Archives

The Age of Enlightenment – Part 1

The past few weeks have been hectic, stressful, fun, and enlightening in so many ways.  I guess I should start by explaining why I put my blog on lock-down a couple of weeks ago.

It was the Saturday before Memorial Day.  My sister and I were still broke from the disastrous Crawfish Boil.  Because of that we planned on staying home, grilling some dinner for us and our tenants MW and AW, and just enjoying a day of relaxation in the humid Southern heat.

That morning I sat on the porch and wrote my post “Mending Fences with the Preacher’s Daughters.”  When I was done I posted it from my phone because I still have no internet here in the woods.  Instead of posting it using the WordPress app on my phone I decided to just pull up the website on my phone and post it that way.  When I pressed the post button it asked if I wanted to connect my blog to my Facebook account.  I had it set up before to connect to my blog’s FB account, but I guess somehow it disconnected and needed to be redone.  I clicked on the option to connect it to Facebook and didn’t think anything else of it.  I was just relieved to have finally posted something on my blog again.

A couple of hours later I was sitting on the porch with MW, AW, Fallen Angel and Little Bubba.  The grill was hot, the kabobs were cooking, and I was enjoying the first of what I had hoped would be at least a few beers.  Then my phone rang, but I had it on vibrate and missed the call.  My sister’s phone rang immediately after that.  It was Horse Whisperer.  She told my sister that I had posted a link to my latest blog post on my Facebook page…my PERSONAL Facebook page.  As soon as Fallen Angel hung up her phone, I could see the panic in her eyes.  All she said was, “You need to take your blog down…NOW!”  My heart skipped a few beats, thinking maybe the Preacher had found it or something.  She told me what Horse Whisperer said about my Facebook post and then repeated in a very stern tone that I had to take my blog down immediately.  At that moment I began to freak out.  After all the precautions I had taken to remain anonymous, to keep my family in the dark was it really one stupid mistake that was going to bring it all to a crashing halt?  I couldn’t let it end like that!

I ran, literally ran, to the table and grabbed my phone.  I went to the Facebook app on my phone and tried to delete the link/post, but I couldn’t find the option to delete it.  I was in full on panic mode.  MW and AW didn’t understand what was going on, but my sister sort of explained it and they were very sympathetic to my predicament.  After repeatedly trying to delete the post on Facebook, then trying to log into WordPress on my phone and put my blog on lock-down, I couldn’t get anything to work.

I went to open the front door and go inside to get my laptop.  As soon as I got to the door it opened.  My sister was standing there with a steak knife in her hand pointing it at me saying, “Take the blog down now!  Get your laptop, go to McDonald’s, and take it all down, now!”  I know better than to mess with my sister when she’s wielding weapons so I did what she said.  I was going to do it anyway because I was panicking even more than she was, worried that someone we knew may have already seen the link and could be reading it at that very moment.  Picturing our friends, or God forbid, the Preacher, reading my blog with wide-eyes and jaws gaped open was just too much for either of us to handle.

AW offered to go with me to McDonald’s to try to get online and take everything down.  With laptop firmly tucked under my arm, we ran to the truck and sped off.  That five minute drive to town was the longest drive of my life.  The whole way there I couldn’t stop thinking what an idiot I was for making such a stupid, easily avoidable, mistake.

We got there, sat in the truck with the laptop on and I connected to their Wi-Fi.  I managed to get the Facebook post deleted, but just after I did, my battery died.  I then went inside to find an outlet to plug into, but they didn’t have any!  Not a single freaking outlet in the seating area.  How do they expect to offer free Wi-Fi and not have outlets for people to use??  Even the crappy little local burger joint in the Podunk town we used to live in had outlets in the dining room for people to use.  What else could possibly go wrong?

We ran back to the truck and I started brainstorming.  It was a holiday weekend.  Not much was open.  Hotels!  The hotels are open and there is one on the main road that offers free Wi-Fi!  Praise the Lord!  I drove across the highway to the hotel and parked right out front.  AW and I got out and headed into the lobby.  I was a woman on a mission.  I didn’t even turn to look at the person at the front desk when I walked in.  Normally I would be too timid and too worried about getting caught, seeing as how I wasn’t actually a hotel guest, but this time I didn’t give a shit.  I walked past the front desk, past the sitting area, and straight down the hallway until I saw an outlet.

