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Peace, Love and Happiness

One night, while at the local watering hole with DC, one of her old high school friends  showed up.  She sat down with us and we started talking.  She told us about her kids, grand-kids, and all that good Southern small talk shit.  Then once we moved on to the topic of relationships, she dropped a bomb on us.  She has not had sex in ten, ten, years.  Oh my God.  I almost spit out my beer.

DC was also shocked, but she said that she had also gone years without before.  DC then noticed that I had turned pale and stopped breathing at the thought of not having sex for TEN years.  DC then asked me, “Well Ginger, what’s the longest you’ve ever gone?”  My answer, “six months.  Those were six of the longest months of my life.  DC then proceeded to laugh and snort, spitting out her Scotch, then saying, “That’s all? Six months?!”

So last week I went 4 days without sex.  Before that I went another four days without sex.  As of tomorrow I will have gone another four days.  If I can make it past day four I will have accomplished a tiny milestone towards my new goal.  Celibacy for one *cough* year.  I want to cry just typing that, and yes, I hang my head in shame.

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Shame, not from being embarrassed that I willfully choosing to become celibate, or that I probably won’t make it even three months, but that it’s come to this.  That I actually need to quit having sex cold-turkey because I have a serious problem.  You may think I’m just trying to be funny, but I’m not.  There are so many things that I’ve done that I couldn’t even write about on this blog because, even though this is anonymous, I was still so damn ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even to write about the awful things I had done.

So I’ve decided that since I’ve left so much out of my blog because I wasn’t proud of doing those things, I’m going to write about them while I’m suffering through my year of celibacy.  That way, I write more, I purge my sins, and you don’t get left out of the confessional loop any longer.

Call it a cleansing process.  I’m already about to have a panic attack just writing about it, and it hasn’t even been four days yet.  I plan to do anything necessary to stay celibate.  No more hanging out at the bar, getting drunk, flirting with strange men.  No more online dating websites.  Most of all, no more ex-lovers, ex-husbands, and ex-boyfriends tempting me by waving their cocks in my face.  No more dick-blindness.  SLUTS FOR A CURE.  So, there’s my half-assed plan on remaining celibate for ONE YEAR in search of inner-peace, self-love, and authentic happiness.

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Cougar Tales: Enter the Master

Alexander SkarsgardA couple of weeks ago I befriended a young man, Thord, on FetLife.  He had sent me a nice message and we had started talking.  He’s a 24-year-old  student at a nearby university.  I’m still not sure why he was on FetLife.  He doesn’t really seem to have any overt fetishes.  However, he is sort of a quiet straight-laced geeky type, so I can see how he may not be wiling to divulge his fetishes right away.  Physically, he is a good-looking muscular guy who, for some reason, reminds me of Alexander Skarsgård (Eric on True Blood).  He’s no Endymion, but he ain’t bad. 😉

We met Friday night for a drink at a nearby restaurant.  When I was on my way to the restaurant he sent me a text asking if I was nervous.  I told him that I was a little nervous and asked if he was also.  He said he was.  I contemplated replying with something like, “I don’t bite” or “Don’t worry…I’m harmless.”  Instead I chose to avoid lying to him and instead didn’t reply at all.

Once we were seated and started talking he seemed a lot more nervous than I was.  It probably helped my nerves that I was sipping on a gin & tonic, while he stuck with Sprite.  He doesn’t drink.  I find that kind of odd for a college boy, but I also find it refreshing.  I’m so sick of dating alcoholics.

I hate to admit it, but being 38 years old and sitting there with a 24-year-old hottie made me feel like the mac mama.  It wasn’t planned.  It’s not why I went to meet him, but damn if it wasn’t a nice feeling.  (Yeah, I know that any good therapist would probably say that Continue reading

Turned down a threesome…wtf is wrong with me?

I started talking to Santa last weekend and after a few days of him texting me and constantly emailing me risqué pictures, he asked if I wanted to meet him Tuesday or Wednesday evening.  I of course said yes.  Then yesterday while I was at work I started getting sick and ended up leaving early.

