I need a little sugar in my bowl

Valentine’s Day may have been full of confusion and disappointment, but the rest of the week was so much better.  You all were right.  Communication is the key to understanding what the hell people are thinking and avoiding confusion.  Manwhore decided that he was going to move in with his new “girlfriend” and he let me know via text last weekend.  I told him that was fine as long as he paid me back for the deposit on the apartment.  He agreed to that, so overall I had no problem with him moving out.  I’m not particularly fond of having to find another apartment and move again, but I’m sure I’ll find something in this area that I can afford on my own.  I’m sure as hell not moving out of New Orleans now that I’ve met Art.  I want to at least see where it goes and I also like my new job.  So the Whore Parade may be over, but that’s certainly not the end of my new life in the Big Easy.

I went to hear Art play and sing at a local bar Wednesday night.  Yes, he’s a musician too, not just an artist.  He’s a very well-rounded gentleman.  He even dedicated a song to me, Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain.  My eyes are green, not blue, and I wasn’t crying, except maybe from laughter, but it was raining.  😉  He did a great job on it either way.  It’s not very often that I have a song dedicated to me, so I was ready to pounce him after that.  Even though he did tell me to raise my hand so everyone would know who I was, and he announced that I was a huge Willie fan.  That wouldn’t have been so bad except we were in a bar full of mostly gay men, so of course the double entendre was not lost on them.  I’m sure I blushed, but it was all good.  When he told them that I had “a room full of Willie,” which referred to a conversation he and I had when he came over to my place the first time, someone yelled out, “So you’ve been in her bedroom already huh?!”  Everyone laughed.  I don’t mind a laugh at my expense every now and then. 🙂

After he got through performing he sat down with me and a friend of his and we had a drink and talked.  His friend had warned me earlier that Art was to be cut off after three glasses of wine because any more than that and it would be like Art amplified.  I didn’t see how that could necessarily be a bad thing, and it turned out that it wasn’t.  He’s just funnier and hornier.  Those are never bad things.

I was sort of anxious to see his place because he had been to mine but I still hadn’t seen his yet.  I was curious to see how my little starving artist lived.  He had warned me that it was sort of a hole in the wall.  We left the bar and went to his place.  It really wasn’t that bad.  He said he’s renting it from a friend of his who is also an artist.  There is all sorts of artwork all over the walls and it has a very New Orleans hippy feeling to it.  I like it.  It didn’t take us long to end up naked and doing things that would make Madonna blush.  To be completely honest, I Continue reading

My New Boyfriend

As soon as LL Cool Bean broke up with me I decided to get back on Plenty of Fish out of pure boredom.  I also needed some new material for the blog my sister & I created, When Idiots Fish.  The messages immediately started coming in.  Unfortunately it was a lot of the same old duds who I have absolute no interest in meeting.

One of the first messages I received that morning was from an artist here in New Orleans.  I didn’t really pay much attention to his message or his profile because there was no picture attached.  I state in my profile that I will not respond to profiles without pictures.  He must have missed that part.

Two days later he sent me another message, but this time he had a picture posted.  He said, “I finally figured out how to upload a pic so hopefully I can gain your attention.”  He was right.  He definitely had my attention this time.  I showed his picture to my sister and she said he looked a little goofy, but he doesn’t look goofy at all in person.  In fact, when I went out with him the first time, we walked around the quarter and talked, and ended up back at my place.  We sat on the balcony and talked some more.  When Art had to leave he passed by Manwhore who was sitting in the living room.  I had also shown Art’s picture to Manwhore earlier that day to see if maybe he knew him.  It’s part of my filtering system.  Since Manwhore knows a lot of people around here it’s always good to see if he knows the person I’m going out with and if they are a psycho or not.  Not that Manwhore is the best judge of character, but I figure it couldn’t hurt to check.  He didn’t know him.

After Art left that night, Manwhore told me, “He looks a lot better in person.  He’s a really good-looking guy.  I’d almost screw him.”  That caught me a little off guard.  I found it a bit odd that Manwhore would say something like that.

