sister.  “Hello sis.  So…Bitchboy came over tonight,” she said.  Bitchboy is her new plaything.  He’s a 28-year-old self-absorbed redneck who is quite possibly bisexual.  He’s cute though, and therefore fun to play with.  So he went over to her house last night and they had a little play time.  Evidently half way through the condom came off.  Of course my first question was if the condom was too big for him.  She swears that wasn’t the problem.  Since they were half way in through they didn’t bother looking for the condom right then.  He put another one on and kept right on going.

surprisedwomanAfter they finished they started looking for the missing condom.  It was nowhere to be found.  They checked the bed, under the bed, under the pillows, and still couldn’t find it.  Then it dawned on my sister, and Bitchboy, that the condom might still be inside her.  Not knowing what to do, Bitchboy pulled out his phone and started Googling it.  He found out that if the condom is not removed rather quickly, it can cause an infection.  So she went to the bathroom to go on a condom hunt.

She couldn’t feel it or find it.  The condom must have been deep inside, and she assumed it was because he was hitting the “back wall” if you get my meaning.  He must have pushed it so far in that she couldn’t reach it on her own.  The only other thing to do was either to wait and see if it came out on its own, or go to a doctor to have it removed.

Funny-condomWell, once Bitchboy left my sister called me and told me what had happened.  At first I tried to be supportive and helpful, even doing my own Google search.  I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was a little worried and even more embarrassed, but we were still able to laugh about it.  Especially when I asked, “How in the hell do these kinds of things happen to us?”

I really didn’t know what to tell her or what advice to give her.  The only thing I could suggest was for her to do jumping jacks to try to jog it loose.  Unfortunately, she said Bitchboy had already suggested that.  After some more research I found a page that suggested propping one leg up high on a counter or something so that the condom can more easily be retrieved.  So it seemed that yoga may be the answer…or not.

Fuck-Yoga

Since neither of us had any good ideas about how to retrieve the missing condom, we decided it would probably be best if she just had a drink and then went to the doctor the next day, if it hadn’t made an appearance before then.  I said goodnight and good luck.

Seven minutes later she sent me a text that said, “Got it!!!”  I guess the jumping jacks worked.

Happy humping! (Never stop searching.)

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35 Reasons you might be rejected by the Preacher’s Daughters

These are all based on real men whom Fallen Angel and I have either:  gone out on at least one date with, talked to, or have been contacted by on dating websites.  A couple of these I actually married, but later divorced.  This is only the tip of the iceberg though.  My sister and I were able to rattle off this list in about fifteen minutes.  As we listed them I typed it into my phone.  I plan on adding more to it as time goes on, and as the memories return to us.

  1. Pretty but dumb as a box of rocks
  2. No ambition
  3. Poor
  4. Player
  5. Acts like a twelve-year-old
  6. Ball-less
  7. Doesn’t own a car and lives outside of a major city
  8. Sends four texts for every one you send
  9. Admits on his profile to being molested, and outs his sister as also being molested as a child
  10. Secretly gay
  11. Raised by the mafia
  12. Con artist
  13. You ask for a hammer and he hangs up on you
  14. Not mechanically inclined
  15. Atheist
  16. Too religious
  17. Just got out of prison
  18. Crazy baby mama
  19. Crazy ex-wife/girlfriend
  20. Has too many kids by too many women
  21. Has too many kids
  22. Gets high too much
  23. Too much facial hair
  24. Needs more facial hair
  25. Doesn’t shower on a daily basis
  26. Spends four nights a week playing pool at bars, yet doesn’t drink or gamble
  27. Lives with parents/family
  28. Talks too much
  29. Excessive drinking
  30. Superhero syndrome
  31. Posts on profile that he’s “in a relationship”
  32. Has his girlfriend/wife message you on the dating site requesting “group fun”
  33. Extreme mood swings
  34. Unacceptable in bed (dick too big, too small, too kinky, not kinky enough, selfish, or just sucks in bed)
  35. Pedophile

Created using Out of Milk, http://outofmilk.com/android

If you would like to know more about any particular one, or if you agree with Fallen Angel that we should add the full stories and turn it into a book, please leave us a comment below. 🙂  I’m trying to lure her into the world of blogging, so any help would be much appreciated.

