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Something’s got a hold on me

Soul_Rebels__36I had my date with Teacher last Friday night.  We went to dinner and then to a local club to hear a brass band from New Orleans.  Before they came on though, we had to endure a trio of trucker types playing original songs about bailing the wife out of jail and other stuff that I couldn’t even make out.  The brass band was awesome though.  However, we didn’t stay very long because I had to work Saturday, and I also couldn’t keep myself from being naughty and flirtatious and just wanting to hurry back to the hotel room.

In other news, I really need to change my phone number again.  My phone was vibrating non-stop that night.  I don’t usually want to just completely cut off contact with everyone, but for some reason I’m finding it all too distracting and annoying.  Right now, the only thing I want to concentrate on is being with Teacher.  That means that I don’t need Manwhore, EB, Endymion, and the Ox texting me all night while I’m trying to spend quality time with a really great guy.

I know what my problem is…I’m too nice.  Not all the time, but a lot of the time.  Of course I have my evil bitch moments, but overall I’m very nice.  That can cause problems when it comes to relationships that have ended, since some guys think they can just keep popping up whenever they feel like it.  That’s really getting old, and I’m getting tired of constantly deleting texts from guys I don’t want to talk to anymore.  I’m thinking a fresh start may be in order.  Kill the weeds so the new flowers can grow.

I know I tend to jump into things too quick when it comes to relationships, but I’d like to think I’ve grown and learned a lot over the last few years.  I’d also like to think that my taste in men has improved.  Luck or fate may have more to do with it though, and I think fate has finally smiled on me.  Of course it’s good to be cautious when first seeing someone, but being overly cautious can be bad.  I don’t want to live my life afraid of taking chances or giving things/people a chance.

My sister loves to remind me of the things I’ve said in the past about men I’ve dated.  I was talking to her last week and said something about how great Teacher is and how gentlemanly he is.  She was quick to remind me that when I started dating Skaterboi I said that he treated me like a princess.  We all know how that turned out.  He was hardly a prince and treated me nowhere near like a princess toward the end of the relationship.  But that’s just one relationship and one asshole.  Not all men are like that.

If I’m being completely honest, even the ones that turned out to be assholes were always assholes.  I just didn’t want to admit it in the beginning.  I knew those relationships probably weren’t going to work out, but I had ulterior motives.  Usually involving getting away from my family, great sex, or wanting to feel normal.  Well, fuck normal.  I just want to be with the right person for me.  And by that I mean someone who I have a lot in common with, can be myself with, not have to hide anything from, and just be happy in life’s little moments.  Who knows…maybe Teacher is that man.

I don’t want to be presumptuous, but he does do things to me that most men don’t.  No, I’m not talking just about sex.  Although the sex is awesome.  I’m talking about how he makes me feel and how I feel about him.  Like I said earlier, I don’t even want to hear from or talk to anyone else.  They are just too much of a distraction, when all I really want to do is focus on Teacher.  My interest in other men has disappeared, and that’s odd for me.  I only get that way when I really like someone.

If I look back to the times when I was a “cheater” I can see that it was usually because of one reason.  I wasn’t that into the guy I was with and allowed my sex drive to take over instead of my morals.  I allowed myself to become what I hate most.  I also knew that the ending of the relationship was inevitable and figured I could just hurry it along by cheating.  Of course that’s not the best way of going about it, but it worked.

I don’t seem to have to worry about any of that with Teacher though.  I can’t get rid of the pop-ups and lurkers fast enough.  Speaking of fast enough…I’m trying to contain myself and not move too fast even though everything in me is telling me to just let go and let it fly.  There’s a constant battle raging inside me, going back and forth between wanting to be the free spirit wanting to love and be loved, and the morally uptight prude who thinks I should hold back emotionally so that I won’t get hurt.  The latter is exhausting though.  It’s so much easier and less stressful to just let go and be with someone, not constantly thinking ahead and worrying about what might happen.  Sure, I could get hurt, again, but so what?  It happens.  Then I dust myself off and move on.

Oh, and one last thing.  Teacher knows about my blog, and he’s been reading it.  So far I think he’s up to August 2011.  The way I see it, if he makes it to the end and is still seeing me, then he’s a keeper for sure. 😉  Not all men can handle me and my crazy past and not be judgmental about it.  He seems to be the type that can though.

As always…

Happy humping!

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Midnight Confessions and Self-Therapy

Happy Halloween! (Not my new car by the way.)