The next day Manwhore and I were talking about Art again and he said, “He’s got really pretty eyes, doesn’t he.”  What the hell?  I think Manwhore has a man-crush on Art!  After telling my sister what Manwhore said, she said, “I figured he was bisexual.  He just gives off that vibe.”  I can honestly say that the thought had never crossed my mind until he made those comments about Art.  I guess you never can tell, but knowing him the way I do, he’s probably just being a goofball as usual and trying to get a rise out of me.  Enough about that.

So…Art is genuinely a nice guy, funny, talented in both art & music, creative, intelligent, handsome, and hung like a horse.  And no, I didn’t find out about that last part until our third date.  I’ve been a very good girl lately.  I only have sex with one man at a time and I try to wait until at least the third date before even thinking about sex.  This new dating strategy is all so foreign to me.

After spending time with Art I realized something.  I actually had that “butterflies in the tummy” thing going on.  What the heck is that about?  I haven’t felt that in probably fifteen years.  Weird.  Even stranger is that I’ve become very paranoid about whether he really likes me and I worry that he will suddenly just stop calling/texting me.  I don’t know why I feel this way.  He hasn’t done anything to make me think that.  I think I’m just really interested in and attracted to him and am afraid I’ll somehow manage to screw it up.  I really don’t want to screw it up with this guy.  He’s the first normal, mature, attractive guy I’ve been out with in a very long time.

I’m praying that the butterflies in my tummy will settle down and I can just enjoy spending time with Art. 🙂

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: you need to crawl ‘fore you ball

Whore #9

This one came over last week and I’m just now getting around to writing about her.  When I walked in from work and saw her sitting on the couch the first word that came to mind was “Bozo.”  I swear her hair had a life of its own.  Other than that she was just the usual unattractive type that Manwhore has been dating lately.

While I was in the kitchen he asked that LL Cool Bean and I stay in my room for about thirty minutes.  Evidently Bozo was just a booty call.

When I told LL Cool Bean about Manwhore’s request for thirty minutes alone with Bozo, his reply was quite amusing.  He said, “Why? Is that as long as he can last?”  I thought I would piss myself laughing.  Not because what he said was that funny, but because he has no idea that Manwhore and I have actually dated, and had sex, in the past.  If only he knew how right he was.  I’m not saying that Manwhore was always that quick, but he had his premature ejaculation moments.

Whore #10

Manwhore told me that he had been out with this one a few times before, he had just never brought her here before.  She is Mystery Woman because I never actually got to get a good look at her.  From what I could tell she wasn’t too bad-looking, but then again she was mostly hidden under the covers.  I thought she might be back, but I haven’t seen her since that night.  Maybe he had performance issues and she decided he wasn’t the one for her.

Whore #8

Yes, the Troll is back tonight.  When Manwhore came in with her I almost couldn’t control myself.  She’s even uglier that I had first realized.  What the hell is he thinking?  Personally I think he is smoking entirely too much and it’s affecting his judgement.  I may have to arrange an intervention.  This is way out of control.  He needs professional help.

She’s staying over by the way.  It sounds like she’s hacking up a lung in there.  She’s a smoker too.  I know I shouldn’t let it bother me so much, but I know he could do better.  Hell, he did better with me…until he fucked it all up by being himself.  LOL

As for me and LL Cool Bean, things are going great.  I really couldn’t ask for anyone better, nicer, cooler, more well-hung, or more interesting.  It kind of sucks because now I am afraid that once Manwhore moves out I won’t have nearly as much to write about.

Oh, that’s another thing I haven’t told you.  Once I told Manwhore that I wasn’t in love with him anymore, he decided to make it official and tell me that he’s going to be moved out by April 1st at the latest.  He said he just wasn’t comfortable living here anymore.  Now that’s funny right there.  He’s not comfortable living here?

At first I didn’t really believe him.  After all it is about the fourth time he’s threatened to move out and stick me with this huge rent.  He always changed his tune the next day and apologized and promised he wouldn’t leave me in a bind like that though.

So after Manwhore’s little revelation I told LL Cool Bean about it and he said that if I wanted him to he would be more than happy to move in.  So, you guessed it, I said I wanted him to move in.  Now I know that it’s a bit soon for that, but when I look at the big picture it seems like the best choice.

Then shit got ugly.  It was about midnight one night and LL and I were in my room watching Farscape.  The episode ended and we started making out.  Things quickly got hot and heavy and I ended up laying on the bed completely naked while LL was lying at the foot of the bed in between my legs.  He has excellent oral skills by the way.

