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Babe, I’m gonna leave you

I promised a follow-up to my last post.  Better late than never, right?

For the past two months I have seen Doc Oc occasionally, usually once a week.  About one month ago he came over one evening and as we were sitting on the couch he said he needed to tell me something. I immediately got nervous, thinking that maybe he had a girlfriend or wife.  No such luck.  He told me that he was moving back to his hometown, which is over four hours away.

My heart sank.  I thought I had finally found a guy in this crappy state that I not only could tolerate, but actually liked.  And now he’s leaving me.

Of course this is the guy who I thought could possibly be a serial killer.  He isn’t, of course.  However, he’s a very quiet person, much like myself, but even more so.  I told my sister that now I know what it’s like to date me, and it’s awful.  And I don’t mean that negatively against him.  I just know that quiet people are difficult nuts to crack.  We hold in so much.  All of our emotions and feelings, hopes and dreams, thoughts and beliefs.  Introverts can be extremely complex people.  Personally, think I do better in relationships with extroverts, even though those are the one’s that usually don’t work out.

Anyway…Oh!  I haven’t even described Doc Oc to you yet.  He’s sexy, in a nerdy hipster subdued kind of way.  Think Robert Downey, Jr. meets young James Spader.  His ass though.  Thank you Jesus for this boy’s ass.  It’s so grab-able.  He’s also intelligent and funny.  It’s just that he doesn’t open up and talk much, which I do wish he had done.

Oh, well.  The good ones always go away.  Or I go away.  Someone always goes away.

My prayer for the day:

“Jesus, just send me Bruno Mars…or Sting…I’d accept Sting also.”

Because I could fuck the hell out of some Bruno, or Sting, right now.

Until next time…”It’s only half past the point of no return.”

Peace, love, & happiness.

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The New Tales of a Single Ginger Preacher’s Daughter

I’ve been single again now for almost six months. Of course I’ve had the occasional “relationship” since then, but nothing serious, and certainly nothing even close to “being in love.” I’m completely satisfied with that. I’m in no hurry to get back into a serious relationship. When I was dating the Scotsman, I did start getting a little too attached though. So when he dumped me just a couple of days into January, I was hurt, and a little pissed off. Here I was taking the leap again, and trusted this guy, and he has to go and turn out to be an asshole. I’m over it now, but at the time it really bothered me.

Since kicking Buck, husband #3, out of the apartment for good, I’ve been busy working and haven’t been able to date much. When I do have time though, I’d like to spend that time with someone who is laid back, smart, funny, and sexy. So far I’ve only had very little luck.

Redbeard

After Scotsman, I met Redbeard on my favorite dating site, Plenty of Fish. Redbeard is former military, injured in Afghanistan, and now unemployed. Of all of those things, the only thing that really turned me off was that he’s a ginger. I know, I know, it sounds strange because I’m a ginger myself, but I just can’t help that I’ve never really been attracted to redheaded men.

I gave him an honest try though. I gave him a chance even though he’s going through a bitter divorce and has a 16-year-old daughter, and didn’t seem to have much time to come over and hang out. (“Hang out” is basically my code for have sex.) I just wanted a FWB type situation, and I stated that clearly on my profile. So when Redbeard started coming over for a couple of hours and then leaving, without having sex with me, I started getting pissed off about the situation. I got the feeling that he was only coming over to drink my beer and smoke my weed. That, my dear sir, is not acceptable. If I’m going to get a guy tipsy and high, then dammit, he’d better make it worth my while. LOL

So last Friday, after not seeing him at all for almost two weeks, I sent him a message on Facebook explaining how I felt, and letting him know that I wanted to call it quits and just be friends (no benefits). He sent me a message back two days later saying that he was sorry and had been preoccupied with family stuff, but he still wanted to try to hang out sometime. I told him that once things calm down we might get to. I don’t know how realistic that is though because I’m really not that into him.

Brendan Fraser

Saturday night, Brendan Fraser (he looks like a young Brendan Fraser…duh. lol) came over around 9:30 pm. We talked for a while and then made out on the couch. I had not yet had sexual intercourse with Brendan, but I definitely wanted to. The previous weekend he had come over and stayed for about three hours. We drank and smoked and listed to music and he ordered a pBone when we discovered that we both played trombone and I asked if he had ever seen one. (http://pbone.co.uk/) Right when Brendan was about to leave that first night, we were standing in the kitchen saying goodbye when he went to hug me and ended up kissing me. My switch turned on and I went for it. We ended up making out on the couch. I didn’t even bother asking if he wanted to go to the bedroom. Something in me took over and the next thing I know I was swallowing his load. So, once that was done he really did have to leave so we kissed goodnight and he left.