Happy humping!

Fat Tuesday

Today is Fat Tuesday and the end of Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  I can’t say I’m sad to see it go, considering my car got towed because of it.  I’m not shedding any tears.

My day started out great.  Manwhore and Troll left early this morning.  I was alone in the house, and was able to go out on the balcony to enjoy my coffee.  Then Art sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out for breakfast.  I of course said yes.  He sent me another text later saying that he was on his way and in full Mardi Gras regalia.  I had no idea what to expect.

About half an hour later he shows up and rings the doorbell.  I go downstairs to let him in.  I open the door and there he is.  Oh sweet baby Jesus.  I about lost my breath, wet my undies, and had butterflies come flying out of me all at the same time.  He was wearing blue jeans, boots, a black sleeveless t-shirt, a whip coiled and tucked into a belt loop on his right side, and a red military-looking jacket that had all kinds of stuff on it and a picture of a vampire on the back.  He looked like a damn rock star with all that plus his curly blond hair topping it all off.

He explained to me that it was his lion tamer costume, or as my sister later called it, his lioness tamer costume.  Get it?  I’m the lioness.  LOL  It probably took me at least five minutes to stop mumbling and stammering every time I tried to speak.  I think just about the only thing I could say was “wow” repeatedly.  Once I had recovered I of course just wanted to skip going out for breakfast and make him my breakfast in bed.  He was hungry though, so we went out.  (I’m still drooling just writing about him in that costume.)

As we were walking around, we walked through the back of Jackson Square where there were musicians playing and there was a woman in a belly dancer outfit doing something resembling a dance.  We stopped to listen and watch for a minute.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder.  When I turned around my face went pale and I froze up for a few seconds.  It was LL Cool Bean.  He said hi, I said hi, and then he said, “I thought you said you didn’t like crowds.”  Wow.  That’s all he could come up with?  He saw me standing there with Art, who was holding my hand at the time.  He gave me a weird look and then Art spoke up and told him that we were just going to get some breakfast.  I think I half-assed introduced them to one another.  Thank God for Art though, because he promptly led me away from LL.  I was petrified and at a loss for words after that, so I didn’t mention it again to Art.  I could tell that he knew what was going on.  So there was no reason to discuss it further.

While we were walking Art asked if I had plans for this weekend.  I told him that so far I don’t have any plans.  He told me that he goes to see his three kids every other weekend and asked if I’d like to go with him this weekend.  Hmmm.  I didn’t really know what to think of this.  I should have at least asked where he stays when he goes up there.  It’s five and a half hours away.  Without really thinking it through I said that I would like to go.  I panicked afterwards when I realized that he might actually want to introduce me to his kids.  That terrifies me.  Kids and me don’t always mingle well.  It’s always a toss-up whether or not they will like me.  Oh well.  Too late now.  I’m in for another interesting weekend.

After breakfast we came back to my place and watched some of the parades and rested our tired tootsies.  We cuddled a little and ended up naked again, but I still didn’t get all of what I was looking for, which surprised me.  I thought we had cleared things up, but apparently not.  My sister’s suggestion is to take plenty of lube and condoms next weekend, because if we stay in a hotel then I will have time to figure out what the real problem is.  She may be right.  I’m willing to try anything at this point.

So Mardi Gras is finally almost over, and now I have to try to calm myself down before this weekend.  Something that probably won’t help is that I’m supposed to go hang out with Art again tomorrow while he works.  Dear Lord, I hope he doesn’t wear that jacket again tomorrow.  I’d hate to have to molest him in public. 😉

Well, there’s an hour and a half left before they shut down Bourbon Street, and it’s time for me to get some sleep.

Happy humping!