So as I lay there on the bed completely naked and on the verge of an orgasm, I heard the door knob turn.  Oh hell no.  Manwhore was not about to just walk right in without knocking.  Well, he was and I yelled out for him to hold on a minute.  Evidently I didn’t yell loud enough and he started to open the door.  I yelled out again for him to hold on, but by then it was too late.  He could see in and see me on the bed in the buff.

LL was livid.  Not only had Manwhore just seen me naked, although not the first time obviously, but he had managed to piss off my man and kill the mood.  He only killed it temporarily though.  Once he realized that we were in the middle of something, well, LL was in the middle, Manwhore closed the door.  I apologized to LL, but he said that it wasn’t my place to apologize because it wasn’t my fault.  He’s so sweet.  I did my best to get things back on track and did manage to get that orgasm. 😉

The next day I told Manwhore that we needed to make sure that we knock first.  I tried to be nice about it.  I knew he probably already felt weird about walking in on us.  He said that it just reinforced the fact that he needs to move out soon.  I agreed.  Having him as a roommate was fine as long as it was just the two of us, but now that I have a boyfriend and Manwhore has his whore parade, it’s just not working.  Especially now that he realizes that I will not falter from my path of monogamy, I think he’s having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he can no longer have me when he wants or ever again.

The next couple of months should be interesting.  LL Cool Bean has already been staying here full-time.  He and Manwhore have played nice so far.  I suppose that if I have to mediate at some point my .38 might come in handy.  Damn.  I need to go to the shooting range and work on my aim.  I wouldn’t want to actually hurt anyone too bad.  LOL

My new favorite song:

Happy humping!

Lady in the know the rest.

I have a little catching up to do here.  I’ve been so engrossed in the whore parade coming through my apartment every night that I haven’t even bothered to tell you about my new man.  So while begging your forgiveness I shall dish out all the juicy details.  Enjoy.  I know I have. 😉

I mentioned in Welcome to the Whorehouse that I had messaged someone on, set up a lunch date and then stood him up.  After forgiving me, he agreed to give me another chance.  He turned out to be awesome.  Manwhore met him and said that I had finally met my match.  LL Cool Bean and I have so many of the same interests.  It’s kind of weird.

Of course there are a couple of things we don’t agree on, but that’s normal, I think.  Also, he’s very tall, but very thin.  I’m just not used to men that thin.  I’m afraid I’m going to break him or something.  LOL  I took a gamble on my “tall man-big dick” theory.  It paid off, in a big way.

So here I am, in a monogamous relationship with a very cool younger man.  Well, I’m not earning my cougar status yet, but he is a few years younger. 😉

Happy humping!

Stalkers, parks and recreation.


I opened my Yahoo Messenger a few weeks ago and as soon as it logged in guess who I had a message from?  Stalker!  Yep, my one and only very own personal stalker!  I have debated whether to write about this one because it is a glaring example of my stupidity and bad taste in men.  However, the time has come to put it all out there for the world to see, or read, or whatever.  🙂  I’m going to post some of my entries directly from my journal so you can see just how this all went down.  I’ve changed the names of course.

August 22, 2008

I met Stalker.  We met in person in New Orleans on August 22nd.  He’s 47, from N.O., originally from Cuba, he & his family moved to the states when he was a boy, he’s worked for [company] for 24 years, is in the Navy Reserves & has applied to become a LA State Policeman.  He’s very nice & cultured, which I made the mistake of telling my sister that & now she thinks he is gay.  Anyway, we went to Cafe Du Monde with his friend & then walked around the French Quarter until 10:00pm or so.  His friend had gotten him a room at a timeshare that he has & it was there in the French Quarter so we decided to go back there & hang out & eat something.

