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Top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested

1.  Public intoxication

Actually this one probably happened on a regular basis a few years ago.  However, my sister rarely drinks anymore, and I only drink when I’m out with Teacher.  So we’ll reserve this one for holidays such as Halloween, St. Patty’s Day, and New Years Eve.

Sunday night (Cinco de Mayo) when I was with Teacher I did drink several beers by the fire.  He told me later that he could tell I was getting a little drunk.  I asked how he could tell and he said I “get cuter.”  Hehe.  🙂

2.  Driving while under the influence

As you all know I already had my little run in with the law over this one and I do not want a repeat of that.  Twenty-two hours with Big Bertha in a freezing cold, overly bright jail cell was plenty for me.

3.  Driving like a drunk granny

Last night as Fallen Angel, Little Bubba, and I were coming back from dinner we got pulled over.  She and I both said, “What’d we do?!”  She wasn’t speeding.  Her tag isn’t expired.  We had no idea.  To make things worse, Little Bubba was in the back seat and he said, “Mommy I’m scared.”  (Unfortunately he had acted up all night & I jokingly told him that if he didn’t behave I’d call the cops.  Bad idea.)  I had to reassure him several times after that the cop/sheriff’s deputy was the “good guy.”

Evidently, per the sheriff’s deputy, she was “driving 10 mph under the speed limit and weaving.”  Her truck has rattled lately and it sounds like a raccoon is under the hood, so she’s been trying to take it easy and not drive too fast.  She told the deputy that was why she was going so slow.  He said that was ok, but she was also weaving and he just wanted to make sure she was alright.  He also said “it’s your lane and if you want to use it all then that’s fine.”  (The funny thing is that I tell her all the time that she weaves too much, but she never believes me.  Finally I have proof!  LOL)

He let us go on our merry way after that.

4.  Failure to pay outstanding traffic tickets

This one seems to plague me and Fallen Angel.  She got a ticket last year for having an expired inspection sticker, and to my knowledge she never took care of it.  Of course I still have a couple of tickets that I’ve got to pay from when I was living in the Big Easy.  That was another reason we both sort of panicked when she got pulled over last night.

5.  Cavorting with 17-year-old boys

This one goes back to last year when I was talking to a guy from OKCupid.com.  His profile said he was 18, but he turned out to be only 17.  Once I found out, I quickly put a stop to any and all sexy talk and receiving of pictures from him.  The threat of jail time was enough to scare me straight, and it prompted me to change my search to only guys 24 years old and up.

That wasn’t my first encounter with a 17-year-old though.  Back when I was 22 I had a one-niter with my cousin’s co-worker.  I didn’t know the guy was only 17 until after the dirty deed was done.  I also didn’t know he was a virgin until it was too late.  We live and learn, as the old saying goes.

pkdividerSo there’s my list of the top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested.  Thankfully I’ve only been arrested once, and my sister has yet to make that dreaded call to the Preacher from a jail cell at 2:00 am.  Hopefully she never will, because if she does…I’m not bailing her ass out of jail.  Not after the way she’s been treating me lately.  By the way, she’s still being a bitch from hell.

Our mother and aunt are set to arrive tomorrow.  It’s going to be a little Mother’s Day visit.  The only thing I’m looking forward to is taking them all out to dinner Saturday night.  No, I’m not looking forward to paying, but I am looking forward to having them meet Teacher and hear him perform.  His duo is playing that night at the restaurant we’re going to.  Hehe.  See, I’m still capable of being a sneaky bitch myself.  Fallen Angel hasn’t completely captured that title.

Happy humping & drive safe!

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A Double What???

I had to share this real quick.  Remember Santa?  Well, he sent me a message on Plenty of Fish yesterday asking if we were ever going to meet.  He said that he is going to a party tomorrow night and wanted to know if I would like to go with him.  My first thought was, I wonder what kind of party it is.  Turns out I was right to wonder that.

He sent me a text later saying that he wasn’t sure if he was going because it’s about a half hour away.  He also said that it’s a “double gang bang party.”  WTF?

Yeah, at that point I didn’t know what to say or how to respond so I just stopped responding all together.  I definitely don’t want to be one half of the double getting gang banged, so I’m going to leave that one alone.  I may have my wild side, but it comes to a complete and full stop at gang banging.

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: Stood Up

Oh, tonight, tonight, what to say about tonight?  It was a warm beautiful night in the Quarter and Manwhore and I went out to a local karaoke bar.  We were supposed to meet up with a potential Whore.  She was supposed to be there at 7:00 pm.  About 7:15 pm she sent him a text saying that she was trying to find parking.  While we were waiting he jokingly said that if she shows up and she’s ugly then he’s going to disappear and will just meet me back home.

At 7:45 pm she was supposedly parked and walking from about 10 blocks away.  Come 8:00 pm, she said she was three blocks away.  At 8:30 pm she still hadn’t shown up and wasn’t answering his texts.  At 9:00 pm she said she was in the bar.  Not true, or if it was true then she wasn’t looking too hard for us, or either she didn’t look anything like her pictures.  Manwhore was very frustrated by this point and was ready to leave, so we did.

Once we were home he got a text from her saying that she was at the bar, had sung a song, and was waiting on him.  By this time we both thought she was full of shit and just fucking with him.  He told her to lose his number.

At 10:00 pm we’re home and Manwhore’s backup hoe, Troll, showed up.  While she and Manwhore were on the balcony smoking, guess who showed up at our doorstep?  Yep.  The wanna-be whore who stood him up earlier.  She was downstairs calling his cell phone.  He wouldn’t answer of course because the Troll was right there on the balcony with him, and Troll is spending the night and going home in the morning.

