35 Reasons you might be rejected by the Preacher’s Daughters

These are all based on real men whom Fallen Angel and I have either:  gone out on at least one date with, talked to, or have been contacted by on dating websites.  A couple of these I actually married, but later divorced.  This is only the tip of the iceberg though.  My sister and I were able to rattle off this list in about fifteen minutes.  As we listed them I typed it into my phone.  I plan on adding more to it as time goes on, and as the memories return to us.

  1. Pretty but dumb as a box of rocks
  2. No ambition
  3. Poor
  4. Player
  5. Acts like a twelve-year-old
  6. Ball-less
  7. Doesn’t own a car and lives outside of a major city
  8. Sends four texts for every one you send
  9. Admits on his profile to being molested, and outs his sister as also being molested as a child
  10. Secretly gay
  11. Raised by the mafia
  12. Con artist
  13. You ask for a hammer and he hangs up on you
  14. Not mechanically inclined
  15. Atheist
  16. Too religious
  17. Just got out of prison
  18. Crazy baby mama
  19. Crazy ex-wife/girlfriend
  20. Has too many kids by too many women
  21. Has too many kids
  22. Gets high too much
  23. Too much facial hair
  24. Needs more facial hair
  25. Doesn’t shower on a daily basis
  26. Spends four nights a week playing pool at bars, yet doesn’t drink or gamble
  27. Lives with parents/family
  28. Talks too much
  29. Excessive drinking
  30. Superhero syndrome
  31. Posts on profile that he’s “in a relationship”
  32. Has his girlfriend/wife message you on the dating site requesting “group fun”
  33. Extreme mood swings
  34. Unacceptable in bed (dick too big, too small, too kinky, not kinky enough, selfish, or just sucks in bed)
  35. Pedophile

Created using Out of Milk,

If you would like to know more about any particular one, or if you agree with Fallen Angel that we should add the full stories and turn it into a book, please leave us a comment below. 🙂  I’m trying to lure her into the world of blogging, so any help would be much appreciated.

Happy humping!

Of Muses and Men

Jerry Reed is my muse.  Yeah, I know he’s dead.  That doesn’t mean he can’t still be my muse, well, one of them at least.  If you don’t know who Jerry Reed was then shame on you.  Go Google him.  He’s awesome.  He had this song called “The Bird” and I love it.  If you’ve seen Smokey & the Bandit, then you’ve seen and heard Jerry Reed.  He was a great storyteller, comedian, singer, actor and musician.  For some reason I always thought of him as the perfect man.  Not only was he handsome, funny and talented, he also had a charisma and charm that you don’t find very often.  I’ve met maybe two or three men in my life who had that same type of charisma and charm.

The first is the Preacher.  I don’t quite understand it because he usually comes across as the strong silent type, but he’s also very charismatic.  Over the years he’s charmed his way into everything from my mother’s good graces to the attorney general’s office.  Not that he hasn’t had his share of enemies, but even his enemies won’t deny that he’s a talented charming man.  In a way I think that it’s the main requirement for being in the ministry, other than being a Christian of course.  Then again, there are plenty of ministers who aren’t actually Christians.  They are just in it for the money, the prestige, or the power.  It’s sad, but true.

The Preacher has always been a hard working business man who knew how to “win friends and influence people” and no, he never read the book by Dale Carnegie or took the course.  I did though.  It didn’t really help me very much.  I’m still working on it.  Now back to dad.  He just has that special something that people are drawn to.  I wish I had it, and in a way maybe I do and just don’t realize it.  I think I just lack the confidence to back it up.

The next was a former boss of mine.  I think I’ve mentioned him here before.  I worked for him for almost two years and those were two of the best years I’ve ever had financially, professionally, and socially.  The Doc is an incredibly intelligent man who had a couple of degrees, a doctorate, and was also a CPA.  That alone is impressive, but he is also one of the funniest, most charming men I’ve ever met.  He could probably charm the panties off any woman, without even trying. The amazing thing was that he did it all without coming across as cocky or arrogant, which he perfectly had the right to be. He and I used to sit in his office and listen to music on his computer as we would go over the accounts. We talked about everything, not just the accounts.

