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Hiding the welcome mat.

Finally, my parents and little brother have gone back home, two states away, where they belong!  Mom & little brother were here for almost a month and in that time they just about drove my sister and I over the edge into insanity.  Thankfully we survived only slightly more insane than we already were prior to their visit.  I do love my  mother and little brother, but it’s true that “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” (Benjamin Franklin)  This rings especially true because my little brother seems to have a burping/farting problem.

I understand that it’s difficult for my parents to come back to the house that they built and the town where they lived for so many years, but if it’s so difficult then why come at all?  I’ll tell you why.  Because even though my sister and I are doing everything within our power to help them keep from losing the house while they try to sell it, including my sister trying herself to get financing so that she can buy it, they just don’t trust us.  My father, the Preacher, strategically planned his trip here to pick up my mother and brother, at the first of the month.  He used my birthday as an excuse, but that’s not the real reason.  He wanted to make sure that all the rent we collected from our tenants went toward the mortgage payment.

Just so you know, I’m OCD when it comes to my spreadsheets and Microsoft Money.  I update it daily and try to stay on top of every penny that we earn, spend, and all bills that are due/coming due.  My sister may be the business minded one, but I’m the analytical and practical one.  Together I think we make a pretty damn good team, although our plans don’t always turn out the way we had hoped.  At least we are trying.  Meanwhile the Preacher is sitting on his ass not doing a lot to help out, just waiting, expecting, demanding that she and I make the mortgage payments.  At one point he was ready to just hand the house over to the bank.  That’s what really confuses me.  If he doesn’t even care anymore, then why is he riding our asses nonstop about it?  Control.  It’s all about control I suppose.

I find it difficult to feel sorry for the Preacher, but I do feel for my mom.  I know she has tried her best to rein him in and make him see the light, but he seems to be forever stuck in a deep dark cave of self-pity.  I just pray that she and my little brother don’t have to suffer through all this much longer.  I hope he will get off his ass, get a job, any job or even disability which is what he should be on, and take care of them like he should.

My mother, bless her heart, has good intentions, but she managed to drive us crazy too.  Between her waking my sister up at 2 am, 3 am, and 5 am, to let the dogs out, and her getting up at 6 am to make her decaf coffee and start doing dishes, I thought I was going to have to sedate my sister a few times.  Mom has always had periods of insomnia, and since she was already awake, she thought that 3 am was the perfect time to vacuum and do other household cleaning.  She had no problem going into my sister’s room and vacuuming while sis was trying to sleep.  Sis HATED that, and still does.

I have to hand it to my mom though.  She’s put up with the preacher for many many moons, raised two very interesting daughters, is now raising a rambunctious six-year-old boy, and always manages to keep a smile on her face and love in her heart.  Although not perfect, she is amazing nonetheless.

The funniest thing mom did while she was here was when she found my sister’s bottle of Bahama Mama in the fridge door.  The Preacher is a former/recovering alcoholic, and therefore my parents have not had alcohol in their house in at least twenty-five years.  So one night she was cooking a roast, and found the bottle in the fridge.  She asked if I thought it would be good to put in with the roast, sort of like a marinade I suppose.  I laughed and told her it wasn’t wine, and I refused to let her use it.  (She has a long history of coming up with some interesting, and not so tasty dinner items.)  I guess she didn’t believe me so she opened it up and took a short sniff of it, and then a longer one.  Then she said, “That smells really good.  I guess if I can’t use it I can at least sniff it.”  Then she proceeded to take a very long whiff of it, all the while giggling like a school girl.  LOL

I am realizing that I haven’t written much about my mother, and I will have to rectify that very soon.  She’s so funny and sweet and her innocence just makes even funnier sometimes.  She has brought my sister & I to tears on many occasions laughing at the stuff she says and does.  Don’t worry, she laughs at herself too.  She is great when she laughs really hard.  She turns red, tears come streaming down her face and anyone can see what a beautiful person she really is.

So the welcome mat may be temporarily hidden, but it will be back out eventually and we will welcome them back with open arms.  No matter what, they’re our family and we love them.

Happy humping!

It’s a blacktop blur

Yes, it’s me!  I’m back!  I know it’s been entirely too long since I posted anything, but I do have reasonably legitimate excuses.  I will go into those in a bit.  First I have to tell you that I was reminded today, by one who will not be named, that I need to keep writing even when I don’t feel like it or think I have the time.  It’s true.  Sometimes things happen in life that make us feel like we’re drowning, but that’s just all the more reason to keep our heads up and keep on swimming.  So I’m putting my floaties on and going for it.

