Tag Archive | Insecurities

Office Space Jam

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So I started a new job six weeks ago.  I quit three weeks ago.  I totally hated it and was about to have a nervous breakdown.  It’s not really something I wanted to do, or am comfortable doing, but I was going to do it anyway because it was a decent job with decent pay.  I’m actually kind of missing my old job, but it’s too late to change all of that now.  The job was working at a huge call center in collections.  Not something I was overjoyed about to begin with.

The job was in a huge corporate office and that’s definitely an environment I’m not used to being in.  I’ve worked for large companies before, but nothing quite like that.  That place has strict rules and procedures.  I have no problem with all that, as long as it doesn’t make me feel like a drone, which I started to think I’d end up as at that place.

Cube-iquette1Don’t get me wrong, the benefits were good and the pay was not bad.  However, it just wasn’t the place for me.  The people were friendly in a weird brainwashed kind of way, but I noticed some very odd, almost childish, behavior patterns.  Stupidity and childishness in the workplace tends to irritate the shit out of me.  Honestly, I was just trying to hold out as long as possible or at least until I could find something that I’m better suited to doing.

So, now that I’m unemployed I’ve had to start job hunting again.  I hate job hunting.  I’ve been on a few interviews, but so far no luck.  The last interview that I had was today.  It was an online video conference interview with a woman at an employment agency.  The interview went great, but I noticed towards the end of the interview that there was a man behind her.  He had turned around in his chair and was watching her computer screen and me I suppose.  He looked very interested in what he was watching, so I’m hoping that he was not just ogling me and instead maybe he was her supervisor or something.  I still found it a bit odd.

Being my first online video interview I was already a bit freaked out by the whole thing.  I’ve successfully avoided having a laptop with a webcam for the past forty years, but a few weeks ago my old laptop was about to die and Buck bought me a new one, and it has a built-in camera & microphone.  I absolutely hate being on camera and video.  I’m too self-conscious and shy.  Don’t laugh.  It’s true. 😉  I suppose I’ll have to get used to it though because evidently that’s how people do business and stuff these days.  Damn, I’m getting old.  OK, now you can laugh.

One last thing that I have to complain about…the weather here.  I’ve been in Tennessee for two and a half months already and my nose has yet to thaw out and I can’t stop shivering.  Thankfully the snow has melted, but it’s still too damn cold here.  I do miss that Mississippi sunshine.  That’s all.  Thanks for tolerating my moaning and complaining.

Also, since I’m unemployed and broke now, if you feel like looking to the right of this page and clicking on the donate button, it would be most appreciated.  All I need is a dollar…or two…or twenty.  A girl’s gotta eat you know.  Plus I’m not quite ready to hit the corner and start turning tricks. 😉

As always…

Peace, love, & happiness.

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2015: The Year of Bliss Attacks

light-in-the-confessionalIt’s been two months since my last confession post.  Buck and I have since moved to another state and have begun our little life together.  Originally the plan was that he would just move to be with me, and he did.  Once he got there though, I brought up the idea that maybe we should move back to his home state.  It made sense for several reasons, but the main one was that he wouldn’t have to pay out-of-state tuition. He also would be close to his family and friends.  Of course I knew I’d miss the friends that I had made in Podunk, Mississippi, but it also meant I would no longer have to see Teacher on a regular basis.

Teacher and I have become friends since he broke up with me in March of last year, but it was still a little awkward at times, especially once Buck arrived and was hanging out with me all the time.  Getting over the breakup with Teacher wasn’t easy, but I was proud that I had eventually recovered and moved on.  It’s not always easy to move on though when you have to see your ex-boyfriend every other day.  So moving to another state seemed like a blessing in disguise.

So there was a lot of driving back and forth for Buck.  He had to go home for Christmas without me while I stayed in Mississippi and worked through the end of the year.  My last day at work was the last day of 2014.  It seemed a fitting end to a crazy year.

tiny carBuck came back after Christmas and on January 3rd we moved.  It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been great. I had to leave 80% of my belongings in a storage unit in Mississippi because it wouldn’t all fit in his tiny car.  His car still looked like a tiny clown car once we had stuffed it to the gills with my clothes and necessities.  By necessities I mean some shoes, clothes, computer, silverware, one (just one) plate, my Monkey, and one Willie picture (my 1980s autographed album promo poster of Willie Nelson).  There were some other random things thrown in, but no furniture other than one large metal shelving unit and one small metal shelving unit.  They only made it in because they could be taken apart and thus didn’t take up much room in the car.

