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Setting Precedent: The Follow-up

In my last post I told you about Buck cheating on me and lying to me.  I am far from over this, but for now I did allow him to come back to the apartment.  We had a long talk yesterday.  I reminded him of the rules that are in place so as to make the “open marriage” concept work for us.  Obviously it wasn’t working for him.  He had it so easy.  All he had to do was be honest with me and not lie and hide things from me.  He realizes that now, but it’s too late.  I’m not sure I can recover from this betrayal.

He told me that he can’t stop and won’t stop being with other people.  I knew that already, but I thought with the rules we had agreed upon that it would not be that big of a problem.  So, now I realize that it’s not just that he wants to be with other people, it’s that he wants to be sneaky and for it to be taboo.  He doesn’t enjoy it as much if I know what he’s doing.  I understand that there is an element of excitement to cheating, but the price you pay is never worth it.  Unfortunately for me, I’m probably going to be the one who pays the greatest price with my health.  He doesn’t use protection and doesn’t seem to understand that you can still get an STD from performing oral on someone.  I told him it’s only a matter of time before it all comes to a crashing halt, and I’m not willing to just ignore his idiotic behavior anymore.

He has no respect for me, and he sure as hell doesn’t care about my feelings or needs.  So I’m guessing that this marriage (number three for me) will probably end much sooner than “till death do us part.”  I swear to God and Jesus and Bruno Mars that I will never ever get married again, not even for the health insurance.  I’d rather die of a wonky heart than have to put up with this shit any more.

Dumb ass.  Just like my sister Fallen Angel says, men are all dumb ass motherfuckers who are selfish pricks.  They can’t be trusted with anything, especially their own cocks.

One more thing.  I owe an apology to my friends in Mississippi.  They tried to warn me about Buck.  They didn’t like him and I just thought it was because I was moving away with him.  I was so wrong.  They were right.  Buck is a lazy, selfish, cheating, lying, son-of-a-bitch.  Damn, I have horrible taste in men.  WTF is wrong with me?

 

Life goes on, man.

thedudeSo, I’m still alive.  After my last post I had to wait a few more weeks before I could see the cardiologist.  The only problem was that I still didn’t have health insurance and I knew the follow-up visit with the cardiologist and any further testing was just going to put me further in debt.  I had checked into “Obama care” but it was outside of the enrollment period so I was running out of options.  However, if you have a “qualifying life event”, such as a marriage, you can enroll outside of the enrollment period.  So that’s exactly what I did.  I asked Buck if he would go ahead and marry me so that I could get the health insurance.  Very romantic isn’t it?

When I called the Preacher to tell him, I hesitated because this is marriage number three for me and I was afraid he would think I was making anther mistake.  However, when I was telling him about the insurance and how I had to have a “qualifying life event” such as a marriage, he immediately asked, “So when’s the wedding?”  Oh, Daddy.  You’re such a softy.  He knows me so well, and at this point in our lives he doesn’t even bother to question my motives or actions.  I do love that Preacher Daddy of mine.

weddingpicAnyway, because Buck didn’t want me to die and because we were eventually going to get married anyway (I assumed), he agreed and on June 11, 2016, I became a married woman, again.  We planned on going to the courthouse and having a quickie wedding, but his mother wouldn’t allow it.  We ended up having a nice little, and I do mean little, wedding on the back deck of her house.  There were a dozen people there and that included the bride and groom.  My family couldn’t make it due to the short notice, so it was mostly Buck’s family.  My boss lady did come to support me though.  She’s a sweetie.  She even made me a gorgeous bouquet to match my dress.  Speaking of my dress, it wasn’t an actual wedding dress.  It was a white 50’s style dress with a pretty print of cherries and little yellow flowers that I found on Amazon.com for a whopping $25.   I wore red shoes to give it that extra little pop. 🙂

this-is-your-ordinationSo after the wedding there was no honeymoon, just a super short reception and then back home to hang out with our Dude and our Red-Headed Step-Child.  Our Dude is literally our “dude” (you know, the guy you buy your herbs from).  He also is an ordained priest in the Church of the Latter-Day Dude.  (I HIGHLY recommend having your Dude perform your wedding ceremony.)  Our Red-Headed Step-Child is our friend who is a manager of a clothing store by day, and a Drag Queen by night.  She’s Buck’s friend who originally thought I was a crazy stalker luring him to Mississippi to show him my nonexistent shrine to him and then steal his kidney.  Needless to say, they are two of my favorite people.

Now that we’re married it’s time to get back to me…my heart I mean.  I went to the doctor and she told me that I needed to have a heart cath in order for them to find out for certain whether I had any blockages in my heart.  I had that done last Thursday.  They put a tiny tube in a vein in my right wrist and then up to my heart.  I was somewhat medicated so I don’t remember it all, but I assume they shot some dye in, looked around, and saw that there were no blockages.  However, while they were poking around, my heart decided to do it’s crazy arrhythmia thing and they had to give me a shot of something to get it back to normal, temporarily.

