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Adventures in Wholesale

I’ve started a new section called “Quotes from Fallen Angel” because my sister sent me the following story tonight and I told her she deserved her own section on my blog.  So here it is!  Enjoy!

At work the other night Friend Cashier said that Bitch Cashier said she’s called.  I asked “Called what?!”  (Bitch Cashier really is a bitch by the way.)

“To preach!” replied Friend Cashier.

I snorted and said, “Well, I was called to be a pole dancer, but it didn’t work out.”

Five minutes later the hysterical laughter ended and we went back to work.

That is courtesy of Fallen Angel, my funny as hell sister.

To see more of her quotes, please click on the link on the menu at the top of the page.  Also, I have added a donate button on the right side of the blog.  If you would like to help support the plight of the Preacher’s Daughters please do so.  There is no minimum amount required.

Poor Little Bubba needs some financial security and 25% of all donations will go towards his education.  We want him to be one of the smart successful ones in the family one day.  Another 25% will go to our little brother The Tornado‘s education.  The other half will go towards buying sex toys for me and gas for Fallen Angel’s monster truck.  LOL  Just kidding.  I don’t use sex toys. 😉

You know what sucks about being a whore?

introduced-my-parents-to-craigslist-to-sell-some-items-day-later-my-mother-calls-me-with-this-gold-43407

“You know what sucks about being a whore?” asked Fallen Angel.

“Having to fuck ugly men?” replied me.

“Shaving your legs five times a week and changing the sheets three times a week.  Maybe you get used to sleeping in cum, but I never have,” she explained.

That was courtesy of my sister, Fallen Angel.  Bless her heart.

Happy humping! (Another meeting of the She-Woman Man-Haters Club is adjourned.)

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I’m suddenly feeling religious

Me: we need to go to church
Fallen Angel: yeah
it can’t hurt
Me: 1st Baptist of (town)
Fallen Angel: uh oh
Me: the new minister of music just came in
lol
Fallen Angel: this isn’t sincere is it?
that’s just sick
Me: lol no
i can’t help it
hey, whatever gets people in the door
lol
shit..i should have offered to play bass for them

Fifty Shades of Red

sagittarius,hair,beauty,back,redhead,water-bc51304f5ffc8e5602e82c89e89038a2_hThe following conversation occurred a few days after Christmas.

Mom:  You’re hair looks good.  I like that color.

Me:  Thanks.  It’s my natural color.  Can’t you tell by all the gray in it?

Mom:  You’ve always had white hairs mixed in with the red.

Fallen Angel (my sister):  Yeah, this is the first time I’ve seen either one of you with your natural hair color…ever.

Me:  (Laughing)  That’s not true.

Fallen Angel:  Yes it is.  You should title your book Fifty Shades of Red.   Remember that time when you let your friend color it that purplish-red color.  That looked awful.

Me:  Thanks….I liked it. (Trying to hide my bruised ego.)

Mom & Fallen Angel:  (Laughing)

That conversation got me to wondering again what all the fuss was about.  About that book, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I know its old news to most of you, and it would be to me too if I had ever read the book.  However I don’t read much, other than blogs and articles online.  When I was in high school I read constantly.  I was the girl who always had a book with her, always got to class early, and to avoid unwanted social contact, always just sat and read until class started.  Yes, I was a mega nerd.

Since then I think I’ve read maybe a dozen books over the last twenty years, and none in the last fifteen years.  So my sister, who is an avid reader and loves her Kindle, always picks at me when I say I want to read a book.  She always asks, “You can read?  I didn’t know you could read.”  She’s very funny.  Of course I can read.  My attention span just isn’t long enough for me to read anything longer than a few pages.  I’m not sure why, or when that happened, but that’s just how it is.  Until now.

While my parents were visiting, they took my sister’s room, she took my room, and  I was banished to the loft.  Since I had no tv on the loft, I was left with just my phone to entertain me.  Knowing that my sister probably had hundreds of books on her Kindle account, I decided to download the Kindle app and see what she had.

She had the usual romance novels, vampire books, and westerns/horse books.  The one that caught my eye though was Fifty Shades of Grey.  She even had the second book, Fifty Shades Darker.  Now, she had warned me that the writing was not the greatest and the storyline was a bit weak, but who cares…it’s like porn for housewives, or so I’ve heard.  So I decided I’d download it.  I started reading and got a couple of chapters in before falling asleep.  Needless to say, when I remembered it the next day, I was not very impressed.  I didn’t have much desire to keep reading so I forgot about it.

A couple of days later I was at work and talking to my coworker, Hamster, about something and I mentioned to him that my sister had talked me into reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  He said in his matter of fact tone, “Yeah, my wife read that and when she got done she said, ‘Bedroom. Now!'”  His wife is older than him and Continue reading

Snippets

Manwhore: “I really do love you. You’re like my family.  I can’t say like my sister though, because I wanna fuck you.”

Manwhore: “I don’t know why we’re not together.  We get along great, have fun, can talk about anything…  Well, I know why we’re not together…”

Me:  “And why is that?”

Manwhore:  (After a few seconds of silence & a confused look) “Hmmm.  I don’t know.”

Me:  LOL

Fallen Angel:  “You should have seen all the crazy coupon clippers in Winn-Dixie today buying up all the paper towels.”

Me:  “Is there a flood coming?”

Fallen Angel:  “You really should try this iced coffee.  Little Bubba loves it.  He was walking around saying ‘Can’t find my toffee momma.  Find my toffee.’  He’s running laps around the house now.  I don’t know why.”

Me:  “Gee, I wonder. LOL”

Stay tuned for my next installment in the “[Something] with the Preacher’s Daughters” series.  (Remember “Woodworking with the Preacher’s Daughters” & of course “A night out with the Preacher’s Daughters: Parts 1, 2 & 3“?)  I didn’t forget that I’m supposed to let you know how the trip went with Momma, Fallen Angel & Little Bubba.  It’s gonna be a good one! 😉

Happy humping!