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Last Friday Night

Pop-music-alcoholSome nights just aren’t meant to go as planned.

Friday night was supposed to be a fun night out with friends.  It turned into one of the worst nights I’ve had in a long time.  It’s partially my fault.  I just don’t know when to say when, and I’m not just talking about alcohol.

It started out fine.  DC and I went to another local bar where Teacher was playing.  When we arrived there was a large table full of friends having dinner.  I knew most of them.  They’re a great group of people and they invited DC and I to join them.  Not long after we sat down, more friends showed up and joined us.  There were probably twenty of us in total.  We ate, drank, laughed, and enjoyed Teacher’s music.

One of the other people that showed up was Bacchus.  He brought a date and they joined us at the big table.  He and I had talked a few nights earlier about what might happen if I went Friday night and Viking was there, then if Mr. 7am showed up, then Paul Bunyan, and of course Teacher would be there.  It could potentially be one big cluster fuck.  Then Bacchus said “and then if you left with me.”  I thought it was funny and that the cherry on top would be me going home completely alone.  Turns out I wasn’t so wrong about that part.  More on that in a minute.

A little while later Teacher’s girlfriend, who I still think is the most bland person ever, showed up with her guy friend that was with her last time we were there.  She was sitting directly behind me at one of the pub tables, our backs to each other.  We never speak or even really make eye contact which is fine with me.  They didn’t stay long.

When DC and I went out to smoke the Viking showed up.  He said hello and went on inside.  The Viking is a guy who I’ve met a few times.  He’s also a friend of Teacher’s.  I saw him at another bar a few weeks ago when I was out with Bacchus.  We talked and had a good time.  Since the Viking and I were already friends on Facebook, I sent him a message the next day.  I told him it was good to see him and that maybe we could hang out sometime.  He agreed and said he’d let me know when he got back to town.  He works out of state.  Part of the reason I went Friday night was because I knew the Viking was going to be there.  I wanted the chance to talk to him more and maybe see if he was interested in hanging out more.

I had talked to Mr. 7am again on Wednesday, and he said he wanted to hang out this weekend so I told him he could just pick me up from the bar when he got off work.  I know I said I was going to stop seeing him, but I figured I’d give him one last chance.

He text me a little after 9:00 pm and said that he had to go home after work because he was going to get up early and cut grass before going back to work the next afternoon.  I was angry and hurt and embarrassed because I had let him do that to me yet again.  I told DC and she said I probably should give up on him because something just isn’t right with him.  I know she’s right and that’s what I should do.

tumblr_m7lajcEDVo1qchllgo1_500In my anger, I decided it was time to move on, so I changed my focus toward other pursuits.  I was no longer dickmatized and since Mr. 7am was no longer coming to the bar, I decided to try to talk to the Viking a little.  A bunch of us were outside smoking and talking and Viking sat down beside me.  We talked a little, mostly joking around and enjoying the crazy conversation that his friend and an old drunk man were having.  Things didn’t really seem to be going anywhere with him, so again, I decided to move on.

I had noticed the bar manager the few times that I’ve been to that bar, and I decided maybe I should give him a shot, just for kicks.  He did remember my name, even though I couldn’t remember his, but then again, most people find it easy to remember my name.  However, I wasn’t really in the mood to put any effort into him and quickly let that one go too.

The bar was getting ready to close so after one last beer I followed Bacchus and some others back to the room that he had gotten for the night.  That’s when the party really got going.  There were people in the room, outside the room, just everywhere.  I managed to have a really good time even though I wasn’t really on the prowl anymore at that point.  I was just having fun hanging out with everyone.

It did strike me a bit odd though that the Viking hooked up with the falling-down-drunk girl from a few weeks ago.  She seems nice, but evidently her standards are pretty low, as are his.  I was glad to have dodged that bullet once I saw how disturbing the “hook-up” looks from the outside.  They got caught making out in the back of a vehicle and then shortly after they left together.

tgif8So the numbers were falling but there was still a good crowd there hanging out.  I did manage to get into a conversation with the bar manager, and he seemed nice, but he also seemed to be stuck on the tall blonde bartender.  So again, I moved on.