I remember one day we were sitting there going over things and a song came on and he asked me if I knew who the band was. I asked “which band?” He said, “You know…The Band.” Ohhhh. LOL I felt a little ditzy at that moment, but the way he said things made me feel so comfortable. I knew he was only teasing me. He was also a huge flirt, but not in a “sexual harassment” kind of way. He was attracted to intelligence and a good sense of humor, of which I have both, so we got along great. 😉 It’s been almost six years since I moved and left that job. I really miss the Doc. He was the best boss/friend I’ve ever had. As a side note, he also warned me that I was making a mistake by marrying my second husband. He knew immediately upon meeting the Ox that we were severely mismatched. He was right.

The last man I met who had that special something, that charisma and charm that is so indescribable, is Art. I know, I know. I’m not supposed to talk about him, so I’ll only say this one thing. Just because things didn’t work out between me and him doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate what a special guy he is. His charm, intelligence, creativity and charisma are what attracted me to him to begin with. OK so that was two things. I’m done now.

I guess my point here is that when fate brings these special people across our paths, we should take it for what it is worth and just feel blessed that we had the chance to know them. I’m not an elitist or anything, but I do know how to appreciate intelligence, good humor, charm, charisma, creativity and talent. We all have our good parts and bad parts. It’s up to us to strive to make the good parts shine brighter so that the bad parts are diminished.

Again, I apologize for the lack of backlinks, but I’m typing this up on my computer and then posting from my phone.

Happy humping!

Love & Sex Q&A #11

Love & Sex11

Have you ever felt that your involvement with your partner was more hard work than fun?  If so, do you feel this is to be expected or is a sign that something basic is wrong?

This is an appropriate question for me now.  Since I’ve been obsessing over Art so much lately, and it unfortunately reminds me of how I was with Manwhore in the beginning, this is something I really needed to explore.  I also haven’t answered any of these questions in a while and didn’t want you to think I had abandoned my little pink book. 🙂

I do sometimes feel that the relationships that I’m in or have been in are entirely too much work and not worth the effort.  I always wonder whether it’s a sign that the feelings I have for a person are not shared.  I wrote once about being the moth or the flame.  I still believe that that’s a great way of looking at it because if only one person in a relationship is the moth, then it’s probably not going to work out.  Unless both people are both the moth and the flame, meaning both are attracted to one another and both are drawing the other in, it’s just not going to last.

In all honesty though, that’s very difficult to find, or at least for me it has been.  Either men are really attracted to me, but I’m not that attracted to them, or vice versa.  It’s enough to drive a girl crazy sometimes.

My relationship with Art is still new and in the infant stage.  I am definitely the moth.  I know that much for sure.  It’s not that I am not physically attracted to a lot of men, because I am.  However, I am rarely attracted to a man to this degree not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and creatively.

When I was with LL Cool Bean, I liked him because he was so nice and down to earth, but I just couldn’t reach that level of physical attraction that I need.  I also had a problem dealing with his immaturity, and because of that I had a hard time opening up to him emotionally.  I had the same problem with my ex-husband, the Ox.  He was intelligent and a good person, but it was like we were on different levels mentally.  The same can also be said for Bobblehead Nerd and Skaterboi.

On the other hand I have been with some guys who I found very attractive, but were either assholes, drunks or idiots such as BSL, EB, and Yankee Cowboy to list just a few.  In fact, after I broke with Yankee Cowboy and moved back down South I swore that I would never go out with a “pretty boy” again.  They were just too much trouble and upkeep.  I decided that average looking guys were what I needed.  I was wrong.

I know I tend to be shallow when it comes to what I find physically attractive, but I also try to look past the physical and see a person for who they are.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always enough.  It needs to be a package deal.  Art is the package deal.  I know that’s a bold statement to make so soon, but it’s obvious not only to me but to everyone around me.  Now if I can just figure out if I’m not just his moth, but also his flame.