When Buck went home for Christmas he rented us an apartment that I had found online.  That was at least one less thing we had to take care of once we got to my new home state.  I’ve met his family, most of them anyway, and everyone seems to like me, which is a relief.  Now I’m just doing daily job searches and applying for every office-type job I can find.  He starts back to school in another week, so he’s been busy getting all that in order.

Now for the part that I haven’t really mentioned yet.  Buck and I have something in common.  We both like the D.  By D I mean dick.  Yes, he likes having sex with both men and women.  This is the point where I don’t really know how to explain things very well.  I feel like it’s important to share this information though because it’ll make things easier to understand in my future posts.

So, yes, he’s bisexual, but so am I.  I just consider myself to be more attracted to men than women.  So it’s not an issue, especially since we have an understanding.  The understanding is that we can have sex with other people as long as both of us either know about it, or both of us are present and/or involved in the act.  Hopefully that will clear things up a little.  If it doesn’t feel free to comment & ask any questions you might have.  Because at this point I’m unsure about how much detail I should give here.

He knows about and has read the blog.  I’m sure I’ve said before that I would never let another boyfriend know about the blog, but how often do I really follow my advice?  I think that’s why I’m so shy about writing certain things though.  It’s as if I’m afraid of betraying his trust or confidence.  I know that’s not true though because I asked him how he felt about it and he’s not worried about what I write.

That should be enough for now.  Hopefully at least everyone knows that I’m still alive and didn’t get murdered or abducted by the mysterious Prince Buck Charming.  So, yay! 🙂

Oh, and do I have some stories to tell. 😉  And you thought things here would get boring once I settled down and fell in love again.  Bazinga!

Peace, love, & happiness.

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IQ Points Dropping Like Flies

I swear, sometimes, I really do believe that I make men stupid.  Let me explain why.

Mr. 7am, my early morning booty call guy, has evolved into more.  His work schedule changed and now he works until 11:00 pm, but to me he will always be Mr. 7am because he does love his morning sex.  He will never be a real boyfriend to me, mainly because we have nothing in common other than sex, but also because I can’t be in a relationship with someone I only see right before bed and right before I have to go to work.  He hasn’t gotten that memo yet, because I haven’t told him, so he seems to think our relationship is going in a different direction.  I know this is wrong, and I do plan on telling him as soon as the time is right.

What had happened was…

Mr. 7am came over one night after work.  Since he no longer had to immediately crawl into bed with me at the crack of dawn, he thought we now could have time to sit and talk before heading to the bedroom.  This was unexpected and somewhat disappointing.  I was enjoying my early morning sex sessions.  We fuck, I get up for work, and he leaves.  Not anymore.

i-love-youSo we’re sitting in the living room talking, drinking, smoking, and I realize that he’s a really nice and funny guy, but he’s just not that sharp.  That’s ok.  I’ve dealt with guys like this before.  As long as it’s just about sex, then it will be fine.

It got late and I knew that I needed to get to bed because I had to work the next day.  He led me into the bedroom and we had sex.  Not as many times as the first time, but three times.  During the second time, he pauses mid-stroke and says, “Damn Ginger, I love you girl.”

Excuse me.  What?

He said it again, “I just love my Ginger.”

No! Not again, and not in bed, and especially not during sex.

So that was a week ago.  He was supposed to come over after work last Tuesday night, but he never showed up.  He never even called or text me to let me know he wasn’t coming.  Late the next morning I finally received a text from him.  He said that he had to work over.  I coldly replied, “Ok. A text letting me know would have been nice.”  He said he was sorry and asked how work was, so I just told him it was busy.

At 6:30 pm I received another text from him asking what I was doing.  I didn’t reply.  Then another text asking, “Omg babe r u mad at me?”  I was, a little, but I told him I was at the bar with DC & Bacchus.  He asked if he could see me that night and I told him I was going to crash early.  After several texts back and forth, him asking to see me, me putting him off, he finally asked if I needed a ride home.  Shit.  He got off work early and was headed to the bar.

