My Lucky Year

new_year_2013Now that 2012 is over and 2013 has begun, I feel the need to come up with a new plan.  You won’t find any new year resolutions here, just a new plan for my life.  Actually, I didn’t have a plan at all for my life last year, or for many years before that, so I think just having a plan is a good start.  Don’t you?


Since I’ve always considered thirteen my lucky number, I’m declaring 2013 my lucky year.  This year I will choose to be more positive and more open to all that the universe has to offer me.  I’ve also decided to make a conscious effort this year to be less of a whore.  Yeah, you heard right.  I’m going to reign in my lust for men and sex, and be more committed to being with just one person, hopefully the right person.

I know this must come as a shock to some of my readers, but even I have tired of the constant stream of pricks that have crossed my threshold over the years.  Sure, they have made my life interesting and exciting, but it’s time to give the old “social norm” a try.  It couldn’t possibly be any worse than what/who I’ve done.  Plus I have been relatively single for almost a year now so that gives me sort of a buffer year to have prepared for my upcoming year of monogamy.  Yes, I know monogamy is probably going to be difficult for me to get back into considering the lifestyle I’ve led over the past four years.  However in the years before that I was always in monogamous relationships and was very good at it.  Until my slip-up in my second marriage, I never would have considered myself a cheater.  In fact I abhorred cheaters.  I had been cheated on before and hated how it made me feel.  I never wanted to cause anyone that kind of pain.

integrity1No, I’m not trying to get all preachy and self-righteous on you.  I just want to make some changes in my life for the better.  I know there has to be more to life than serial dating, one-night stands, and broken hearts.  Of course I recognize the probability that I might fail in my quest, but either way I’m going to give it my all.

I am also going to commit to writing more often this year.  I’ve been a lazy fuck this past year.  Sorry about that.

Happy new year humpers!

Date Night

Gerard Butler

Gerard Butler

I had a date last night.  Don’t get too excited.  It wasn’t that great.  I was supposed to go out with him over a week ago, but I cancelled on him.  I just had no desire at all to go out with him.  His profile on the dating site was bland and his picture did nothing for me.  It seems that no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get over being shallow when it comes to appearance.  Not that I must have a guy who looks like Gerard Butler, but I do like a clean-looking guy who at least tries to take care of himself.  I do find many different types of men attractive though, and what I find attractive, well, someone else may not.  That’s just how it works.  Different strokes for different folks.

My date, however, was not the type that I usually find attractive.  He’s a big boy, which is fine because I’ve dated a few big boys before, and I had no problems being physically attracted to them.  The difference is that something about their face, their personalities, or some other thing attracted me to them.  Actually I’ve always kind of preferred guys who were stocky or big and tall, because it made me feel protected and safe.  When I was with them, I felt like they would protect me.

So last night he sent me a text asking where I wanted to meet.  I had already eaten dinner so I asked if we could just meet for a drink somewhere.  He replied saying that he wasn’t really into bars.  Well that was strike one.  Not because I’m a heavy drinker or anything, but I haven’t been able to get out and do much these last few months and it would be nice to go out for a drink with someone.  That wasn’t going to happen, so we decided to meet at the city park.  It wasn’t something I wanted to do at all, but I felt guilty for cancelling on him the first time and he had driven a half hour to meet me.  While I was driving to meet him at the park I kept thinking, “I really don’t feel like doing this.  I’d rather just be at home watching tv.”  My sister told me before I left that I needed to go be social.  I didn’t really see how meeting a complete stranger in a park at night was being social, but I went anyway.

Big Boy was there waiting for me when I got there.  I put on my happy face and tried my best to be social.  We sat down at a picnic table to talk.  As we were talking though I noticed that his eyes kept drifting down, and he kept scooting closer.  Every time he moved closer my body would tense up and I think he finally noticed.  He did make me laugh a little, but I’m not sure if it was more of a nervous laugh, or because he was being funny.  He made several comments about how he was very giving and affectionate, and how he would do this or that, “you know, if it ever got to that point.”  Bad DateHe was talking about sex of course.  As you all know, I love sex, but I prefer not to talk too much about it openly like that on a first date.  I’m a changed woman, and now I want to get to know someone first.  I just sort of half smiled and ignored his comments on the subject.

About an hour into our conversation I told him I needed to get going.  He walked me to my truck, and kept talking to me. I just wanted to go home.  He hugged me and tried to give me a kiss, but I pulled away.  I said goodbye and left.  It was pretty much what I expected.  It only reinforced my lack of desire to date now.  The men around here just aren’t appealing to me.