Finally, we were down to the basics.  Just me, Bacchus, and Mr. & Mrs. Right.  They are friends that I met through Teacher and I adore both of them.  Eventually Mrs. Right decided it was time to go to sleep so she passed out on one of the beds in the room.  I was outside the room sitting on the tailgate of Mr. Right’s truck talking to him and some old drunk guy who disappeared at some point leaving Mr. Right and me to talk.

CqFOqHDHxZ8lAs we were sitting on the tailgate talking, I noticed that the curtain in the room was open about a foot.  Then I noticed the lights lower.  See, I forgot to tell you that Bacchus’ date had also passed out, on the other bed in the room.  She had been there for a few hours and was out cold.  While I was trying to be a good friend to Mr. Right and give him some relationship advice (I know I should not be giving relationship advice, so no comments on that one please) I saw something through the window that I wish I had never seen.

I was trying really hard to pay attention to Mr. Right talking to me, but it was very difficult considering I was watching Bacchus have sex with his date, with Mrs. Right asleep in the next bed less than four feet away, and I just couldn’t concentrate.  It was an odd mixture of shock, disgust, anger, and yet I couldn’t stop looking.  I was just praying that his date was actually conscious during it.  Otherwise, that would be pretty shitty of him.

So, there I was panicked and frozen sitting on the tailgate of a truck in a hotel parking lot watching my friend fuck some drunk woman (who told DC & I at dinner that she was married) while trying to give heartfelt advice to Mr. Right.  What a fucked up night it was.  It still makes my head spin just thinking about it.

To be true to the “confession” part of my blog, I have tried to be more than friends with Bacchus a couple of times, but only because he was flirting with me just as much as I was flirting with him.  He even came right out and told me one night that I’d have to make the first move.  I did and that turned out terrible.  He got scared and ran.  So that’s fine.  I think he makes a better friend anyway.

Wonderwoman_dodging_bullets_by_TopcowImage2dFI consider myself to be a good person.  Yes, I do bad things sometimes, but not terribly bad.  In general I’m a caring, compassionate, loving, smart, friendly person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.  So why is it that men keep choosing these skanks, plain janes, and old drunk whores over me?  Not that I really wanted any of those guys, but (and this is the narcissist in me coming out again) why would they not even try….or did they try and I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to take notice?  Either way, I’m so happy that I went home alone Friday night (the only part of the “plan” that actually went as planned).  I may not have felt that way when I first got home, but after a day or two of meditation and writing I realized where I stand with people and how many bullets I’d probably dodged.  So…yay me!

Happy humping & keep your options open, but watch out for those stray bullets!

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Taking out the trash

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I have a problem.  A trash problem.  It started about four months ago, when I moved in.  For the first time in over a year I found that it was my responsibility to take out the trash.  Well, that just sucked.

So I devised a plan.  I would take out the trash once a week when I was doing laundry.  I would take it out on my second trip to the laundry room when it was time to put the clothes in the dryer.  The trash bins are behind the laundry room, which is across the yard, next to the pool.

That worked for a while, until I got behind on my laundry.  I only got behind on my laundry because I kept forgetting to go to the bank and get quarters.  Damn quarters.

So as time went on and my trash bag sat in the floor next to the stove, I started having visitors.  Mostly male visitors.  Ok, fine.  They were all male visitors.  Very nice male visitors too.  Because each and every one of them offered to take my trash out for me.  Of course I had to decline, because, you know, pride and all.

I always told them that I was going to take it out in the morning, or later that day.  I never did.  Well, I did occasionally.  This went on for months.

Last night Bacchus came over.  We were sitting at the table talking and somehow the topic of my garbage came up.  Of course he offered to take it out.  I declined.  Then I told him that everyone tries to take out my garbage for me.  He admitted that it did bother him that I always had a bag of garbage sitting there.  I laughed.

He proceeded to grab the bags, yes there were two last night, and asked where the dumpster was.  I told him and he took it out.  When he got back I told him that he had completely fucked up my story.  Now it had an ending.  Or does it?

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Happy humping my fellow Oscars!

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IQ Points Dropping Like Flies

I swear, sometimes, I really do believe that I make men stupid.  Let me explain why.

Mr. 7am, my early morning booty call guy, has evolved into more.  His work schedule changed and now he works until 11:00 pm, but to me he will always be Mr. 7am because he does love his morning sex.  He will never be a real boyfriend to me, mainly because we have nothing in common other than sex, but also because I can’t be in a relationship with someone I only see right before bed and right before I have to go to work.  He hasn’t gotten that memo yet, because I haven’t told him, so he seems to think our relationship is going in a different direction.  I know this is wrong, and I do plan on telling him as soon as the time is right.