When he came back over Friday night, I was ready for a lot more. I wanted the D! LOL And I got what I wanted. I forgot to mention that he is ten years younger than me. He had a lot of stamina, and he didn’t waste any of it. I just hope my upstairs neighbor couldn’t hear me. The only thing that I didn’t like was that he didn’t stay longer. I would have loved to have gotten a few more rounds in with him. Twice was not nearly enough for me.

Doc Oc

This past Saturday night, I met Doc Oc, the optometrist. He’s older than me, but he looks younger, and he has kind of a metro sexual hipster vibe going on. I was digging it. However, when he first got here he was so soft-spoken and reserved that I kept thinking that he might get up and leave at any moment. Once he had a beer, relaxed, and saw my lunch box collection, he opened up a little. I did appreciate that even though he was on the quieter side, that didn’t mean he was shy. I like when men make the first move. I’ll do it if I have to, but I don’t always want to have to be the one to do it.

He started slowly and respectfully by holding my hand, which was sweet. Fifteen minutes later his hand was in my pants and then mine was unzipping his. We stopped there after a while though. He said he wanted to continue when he wasn’t so tired. I was sexually frustrated, but I had to accept his offer of continuing later. If he could deal with some blue balls, then so could I. But O.M.G. I was dying.

I text my sister after he left telling her that I was still alive and that he wasn’t a serial killer. I also told her that I was in trouble with this one because he made my heart skip a beat…and that shit hurts! I have a heart condition! LOL I have a very strong feeling that he might just be the muse I’ve been looking for.

So…it’s only Monday. I have to wait until Saturday to see Doc Oc again. I hope I make it that long. Between the chest pains and the horniness, I might die. We will see. I will (or my sister if I die) update you on what happens. 😉

Until next time…

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Office Space Jam

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So I started a new job six weeks ago.  I quit three weeks ago.  I totally hated it and was about to have a nervous breakdown.  It’s not really something I wanted to do, or am comfortable doing, but I was going to do it anyway because it was a decent job with decent pay.  I’m actually kind of missing my old job, but it’s too late to change all of that now.  The job was working at a huge call center in collections.  Not something I was overjoyed about to begin with.

The job was in a huge corporate office and that’s definitely an environment I’m not used to being in.  I’ve worked for large companies before, but nothing quite like that.  That place has strict rules and procedures.  I have no problem with all that, as long as it doesn’t make me feel like a drone, which I started to think I’d end up as at that place.

Cube-iquette1Don’t get me wrong, the benefits were good and the pay was not bad.  However, it just wasn’t the place for me.  The people were friendly in a weird brainwashed kind of way, but I noticed some very odd, almost childish, behavior patterns.  Stupidity and childishness in the workplace tends to irritate the shit out of me.  Honestly, I was just trying to hold out as long as possible or at least until I could find something that I’m better suited to doing.

So, now that I’m unemployed I’ve had to start job hunting again.  I hate job hunting.  I’ve been on a few interviews, but so far no luck.  The last interview that I had was today.  It was an online video conference interview with a woman at an employment agency.  The interview went great, but I noticed towards the end of the interview that there was a man behind her.  He had turned around in his chair and was watching her computer screen and me I suppose.  He looked very interested in what he was watching, so I’m hoping that he was not just ogling me and instead maybe he was her supervisor or something.  I still found it a bit odd.

Being my first online video interview I was already a bit freaked out by the whole thing.  I’ve successfully avoided having a laptop with a webcam for the past forty years, but a few weeks ago my old laptop was about to die and Buck bought me a new one, and it has a built-in camera & microphone.  I absolutely hate being on camera and video.  I’m too self-conscious and shy.  Don’t laugh.  It’s true. 😉  I suppose I’ll have to get used to it though because evidently that’s how people do business and stuff these days.  Damn, I’m getting old.  OK, now you can laugh.

One last thing that I have to complain about…the weather here.  I’ve been in Tennessee for two and a half months already and my nose has yet to thaw out and I can’t stop shivering.  Thankfully the snow has melted, but it’s still too damn cold here.  I do miss that Mississippi sunshine.  That’s all.  Thanks for tolerating my moaning and complaining.

Also, since I’m unemployed and broke now, if you feel like looking to the right of this page and clicking on the donate button, it would be most appreciated.  All I need is a dollar…or two…or twenty.  A girl’s gotta eat you know.  Plus I’m not quite ready to hit the corner and start turning tricks. 😉

As always…

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Smile for life

SmileLife is too short not to smile.  That’s what I’ve learned in my forty years.  Even when you don’t necessarily feel like smiling, do it anyway.  Even though tears may be welling up, about to fall, just smile and think about all the good things in your life.  I promise you, that things are probably never as bad as you think, and you CAN make it though this…whatever your “this” may be.