I have to tell you first that I got a new tattoo just before going up to see my sister two weeks ago.  It’s on my left wrist.  It’s my first and middle names.  The whole time I was visiting my parents, they never even noticed.  I think that’s a sign that they are getting old and senile, but I still love them.  Just sayin’. LOL

So here are my excuses for not writing, as weak as they may be.  First of all my beautiful mother had a heart attack over a week ago.  I was already up at my sister’s helping her out with Little Bubba for a few days when we got the news.  She and I decided to head up to see Mom in the hospital the next day.  It was a long drive that should have only taken six hours, but with Little Bubba along for the ride it ended up taking almost nine hours.

The visit with Mom, Little Brother, and the Preacher was good.  Mom had to stay in the hospital an extra day so we ended up having to leave before she actually went home.  She’s back home now though and feeling a little better.  Hopefully the Preacher won’t stress her out to the point that she ends up back in the hospital.

Also during all of that, my sister, the Blonde Bombshell Fallen Angel, came up with another grand plan.  We’re going to have a Trail Ride & Crawfish Boil next month and sell tickets to make the money for the next house payment.  I thought it was a pretty good idea at first, and still do, but I also know it’s going to be a lot of work.  It’s already been a lot of work and it’s still weeks away.  We have managed to get a band booked, find someone to cook hundreds of pounds of crawfish, and people to help with running the shindig.  Overall I think it’s going very well.  Now we just need to sell about 300 tickets and it will be a huge success.

Also, my sister, my beautiful ever so smart sister, decided that we needed to have a raffle at this event so that we could make even more money.  She pondered a while about what to raffle off, then it came to her.  She decided she would raffle me off.  One night with the Preacher’s Daughter in the little cabin on the farm.  Wasn’t that sweet of her to think of me?

"What you do is...you suck the head until the eyes quiver and then stop." Fallen Angel

Let’s see…what else?  Oh.  Mountain Man and Rocketman.  Well, to put it plainly, those are about two of the flakiest guys I’ve ever met.  Mountain Man informed me that he was moving back out west, and then Rocketman told me he watched his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend have sex one night, and then Rocketman said that he was getting back together with said ex-girlfriend.  So they are history.

I haven’t really had time to do much dating lately due to being a constant road-warrior.  I finally got home on Sunday, just in time to have to drive around for an hour looking for parking due to French Quarter Fest.  Then yesterday I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had pneumonia.  I was having chest pains, difficulty breathing, and dizzy spells, but it turned out just to be severe bronchitis.  Now I just feel like I’ve been in a fight with a very large gorilla, but I’m sure I’ll recover soon enough with the help of modern science (insert sarcastic laugh here).

Today I had to start my new “job” working as an indentured servant for Manwhore.  I’m helping to promote his new tour business.  I already did his website, brochures, and all that crap.  Now he’s talked me into being his tour pimp.  This puts me completely out of my comfort zone because I’m actually a very introverted person when it comes to strangers and large groups of people.  However, when necessary, I can push myself into doing things that I normally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.  It’s all about will power.  I never claimed to have a lot of that, especially when it comes to men and sex, but in this case I have managed to muster up just enough.  Just enough to keep Manwhore off my back and paying me to do this for him.

By the way, Witchy Poo is no more.  She evidently annoyed him to the point that he had to cut off all communication with her.  Thank God.  Witchy Poo was just a crazy gold-digger anyway.  After she was rude to me one night and all but ignored me, I was not a fan of hers, and it seems I was not the only one.  Manwhore’s business partner didn’t like her either.

Overall I’m happier than I’ve been in years.  I am unemployed, but not really.  I have a “job” that allows me to wander around the French Quarter talking to people, stopping for a beer if I so choose (haven’t yet, but might), and I get to listen to the great musicians playing in the streets.  Today there were two really good trombone players outside of Rouse’s Market and, being a former t-bone player myself, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that I was able to stop and listen for a few minutes worry-free.  I even had time to stop and visit with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while.

Sometimes I sink into my little shell and forget that there’s a world outside worth taking a peek at, and that’s not healthy.  I need to make myself get out more and do things that are outside my comfort zone, and by God, I’m gonna like it.  LOL

This isn't who I saw today, but I've seen these guys before. They're actually pretty good. (Note to self: Take more pictures.)

I may still be single and haven’t had sex in entirely too long, but that’s OK.  I am learning to cope.