What had happened was…

Mr. 7am came over one night after work.  Since he no longer had to immediately crawl into bed with me at the crack of dawn, he thought we now could have time to sit and talk before heading to the bedroom.  This was unexpected and somewhat disappointing.  I was enjoying my early morning sex sessions.  We fuck, I get up for work, and he leaves.  Not anymore.

i-love-youSo we’re sitting in the living room talking, drinking, smoking, and I realize that he’s a really nice and funny guy, but he’s just not that sharp.  That’s ok.  I’ve dealt with guys like this before.  As long as it’s just about sex, then it will be fine.

It got late and I knew that I needed to get to bed because I had to work the next day.  He led me into the bedroom and we had sex.  Not as many times as the first time, but three times.  During the second time, he pauses mid-stroke and says, “Damn Ginger, I love you girl.”

Excuse me.  What?

He said it again, “I just love my Ginger.”

No! Not again, and not in bed, and especially not during sex.

So that was a week ago.  He was supposed to come over after work last Tuesday night, but he never showed up.  He never even called or text me to let me know he wasn’t coming.  Late the next morning I finally received a text from him.  He said that he had to work over.  I coldly replied, “Ok. A text letting me know would have been nice.”  He said he was sorry and asked how work was, so I just told him it was busy.

At 6:30 pm I received another text from him asking what I was doing.  I didn’t reply.  Then another text asking, “Omg babe r u mad at me?”  I was, a little, but I told him I was at the bar with DC & Bacchus.  He asked if he could see me that night and I told him I was going to crash early.  After several texts back and forth, him asking to see me, me putting him off, he finally asked if I needed a ride home.  Shit.  He got off work early and was headed to the bar.

So after some awkward conversation with Mr. 7am, DC, and Bacchus, we decided to leave.  I think DC & Bacchus liked Mr. 7am…I know DC thinks he’s cute, but they know he’s not exactly a rocket scientist.  However, he’s nice and sweet…and evidently afraid of losing me and a tad jealous.  So we called it a night and went back to my place.

Friday night I blew him off to go hang out with Bacchus and some other friends.  I felt guilty about it Saturday so I told him he could come over that night after work.  It was nice having a little more time to spend with him.  I didn’t have to get up early for work, so we stayed up for a while talking before heading to bed.

And…he said it again.  In the living room.  Sober.  I’m screwed.

Or so I thought.  After mulling it over today I decided that, why shouldn’t I give him a chance?  He’s not a bad guy.  He’s not married, he has a job, he makes me laugh, he’s nice and considerate, and he is excellent in bed.  So I think I’m going to do it.  Because even if once I get to know him better, I decide that he definitely is not the one for me, at least I’ll know I gave him an honest chance.

My main fear, as brought forth in a nightmare I had last night, is that I become pregnant by some freak cruel miracle from God, and the baby is cute, but stupid.  I swear I woke up in a cold sweat and gasping for breath after that one.

So I think I was wrong.  It’s not the guy’s IQ points that drop.  It’s mine.  😉

Happy humping geniuses!

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Birthday Sex: The Extended Version

bday sexAt 7:00 am I heard my bedroom door open.  Someone crawled into bed beside me.  Someone naked.  I opened my eyes just a sliver and it was my new friend-boy, Mr. 7am.  After I opened my eyes and saw him leaning over me and coming in for a kiss he said, “Good morning baby.  I’m here to give you that birthday kiss I promised you.”

He had to work the late shift the night before and couldn’t make it to my party.  So I told him he could come by after work and I would leave the door unlocked for him.  I wasn’t really expecting him to come by after working all night, but I’m so glad he did.

Az5CUnmorning-sex-alarm-flirting-ecards-someecardsHe kissed me and then kissed my breasts and then kept going until his face was buried between my legs.  Forget alarm clocks.  I’d rather have a tongue between my thighs at 7am.

Mr. 7am is not my usual type.  He’s a little country and from this small town, but he seems very genuine and laid back.  He’s a foot taller than me, in great shape, and has just the right amount of chest hair (and no back hair).  He was a vision to wake up to.