Manwhore made it a point to come to my room and tell me that she was downstairs and was really pretty.  He was pissed.  Here he is stuck with the Troll now when he’s got a perfectly decent looking hoe downstairs, who even though she’s a crazy bitch, she’s here nonetheless.  Haha!  Oops, did I say that?  Fuck it.  LOL  What goes around, comes around, one way or another.

So, now he’s stuck with Troll for the night.

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: Ugly, Uglier, Ugliest.

Before I tell you about Whore #8 I must tell you about a conversation that I had with Manwhore the night before I met Whore #8.

On Wednesday I sent Manwhore the following text message:

Good news. I’m not in love with you anymore.  I was thinking about it yesterday and realized that I’m just not feeling that way about you as much anymore.  I think seeing the types of women you bring over every night has helped.  [LL Cool Bean] has also helped me realize what I’ve been missing…real intimacy and you can’t give me what I need.  There is no point in chasing after something or someone who is basically a dead-end.

Yes, you read it right.  I finally made the giant leap from mushy love-struck pathetic girl to stand-up-for-my-own-needs honesty rocks girl.  He didn’t really comment on my revelation and breakthrough.  Come to find out, he was just saving it up for later.

That evening we were in the kitchen talking and he told me that my comment about the “types of women” he had been bringing over every night hurt his feelings and pissed him off.  Sorry buddy, but the truth hurts sometimes.

He admitted that he had been going a little overboard lately with the dating thing.  He even made it a point to tell me that he hadn’t slept with all of them.  That much I knew already.  He also said that he wasn’t used to dating women below his “level.”  He clarified this saying that until recently all the women who he has dated have been very pretty.  I’m not sure what “level” he thinks he is on, but it’s not as high up as he likes to think.

Hold on a minute.  Does he really believe that?  I’ve seen some of the women he has dated over the past two years and rarely have they been that attractive.  That’s the truth too, not just my biased opinion.  He then told me that he didn’t know if it was because he was getting older or what, but when he messages women on the (many) dating sites that he is on, he rarely gets responses.  The only messages he seems to be getting are from women who initiate contact with him, and to him they are below his level.  Yet he still goes out with them, or brings them home.

So, after that conversation I assumed he might try to find someone more to his liking and more on his “level.”  Not so, oh my God, that was so not the case.  Now I’d like to introduce you to Whore #8.

Whore #8

She came over the next night and when I saw her I instantly realized he had a serious problem.  It’s even more serious that I had thought.  Now even I know that people can’t help how they look, well, not completely.  There are things that can be done to make oneself more attractive.  Evidently she didn’t get that memo.  The first thing that came to mind when I saw her was “troll.”  I actually feel a little bad about that, but that was my honest to God first impression of her.

So if Manwhore realizes that he’s been excessively dating unattractive women, then why would he choose to bring Troll home?  What puzzled me even more was that he invited her over again the next night and had sex with her yet again.  At one point I walked into the living room on my way to the kitchen and they were making out on the couch.  Yuck.  I did not need to see that.

He then flew off to see the Bitch early Saturday morning.  You probably remember her as the one he called the “love of his life” and then after she milked him dry, she sent him back here broke and brokenhearted.  He’s kept in touch with her via text message since he moved back here last spring.  I’ll admit I’m curious to hear how his trip went.  I’m guessing it will not be a very fulfilling one for him.

For all his bitching and moaning about not being able to get over her, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it.  I just wanted to tell him that going up there is definitely not going to help him get over her.  Then again, he doesn’t listen to me so why bother.  Live and let live.

Happy humping!

Nothing but minnows on Plenty of Fish

I’m still half-assed fishing on Plenty of Fish.  I got a message from a guy the other day and showed it to my sister.  She said that we should come up with a website sort of like the “When Parents Text” site.  The difference would be that our site would list some of the crazy messages that we receive from guys on POF.  I think it’s a pretty good idea, but we haven’t thought of a name for it yet.  In the mean time, here’s the message that I showed her.

“Hey Im serious and interested but you need to let me know the same before we talk ok? bye [name withheld]”

The message alone isn’t too terribly bad, but combined with the picture that was attached, I had to wonder what the hell I’m doing to attract these guys.  I told you before that I changed my profile in hopes of warding off most men, but that doesn’t seem to be working.  So back to his message.  I think it was in how I first read it that made me laugh.  I imagined him speaking in a very shy socially awkward way, almost like a twelve-year-old boy talking for the first time to a girl he’s been crushing on for months.  Sometimes the simplest things amuse me.

On to the next message that I shared with my sister.  This one is definitely a throw-back.

“hi there,, can we talk soon,,,, ###-###-#### [name withheld],,, i want to mmeet you and i so mean meat,,,”

Seriously?  That’s supposed to get me all hot and bothered and wanting to meet him?  I don’t want his “meat” or to meet him, ever.  That one made me gag a little.  Do men really have such little respect for women that that is what they consider normal and acceptable behavior?  Well, I couldn’t bite my tongue on that one and when he popped up wanting to chat via instant message I gave him a piece of my mind.  He did apologize, but it was too little too late.  Hopefully in the future he will think twice before sending a complete stranger a message like that.  You may have noticed that I didn’t even mention that he gave his phone number to a complete stranger.  Oh ye dirty old men of little faith.  You do not have to treat me like a prostitute to get me to talk to you.  In fact, that’s the best way to deter me from ever talking to you.

Once again, the lack of proper grammar and punctuation really annoys me.

Happy humping!