Happy humping!

Road Trippin’ & Auto Mechanics with the Preacher’s Daughters

Last weekend my Momma, my sister (Fallen Angel), my nephew (Little Bubba), and I went on a road trip.  The plan was to take my mom to meet my aunt somewhere around half way between my sister’s house and my aunt’s house.  That meant that we would be traveling about three hours one-way.  However, road trips with my mom, sister & nephew never go as planned.

We were supposed to leave by 10:00 am Saturday morning.  That didn’t happen.  My mom is notorious for taking her time and being late to everything.  She’s a wonderful woman, but she has no sense of time or urgency.  So it was about noon before we actually hit the road.  Once on the road I had to stop and get an oil change since we were in my car and it probably had been six months or more since I had it changed.  (I’m notorious for being a procrastinator, unlike my mom.)

The entire time we were getting the oil changed they were all complaining about being hungry and having low blood sugar.  God forbid if their blood sugar gets low.  It’s more of a joke than a fact.  The Preacher has borderline diabetes and gets extremely grumpy when he doesn’t eat right, so we always tell him to eat before his blood sugar gets low and he turns into the Hulk.  It’s gotten to the point that even my six year-old little brother told my mom after school one day that he needed a snack because his blood sugar was low.  Kids are so funny.

Before we could go eat though, we had to try to put some freon in my car’s A/C.  It’s barely been working for about a year now.  When you have two post-menopausal women in the car, you really need the A/C working, so sis and I were determined to fix it ourselves.  We already had the adapter and the can of freon.  The guy at the oil change place was nice enough to show Fallen Angel where to attach it to the car.  She seemed confident enough that we could get the job done.

We pulled into a space in the parking lot and popped the hood.  With the adapter attached I cranked the car and it began sucking in the freon.  Seemed easy enough.  My sister even pulled up a how-to video on YouTube for us to watch.  After ten minutes though the air still wasn’t blowing colder.  Another ten minutes and still nothing.  We finally gave up.

So after the oil change, arguing over where to stop and eat, then eating, trying to fix the A/C, then getting back on the road, it was about 1:30 pm.  Better late than never, right?

Whenever we are all stuck in the car together for long periods of time the conversation tends to be all over the place.  At one point we were talking about skin care and once again I made the mistake of hounding my sister about the importance of using sunscreen.  I half-jokingly told her that that’s why I look so young and beautiful.  Her reply?  “That’s only because you’ve never even been out in the sun.”  It’s true.  I’m one of those redheads that treats the sun like it’s my arch-nemesis.  I’ve had a couple of bad sunburns over the years and I’d really rather not have that happen again.  I do venture out into the daylight when necessary though.  I also know that tans are supposed to make you look better and all, but I’m perfectly happy with my lily-white skin and freckles, so long as it doesn’t get all wrinkly before I turn sixty.  So wear your sunscreen boys & girls!  Like I tell my sister, you’ll thank me in ten years! 😉

After that little chat we stopped for a potty break.  My Mom was taking forever so I got some nicotine in me while I had the chance.  That’s always the worst part of those long road trips with my family.  I have to wait until we make a stop before I can have a smoke.  Even then if my mom sees me she nags me about it.

She finally came back to the car and as we were leaving she said, “Hurry up and get us out of here.  All those old men in there were gettin’ kind of flirty with me.”  I told her that they just weren’t used to seeing a car load of pretty women in those parts.  We have all our teeth.

So on we went.  We made it to another gas station and called my aunt.  She had driven five hours already and we were running so late that she was almost there.  We were way off from meeting her half way as planned, but it was late so I was relieved that I didn’t have to drive any further.  After my aunt arrived we loaded all my mom’s stuff into her truck and said our goodbyes.  I’m not sure how my mom always manages to leave with twice as much stuff as she comes with, but she’s turned it into an art form.