Everything was fine, we ate, then I was going to sit on the couch & he pulled me in for a hug/kiss.  He was a very good kisser…nice full lips.  We went & sat on the couch & he pulled my legs up into his lap & he said that he loved my shapely legs, which is a first I think.  I don’t remember anyone ever complimenting me on my legs.  So we kind of went from there to the bedroom.  I was very hesitant to take off my clothes.  I had not planned on going there that night so I didn’t have any other clothes or anything with me.  We finally got comfortable & honestly I was completely shocked.  He is 5’5″ and I did not expect him to be so well endowed.  I also knew that he was very tired & didn’t expect him to last long, but he lasted a very long time.  So long that I was almost ready to tell him to stop.  Not that it wasn’t good, it was great, but he was going so hard & deep that I was beginning to get sore, not nearly as sore as I ended up being the next day though. OMG I could barely move once I got home.  My ass, stomach, legs & insides were all aching.  Before I left the next morning though, we made love again & I actually initiated it.  My damn medicine just makes me so horny sometimes that I can’t help myself.  Plus, why not take advantage of having a cock there while I can.  LOL

September 7, 2008

I met Stalker in [town] because it was his birthday.  We went & had pizza, hung out at a local park, then just sat & talked in his car for a while before I had to leave.

September 8, 2008

Stalker sent me a text saying that he could fall madly in love with me & he was already crazy about me.  Kind of scary considering we’ve only known each other a few weeks.  But to make things even scarier, the next day, he texts me that he will probably marry me.  How scary is that???

September 12, 2008

Stalker says that he knows he’s in love with me & he wants to fuck me so hard & so badly that he has to masturbate every day.

September 13, 2008

I met Stalker at 10:30 pm in [town] & stayed the night with him in a hotel there.  While making love he told me that he loved me.

I’m still not sure if I can handle his going on & on about things that really bore me to tears.  He says I don’t talk enough, but how can I if I can’t get a word in edgewise?

September 15, 2008

Stalker keeps texting me telling me that he loves me & wants to pound me & make me his little white, green-eyed, blind, barefoot & pregnant princess.  He knows I can’t have kids though.  He also has an eyeglass fetish I think.

October 11, 2008

I had an eye exam at 8:20 am in [town] and of course Stalker wanted to be there.  After all, it was his idea in the first place.  His “fetish” has gone a bit far.  Well, he met me there, went into the exam with me, talked to the Doc, and then we went next door & ordered new lenses for my glasses.  Then he wanted to go to Sam’s & do some shopping.  I hate shopping with him.  He really is a tight wad.  LOL

Then we went to Chik-Fi-La for lunch.  Again, he says he loves fast/fried food, but I don’t know if he’s just really cheap or what.  One day I’m going to try & get him to go to an real restaurant & see what happens.

Finally after driving all over the damn place, and spending a few hours at the office, he finally agreed to start looking for a hotel room.  I was starting to get what I thought was an allergy attack after we left the office, so I really just wanted to get a room & relax a little.  He just talks and talks and I barely say anything.  When I do try to say anything I have to butt in & I think I end up sounding a bit rude, not on purpose, it’s just that it seems that I only get to interject when it’s something I force myself to say.

I think I’m just more scared that he’s talking about marriage & babies already when I’ve only known him less than two months and have only seen him a handful of times.  He says he loves me & is crazy about me, but I don’t understand why that has to mean that we have to rush and go to a drive through chapel in Las Vegas!

My journal entries about Stalker end there mainly because I stopped seeing him once his “roommate” started texting me.  He had told me about her early on and said that they were just roommates, but she wanted to be more.  He also said that he was not interested in her.  Bullshit alert!

She found my number in his phone and started texting me telling me that he belonged to her and for me to leave him alone.  Done.  I wanted nothing more to do with him, but it’s never that easy.  He found out and continued texting, calling and emailing me.  No matter how many times I told him that I didn’t want to see him again he just didn’t get it.

I finally had to change my phone number just to get rid of him, or so I thought.

In February of 2009 I received a three page handwritten letter.  It was addressed to me at my dad’s mission.  I guess at some point I had told him that I was working there and the name of it, so he easily tracked down the address.  The letter went on and on about how much he loved me and how I should forgive him and give him another chance.  He said “I just want my soul back and you have possession of it.”  How sweet, and psycho of him.

I told my dad that if Stalker showed up at the mission he had my permission to shoot him on site.  I was genuinely afraid of what Stalker might be capable of doing.

He never showed his face again, but he did continue to email and send me instant messages.  I just ignored them.  To this day he still sends me a “happy birthday” message every year and occasionally pops up just to say “hi” and see how I’m doing.

I’m not afraid of him anymore, but then again I have a gun of my own now.  He’s the one who should be afraid. LOL

Happy humping!