Since I’m talking about what I find appealing…I’d like to say that sometimes even I am surprised by who I am attracted to.  I’m really surprised when I look back at some of my past lovers.  I can’t help but think, “What the hell was I thinking?  He’s not even attractive.”  On the other hand though, sometimes I’m attracted to guys who are generally considered to be handsome, but just not my usual type.

Take my new boss, Wildman, for example.  I’ve known him for probably ten years.  The Preacher met him when they first moved here, and he installed the sound system in the Preacher’s church that he had here.  Over the years my dad came to consider him a friend, and the Preacher, my mother, and I even had dinner with Wildman and his wife once.  I just knew him through the Preacher though, and didn’t really know much about him.  I did know that for some reason I found him very attractive.  He’s definitely not what I normally like.  He’s got crazy long hair, and that’s something I usually hate.  (Oh, before I go any further here…I want you to know that I adore him and his wife and I would never make any moves on him.  He’s married and my boss.)  I guess my point is just that sometimes I don’t even understand why I find someone attractive.  I just do.

On that note, I will say goodnight.  I have to get up early tomorrow so that I can have time to practice my guitar.  I bought a beautiful new baby blue electric guitar, and now I just have to learn to play it.  Playing the bass guitar has always been easy for me, but those two extra strings and the damn chords are working on my nerves.  I’ll get it though.  I bought a DVD that will teach me.  😉

Happy humping & rock on!

Help me understand. Please!

I officially hate Valentine’s Day now.  I’m so confused.

First of all this day sucked.  I went to work and had planned all day yesterday & today to go to the store & get the stuff to make a great spaghetti dinner for Art tonight.  When I got to work I found out I had to go sit at city hall for a couple of hours, and then Manwhore sent me a text saying he needed me to go home to let the rental place come and pick up his bed.  So I ended up having no time to go to the grocery store, and had to help the woman load the bed into the van because the idiots sent her alone to get it.  That was fun.

Then I had to clean up the apartment once that was done, get a shower, and get ready for Art to come over.  Since I wasn’t able to cook we went out for Chinese food.  I didn’t care as long as we got to hang out.  We walked around and then came back to my place and watched a movie.

I kept waiting on him to make a move, but he never really did.  This is where my confusion begins.  I’m so not used to guys not groping me and trying to jump my bones all the time that I can’t help but wonder if something is wrong.  Does he not like me?  If not, then why does he keep seeing me?  I’m probably just being paranoid because I’m not used to being with a decent guy, but still…what is he waiting for?  We had sex once already so I don’t understand the sudden slow down.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  I hate this.  Maybe I should just ask him.  I don’t want to come across as needy or desperate though, even though I am a little at this point.  LOL

I keep telling myself to just breathe and relax.  That it will all be ok.  That he does like me and I’m just being ridiculous.


Oh well.  Happy freaking Valentine’s Day.

Happy humping!

P.S.  Any advice is welcome.  Please!  Help the poor little redheaded preacher’s daughter understand what it means to be in a normal relationship!  Thank you. 😉

My New Boyfriend

As soon as LL Cool Bean broke up with me I decided to get back on Plenty of Fish out of pure boredom.  I also needed some new material for the blog my sister & I created, When Idiots Fish.  The messages immediately started coming in.  Unfortunately it was a lot of the same old duds who I have absolute no interest in meeting.

One of the first messages I received that morning was from an artist here in New Orleans.  I didn’t really pay much attention to his message or his profile because there was no picture attached.  I state in my profile that I will not respond to profiles without pictures.  He must have missed that part.

Two days later he sent me another message, but this time he had a picture posted.  He said, “I finally figured out how to upload a pic so hopefully I can gain your attention.”  He was right.  He definitely had my attention this time.  I showed his picture to my sister and she said he looked a little goofy, but he doesn’t look goofy at all in person.  In fact, when I went out with him the first time, we walked around the quarter and talked, and ended up back at my place.  We sat on the balcony and talked some more.  When Art had to leave he passed by Manwhore who was sitting in the living room.  I had also shown Art’s picture to Manwhore earlier that day to see if maybe he knew him.  It’s part of my filtering system.  Since Manwhore knows a lot of people around here it’s always good to see if he knows the person I’m going out with and if they are a psycho or not.  Not that Manwhore is the best judge of character, but I figure it couldn’t hurt to check.  He didn’t know him.

After Art left that night, Manwhore told me, “He looks a lot better in person.  He’s a really good-looking guy.  I’d almost screw him.”  That caught me a little off guard.  I found it a bit odd that Manwhore would say something like that.

