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I’m a free bitch baby.

So here’s the lowdown on what I’ve been up to for the past couple of weeks.  I settled my workers comp claim with my former employer.  I helped my sister buy a new(ish) truck to replace her ragged old one.  (I had to make sure Little Bubba has a safe ride.)  I paid off some back taxes for the Preacher.  I went clothes shopping kind of on a whim.  I haven’t spent $300 bucks on clothes in probably ten years or more.  It was fun. 🙂  So that’s where my money has gone so far.

I kind of thought that once I got my wad of cash I would have ex-boyfriends coming out of the woodwork wanting a handout, but so far it’s been the complete opposite, and that’s a good thing.

My big purchase when I got my settlement was supposed to be my motor home, but my plans have had to be adjusted.  I didn’t get enough to buy one, so instead I’m going to find my own apartment somewhere and start job hunting.  That’s fine with me.  I don’t think I could fit all my stuff into a tiny motor home anyway.  I have found an alternative “happy gift” for myself.  When I was planning out my motor home dream I decided that I would need alternate transportation and started looking at mopeds.  I may not be getting the home on wheels, but I can certainly get the moped.  Actually I decided on a trike moped.  They are better for people like me who are short (5’2″).  I won’t have to worry about being able to touch the ground with my feet.  🙂  They look something like this:

Even better, my grandfather sells motorcycles and has three that he’s trying to get rid of, and he’s offered to sell me one below cost!  How awesome is that!  I love my PawPaw!  I’m supposed to go look at them and pick one at Thanksgiving while sis, Little Bubba, and I are up there visiting with the family.  Now I just have to start studying the 60-page motorcycle manual and pass the written and driving tests, and of course order my pink motorcycle jacket and helmet.  Wish me luck! 🙂  Oh, and once I get it I will definitely be posting pics!

So, that’s my new plan.  Other than that I’m just job hunting and apartment hunting.  My sis has decided to stay here through the end of January.  I think she’s not sure where she wants to go either.  I am mostly torn between two places.  One is a big city and the other is a big college town.  I’ll give you a hint about the big city…it’s very jazzy. 😉

Happy humping!

Star light, star bright

I was out on my back porch earlier having a cig & a glass of wine.  As I listened to the crickets chirping, looked up at the night sky full of stars, and watched the lightning storm in the distance, I began to think about how my life might be in twenty or thirty years.

Every time I try to imagine myself as an old woman, all I see is me and my little sister living together in my grandparents’ old farmhouse back in Alabama, and driving each other crazy.  I picture my red hair intermingled with white hair, my skin wrinkled, and my smile tired.  I’ll have a unique fashion sense (meaning bizarre ;)) and being a single old woman, I can pretty much do whatever I want and not have to worry about what other people think of me.  I love that part.  Hell, if I want to go to Wal-Mart in my fur coat, pajamas, and flip-flops, then I’ll damn well do just that.

My life is quiet and simple, yet full of family and friends.  Holidays would be like they once were when my grandmother was still alive.  There would be lots of good home-cooking, none of which I would have cooked.  I leave the serious cooking up to my sister.  I would do the dishes afterwards though because she hates doing dishes, as I well know.

My nephew would bring his wife or girlfriend over to visit, and maybe they’ll even have a couple of kids.  My cousins would come over with their kids.  Of course my little brother would come over late after getting off work at the hospital.  He’ll be a doctor by then.  He’s feisty, but smart.  If I’m lucky or blessed or both, then maybe my parents will still be around to enjoy all that with my sister and me.

I never can picture what I’m doing for work other than just this, writing.  Maybe that’s my calling in life.  Then again, maybe not.  LOL  I believe that as long as I have my friends and family around me, I’ll be just fine.

So as I wish upon a star tonight, I hope all of your nights are filled with beautiful star light.

Happy humping!

Confession is good for the soul

I’ve been seeing a new guy, Skaterboi, since November 19, 2010, the day after Manwhore went up to visit his other girlfriend. I actually started talking to him on October 29, 2010. He was one of the people who responded to my ill-fated Craig’s List Halloween posting. He seemed like a nice decent guy so after talking for a few weeks I decided I’d meet him at a bar close by. We met and had a few drinks and hung out for a while. Since I was apartment sitting for the Manwhore I decided it would be suiting for me to get my revenge by inviting Skaterboi back to the apartment for cocktails. Now I knew very well that since I had a few drinks in me and was horny, lonely, pissed off at Manwhore, heartbroken, and seeking revenge, I would probably end up sleeping with the guy. It certainly didn’t hurt that he was funny, nice, a real gentleman, we had a lot in common, and he didn’t sit there and stare off into space for hours on end. He actually conversed with me.

We ended up having sex that night, several times, and he slept over. Admittedly I was nervous about this because I had told Manwhore that I wouldn’t have anyone in his apartment with the possible exception of my sister and her female friend. I really didn’t like knowing that I was breaking a promise to him, but what the hell, after all the lying and cheating and heartache he had caused me, why should I care about breaking a promise to him? It almost gave me a wicked sense of pleasure to have sex and sleep in his bed with another man. God only knows how many women had been in that bed with him while he was “dating” me. So overall it didn’t bother me enough to stop me from having the guy stay over again the next night. Muahahaha! I know, I know. You’re probably thinking that either I’m an evil wicked whore myself or that justice was served on a bed of sexual iniquity. I like to think of it as the latter.