People who meet me usually think that I’m always cheerful and happy.  Of course I’m not though.  Not always.  But what they don’t know is that even when I’m smiling, I could be depressed, or lonely, or stressed beyond belief.  It never lasts though.  Smiling is my coping mechanism.  It helps me remember that things aren’t really as bad as my mind wants me to think they are.

When the snow is falling, and I just can’t sleep because of crazy hormonal imbalances, and I just don’t feel like smiling, I find some reason to smile anyway.  Usually, the catalyst is music, as you may have guessed.  When I have insomnia and am exhausted and have no desire to write anything, I go to YouTube and start wandering around, going down the rabbit hole.  Sometimes I get sucked into the usual stupid videos, but now and then I find something inspiring.

Tonight I saw a post on Facebook that was a link to an artist named Alex Boyé doing a cover of Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk.”   Now you all know I love me some Bruno, so I had to watch.  Alex Boyé’s versions of popular songs sucked me in, made me smile, and gave me the inspiration and motivation that I needed.  Reading about his past and path to where he is now also inspired me.  Actually what really got me, and yes, made me tear up a bit, was the video of him becoming an American citizen.  I guess I’m just a mushy sentimental romantic nerd.

Speaking of being a mushy sentimental romantic nerd…things are going great with Buck.  I guess that’s what originally got me thinking about smiling.  Not only does he make me smile constantly, I just love seeing him smile.  I especially like making him smile.  Have I mentioned his dimples?  Well, they’re awesome. 🙂

Even if I weren’t with Buck, I know I’d still have a reason to smile everyday because I have family and friends who love me.  I’m grateful that I am with him though, because it gives me that extra reason to smile.  Even when I don’t really feel good, or am stressed out, or just am in a blah mood.  He’s there to remind me that it’s never too late to find the person (again) who can light up your life and your mind and your heart.

I’m truly blessed, and have been all my life.  I’ve known, and dated, some really amazing people.  Broken hearts and bruised egos aside, I still care about many of them, and wish them nothing but the best.  It’s been a long crazy journey, with a ten-year intermission, but I’m finally where I belong and with the right person.

So there it is.  Hot damn.

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Peace, Love and Happiness

One night, while at the local watering hole with DC, one of her old high school friends  showed up.  She sat down with us and we started talking.  She told us about her kids, grand-kids, and all that good Southern small talk shit.  Then once we moved on to the topic of relationships, she dropped a bomb on us.  She has not had sex in ten, ten, years.  Oh my God.  I almost spit out my beer.

DC was also shocked, but she said that she had also gone years without before.  DC then noticed that I had turned pale and stopped breathing at the thought of not having sex for TEN years.  DC then asked me, “Well Ginger, what’s the longest you’ve ever gone?”  My answer, “six months.  Those were six of the longest months of my life.  DC then proceeded to laugh and snort, spitting out her Scotch, then saying, “That’s all? Six months?!”

So last week I went 4 days without sex.  Before that I went another four days without sex.  As of tomorrow I will have gone another four days.  If I can make it past day four I will have accomplished a tiny milestone towards my new goal.  Celibacy for one *cough* year.  I want to cry just typing that, and yes, I hang my head in shame.

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Shame, not from being embarrassed that I willfully choosing to become celibate, or that I probably won’t make it even three months, but that it’s come to this.  That I actually need to quit having sex cold-turkey because I have a serious problem.  You may think I’m just trying to be funny, but I’m not.  There are so many things that I’ve done that I couldn’t even write about on this blog because, even though this is anonymous, I was still so damn ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even to write about the awful things I had done.

So I’ve decided that since I’ve left so much out of my blog because I wasn’t proud of doing those things, I’m going to write about them while I’m suffering through my year of celibacy.  That way, I write more, I purge my sins, and you don’t get left out of the confessional loop any longer.

Call it a cleansing process.  I’m already about to have a panic attack just writing about it, and it hasn’t even been four days yet.  I plan to do anything necessary to stay celibate.  No more hanging out at the bar, getting drunk, flirting with strange men.  No more online dating websites.  Most of all, no more ex-lovers, ex-husbands, and ex-boyfriends tempting me by waving their cocks in my face.  No more dick-blindness.  SLUTS FOR A CURE.  So, there’s my half-assed plan on remaining celibate for ONE YEAR in search of inner-peace, self-love, and authentic happiness.

Peace, love, & happiness.

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