Earlier yesterday morning I had received a message from a guy on POF.  He said he was a bartender at a bar on Bourbon Street.  We’ll call him Ironman.  He’s older than me, very handsome and local, always pluses.  I had replied to his message and he then sent me his phone number and said to give him a call.

Since I was home just resting on the couch and not doing much else I decided to give Ironman a call.  We had a nice conversation and I told him I was getting sick, so that’s why I sounded all stuffy.  He offered to make me a hot toddy if I came and visited him at work.  Normally when I’m sick I just want to stay on the couch and sleep it off, but he guaranteed one of his hot toddy concoctions would make me feel better.  So I got my ass up and walked down to the bar where he works.  It was about 3:45 pm when I got there.  The bar was relatively empty.  Bourbon Street doesn’t really get going until after six on weeknights.  He waved at me as soon as I walked in and I went and sat down at the bar.

I ended up sitting there and drinking two hot toddies which did make me feel much better.  I could actually breathe after drinking them.  He and I talked for a while.  At one point he asked if I’d like to come over to his house one night and watch a movie.  That sounded like a good idea until I remembered that the headlights on my car still aren’t working.  I told him about my car and he offered to pick me up and bring me home.  That would be fine but I have to be at work earlier than him, plus I just met the guy and don’t want to have to be stuck spending the night at his house.  What if I don’t like him after spending more time with him?  You never know.  It could happen.

When we were talking about all that and me coming to his house he said, “Now you know if you come over and watch a movie one thing will lead to another and we’ll end up having sex.”  I was speechless.  He said, “You’re blushing!”  No shit Sherlock.  I’ve never had someone who I’ve just met come right out and tell me that we were going to have sex the next time we hung out together.  I still don’t know what to think about that one.  Now I’m afraid to even go watch a movie with him.

While I was sitting at the bar waiting on Ironman to wait on some customers I checked my phone.  I had a couple of emails and texts from Santa.  Of course I was afraid to even open the attachments on the emails because I was pretty sure I knew what they were.  In reading his texts messages I found out that he had a friend, a very hot friend, who also wanted to hang out with me.  In other words, they wanted to double team me.  It’s not often that I have the chance to have a threesome with two extremely hot-bodied, and more than likely bisexual, men.  However I did manage to pick my jaw up off the floor and tell Santa that I wasn’t interested in a threesome with them.  He said that was cool, he just thought he would ask.  Isn’t that sweet.

So after all that it was time for Ironman to get off work.  He tried his hardest to get me to let him drive me home…all of eight blocks, but I told him I had to go to the grocery store anyway so I would just walk.  He gave me a kiss on the cheek, twice, and a hug, and then I was on my way home.  When he hugged me I did grab his upper arm for a second and could feel some major muscles going on there.  I won’t let that sway my judgement though.  I don’t think we have enough in common and it seems he’s only looking to get laid.  At least now I can say I’ve had a hot toddy though. 🙂

Other than that I’ve not had much luck with Plenty of Fish.  I’m thinking of just hiding my profile again and giving dating a rest for a while.  I’m not sure how much longer I’ll even be living here.  Between Manwhore’s mood swings, his new girlfriend the witch, my lack of job satisfaction, and my complete and utter disgust with the men of this city, I am guessing I won’t have much reason to stay.  If I could meet some decent people to have as friends then that might change my mind, but so far I can’t even find that.  I really miss hanging out with you-know-who, but I’m also pissed off that he still won’t tell me what happened.  Anyway, at least when I was living with my sister I had her and my nephew to keep me entertained.

I don’t know what the hell I want to do at this point.  I’m sick and my head hurts.  Goodnight y’all.

Happy humping!

What’s going on?

You may have wondered what’s been going on with me and Art lately.  Join the club.  I haven’t seen Art since we got back Monday evening.  I have talked to him via text, but that’s all.  He said he’s been busy this week and I also think that he’s a little upset with me.