So after some awkward conversation with Mr. 7am, DC, and Bacchus, we decided to leave.  I think DC & Bacchus liked Mr. 7am…I know DC thinks he’s cute, but they know he’s not exactly a rocket scientist.  However, he’s nice and sweet…and evidently afraid of losing me and a tad jealous.  So we called it a night and went back to my place.

Friday night I blew him off to go hang out with Bacchus and some other friends.  I felt guilty about it Saturday so I told him he could come over that night after work.  It was nice having a little more time to spend with him.  I didn’t have to get up early for work, so we stayed up for a while talking before heading to bed.

And…he said it again.  In the living room.  Sober.  I’m screwed.

Or so I thought.  After mulling it over today I decided that, why shouldn’t I give him a chance?  He’s not a bad guy.  He’s not married, he has a job, he makes me laugh, he’s nice and considerate, and he is excellent in bed.  So I think I’m going to do it.  Because even if once I get to know him better, I decide that he definitely is not the one for me, at least I’ll know I gave him an honest chance.

My main fear, as brought forth in a nightmare I had last night, is that I become pregnant by some freak cruel miracle from God, and the baby is cute, but stupid.  I swear I woke up in a cold sweat and gasping for breath after that one.

So I think I was wrong.  It’s not the guy’s IQ points that drop.  It’s mine.  😉

Happy humping geniuses!

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Top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested

1.  Public intoxication

Actually this one probably happened on a regular basis a few years ago.  However, my sister rarely drinks anymore, and I only drink when I’m out with Teacher.  So we’ll reserve this one for holidays such as Halloween, St. Patty’s Day, and New Years Eve.

Sunday night (Cinco de Mayo) when I was with Teacher I did drink several beers by the fire.  He told me later that he could tell I was getting a little drunk.  I asked how he could tell and he said I “get cuter.”  Hehe.  🙂

2.  Driving while under the influence

As you all know I already had my little run in with the law over this one and I do not want a repeat of that.  Twenty-two hours with Big Bertha in a freezing cold, overly bright jail cell was plenty for me.

3.  Driving like a drunk granny

Last night as Fallen Angel, Little Bubba, and I were coming back from dinner we got pulled over.  She and I both said, “What’d we do?!”  She wasn’t speeding.  Her tag isn’t expired.  We had no idea.  To make things worse, Little Bubba was in the back seat and he said, “Mommy I’m scared.”  (Unfortunately he had acted up all night & I jokingly told him that if he didn’t behave I’d call the cops.  Bad idea.)  I had to reassure him several times after that the cop/sheriff’s deputy was the “good guy.”

Evidently, per the sheriff’s deputy, she was “driving 10 mph under the speed limit and weaving.”  Her truck has rattled lately and it sounds like a raccoon is under the hood, so she’s been trying to take it easy and not drive too fast.  She told the deputy that was why she was going so slow.  He said that was ok, but she was also weaving and he just wanted to make sure she was alright.  He also said “it’s your lane and if you want to use it all then that’s fine.”  (The funny thing is that I tell her all the time that she weaves too much, but she never believes me.  Finally I have proof!  LOL)

He let us go on our merry way after that.

4.  Failure to pay outstanding traffic tickets

This one seems to plague me and Fallen Angel.  She got a ticket last year for having an expired inspection sticker, and to my knowledge she never took care of it.  Of course I still have a couple of tickets that I’ve got to pay from when I was living in the Big Easy.  That was another reason we both sort of panicked when she got pulled over last night.

5.  Cavorting with 17-year-old boys

This one goes back to last year when I was talking to a guy from OKCupid.com.  His profile said he was 18, but he turned out to be only 17.  Once I found out, I quickly put a stop to any and all sexy talk and receiving of pictures from him.  The threat of jail time was enough to scare me straight, and it prompted me to change my search to only guys 24 years old and up.

That wasn’t my first encounter with a 17-year-old though.  Back when I was 22 I had a one-niter with my cousin’s co-worker.  I didn’t know the guy was only 17 until after the dirty deed was done.  I also didn’t know he was a virgin until it was too late.  We live and learn, as the old saying goes.

pkdividerSo there’s my list of the top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested.  Thankfully I’ve only been arrested once, and my sister has yet to make that dreaded call to the Preacher from a jail cell at 2:00 am.  Hopefully she never will, because if she does…I’m not bailing her ass out of jail.  Not after the way she’s been treating me lately.  By the way, she’s still being a bitch from hell.