I did decide to go with him to visit his kids this weekend.  If I can’t figure all this out by the end of our weekend together, then I really do have some serious issues going on.  LOL  Wish me luck!

Happy humping!

The Preacher’s Daughters “Cowgirl Up”

Once again I have had an exciting night out with my lovely sister, Fallen Angel.  I drove up to her place Saturday afternoon because she had begged me and guilted me into going with her to the rodeo dance.  Yes, you read that right.  We went to a rodeo dance.  Not my usual type of thing, but definitely hers.  She’s a little bit country, well, a lot country, and I’m a little bit rock and roll.  Even though I love my old country music, I’ve never really been into the cowgirl thing like she is.  That being said, she is a master at talking me into doing things like this with her.  Plus, if there is alcohol and the prospect of hundreds of hot men in tight blue jeans involved, I’ll usually say yes.

So when I got to her place she said that she was going to go feed the horses and then come back in to get ready.  We planned on leaving in time to go eat dinner before the dance.  While she was feeding I took  a shower and got all cowgirled up to the best of my ability.  That really only involves putting on a lot of eye makeup, jeans, and my black cowboy boots that I only wear about once a year.

We ended up leaving about 5:30 pm.  The rodeo dance didn’t start until 10pm so we had lots of time to kill.  We picked out a restaurant/bar for dinner and headed that way.  It took us 45 minutes to get there and once there the place was packed and there was absolutely no parking anywhere.  Considering her truck is huge, that made finding parking even more difficult.  We gave up on our first choice and I pulled up another restaurant/bar on my Garmin.  We headed that way, but once we got close we decided it wasn’t looking like a very good neighborhood.  Sure enough, once we found the place it was very scary looking and we passed it by.  I went to my Garmin again to try to find another place to go eat.

Fallen Angel was starving and didn’t hesitate to remind me of that every five minutes.  I eventually found a Mexican restaurant close by and that’s where we ended up.  It was fairly crowded so we decided to sit at the bar and just eat there.  We both ordered margaritas from the extremely cute Irish bartender.  I thought I was going to have to hold my sister back from jumping over the bar and dry humping him.  I also thought I was going to turn to mush every time he came over and said “Ah, that’s great. Let me know if you need anything else. Cheers.”

From the Mexican restaurant we headed over to a local Irish pub to kill some more time and have another drink.  I suppose the Irish bartender had gotten us in the mood for more of a taste of Ireland.  😉  We had another drink at the pub and then my sister decided that since we still had an hour and a half before the dance, she wanted to go get her ear pierced again.  She used to have a hoop through the top of her ear, but it had closed up.  I Googled local tattoo and piercing shops and found the closest one which was a few miles away.  It had great reviews, but other than that we had no idea what the place was like.

We hit the road and got close to where the tattoo shop was supposed to be, and then my sister said that it looked closed.  The listing online said that they were open until ten.  I told her to check it out anyway.  That was my first mistake.

We drove all the way around this huge deserted building just to get to the side where the entrance was located.  It was open so we got out and headed for the door.  When we walked in we had to walk through an empty room into another room with a pool table and there were a couple of guys sitting there watching television.  As we walked through we passed a small room where a man was getting tattooed.  The tattoo artist asked what we needed and Fallen Angel told him what she wanted.  He told her he would be with her in just a minute.

We sat down and she kept looking at her phone and occasionally looking over at me and giving me dirty looks.  I tried to act cool like nothing was wrong, but to be honest, we were the only white people in the tattoo shop.  So here were two white girls in the middle of nowhere on the wrong side of town.  It really didn’t bother me too much, even though I did notice the strange looks that everyone was giving us.  LOL  Like I said in a earlier post, I am far from being a racist.  I thought everything would be fine, we would get her piercing, and then leave.

While we were sitting there one of the guys got up and went into the tattoo room.  We heard the tattoo artist tell the guy “Calm down!  Calm your ass down!”  This made my sister very nervous.  Actually I think she was about ready to piss her pants, thinking someone was about to get shot.  I’m not always the most observant person, so it didn’t really phase me.  She was scared though and quietly asked me if I wanted to try another tattoo shop because someone was about to get shot.  I said that was fine and calmly got up and walked toward the door.