The next day Manwhore and I were talking about Art again and he said, “He’s got really pretty eyes, doesn’t he.”  What the hell?  I think Manwhore has a man-crush on Art!  After telling my sister what Manwhore said, she said, “I figured he was bisexual.  He just gives off that vibe.”  I can honestly say that the thought had never crossed my mind until he made those comments about Art.  I guess you never can tell, but knowing him the way I do, he’s probably just being a goofball as usual and trying to get a rise out of me.  Enough about that.

So…Art is genuinely a nice guy, funny, talented in both art & music, creative, intelligent, handsome, and hung like a horse.  And no, I didn’t find out about that last part until our third date.  I’ve been a very good girl lately.  I only have sex with one man at a time and I try to wait until at least the third date before even thinking about sex.  This new dating strategy is all so foreign to me.

After spending time with Art I realized something.  I actually had that “butterflies in the tummy” thing going on.  What the heck is that about?  I haven’t felt that in probably fifteen years.  Weird.  Even stranger is that I’ve become very paranoid about whether he really likes me and I worry that he will suddenly just stop calling/texting me.  I don’t know why I feel this way.  He hasn’t done anything to make me think that.  I think I’m just really interested in and attracted to him and am afraid I’ll somehow manage to screw it up.  I really don’t want to screw it up with this guy.  He’s the first normal, mature, attractive guy I’ve been out with in a very long time.

I’m praying that the butterflies in my tummy will settle down and I can just enjoy spending time with Art. 🙂

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: Stupid Hoe

Preach Nicki! Guess who’s the stupid hoe now!

Manwhore had Whore #11 over tonight for a little while.  They had gone out and stopped by here before he took her home.  She’s actually not bad-looking.  I even kind of thought I might like her until she opened her mouth.  She is another one with that high-pitched annoying redneck thick Cajun accent.  The accent itself isn’t that bad when I hear a man with it, but it just doesn’t sound right coming out of a woman’s mouth.

When he got back from taking her home he told me that she was a little off, as in crazy.  Oh well.  At least I won’t have to hear her talk anymore.

Other than that I’ve thought a lot lately about how easy it is to be honest about things concerning other people, but being honest with myself is the hardest thing to do.  That’s why I’m so glad to have my sister and friends like Manwhore who know me better than I know myself sometimes.

It’s also good to have my sister as a walking memory bank of my most extreme moments.  While I was up visiting with her last weekend, her friend Swamp Boy came up with his son and had dinner with us and spent the night.  While we were grilling out he said, “I didn’t know your sister was such a freak until that night at the bar.”  What?  He was talking about me being the freak by the way.  I understood that much, but other than that I was confused.  My sister said, “Yep, she was kind of wild that night.”  I asked them what the hell I did that makes me the freak.

They then told me about the night we all went out on Bourbon Street.  Swamp Boy said I saw the very hot shot-girl on the bar giving a guy a shot.  She was holding it in her cleavage and bending over so the guy could drink it.  Evidently I turned to Swamp Boy and said, “buy me a shot because I’ve gotta get me some of that.”  He did.  According to them I basically made out with the shot-girl right there on the bar, in front of God and everyone.  Holy shit!  How could I not remember that?  I know I was drunk, but damn, I didn’t think I was that drunk.  I do remember getting the shot from her, but I don’t remember any of the good stuff.  Damn.  I really need to stop drinking tequila when I go out…or maybe it was the two hand grenades.  Either way, I can’t believe I can’t remember making out with a hot black chick.

The other thing that got me to thinking about how my friends know me better than myself is that tonight Manwhore asked me how things were really going with LL Cool Bean and I tried to be honest, but it still came out a lie.  He quickly called me on it and told me that he’s not stupid, he knows I’m not totally happy with LL.  It’s true.  There are definitely things that I’ve contemplated over the last few days that really worry me, and those thoughts have made me reconsider having LL move in here permanently.  I just feel like it’s all too rushed, and we should slow things down.  I told Manwhore that and his response was that he believed I wasn’t really that attracted to LL.

I believe I told you already that LL is not the typical guy that I date, but I do really like him.  He’s a great guy, nice, considerate, generous, but he also has his flaws.  Flaws that are small, but they begin to pile up.  One of the things is that he’s constantly looking for me if I leave him alone in the room for more than five minutes.  Sometimes I feel a little suffocated.  I enjoy having my personal time and space.  He’s a little too needy and immature for my tastes.  He’s only a couple of years younger than me, but the mental maturity level between men and women is just too great sometimes.  I just don’t want to hurt him, and therefore don’t know what to do about it.

Here’s hoping that tomorrow will be a better day and I’ll have a clearer idea of what I need to do.

Happy humping!