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Tadaa! Thank God this year is almost over!

I know the title sounds like this is going to be another negative rant, but really it’s not.  Although I have been through a lot this year, for example:

  • broke off engagement
  • broke up with my off/on-again boyfriend of a year
  • broke my leg
  • had knee surgery
  • still not able to go back to work
  • got a DWI
  • had to call Daddy/the Preacher & tell him that I was in the county jail
  • spent 20 hours in the county jail
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Going to Hell in a handbasket? Hop on in with me.

Yesterday morning I woke up in a beautiful condo on the beach overlooking the Gulf of Mexico.  However, I was sobbing when I woke up.  I was alone in bed at 6:30 am.  My friend had left me all alone in that huge king size bed.  There was no sex the night before, or the night before that.  Only the first night there did we have sex, and it was bad sex, yet again.  Still no kissing or cuddling or any sign of affection.  So I just got out of bed and went into the bathroom to wipe the tears from my face.  I’m still not sure why I woke up sobbing, I just know that I did.  Bad dream, maybe.  Stress, quite possibly.

It all started with my friend cutting his trip to go see his “girlfriend” short & coming back on Sunday evening instead of on Thanksgiving day as he had planned.  Soon after he got back he said he wanted to take me on a trip, a vacation of sorts.  So we left for the beach that night.  He hardly spoke a word to me the entire three hours driving there.  When we got there to the hotel it had two double beds, so considering that he had just come from seeing his “girlfriend” up North, I decided to lay down on the bed that he wasn’t on.  Because I knew that if I got into bed with him it would probably end up in us having sex, which I didn’t feel comfortable with at all.

At 4:00 am I woke up, well I actually woke up several times, but this time I heard him and knew that he was awake also.  I got up to go get some water & when I came back into the bedroom he had the TV on asked why I was sleeping in the other bed.  I told him that I wasn’t sure what was going on with us and the fact that he had just came from seeing his “girlfriend” didn’t really turn me on to the idea of sleeping in the same bed with him.  I could tell he wanted me in bed with him though so I gave in and lay down beside him, pretending to try to go back to sleep.  Almost immediately he began groping my breast and kissing it.  But instead of taking his time and getting me going, he just takes my pajama shorts off, not even paying enough attention to realize that I still had my underwear on.  He hops on top of me and gets ready to slide inside of me.  I of course had to alert him to the fact that I still had my underwear on, so of course he then took them off.  It was a very disappointing attempt at foreplay.  Anyway, he hops on and starts pounding away as usual.  I didn’t even have time to orgasm because he seemed to be in such a damn hurry to get himself off.  Oh and if you’re wondering why I didn’t just tell him to slow down and not cum yet, it’s because I have before and it seems to be pointless, like it’s my fault that I can’t orgasm in 15 seconds.

So, for the next three days there was no more sex.  I was in a very bad mood because of that and because he was still not really in a talkative mood.  I would have been better off if I had gone there alone.  At least then I could have gone out and done something and enjoyed my time at the beach.

We left a day early, on Wednesday.  I was so irritated at that point I decided that trying to talk to him on the drive home was pointless so I pretended to sleep.  Once back at his place I had it planned for someone to come pick me up.  That someone was my ex-husband.  He had come to town to pick up his nephew for Thanksgiving and had his girlfriend’s two kids tagging along.  It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be and we finally made it back to his girlfriend’s house.

So, I spend Thanksgiving with my ex-husband, his girlfriend, his nephew, and her two kids.  At least the food was good.  She’s definitely a better cook than I ever was or will be.

Now I’m sitting in the guest bedroom writing this entry and hoping that no one notices that I’m missing.  I tried to hang out on the porch with his girlfriend and her friend for a little while and enjoy a drink but they are nurses and I seem to have absolutely nothing in common with them.  I’m sure my introverted ways aren’t helping the situation either.

So, here I am contemplating why I am in love with a guy that is in love with another woman that doesn’t love him and I’m trying to fight the urge to flirt with and/or fuck my ex-husband which I KNOW is a bad idea.  I don’t even want to fuck him, I just want some angry sex right now I think….some way of venting all this pent-up frustration.  By the way, I would NEVER fuck my ex-husband.  That’s just not happening.

I also managed to piss off my parents and sister along the way by not coming up for Thanksgiving with the family.  However, I do have my reasons for not wanting to go there.  First of all they seem to suck the life out of me by asking me to do things constantly and of course I always say I’ll do it, but something is different today.  I think I finally grew a pair.  I told my sister to forget it and that I wasn’t coming and wasn’t going to explain anything to my parents because I’m 36 fucking years old and if I don’t feel like going, then I just won’t go.

Ok, yes, I’m in a bad mood, but who cares?  This is my life and I’ll screw it up any way I please.

P.S.  Happy Thanksgiving!