Once we got outside I jokingly said, “Do you think we should run to the truck now?”  She was already half way to the truck.  She wasn’t wasting any time.  We made it out alive and headed on to the dance because by that time we only had an hour before it was supposed to start.  We were still only about 3 or 4 miles away though.  It’s not like it was going to take us the entire hour to get there.  Famous last words.

Less than a mile down the road we were stopped at a road block.  My sister had forgotten to get a new inspection sticker for her truck so of course that was the first thing the officer noticed and he told us to pull over to the side.  Fifteen minutes later he finally came over to the truck to give us our ticket, but not before running her plates and license to make sure we weren’t wanted for anything.  Fortunately they didn’t run my license.  LOL

Thirty minutes later we were on the road again and decided to head straight to the rodeo dance this time.  We got there, got our wristbands, paid our ten bucks a piece and walked in.  I swear I’ve never seen so many men wearing cowboy hats and boots in one place before.  We immediately headed to the table to get our drink tokens.  Six beers, four cocktails, and two shots later we were still sober, and bored to tears.  The band sucked, the men were not very social, and the women looked like redneck Barbie dolls.  So we decided to go to a local roadhouse instead.  Going from bad to worse was not the best plan either.  At least the band at the roadhouse was better and had a very cool looking bass player.

My sister did finally get a little tipsy and started dancing with random cowboys, all the while, asking what was wrong with me because I refused to dance.  I’m not sure if it was my inability to get a buzz or because I couldn’t get my mind off my new boyfriend back home, but I just couldn’t get in the mood to mingle with the local bikers and rednecks.  Not to mention that bar is the same one where I met the man who I cheated with on my second husband.  I don’t have the fondest of memories of that place.

We managed to survive the night without getting shot or arrested so I’d call that a success.

Happy humping!

Love & Sex Q&A #7

Love & Sex7

Is it important to you to have a particular kind of wedding?  If so, under what circumstances would you be willing to forgo that type of ceremony, or even elope?

This one is easy.  As long as a groom and a ring involved and it’s legal then I’m happy.  Not that I’m looking to ever get married again, but if I do find Mr. Rightdick that’s what I need at my wedding.

My first wedding was me, the groom, his psycho mother, and a justice of the peace at the courthouse in downtown Brooklyn.  I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  He was wearing jeans and probably some ugly shirt.  There are no pictures for evidence or to back up my story.  I do have  the marriage certificate though.

My second and last wedding was an actual wedding.  I planned most of it and it was almost exactly what I wanted.  I did have to work within a tiny budget, but it turned out nice anyway.  It was sort of an Irish/celtic themed wedding.  Feel free to laugh.  Thankfully I didn’t go the completely cheesy route.  My wedding dress was white with dark green accents.  The bridesmaids dresses were dark green too.  Overall it was a beautiful wedding.  My mom’s friend took care of the flowers and did a great job with the Preacher’s small country church.  She put in lots of greenery and it had a forest-like feel to it.

Yes, the Preacher officiated the ceremony.  Who else could I get to do it for free?  LOL  He walked me down the aisle, gave me away, and then took over to do the rest of the ceremony.  My grandfather started it off, but then turned it over to the Preacher once we got up to the altar.  The only thing that I really remember about the ceremony was that my soon-to-be husband and my daddy were both just about in tears the entire time.  Meanwhile, I stood there like it was no big deal.  I was happy, but I didn’t want to turn into a crybaby and mess up my makeup. 🙂

I’ve already had my big wedding.  I don’t think I’d want to go through all that stress again.  I’ve never been fond of the idea of eloping, but if I found the right man and the time was right, then I may be tempted to do it.

Now if I could just keep a man as long as I keep the rings, I’d be doing good.  Currently I have a collection of four engagement rings.  If I had a ring for every proposal then my collection would be much larger.

Happy humping & remember to get a prenup!