On our trip last weekend I pulled up one of my posts on my phone so that he could read it.  It had nothing incriminating in it so I figured it would be alright.  He already knew that I wrote a blog, and I had already told him a lot about my past.  While he was reading it he started clicking things.  I got nervous and asked him what he was doing, but it was too late.  So over the course of the weekend he read half of my blog.  Then by Tuesday he told me that he had read it all.  I was horrified.  There were definitely things that I had not told him about that he could have potentially gotten upset about.

He is a nice, decent, seemingly non-judgmental kind of guy though so I figured it would be OK.  He did tell me that we would definitely be chatting soon though.  Of course that worried me.  Then he said something about me misrepresenting myself.  I’m still not sure what he meant by that.  I asked if he meant to him or to my readers.  He said to him in the beginning.  Again, I’m not sure what he meant by that.  I really would like to talk to him and find out, but I have no idea when I’ll get the chance now.

He did give me some constructive criticism about how I should write more about how I feel above the waist, and about the other issues that go along with being with so many people.  Or as he put it, “Not just how much fun it is to fuck as many people as you can.”  I thought that was a little harsh and unfair considering that’s not exactly what I’m trying to do.  I am looking for someone to be with, not just to fuck.  If I just wanted to fuck everyone then I probably wouldn’t be so unhappy, have so many guilt and morality issues, and I’d get laid a lot more often.  Plus over the last few years I’ve had more long-term relationships than I ever used to have.  When I find a guy that I like I tend to stick it out with him now.  I’m not out whoring around every night of the week like some people (i.e. Manwhore).  I just want to be happy with one person.

Shit, I didn’t even really try to fuck him when we were gone last weekend.  I’ve tried so hard lately to keep my sex drive under control and have even turned Manwhore down repeatedly.  Not that I want to fuck Manwhore, but just that I’m able to say no and mean it is a miracle in my book.  I may just have to give celibacy another try.  Sex only seems to complicate everything.  Manwhore tries to entice me by saying, “it’s just sex,” but it’s not.  If I’m going to have sex with anyone now I want it to mean something.  I want a deeper connection.  If I just want to get off I can do that myself.

Considering Art admitted to having his “Sherman through Atlanta” phase then I was especially shocked by his reaction.  Since then he has been brushing me off, saying he’s been really busy, which may be true, but all I want is an hour to talk to him.  I may be completely wrong about him being upset with me, but how am I supposed to know if he won’t talk to me about it?

I’ll admit I’ve gone back on POF occasionally out of boredom, but every time, after just a few hours, I hide my profile again.  The thought of dating makes me nauseous, and the prospects out there are not appealing at all.  I like Art way too much to even want to try to meet someone else now.  At least not until I can find out what is going on with him.  I know he’s still on POF too.  I do wonder if maybe he has met someone else…someone not as colorful and neurotic as me.  If he has and he doesn’t want to see me anymore, that’s fine, just tell me.  It’s the not knowing that drives me crazy.

Emergency post!

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus in a manger!  You’re not going to believe this!

Manwhore and I were in the kitchen smoking a little earlier, and he started inquiring about whether LL Cool Bean and I were dating exclusively.  I told him that I didn’t think LL Cool Bean was the type to cheat.  I sort of avoided telling him that yes, we are monogamous.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe it was that come hither stare he was giving me.  Who knows.

He asked a few more times in a few more ways.  Then as I went into the living room to sit down, I realized what he wanted.  As I sat down I told him that I wasn’t stupid.  I knew what he wanted, and LL Cool Bean and I are monogamous.  He said “OK.”  That was it.  I told him goodnight and went to my room.

Did you get all that?  Do you understand what this means???  I’m over him!  I resisted temptation and did NOT sleep with him!  What makes it even more amazing and satisfying about my turning him down, is that I’m incredibly horny and I still said no.  This is a miracle from on high.

Happy humping!