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Top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested

1.  Public intoxication

Actually this one probably happened on a regular basis a few years ago.  However, my sister rarely drinks anymore, and I only drink when I’m out with Teacher.  So we’ll reserve this one for holidays such as Halloween, St. Patty’s Day, and New Years Eve.

Sunday night (Cinco de Mayo) when I was with Teacher I did drink several beers by the fire.  He told me later that he could tell I was getting a little drunk.  I asked how he could tell and he said I “get cuter.”  Hehe.  🙂

2.  Driving while under the influence

As you all know I already had my little run in with the law over this one and I do not want a repeat of that.  Twenty-two hours with Big Bertha in a freezing cold, overly bright jail cell was plenty for me.

3.  Driving like a drunk granny

Last night as Fallen Angel, Little Bubba, and I were coming back from dinner we got pulled over.  She and I both said, “What’d we do?!”  She wasn’t speeding.  Her tag isn’t expired.  We had no idea.  To make things worse, Little Bubba was in the back seat and he said, “Mommy I’m scared.”  (Unfortunately he had acted up all night & I jokingly told him that if he didn’t behave I’d call the cops.  Bad idea.)  I had to reassure him several times after that the cop/sheriff’s deputy was the “good guy.”

Evidently, per the sheriff’s deputy, she was “driving 10 mph under the speed limit and weaving.”  Her truck has rattled lately and it sounds like a raccoon is under the hood, so she’s been trying to take it easy and not drive too fast.  She told the deputy that was why she was going so slow.  He said that was ok, but she was also weaving and he just wanted to make sure she was alright.  He also said “it’s your lane and if you want to use it all then that’s fine.”  (The funny thing is that I tell her all the time that she weaves too much, but she never believes me.  Finally I have proof!  LOL)

He let us go on our merry way after that.

4.  Failure to pay outstanding traffic tickets

This one seems to plague me and Fallen Angel.  She got a ticket last year for having an expired inspection sticker, and to my knowledge she never took care of it.  Of course I still have a couple of tickets that I’ve got to pay from when I was living in the Big Easy.  That was another reason we both sort of panicked when she got pulled over last night.

5.  Cavorting with 17-year-old boys

This one goes back to last year when I was talking to a guy from OKCupid.com.  His profile said he was 18, but he turned out to be only 17.  Once I found out, I quickly put a stop to any and all sexy talk and receiving of pictures from him.  The threat of jail time was enough to scare me straight, and it prompted me to change my search to only guys 24 years old and up.

That wasn’t my first encounter with a 17-year-old though.  Back when I was 22 I had a one-niter with my cousin’s co-worker.  I didn’t know the guy was only 17 until after the dirty deed was done.  I also didn’t know he was a virgin until it was too late.  We live and learn, as the old saying goes.

pkdividerSo there’s my list of the top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested.  Thankfully I’ve only been arrested once, and my sister has yet to make that dreaded call to the Preacher from a jail cell at 2:00 am.  Hopefully she never will, because if she does…I’m not bailing her ass out of jail.  Not after the way she’s been treating me lately.  By the way, she’s still being a bitch from hell.

Our mother and aunt are set to arrive tomorrow.  It’s going to be a little Mother’s Day visit.  The only thing I’m looking forward to is taking them all out to dinner Saturday night.  No, I’m not looking forward to paying, but I am looking forward to having them meet Teacher and hear him perform.  His duo is playing that night at the restaurant we’re going to.  Hehe.  See, I’m still capable of being a sneaky bitch myself.  Fallen Angel hasn’t completely captured that title.

Happy humping & drive safe!

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My Lucky Year

new_year_2013Now that 2012 is over and 2013 has begun, I feel the need to come up with a new plan.  You won’t find any new year resolutions here, just a new plan for my life.  Actually, I didn’t have a plan at all for my life last year, or for many years before that, so I think just having a plan is a good start.  Don’t you?

New-pricing-plan

Since I’ve always considered thirteen my lucky number, I’m declaring 2013 my lucky year.  This year I will choose to be more positive and more open to all that the universe has to offer me.  I’ve also decided to make a conscious effort this year to be less of a whore.  Yeah, you heard right.  I’m going to reign in my lust for men and sex, and be more committed to being with just one person, hopefully the right person.

I know this must come as a shock to some of my readers, but even I have tired of the constant stream of pricks that have crossed my threshold over the years.  Sure, they have made my life interesting and exciting, but it’s time to give the old “social norm” a try.  It couldn’t possibly be any worse than what/who I’ve done.  Plus I have been relatively single for almost a year now so that gives me sort of a buffer year to have prepared for my upcoming year of monogamy.  Yes, I know monogamy is probably going to be difficult for me to get back into considering the lifestyle I’ve led over the past four years.  However in the years before that I was always in monogamous relationships and was very good at it.  Until my slip-up in my second marriage, I never would have considered myself a cheater.  In fact I abhorred cheaters.  I had been cheated on before and hated how it made me feel.  I never wanted to cause anyone that kind of pain.

integrity1No, I’m not trying to get all preachy and self-righteous on you.  I just want to make some changes in my life for the better.  I know there has to be more to life than serial dating, one-night stands, and broken hearts.  Of course I recognize the probability that I might fail in my quest, but either way I’m going to give it my all.

I am also going to commit to writing more often this year.  I’ve been a lazy fuck this past year.  Sorry about that.

Happy new year humpers!

Manwhore’s Whores: Stuck on repeat

Whore # 1 (returns)

I got home from my Christmas visit with the family on the 26th, the Monday after Christmas.  What do you think I came home to?  Yep.  Another whore, but this time it was a repeat whore.  According to Manwhore, Whore #1 showed up on his doorstep that morning saying that she was jobless, homeless, and had shipped her daughter to stay with her godmother in another state.  Why she didn’t go with her daughter, I do not know or understand.

Never mind all of that.  I walked in and saw this woman.  At the time I didn’t know who she was, just that she was another of Manwhore’s whores.  I later described her to my sister via text message.

Me:  Seriously!? Another ugly whore is Continue reading

My favorite post of 2011

Happy New Year boys and girls!  A new year has begun, but before the sun rises on the new year I’d like to present to you my favorite post of 2011.

As always, happy humping all year long!

In Love With Being a Slut

Depending on your definition of slut, I’m a slut.  I like The Reformed Slut’s post about the definitions of the term slut.   I also agree with her that the Urban Dictionary’s definition is the most accurate,  “a woman with the morals of a man.”  Since my birth into sluttiness many moons ago I have been told that I think and act like a man when it comes to sex.  I never took this as an insult.  I take pride in the fact that I love sex and treat it as both a beautiful and necessary part of life.  Moreover, I never plan on becoming a “reformed slut.”

I consider one advantage of being a slut is the joy of experiencing sex with a variety of  partners.  This gives way to sexual exploration into all types of fetishes, likes, dislikes, techniques, ages, sizes, races and creeds.

I’ve had the pleasure of exploring the sexual rainbow:  younger, older, larger, smaller, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, cut, uncut, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, rich, poor, married, single, dominant, submissive, highly educated, poorly educated, morons, geniuses, hot, average, below-average, male, female, straight, gay, bisexual, cross-dressers, sexually wild and sexually restrained.  Wow, that just brought back a flood of memories.  I think I need a drink now.

Overall I’ve learned that there is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex.  Being a slut is a state of mind, not necessarily a certain set of actions or behaviors.

Live your life and enjoy what God gave us, the wonderful act of sex.  Just be safe and have fun.

Happy humping!