Our mother and aunt are set to arrive tomorrow.  It’s going to be a little Mother’s Day visit.  The only thing I’m looking forward to is taking them all out to dinner Saturday night.  No, I’m not looking forward to paying, but I am looking forward to having them meet Teacher and hear him perform.  His duo is playing that night at the restaurant we’re going to.  Hehe.  See, I’m still capable of being a sneaky bitch myself.  Fallen Angel hasn’t completely captured that title.

Happy humping & drive safe!

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Sibling Rivalries: The preacher’s daughters from hell.

As many of you may know, I love my sister.  We usually get along good enough and at times, we can make each other piss our pants laughing.  This is not one of those times.  I’m fighting the urge to take a Xanax just to calm my nerves and my temper now.  Instead, I choose Metallica and I write.

A few weeks ago Teacher came over to the house at about ten one night.  He had lessons that night and didn’t get done until about nine, so he made the hour drive to see me after he got done working.  Just that he made the effort to come see me when he didn’t have to was enough for me.  I was happy just to see him.

We had planned on hanging out for just a little while, maybe watching a movie, but things happen and we ended up having sex.  Now unfortunately, I didn’t realize how squeaky my bed is, and my sister was briefly able to hear it.  That pissed her off.  What pissed me off was that she wouldn’t even come out of her room to meet him when he got here in the first place.  Her major complaint other than the squeaky bed, was that he came over so late.  Well, not everyone is unemployed and sits on their ass or plays with horses all day like she does.  She doesn’t even bother to clean the house anymore.  It’s a disaster.

So anyway, the next day she made it a point to chastise me for having him over so late and for having sex in “her house.”  I think I’ve lived here long enough to say that it’s not just “her house.”  In fact it’s not even “our house.”  It’s my parents house, and soon to be the bank’s house.  So my sister better get off her ass and start packing and coming up with a plan before she ends up living with my parents again.

But, alas, I can’t tell her any of this because she refuses to listen to anyone.  She always thinks she’s right and knows it all.  Every time I make a mistake, she never fails to remind me of it a dozen times.  Yes, I know I’ve been a big ol’ hoe.  You don’t have to remind me of it every other day.  However, when she makes a mistake, she acts like it never happened.  Remember that time in the van where she fucked a stranger in the back seat and then swapped places with Horse Whisperer?  Yeah, me too.  We all know how ugly I can get when I lose my temper.  I don’t want that to happen again.

It’s very frustrating living with this type of person.  Maybe that’s why we’ve never lasted more than six months living together.  This is the first time that we’ve almost made it to a year, and if I was able to I would have moved out long ago.

Tonight I got home from work a little early.  She said that her and Little Bubba were going to meet a friend and asked if I wanted to come along.  They were going to do horse stuff so I said no.  About ten minutes after they left she sent me a text.

Sis:  “He needs to be gone before I get back.”

Me:  “What?” (Because honestly I had no idea why she would think he’d be coming over.)

Sis:  “I don’t want your bf there at night with [Little Bubba] there.”

Me:  He’s playing somewhere tonight & he’s not coming here. Stop being a bitch.”

Sis:  “Hell no.  I’m not being a bitch. You fucked that up.”

At this point I’m really confused.  Could she really still be upset about that night which was over three weeks ago??

Blah, blah, blah…

Sis:  “Great. Don’t bring him to the house.”

Me:  “I’m not.  It’s too embarrassing for anyone to see this mess.”

Evidently that shut her up because she didn’t say anything after that.

I just don’t understand what’s wrong with her.  She’s hated every man I’ve ever dated, even some that she never met.  She hated my ex-husbands too.  I have never treated her boyfriends the way she treats mine.  Granted, she hasn’t had that many, but still…I guess what it really comes down to is that she is a selfish, using, controlling bitch most of the time.  If she weren’t my sister, it would be very hard to love her.  I think Little Bubba is the only thing that keeps us from getting really nasty with one another sometimes.  Thank God for him.

I think that once I get another car and move out of here, and once she moves back to where my parents are, I will have to limit the amount of time that I spend with my family.  All they do is make me angry and depressed.  I can’t live with that in my life anymore.  I’m moving on to better and happier times, with or without my family.

Yeah, I know.  It’s another one of my declaration posts.  Well, it’s either that or I go downstairs and start throwing her stuff in the yard and make a bonfire.  Hmmm…nah.

Happy humping!

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