So now my wrist is all bruised up and it’s sore, but I’ll live, I hope.  I have a follow-up visit with the doctor on Friday to find out what they are going to do about my wonky heartbeat.  It’s not supposed to be life threatening really, but it’s bad enough to cause me to have lots of chest pain and make me weak and tired all the time.  I’m hoping they are just going to go back in and stick a pacemaker in me and get it over with.

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I may work in a Beauty School, but I am no Beauty School Drop Out. Also, I think this should be my Halloween Costume this year. 🙂

Until then I’m keeping my nitroglycerin pills handy and trying to keep my stress levels low.  That is easier said than done of course.  My job is insane and my co-workers are equally insane and the students like to test my patience and sanity.  I will get through this though, just like everything else.  Even though I may hit bottom, many times, I always make my way back up to the surface long enough to catch my breath.

Until next time…

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Smile for life

SmileLife is too short not to smile.  That’s what I’ve learned in my forty years.  Even when you don’t necessarily feel like smiling, do it anyway.  Even though tears may be welling up, about to fall, just smile and think about all the good things in your life.  I promise you, that things are probably never as bad as you think, and you CAN make it though this…whatever your “this” may be.

People who meet me usually think that I’m always cheerful and happy.  Of course I’m not though.  Not always.  But what they don’t know is that even when I’m smiling, I could be depressed, or lonely, or stressed beyond belief.  It never lasts though.  Smiling is my coping mechanism.  It helps me remember that things aren’t really as bad as my mind wants me to think they are.

When the snow is falling, and I just can’t sleep because of crazy hormonal imbalances, and I just don’t feel like smiling, I find some reason to smile anyway.  Usually, the catalyst is music, as you may have guessed.  When I have insomnia and am exhausted and have no desire to write anything, I go to YouTube and start wandering around, going down the rabbit hole.  Sometimes I get sucked into the usual stupid videos, but now and then I find something inspiring.

Tonight I saw a post on Facebook that was a link to an artist named Alex Boyé doing a cover of Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk.”   Now you all know I love me some Bruno, so I had to watch.  Alex Boyé’s versions of popular songs sucked me in, made me smile, and gave me the inspiration and motivation that I needed.  Reading about his past and path to where he is now also inspired me.  Actually what really got me, and yes, made me tear up a bit, was the video of him becoming an American citizen.  I guess I’m just a mushy sentimental romantic nerd.

Speaking of being a mushy sentimental romantic nerd…things are going great with Buck.  I guess that’s what originally got me thinking about smiling.  Not only does he make me smile constantly, I just love seeing him smile.  I especially like making him smile.  Have I mentioned his dimples?  Well, they’re awesome. 🙂

Even if I weren’t with Buck, I know I’d still have a reason to smile everyday because I have family and friends who love me.  I’m grateful that I am with him though, because it gives me that extra reason to smile.  Even when I don’t really feel good, or am stressed out, or just am in a blah mood.  He’s there to remind me that it’s never too late to find the person (again) who can light up your life and your mind and your heart.

I’m truly blessed, and have been all my life.  I’ve known, and dated, some really amazing people.  Broken hearts and bruised egos aside, I still care about many of them, and wish them nothing but the best.  It’s been a long crazy journey, with a ten-year intermission, but I’m finally where I belong and with the right person.

So there it is.  Hot damn.

Peace, love, & happiness.

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Dear Mom, please stop praying for me.

rezar-pray-spanish-englishWhile I was at work this morning my mom called.  Normally she doesn’t call much at all, and especially during the middle of the day.  The last time she called me at work it was to tell me that my grandfather had died.

I answered and she said hello and then asked if my uncle had called me to get my address.  He hadn’t, but my sister did text me last night asking for it.  She didn’t know why my uncle wanted my address, so I’m hoping he’s sending me a very large belated birthday gift, or something like that.

She asked how I had been and I told her I had been sick, but I was back at work today.  Then she wanted to know what was wrong and I told her it was just a stomach bug.  In a very accusing tone that always makes me nervous, “Are you sure that’s all it was?”  “Yes, ma, that’s all it was,” I said like a fourteen year old who had just come home past curfew.

vibratorShe then proceeds to tell me, “You know we’ve been praying for you, right?  Or we were, when we thought you might be getting married.”  Wow, mom.  Thanks for that.  My response?  “Well, you need to stop.”

So when my mom thought that Teacher and I might be getting married, she started praying for me to get pregnant.  She knows we broke up, or rather, he dumped me over four months ago.  So why would she still be praying for me to get pregnant?  Does she think that’s the only way I can get a man to stay with me?  By trapping him?  I’m afraid to even ask her.