First of all, for those of you who read my earlier post, I now have a car.  So I can at least check one thing off my list.  Yay!  It came as a complete surprise Sunday morning.  My sister told me that her friend Horse Whisperer had a car that she was willing to sell me.  Praise Jesus, because I was about to go mad not having a mode of transportation.  I love my sister, but living with her, working in the same building with her, and having to ride to and from work and everywhere else with her was putting a huge strain on our relationship.  Now we’re both free to come and go as we please.

Now for the important stuff.  I have not been completely honest with you lately, and for that I do apologize.  I’ve avoided writing very much because without telling you the truth, there wasn’t much to tell.  Sometimes it’s just harder for me to admit who I really am and what I’ve really done.  I feel the need to keep up appearances, even to strangers who only know me as an anonymous blogger somewhere in the woods of Mississippi.  Admitting to certain aspects of my life, well, it just makes me feel like a bad person.  All that extreme religious crap that was engrained into me as a kid left a deep mark.  It’s one of those scars that will never completely heal.  The truth really does set me free, even if that means being brutally honest with myself.  I’m ready to be free.

I have a problem.  I ask for advice.  I listen to it and appreciate it.  Then I go in the completely opposite direction.  Is it that I’m just strong-willed and independent, or am I just stupid and can’t follow good advice?  Maybe all the above.  Anyway, when I wrote my post “Uncommon Whore” a couple of weeks ago, I told you about Harry.  Harry had issues, lots of red flags, and had stalker written all over him.  So what did I do with Harry?  I kept seeing him.  One of my other issues, is that I find it very difficult to say no to people.  Technically, I think that’s just an off-shoot of my subconscious need to seem to be perfect and keep up appearances, but whatever…Daddy issues, blah, blah, need therapy, blah.

Even though I really did halfheartedly try to run Harry off, I just didn’t try hard enough.  He kept texting, calling, asking me to dinner, and I caved.  I’m always afraid that if I make a snap judgement about someone then I might miss out on someone who may actually be the one.  So I try not to be too quick to judge people, and instead to give Continue reading

35 Reasons you might be rejected by the Preacher’s Daughters

These are all based on real men whom Fallen Angel and I have either:  gone out on at least one date with, talked to, or have been contacted by on dating websites.  A couple of these I actually married, but later divorced.  This is only the tip of the iceberg though.  My sister and I were able to rattle off this list in about fifteen minutes.  As we listed them I typed it into my phone.  I plan on adding more to it as time goes on, and as the memories return to us.

  1. Pretty but dumb as a box of rocks
  2. No ambition
  3. Poor
  4. Player
  5. Acts like a twelve-year-old
  6. Ball-less
  7. Doesn’t own a car and lives outside of a major city
  8. Sends four texts for every one you send
  9. Admits on his profile to being molested, and outs his sister as also being molested as a child
  10. Secretly gay
  11. Raised by the mafia
  12. Con artist
  13. You ask for a hammer and he hangs up on you
  14. Not mechanically inclined
  15. Atheist
  16. Too religious
  17. Just got out of prison
  18. Crazy baby mama
  19. Crazy ex-wife/girlfriend
  20. Has too many kids by too many women
  21. Has too many kids
  22. Gets high too much
  23. Too much facial hair
  24. Needs more facial hair
  25. Doesn’t shower on a daily basis
  26. Spends four nights a week playing pool at bars, yet doesn’t drink or gamble
  27. Lives with parents/family
  28. Talks too much
  29. Excessive drinking
  30. Superhero syndrome
  31. Posts on profile that he’s “in a relationship”
  32. Has his girlfriend/wife message you on the dating site requesting “group fun”
  33. Extreme mood swings
  34. Unacceptable in bed (dick too big, too small, too kinky, not kinky enough, selfish, or just sucks in bed)
  35. Pedophile

Created using Out of Milk, http://outofmilk.com/android

If you would like to know more about any particular one, or if you agree with Fallen Angel that we should add the full stories and turn it into a book, please leave us a comment below. 🙂  I’m trying to lure her into the world of blogging, so any help would be much appreciated.

Happy humping!

Love & Sex Q&A #11

Love & Sex11

Have you ever felt that your involvement with your partner was more hard work than fun?  If so, do you feel this is to be expected or is a sign that something basic is wrong?