I grabbed his head and pulled him up to mine and kissed him.  He tasted like sweet pussy…he tasted like me.  I grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him closer, letting him slide inside.  For the next hour we fucked, and I sucked, and we fucked some more until we both came simultaneously.

That was the beginning of my birthday sexfest.

Over the next week he came by a few more times, always at 7am.  Each time was better than the last.  I always had to get up for work though, so we didn’t have much time to talk.  That was fine with me.  He’s hot, and willing, and makes me dripping wet.

As the week progressed I went on a couple of other dates, but they were all duds.  I was completely unattracted to them.  One guy couldn’t stop staring at my tits, and the other had no filter so any dirty thought that came to his mind, he just said out loud.  Not the best dates I’ve had, but not the worst either I suppose.

Then on Thursday I got a message from a guy who lives quite far away and we started talking.  This guy managed to get me so worked up so fast that I couldn’t wait to see Mr. 7am again.  Unfortunately for me, Mr. 7am couldn’t make it for a few days for a few reasons.  So I was left to take care of things myself.

Saturday I thought I was going to die of boredom until my friend DC asked me to meet her at the bar.  We had a good time listening to music and talking until closing.  At closing our friend Bacchus showed up.  He invited me to go out bar hopping and we did just that…until 4 in the morning.  I was exhausted Sunday, but pleased that we had such a good time the night before.

mr booty

Well, hello Mr. Booty.

Since Mr. 7am had to work, I didn’t expect to hear from him until at least yesterday, but at 4pm Sunday he sent me a text.  He said he could be here in an hour.  What?  Mr. 7am is going to be here at 5PM?  What has the world come to?  LOL

So I hurried to get ready for his arrival and in between getting ready I was still talking to my out-of-town friend online.  Once again, he was getting me all hot and bothered, so by the time Mr. 7am got here I was ready to strip him down and go for a ride.  He had other plans though.

When he came in with a six-pack of beer and a bottle of Crown I knew I was in trouble.  He handed me a beer and sat down at the table.  I joined him, reluctantly.  As we drank our beers, we talked and he told me some funny stories.  Don’t get me wrong.  He’s a really nice, funny, charming guy, but I had other things on my mind.  I do want to talk to him and get to know him better, but maybe some other time when I’m not about to soak through my panties.

Anyway, as we sat there I kept looking for an opportunity to make a move on him.  I didn’t want to interrupt him as he was telling a story, and I wanted to let him finish his beer, and then his cigarette…but, but, dammit boy!  Fuck me already!  LOL

Finally I saw my opportunity.  He stood up to go to the fridge and as he came back to the table I told him to come over to me, where I was sitting on my bar stool.  I wasted no time in grabbing a hold of his ass with both hands and pulled him in so tight that I could feel his cock pressing against my thigh.  He had on these gym shorts that made it very easy for my hands to slide in and down to his ass.

imagesAfter some really good kissing, and his being shocked by how eager I was, he said, “That’s enough. Let’s go to the bedroom. Now.”  He grabbed my hand and led me straight to the bedroom.  He was undressed before I even sat down on the bed.  I started getting undressed and was laying there on my side in just my underwear.  Since I hadn’t planned on having company I didn’t have time to put on my fancy panties.  You girls know what I mean.  I just had on some cute orange stripped cotton & lace bikinis.  He didn’t seem to mind.  He took one look at me and said, “Damn girl.  Look at that ass.  You’re looking fine.  Mmmmhmmm.”  You have to imagine him saying it in a nice thick Southern drawl.  LOL  Needless to say, my panties didn’t stay on much longer.

I wore him out, and he did the same to me.  By the time he left I was shaking all over from the five orgasms I had and I could barely walk.  Twenty minutes later I was still shakey when he sent me a text that said, “Omg u r hot.”  He texts like a 12-year-old, but he fucks like a pro.  Either way, I was flattered and ready to pass out, which I did.

So that was my week of birthday sex and damn it was good.  Hopefully it will continue and I’ll have at least a whole month of mind-blowing orgasm-inducing sex.  😉  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Happy humping (from the now 40-year-old Preacher’s Daughter)!