I stopped right there in the hallway, plugged in my laptop, and got connected.  It took all of a minute to find the right place on my WordPress dashboard that gives the option to make a blog private.  I wasted no time in doing so either.  Even after locking it down I had to go back to Facebook to make sure that the post was actually deleted, and also that I didn’t have any messages from irate or shocked friends and/or family.  Thankfully there were no messages.  I also checked my Histats page to see if I had any hits and where they were located.  There weren’t any hits in cities that I recognized so I hoped I had caught it in time.

I kept my blog locked down for a week.  It about drove me crazy.  I have spent the past two years writing on this damn thing and to have it all go to hell in a matter of minutes was very depressing.  It’s my passion, my creative outlet, my therapist, my pride and joy, and it was all but dead and buried.

To keep myself from going completely into a state of depression and to keep my readers from thinking I had personally been wiped off the face of the planet, I sent invitations to a few of my readers who I had email addresses for and who I thought would still want access.  To those of you who did accept my private invitation, I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me during that week of hell.  You will not be forgotten.

I’m also telling you all of this because there may be other “anonymous” bloggers like myself who I want to warn about the pitfalls of connecting your blog to Facebook.  Make sure you are logged into the correct Facebook account before you hit that button!  My phone was logged into my personal FB account and it just assumed that was the account I wanted to connect to.  So consider yourselves warned.

There’s a lot more that’s been going on here on the farm lately, but I’m going to have to save it for part two.  Trust me.  You won’t be disappointed.

Whew! Crisis averted…now back to our usually scheduled “Happy humping!”

Mending Fences with the Preacher’s Daughters

image

Yes, the photo above is of our wonderful attempt at building a makeshift fence.  My sister, Fallen Angel, needed to fix it where the horses could be let out into a different part of the pasture to graze.  Unfortunately, during our attempts to make some extra cash, she sold the panels that were originally along this part of the fence.  So Thursday evening after dinner she asked if I would help her fix the fence.  She had cooked dinner so I couldn’t really say no.  She tends to do things like that.  She bribes me with food or empty compliments.  I always know what she’s up to, but I let her get away with it anyway.

Fallen Angel, Little Bubba, and I drove the truck across the road to the pasture.  She cranked up the stereo and we got to work.  Well, sort of.  A really good song came on and

Continue reading

Of Muses and Men

Jerry Reed is my muse.  Yeah, I know he’s dead.  That doesn’t mean he can’t still be my muse, well, one of them at least.  If you don’t know who Jerry Reed was then shame on you.  Go Google him.  He’s awesome.  He had this song called “The Bird” and I love it.  If you’ve seen Smokey & the Bandit, then you’ve seen and heard Jerry Reed.  He was a great storyteller, comedian, singer, actor and musician.  For some reason I always thought of him as the perfect man.  Not only was he handsome, funny and talented, he also had a charisma and charm that you don’t find very often.  I’ve met maybe two or three men in my life who had that same type of charisma and charm.

The first is the Preacher.  I don’t quite understand it because he usually comes across as the strong silent type, but he’s also very charismatic.  Over the years he’s charmed his way into everything from my mother’s good graces to the attorney general’s office.  Not that he hasn’t had his share of enemies, but even his enemies won’t deny that he’s a talented charming man.  In a way I think that it’s the main requirement for being in the ministry, other than being a Christian of course.  Then again, there are plenty of ministers who aren’t actually Christians.  They are just in it for the money, the prestige, or the power.  It’s sad, but true.

The Preacher has always been a hard working business man who knew how to “win friends and influence people” and no, he never read the book by Dale Carnegie or took the course.  I did though.  It didn’t really help me very much.  I’m still working on it.  Now back to dad.  He just has that special something that people are drawn to.  I wish I had it, and in a way maybe I do and just don’t realize it.  I think I just lack the confidence to back it up.

