Tag Archive | Funny

Grandpas and porn

Working in retail does have its perks, sometimes…

An old man just came in with a portable dvd player.  He needed a power adapter for it.  I found the right one and hooked it up to see if it would work.  I turned it on and waited.  There was a dvd already in it.  All of the sudden it comes on and bam!  There’s a big white ass on the screen.  It’s some serious porn.  As grandpa and I both turn red, he says, “Oh my goodness. What is that?”  I’m thinking yeah, right, you know what it is you old perv.  I had quickly closed the lid on the dvd player.  He apologized, and told me it was his grandson’s.  I said, “Don’t worry. It just makes my day interesting. And now we know what your grandson’s been doing.”  LOL

Snippets

Manwhore: “I really do love you. You’re like my family.  I can’t say like my sister though, because I wanna fuck you.”

Manwhore: “I don’t know why we’re not together.  We get along great, have fun, can talk about anything…  Well, I know why we’re not together…”

Me:  “And why is that?”

Manwhore:  (After a few seconds of silence & a confused look) “Hmmm.  I don’t know.”

Me:  LOL

Fallen Angel:  “You should have seen all the crazy coupon clippers in Winn-Dixie today buying up all the paper towels.”

Me:  “Is there a flood coming?”

Fallen Angel:  “You really should try this iced coffee.  Little Bubba loves it.  He was walking around saying ‘Can’t find my toffee momma.  Find my toffee.’  He’s running laps around the house now.  I don’t know why.”

Me:  “Gee, I wonder. LOL”

Stay tuned for my next installment in the “[Something] with the Preacher’s Daughters” series.  (Remember “Woodworking with the Preacher’s Daughters” & of course “A night out with the Preacher’s Daughters: Parts 1, 2 & 3“?)  I didn’t forget that I’m supposed to let you know how the trip went with Momma, Fallen Angel & Little Bubba.  It’s gonna be a good one! 😉

Happy humping!

A letter from a 2 year old to his mommy.

A letter from Little Bubba to his Mommy. (Dictated by me to him and then he repeated it to his mom and grandmother.)  We couldn’t stop laughing.  Kids are good for one thing for sure and that’s entertainment.  He’s only two so he still leaves out words and letters when he’s talking.  For example, instead of saying “crazy” he says “kazy.”  Also for some reason instead of saying “booger” he says “beeger.”

Dear Momma,

Love you.  Momma crazy.  I a booger.  No I not a booger, Momma a booger.  Aunt [PD] crazy.  Grammy not crazy.  (He improvised a little.)  Love you dog.

Love,

[Little Bubba]

The simplicity and honesty of children is awesome and that’s why I love them.

Goodnight!

Preacher’s Daughter made a funny today

Fallen Angel (my sister):  I was talking to mom today and she’s trying to talk us into moving to their town.  I don’t want to live there.  It’s a retirement community.  How am I going to find a man there?

Me:  But that would be like hitting the goldmine for you, wouldn’t it?

Fallen Angel:  (Long pause, then she smiled.) That’s a good one.  Little Bubba your Auntie [PD] made a funny.

Both of us started laughing so hard we almost cried.  Little Bubba just stood there looking very confused.  He’ll understand soon enough.  LOL

For those of you that don’t get the joke, my sister has a habit of dating men much, much older than herself (i.e. her boyfriend of 7 years who was 40 years older than her and her current old man who is 23 years older.)  She likes ’em already broken in, just like her horses. 😉

Happy humping!

A Night Out With The Preacher’s Daughters: Part III

Here’s a link to Part I and to Part II of A Night Out With The Preacher’s Daughters.

Part III

After our night out in Jackson, and then our adventures on the way home, it took us a full twenty-four hours to recover.  I finally got out of bed around seven the next night, but it wasn’t until Sunday afternoon that we all had recovered enough to actually piece together the events that had happened that Friday night/Saturday morning.  While we were all barely alive and sitting in the living room moaning and aching from the hangovers from hell, my sister sat up to say something.

She asked if we remembered the very cute and young-looking thin guy wearing jeans and a baseball cap.  We said we sort of remembered.  Our brains were still rerouting connections from all the brain cells we killed.  She went on and said that when she kissed him, well, he had very soft lips and she didn’t think that he was a he.  Oh My God!

HW and I started rolling laughing.  My sister kissed a girl!  Now, she didn’t realize this until Sunday afternoon.  She said she had suspicions while she was dancing and kissing him/her, but she just thought he was a very young and cute guy.  Go sis!  Get your girl on!  I was so proud and amused at the same time.  My sister knows that I’ve had sexual experiences with women, but she’s always had a men-only policy.  Part of why it was so funny was because when she told us she had this really confused and bewildered look on her face.  We could tell she really had just realized that she had kissed, and not just kissed, basically made out with, a GIRL.  I wonder if she was wearing cherry Chapstick…

After my little sister shared that little tidbit of information we changed her ringtone to “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry.  We also changed our ringback tones to that song so that when she called us she had to listen to it over and over again.  Muahahahaha!  Eventually she threatened to never call us again.

I’d like to dedicate the following song to my little sister, Fallen Angel.

The end, for now.

P.S.  I just realized that today is Good Friday.  What better way to start the Easter weekend than with an awesome story of drunken debauchery, tag-team sex, lesbianism, and hangovers.  Sometimes, I do love my life.

I’d also like to thank my sister (Fallen Angel) and HW for reminding me of some of the details while I was there this past week.  I couldn’t have done it without them.  I’ve killed a lot of brain cells over the years and I need all the help I can get.