Either way it freaked me out, because that’s just what my mom does.  My eye immediately started twitching after I hung up the phone.  I was supposed to call her back tonight, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I don’t need a man, and I don’t need a baby, especially a cute dumb baby with Mr. 7am.  What I need is a raise, a car, and a really good sex toy (see photo and link on right).

When I told my friend Sheldon about this, he agreed that Mr. 7am would probably love it if I got pregnant.  I, on the other hand, would have a panic attack.  So here’s hoping that mom has stopped praying for me, finally.

Happy humping!

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Waking the Sleeping Giant

So I had an interesting weekend.  Saturday night I went to the local watering hole to hear some music and hang out with DC.  I had a great time hanging out and talking to her.  I almost didn’t go though.

I was supposed to go out with Woody on Friday night, but his motor home broke down on the way back from the coast.  So I didn’t hear back from him until about 4:30 am Saturday morning.  He then had to go to work, so our plans were pretty much shot yet again.

After a call from DC on Saturday afternoon, I decided to go out instead of wasting the weekend sitting at home.  So I got to the bar, had a seat, and ordered a beer.  While I waited for DC to arrive I glanced around the bar.  There was a big table of people at the other end of the bar.  I noticed one guy standing by the table and I sort of thought I caught him looking at me, but I wasn’t sure.  I was trying not to stare, but at the same time I was trying to figure out why he looked familiar.  I didn’t know if maybe I had seen him on Plenty of Fish, or if I had just seen him there at the bar before.

A little while later, DC arrived and we ended up going outside on the patio to smoke and talk.  We went through some of the profiles of guys who had messaged me on POF, and DC either gave them a thumbs up or a thumbs down.  As the night went on, and as they closed up, a couple of friends, the owner, and some of the staff joined us on the patio.  What I didn’t really notice at the time was that the guy from earlier was there sitting across from me.  Finally it was time to call it a night and DC gave me a ride home.

The next morning I woke up to my phone buzzing and vibrating.  As I usually do first thing when I wake up, I grabbed my phone and checked the number of emails, texts, Facebook alerts, etc. that were waiting for me.  Of course I also checked my POF app icon & it showed that I had a message waiting.  So I checked it first, thinking it would probably be more entertaining than anything else.

The message said, “I hope if I speak u won’t parade my pics around like the other guys u did tonight.  Is my age a problem?  My name is Airman I was at the bar tonight and would have spoken but u were with a friend.”  He had messaged me at 12:47 am.

HK boyshortsAfter a short WTF moment, I messaged him back.  Then he wrote, “Btw not to sound terrible but I noticed your Hello Kitty panties last night when you got up one time and I must say it’s kind of a turn on cause it’s something different.”  I couldn’t help but to laugh.  I did have on my black boy short undies with the hot pink “Hello Kitty” band at the top.  I didn’t know that they were peeking out the top of my jeans when I got up though.  Then he told me that the reason he noticed my undies was because he checked out my ass numerous times that night, and there’s something about a grown woman in cartoon panties that is a turn on.

Well, who am I to argue with that?  If this 26-year-old guy wants to come over and hang out in hopes of getting another peek at my Hello Kitty undies, then bring it on!

About 7 o’clock Sunday night, Airman showed up to my apartment.  He was cuter than I remembered, and beefy, very beefy.  Here I was in my living room with a guy almost fifteen years younger than me and all I could think was, this is going to be awkward.  See, I’ve been with younger guys before, as you all know, and I suppose I have high expectations from them.  I was spoiled by Endymion and Thord.  They were both extremely cool in and out of the bedroom.  How could this hunk of man candy possibly live up to my high expectations?

Well, it turned out that he’s a very nice guy, was in the Air Force, did a tour in Iraq, very laid back, and dammit if he didn’t have a very talented tongue too.  The guy could kiss, really kiss.  It wasn’t too sloppy or too aggressive.  It was great.  I had absolutely no complaints until he fell asleep, and he slept, and slept, and, oh my God.  Was he ever going to wake up and leave?  I watched tv and rubbed/scratched his back while he slept.  (He has a very nice firm back and butt.)

Eventually I grabbed my phone and sent my sister a text.

text 1As you can see, she was not much help.

Thirty-five minutes after that last text, he woke up and I told him that I needed to go to bed.  He gave me a kiss goodbye and went home, and I went to bed and passed out.

Today I got a text from Airman.  He said, “U want to hit replay tonight?”  As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I had laundry to do and I was just exhausted from a long day at work.  I had to tell him that tomorrow night would be better.  He tried hard to get me to change my mind, but I wouldn’t give in.  Then he sent me another text, but I can’t even post that on this blog.  It was flattering and graphic all at the same time.  I’ll just say it wasn’t the first time I’ve been exuberantly complimented on a certain part of my body.  It made me feel both shocked and all tingly inside at the same time.

So he’s coming back over tomorrow night.  It should be fun! 😉

Happy hump, hump, humping!

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