The next was a former boss of mine.  I think I’ve mentioned him here before.  I worked for him for almost two years and those were two of the best years I’ve ever had financially, professionally, and socially.  The Doc is an incredibly intelligent man who had a couple of degrees, a doctorate, and was also a CPA.  That alone is impressive, but he is also one of the funniest, most charming men I’ve ever met.  He could probably charm the panties off any woman, without even trying. The amazing thing was that he did it all without coming across as cocky or arrogant, which he perfectly had the right to be. He and I used to sit in his office and listen to music on his computer as we would go over the accounts. We talked about everything, not just the accounts.

I remember one day we were sitting there going over things and a song came on and he asked me if I knew who the band was. I asked “which band?” He said, “You know…The Band.” Ohhhh. LOL I felt a little ditzy at that moment, but the way he said things made me feel so comfortable. I knew he was only teasing me. He was also a huge flirt, but not in a “sexual harassment” kind of way. He was attracted to intelligence and a good sense of humor, of which I have both, so we got along great. 😉 It’s been almost six years since I moved and left that job. I really miss the Doc. He was the best boss/friend I’ve ever had. As a side note, he also warned me that I was making a mistake by marrying my second husband. He knew immediately upon meeting the Ox that we were severely mismatched. He was right.

The last man I met who had that special something, that charisma and charm that is so indescribable, is Art. I know, I know. I’m not supposed to talk about him, so I’ll only say this one thing. Just because things didn’t work out between me and him doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate what a special guy he is. His charm, intelligence, creativity and charisma are what attracted me to him to begin with. OK so that was two things. I’m done now.

I guess my point here is that when fate brings these special people across our paths, we should take it for what it is worth and just feel blessed that we had the chance to know them. I’m not an elitist or anything, but I do know how to appreciate intelligence, good humor, charm, charisma, creativity and talent. We all have our good parts and bad parts. It’s up to us to strive to make the good parts shine brighter so that the bad parts are diminished.

Again, I apologize for the lack of backlinks, but I’m typing this up on my computer and then posting from my phone.

Happy humping!

It’s a blacktop blur

Yes, it’s me!  I’m back!  I know it’s been entirely too long since I posted anything, but I do have reasonably legitimate excuses.  I will go into those in a bit.  First I have to tell you that I was reminded today, by one who will not be named, that I need to keep writing even when I don’t feel like it or think I have the time.  It’s true.  Sometimes things happen in life that make us feel like we’re drowning, but that’s just all the more reason to keep our heads up and keep on swimming.  So I’m putting my floaties on and going for it.

I have to tell you first that I got a new tattoo just before going up to see my sister two weeks ago.  It’s on my left wrist.  It’s my first and middle names.  The whole time I was visiting my parents, they never even noticed.  I think that’s a sign that they are getting old and senile, but I still love them.  Just sayin’. LOL

So here are my excuses for not writing, as weak as they may be.  First of all my beautiful mother had a heart attack over a week ago.  I was already up at my sister’s helping her out with Little Bubba for a few days when we got the news.  She and I decided to head up to see Mom in the hospital the next day.  It was a long drive that should have only taken six hours, but with Little Bubba along for the ride it ended up taking almost nine hours.

The visit with Mom, Little Brother, and the Preacher was good.  Mom had to stay in the hospital an extra day so we ended up having to leave before she actually went home.  She’s back home now though and feeling a little better.  Hopefully the Preacher won’t stress her out to the point that she ends up back in the hospital.

Also during all of that, my sister, the Blonde Bombshell Fallen Angel, came up with another grand plan.  We’re going to have a Trail Ride & Crawfish Boil next month and sell tickets to make the money for the next house payment.  I thought it was a pretty good idea at first, and still do, but I also know it’s going to be a lot of work.  It’s already been a lot of work and it’s still weeks away.  We have managed to get a band booked, find someone to cook hundreds of pounds of crawfish, and people to help with running the shindig.  Overall I think it’s going very well.  Now we just need to sell about 300 tickets and it will be a huge success.

Also, my sister, my beautiful ever so smart sister, decided that we needed to have a raffle at this event so that we could make even more money.  She pondered a while about what to raffle off, then it came to her.  She decided she would raffle me off.  One night with the Preacher’s Daughter in the little cabin on the farm.  Wasn’t that sweet of her to think of me?