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99 problems but a prick ain’t one

So, I had an interesting night.  It started out that I was just supposed to ride to a neighboring city to hear Teacher‘s band play.  I’m friends with a couple in the band and my friend Bacchus was nice enough to offer me a ride.  Everything was fine until I found out that TB was supposed to be going also.  TB, short for Talker Bitch, is batshit crazy and everything that comes out of her non-stop mouth reeks of bullshit.  I noticed all this when I first met her a week ago, but I was drunk and was trying to have an open mind and make some new friends.  Damn.  That was a terrible idea.

So she rides with us to the bar.  We get there and Teacher’s band hadn’t started playing yet, so he was outside smoking with all of us.  While we were there he made a snide remark about E.B. and asked what time he was coming.  I didn’t take to that very kindly and quipped back that I had a very heavy purse in my hand and his head makes for a very large bald target.  TB quickly got all hyped up and kept telling me that I shouldn’t let him talk to me like that.  First of all, it was a joke.  I knew that.  Given the opportunity and the right mood, I would probably have done the same thing.  No worries.  I was fine.

As the night progressed, and TB drank more beer, she became an attention whore to the tenth degree.  That was fine.  I was sitting at my little table drinking my Diet Coke and minding my phone.  Oh yeah, by the way, I was the designated driver, hence the “no alcohol for me” thing.  This was probably only the second time in my life that I have been assigned “Designated Driver” duties and I took it seriously…well, seriously enough.  I had one drink because someone brought it to me, but that was it.

We did listen to the band for a while once they started.  Teacher was awesome as always.  No surprise there.  Then during the break we went back outside to smoke.  Somehow during the conversation, TB came over to me, grabbed my hair, and pulled.  I almost lost it.  I said, “What the fuck! Not cool.”  Of course she and Bacchus tried to play it off.  She especially.  She said, “I didn’t pull it.  I just did like this.”  Then she proceeded to gently run her fingers though my hair.  That just made my temper flare even more.  Hasn’t this damn girl ever heard that you don’t fuck with a redhead?  She needs to be schooled.  I was tempted, but I didn’t school her.  Oh, my God, I wanted to choke the bitch.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.  I overcame.  I was proud of myself.

Then once back inside, there was this whole other drama with this meth head bitch who looked like Twiggy, if Twiggy was raised from the dead a hundred years from now.  But of course, a lot of the guys thought that she was easy prey and tried their best to get in her pants anyway.  Even though she was high as hell and crazy as hell.

Then there was the narcissistic chauvinistic fat-ass lawyer who thought he was hot shit.  He gave me the creeps big time.  I just backed away slowly and went back into the bar like a good little girl.

If all that wasn’t enough to kill my mood, then the next part completed it.

I walked inside to go to the bathroom.  The bar was closing up and Teacher was taking down the equipment.  He came up to me and said, “Would you mind driving me home?  I’d really appreciate it.”  Without thinking I said of course I would.  First, and I told him this, TB was about to give me an aneurism, and second I didn’t want him driving if he was drunk.  I do still care you know.

Well that didn’t go over too well with TB and Bacchus.  I honestly thought Bacchus would be ok to drive, but I guess I was wrong.  They got pissed.  I freaked out, but I didn’t let them know.  I said I’d see if Teacher would want to just ride with us.  So I went inside to tell him what was going on and he told me not to worry, just to take them home because I had already promised them.  FUCK.  Confession: I almost teared up when he told me to go ahead and take them home.  I’m not sure why.

I drove them back here.  I thought they were going to fuck in the backseat while I was driving the 45 minutes back, but that was mainly because that’s what happened the last time I was the “designated driver.”  I don’t think they did, and when we finally made it back I just wanted out.  We were waiting on her mom to meet us and pick her up, which was taking forever.  I was tempted to get out and just walk home from there, but I knew Bacchus wouldn’t let me do that.

Eventually, like this post, it all ended.  I got home, got some sweet tea, pulled out the laptop, and started writing this.  So there ya go.  Like the song says, ” I got 99 problems but a bitch prick ain’t one.”  She was definitely my top problem for the night.  No more TB for me.

Ahhhhhhhh.  Sweet silence.  It’s just you and me, girls & guys, just like it should be.

Happy (quiet) humping!

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P.S.  Yes, I’m actually writing a P.S.  My 40th birthday is next week.  Expect my 400th post on my 40th birthday to be one you’ll never forget.