The conversation with my sister during the drive back was even more interesting because mom was gone and Little Bubba was passed out in the back in his car-seat.  Sis and I started catching each other up on our latest man-problems.  She wanted to know what had happened with Art and the latest news on Manwhore.  We tend to go into “TMI” territory sometimes when discussing our man problems and this time was no different.  She just couldn’t understand why Art & I had such problems in the boudoir.  To be honest I still don’t understand it myself.  Then she had an epiphany that only a blonde could have.  She said that he must have an E.D. problem.  For those of you that don’t know, E.D. stands for erectile dysfunction.  At first I tried to tell her that it couldn’t be E.D. because, well, it just couldn’t be.  She kept asking questions though and eventually it kind of made sense, if only in a “we’re just being funny evil bitches at the poor guy’s expense” kind of way.  She suggested that we call and have a sample of Viagra sent to him, anonymously of course.  LOL  I couldn’t do that to him though.  That would just be mean, and I don’t really believe that was his problem.  I know I’m not supposed to be talking about him anymore so I’ll stop there.  LOL

Then she started going though my Plenty of Fish messages and picking out the guys that had also messaged her.  I always find it amusing when guys are interested in both of us.  We’re so completely different.  It just doesn’t make any sense to me.  It’s even funnier when they send us both the same opening lines.  Apparently it has become necessary though for us to compare notes so we don’t end up going out with the same ones, or at the very least we have to pick who gets which guys.  LOL

I do love the conversations that I have with my sister.  There are certain things that only we can discuss with one another.

It was a long tiring day, but I was happy that I got to see my mom and spend some quality family time with them all.  They may drive me crazy sometimes, but I love them anyway.

Happy humping!

Star light, star bright

I was out on my back porch earlier having a cig & a glass of wine.  As I listened to the crickets chirping, looked up at the night sky full of stars, and watched the lightning storm in the distance, I began to think about how my life might be in twenty or thirty years.

Every time I try to imagine myself as an old woman, all I see is me and my little sister living together in my grandparents’ old farmhouse back in Alabama, and driving each other crazy.  I picture my red hair intermingled with white hair, my skin wrinkled, and my smile tired.  I’ll have a unique fashion sense (meaning bizarre ;)) and being a single old woman, I can pretty much do whatever I want and not have to worry about what other people think of me.  I love that part.  Hell, if I want to go to Wal-Mart in my fur coat, pajamas, and flip-flops, then I’ll damn well do just that.

My life is quiet and simple, yet full of family and friends.  Holidays would be like they once were when my grandmother was still alive.  There would be lots of good home-cooking, none of which I would have cooked.  I leave the serious cooking up to my sister.  I would do the dishes afterwards though because she hates doing dishes, as I well know.

My nephew would bring his wife or girlfriend over to visit, and maybe they’ll even have a couple of kids.  My cousins would come over with their kids.  Of course my little brother would come over late after getting off work at the hospital.  He’ll be a doctor by then.  He’s feisty, but smart.  If I’m lucky or blessed or both, then maybe my parents will still be around to enjoy all that with my sister and me.

I never can picture what I’m doing for work other than just this, writing.  Maybe that’s my calling in life.  Then again, maybe not.  LOL  I believe that as long as I have my friends and family around me, I’ll be just fine.

So as I wish upon a star tonight, I hope all of your nights are filled with beautiful star light.

Happy humping!

Where to now? Hello? God? I’m asking you a question. Seriously.

Wow.  I can’t believe it’s August already.  This year has really crawled by.  It seems like just seven months ago I was writing about penises and oral sex.  These days I’m hardly in the mood for either.  My thoughts have been centered around where my life, and my body, is headed.  My sister told me a few weeks ago that she may have to move because of her job.  She’ll definitely have to move out of where we’re living now because she needs better internet to work from home.  We now have a satellite ISP and it’s only worth paying for if you can’t get DSL or cable.  I really miss my cable internet. 😦

She also told me last week that she may end up moving back to our hometown.  Gasp!  That’s the last place that I ever thought I might end up living in again.  To be perfectly honest I don’t really want to even move back there.  I haven’t told her yet, but I think I’ll have to let her and my nephew go without me.  I’m sure the Preacher and my mom will freak out if I stay here, or anywhere else, alone.  Hopefully they won’t take it to personal though.

I have absolutely no idea what I’ll do or where I’ll go, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out.  I always do.  I love my sister and nephew and the rest of my family, but I just don’t see myself moving back there, ever.  I never really kept in close contact with friends from high school, not that I had that many, and I’m quite happy having my family at least an hours drive away from me.  So really I have no reason to move back there.

I do hope that my sister and I can find a place to rent here in town.  That’s as far as we really need to go.  Just into town so that she can have faster internet access for her work.  Also the thought of having to move all of our stuff six hours away doesn’t sound like much fun.  So I’m really looking hard for a place we can rent in town.

Even though the Preacher likes to call me the Gypsy, I really am getting tired of moving all over the place.  I had hoped that the last place I would move to would be into my future motor home so that I could travel the way that I wanted.  Maybe one day.

Happy humping and happy trails,