"What you do is...you suck the head until the eyes quiver and then stop." Fallen Angel

Let’s see…what else?  Oh.  Mountain Man and Rocketman.  Well, to put it plainly, those are about two of the flakiest guys I’ve ever met.  Mountain Man informed me that he was moving back out west, and then Rocketman told me he watched his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend have sex one night, and then Rocketman said that he was getting back together with said ex-girlfriend.  So they are history.

I haven’t really had time to do much dating lately due to being a constant road-warrior.  I finally got home on Sunday, just in time to have to drive around for an hour looking for parking due to French Quarter Fest.  Then yesterday I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had pneumonia.  I was having chest pains, difficulty breathing, and dizzy spells, but it turned out just to be severe bronchitis.  Now I just feel like I’ve been in a fight with a very large gorilla, but I’m sure I’ll recover soon enough with the help of modern science (insert sarcastic laugh here).

Today I had to start my new “job” working as an indentured servant for Manwhore.  I’m helping to promote his new tour business.  I already did his website, brochures, and all that crap.  Now he’s talked me into being his tour pimp.  This puts me completely out of my comfort zone because I’m actually a very introverted person when it comes to strangers and large groups of people.  However, when necessary, I can push myself into doing things that I normally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.  It’s all about will power.  I never claimed to have a lot of that, especially when it comes to men and sex, but in this case I have managed to muster up just enough.  Just enough to keep Manwhore off my back and paying me to do this for him.

By the way, Witchy Poo is no more.  She evidently annoyed him to the point that he had to cut off all communication with her.  Thank God.  Witchy Poo was just a crazy gold-digger anyway.  After she was rude to me one night and all but ignored me, I was not a fan of hers, and it seems I was not the only one.  Manwhore’s business partner didn’t like her either.

Overall I’m happier than I’ve been in years.  I am unemployed, but not really.  I have a “job” that allows me to wander around the French Quarter talking to people, stopping for a beer if I so choose (haven’t yet, but might), and I get to listen to the great musicians playing in the streets.  Today there were two really good trombone players outside of Rouse’s Market and, being a former t-bone player myself, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that I was able to stop and listen for a few minutes worry-free.  I even had time to stop and visit with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while.

Sometimes I sink into my little shell and forget that there’s a world outside worth taking a peek at, and that’s not healthy.  I need to make myself get out more and do things that are outside my comfort zone, and by God, I’m gonna like it.  LOL

This isn't who I saw today, but I've seen these guys before. They're actually pretty good. (Note to self: Take more pictures.)

I may still be single and haven’t had sex in entirely too long, but that’s OK.  I am learning to cope.

Happy humping!

Road Trippin’ & Auto Mechanics with the Preacher’s Daughters

Last weekend my Momma, my sister (Fallen Angel), my nephew (Little Bubba), and I went on a road trip.  The plan was to take my mom to meet my aunt somewhere around half way between my sister’s house and my aunt’s house.  That meant that we would be traveling about three hours one-way.  However, road trips with my mom, sister & nephew never go as planned.

We were supposed to leave by 10:00 am Saturday morning.  That didn’t happen.  My mom is notorious for taking her time and being late to everything.  She’s a wonderful woman, but she has no sense of time or urgency.  So it was about noon before we actually hit the road.  Once on the road I had to stop and get an oil change since we were in my car and it probably had been six months or more since I had it changed.  (I’m notorious for being a procrastinator, unlike my mom.)

The entire time we were getting the oil changed they were all complaining about being hungry and having low blood sugar.  God forbid if their blood sugar gets low.  It’s more of a joke than a fact.  The Preacher has borderline diabetes and gets extremely grumpy when he doesn’t eat right, so we always tell him to eat before his blood sugar gets low and he turns into the Hulk.  It’s gotten to the point that even my six year-old little brother told my mom after school one day that he needed a snack because his blood sugar was low.  Kids are so funny.

