Tag Archive | Kids

Customers of the week

Pissed-OFf-Girl[1]A chubby little girl about 8 or 9 years old came into the store with her dad.  As I was standing at the register I heard someone saying, “Hello?”, and then a few seconds later, again I heard, “Hello?”  This continued for a good minute and a half.  I looked over and the little girl was standing in front of the wall of house phones, picking up each handset one at a time and saying, “Hello?”  After picking up about six of the phones, she said, “Hello?  Oh, hi.”  Umm…who the hell was she talking to?  LOL

The other customer of the week was a nightmare customer.  He came in the door wobbling around, barely able to stand.  He then carefully placed a large black trash bag by the door.  As he walked toward the counter he was trying to tell me what he needed, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.  Once he got to the counter I understood why.  He was drunker than a teenage girl on spring break.  I could smell the alcohol from five feet away.

K-95PKI asked him again what he needed, which for me means me saying, “I’m sorry…what???”  What I really wanted to say was, “What the fuck do you want you drunk old man?”  However, my customer service training forbids it.  Instead I patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts and words, and to dig something out of his pocket.  As he fumbled around I began to get nervous and backed up a bit.  He must have noticed because he said, “Don’t be scared.”  That right there…made me scared.

He kept saying something about needing a charger.  I thought he meant he needed a charger for his phone, especially when he pulled out what appeared to be a hot pink old-school type cell phone.  I was wrong, very, very wrong.

He set it on the counter and I picked it up to see what kind of charger it needed.  It didn’t look like any phone charger I had ever seen, so I told him that we would probably have to order a charger for that phone.  Then he said, “Oh, that ain’t no phone.  That there’s a taser.”  Oh, my, God.  I immediately pushed it away from me (on second thought that probably wasn’t the brightest thing to do).  He picked it up and said, “Yeah, this thing has one million volts.  I’ll show you.”  I quickly said, “No, you don’t have to do that! I believe you!”

My pleas did nothing to stop him from demonstrating the awesome power of the pink taser.  He discharged the damn thing within three feet of me.  I jumped back reaching toward the aluminum baseball bat that sits behind the counter.  Fortunately I didn’t have to use it.  I kind of blacked out after he set it off, and I only remember trying to not piss my pants while simultaneously trying to get him the hell out of the store.  I felt like I was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same time.

girls-with-guns-27Once I had managed to order his charger and collect his money and get him the hell out, then I was able to breathe again, but barely.

The next day I told Bossman about the incident and he said that he was going to update the security system and put in a panic button for me.  Well, it’s about damn time, I thought.  Too bad it took me nearly getting tased for him to do it though.  It’s times like that when I really miss my Saturday night special.  Oh well.

And one last thing.  Unfortunately Hamster, my co-worker of nearly a year now has moved on to another better paying, more convenient job.  God bless him.  Now I have no one to accuse me of looking at porn on the company laptop, or ask me who I’m dating this week, or to talk to about customers once they leave the store.  So needless to say, he will be greatly missed.  In honor of Hamster, I’m dedicating this post to him, even though he’ll never know it.

Happy humping & stay safe!


A letter from a 2 year old to his mommy.

A letter from Little Bubba to his Mommy. (Dictated by me to him and then he repeated it to his mom and grandmother.)  We couldn’t stop laughing.  Kids are good for one thing for sure and that’s entertainment.  He’s only two so he still leaves out words and letters when he’s talking.  For example, instead of saying “crazy” he says “kazy.”  Also for some reason instead of saying “booger” he says “beeger.”

Dear Momma,

Love you.  Momma crazy.  I a booger.  No I not a booger, Momma a booger.  Aunt [PD] crazy.  Grammy not crazy.  (He improvised a little.)  Love you dog.


[Little Bubba]

The simplicity and honesty of children is awesome and that’s why I love them.


Moving on up! Praise the Lord!

We got the house!  Yay!  Yesterday we actually accomplished something.  Yesterday morning Little Bubba and I took an hour ride into town to cash a check.  He slept all the way there and all through the stop at the bank.  It wasn’t until after I stopped to grab us some lunch at Chik-fil-A that he woke up.  He wasn’t interested in eating his chicken nuggets, but he did find the sound of his own screaming to be entertaining.  It wasn’t screaming out of pain or discomfort.  He was just screaming for the fun of it and to try to drive me insane.  Yet another reason I’m happy not having kids of my own.

As soon as we got back home my sister called and said that we were taking the house that she found for rent, and she needed me to come immediately and meet her with the money.  So I loaded Little Bubba back up in the car and we went and met her and took the money and signed the lease.  My sister had already seen the place, but I had only seen the outside of it on Google maps.  It didn’t look that great from the outside, but I figured it had to be better than the place we’re in now.  Once we got the keys we drove over to take a look and turn on the air conditioning so that it would be nice & cool for when we start moving in.  I was pleasantly surprised by how it looks inside.  It’s kind of small, but at least it’s clean and there aren’t any leaks.  The place we’re in now has a major leak in the central A/C unit and it’s flooded her room and the kitchen.  Her carpet is soaked, the kitchen floor has bowed up, and there are tiny gnats everywhere because of all the water.  It’s disgusting.  That’s our main reason for being in such a rush to get out of here.

I’m not looking forward to packing up everything, but I sure will be glad to have a decent place to live in again.  When we were leaving the house to come back here my sister said something about it being smaller than she wanted.  All I could say was “Praise you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!  No more bugs!”  LOL  Oh, and thanks to the Preacher for making it all possible. Love ya daddy!

I’ll be without internet for the next week or so until we get our DSL installed.  I’ll be back writing as soon as it’s on though. 🙂

So until next time, happy humping!

Four-Wheeler For Sale?

This is a story told to me by the Preacher.  My sister’s ex-boyfriend had a grandson.  Yes, my younger sister had a boyfriend who was forty years her senior and he had a grandson.  That story is best saved for another post though, or maybe the Jerry Springer show.

At the time that this happened the boy was about five years old, still too young to be able to read.  He went to his parents one day and asked if he could sell his four-wheeler.  His father just sort of laughed it off knowing that the boy would probably forget all about the idea eventually and said “Sure, if you want to son.”

The next day the father comes home and comes in and asks his wife, “Why is the four-wheeler out by the road with a “No Smoking” sign on it?”