Before we could go eat though, we had to try to put some freon in my car’s A/C.  It’s barely been working for about a year now.  When you have two post-menopausal women in the car, you really need the A/C working, so sis and I were determined to fix it ourselves.  We already had the adapter and the can of freon.  The guy at the oil change place was nice enough to show Fallen Angel where to attach it to the car.  She seemed confident enough that we could get the job done.

We pulled into a space in the parking lot and popped the hood.  With the adapter attached I cranked the car and it began sucking in the freon.  Seemed easy enough.  My sister even pulled up a how-to video on YouTube for us to watch.  After ten minutes though the air still wasn’t blowing colder.  Another ten minutes and still nothing.  We finally gave up.

So after the oil change, arguing over where to stop and eat, then eating, trying to fix the A/C, then getting back on the road, it was about 1:30 pm.  Better late than never, right?

Whenever we are all stuck in the car together for long periods of time the conversation tends to be all over the place.  At one point we were talking about skin care and once again I made the mistake of hounding my sister about the importance of using sunscreen.  I half-jokingly told her that that’s why I look so young and beautiful.  Her reply?  “That’s only because you’ve never even been out in the sun.”  It’s true.  I’m one of those redheads that treats the sun like it’s my arch-nemesis.  I’ve had a couple of bad sunburns over the years and I’d really rather not have that happen again.  I do venture out into the daylight when necessary though.  I also know that tans are supposed to make you look better and all, but I’m perfectly happy with my lily-white skin and freckles, so long as it doesn’t get all wrinkly before I turn sixty.  So wear your sunscreen boys & girls!  Like I tell my sister, you’ll thank me in ten years! 😉

After that little chat we stopped for a potty break.  My Mom was taking forever so I got some nicotine in me while I had the chance.  That’s always the worst part of those long road trips with my family.  I have to wait until we make a stop before I can have a smoke.  Even then if my mom sees me she nags me about it.

She finally came back to the car and as we were leaving she said, “Hurry up and get us out of here.  All those old men in there were gettin’ kind of flirty with me.”  I told her that they just weren’t used to seeing a car load of pretty women in those parts.  We have all our teeth.

So on we went.  We made it to another gas station and called my aunt.  She had driven five hours already and we were running so late that she was almost there.  We were way off from meeting her half way as planned, but it was late so I was relieved that I didn’t have to drive any further.  After my aunt arrived we loaded all my mom’s stuff into her truck and said our goodbyes.  I’m not sure how my mom always manages to leave with twice as much stuff as she comes with, but she’s turned it into an art form.

The conversation with my sister during the drive back was even more interesting because mom was gone and Little Bubba was passed out in the back in his car-seat.  Sis and I started catching each other up on our latest man-problems.  She wanted to know what had happened with Art and the latest news on Manwhore.  We tend to go into “TMI” territory sometimes when discussing our man problems and this time was no different.  She just couldn’t understand why Art & I had such problems in the boudoir.  To be honest I still don’t understand it myself.  Then she had an epiphany that only a blonde could have.  She said that he must have an E.D. problem.  For those of you that don’t know, E.D. stands for erectile dysfunction.  At first I tried to tell her that it couldn’t be E.D. because, well, it just couldn’t be.  She kept asking questions though and eventually it kind of made sense, if only in a “we’re just being funny evil bitches at the poor guy’s expense” kind of way.  She suggested that we call and have a sample of Viagra sent to him, anonymously of course.  LOL  I couldn’t do that to him though.  That would just be mean, and I don’t really believe that was his problem.  I know I’m not supposed to be talking about him anymore so I’ll stop there.  LOL

Then she started going though my Plenty of Fish messages and picking out the guys that had also messaged her.  I always find it amusing when guys are interested in both of us.  We’re so completely different.  It just doesn’t make any sense to me.  It’s even funnier when they send us both the same opening lines.  Apparently it has become necessary though for us to compare notes so we don’t end up going out with the same ones, or at the very least we have to pick who gets which guys.  LOL

I do love the conversations that I have with my sister.  There are certain things that only we can discuss with one another.

It was a long tiring day, but I was happy that I got to see my mom and spend some quality family time with them all.  They may drive me crazy sometimes, but I love them anyway.

Happy humping!