This is an appropriate question for me now.  Since I’ve been obsessing over Art so much lately, and it unfortunately reminds me of how I was with Manwhore in the beginning, this is something I really needed to explore.  I also haven’t answered any of these questions in a while and didn’t want you to think I had abandoned my little pink book. 🙂

I do sometimes feel that the relationships that I’m in or have been in are entirely too much work and not worth the effort.  I always wonder whether it’s a sign that the feelings I have for a person are not shared.  I wrote once about being the moth or the flame.  I still believe that that’s a great way of looking at it because if only one person in a relationship is the moth, then it’s probably not going to work out.  Unless both people are both the moth and the flame, meaning both are attracted to one another and both are drawing the other in, it’s just not going to last.

In all honesty though, that’s very difficult to find, or at least for me it has been.  Either men are really attracted to me, but I’m not that attracted to them, or vice versa.  It’s enough to drive a girl crazy sometimes.

My relationship with Art is still new and in the infant stage.  I am definitely the moth.  I know that much for sure.  It’s not that I am not physically attracted to a lot of men, because I am.  However, I am rarely attracted to a man to this degree not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and creatively.

When I was with LL Cool Bean, I liked him because he was so nice and down to earth, but I just couldn’t reach that level of physical attraction that I need.  I also had a problem dealing with his immaturity, and because of that I had a hard time opening up to him emotionally.  I had the same problem with my ex-husband, the Ox.  He was intelligent and a good person, but it was like we were on different levels mentally.  The same can also be said for Bobblehead Nerd and Skaterboi.

On the other hand I have been with some guys who I found very attractive, but were either assholes, drunks or idiots such as BSL, EB, and Yankee Cowboy to list just a few.  In fact, after I broke with Yankee Cowboy and moved back down South I swore that I would never go out with a “pretty boy” again.  They were just too much trouble and upkeep.  I decided that average looking guys were what I needed.  I was wrong.

I know I tend to be shallow when it comes to what I find physically attractive, but I also try to look past the physical and see a person for who they are.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always enough.  It needs to be a package deal.  Art is the package deal.  I know that’s a bold statement to make so soon, but it’s obvious not only to me but to everyone around me.  Now if I can just figure out if I’m not just his moth, but also his flame.

I did decide to go with him to visit his kids this weekend.  If I can’t figure all this out by the end of our weekend together, then I really do have some serious issues going on.  LOL  Wish me luck!

Happy humping!

Gone Fishing

As you know from my earlier posts (Plenty of fish…not in this sea, I caught a big fat liar, and I guess I’m not the only one with a bad memory. Or am I?) I got back on Plenty of Fish and have some interesting results thus far.  I wanted to update you on some of them and also let you know about my latest catches.

My sis still hasn’t heard from the guy that she went out with and who showed up as being interested in me.  He still hasn’t messaged me and I haven’t contacted him either.  I just don’t even have the energy to mess with him as sis and I had discussed.  He still shows up in my list, so we know he’s alive.  We just don’t know why he stopped all communication with her after having a seemingly good time that night.

I haven’t heard from EB.  Maybe he’s either reading my blog again, or he’s met someone else.  One can only hope & pray, right?

Bluegrass has continued to send me instant messages and drop hints about meeting again.  I continue to try and ignore him.

K9 hasn’t messaged me anymore.  After he realized who I was and I sent him a message asking how he had been he stopped communication.  Oh, well.  It’s probably for the best.  I took a second look at his pictures and he looks eerily similar to Manwhore.  That realization sort of freaked me out.

I woke up Sunday morning to an email saying that someone wanted to meet me.  The person’s username had the same first name in it as Cheater’s real first name.  I thought, “Yippee! I was right. He’s back on the prowl again. Time for some payback.”  So I quickly went to my computer to look at the new profile.  It wasn’t him.  It was just another disappointing redneck with the same odd first name.

After my profile redo I thought it would ward off many of the duds, but that didn’t seem to work.  It seemed that many men didn’t even bother reading my profile.  I even had one guy who did read it send me and instant message asking what I meant when I said that I wanted a guy who isn’t racist.  (I already had that as part of my profile because I wanted to weed out the ignorant racists that seem to be so abundant in these here parts.)  I explained that I meant just what I said.  I didn’t want to date a racist.  He then said that he was pro-white and pro-European.  Now coming from a guy who lives in a small Southern town this sort of surprised me.  I could understand the pro-white part, but the pro-European part confused me a little.  Does he even know what European is or even where Europe is?  Well, after he said that I just closed the chat window and went on my merry way.  I don’t have time to chat with a Hitler wanna-be.

Skaterboi sent me a text Friday night asking if I wanted to meet him at the bar where we first met.  I thought he was joking.  First of all, the bar was three hours away.  Second, was he really expecting me to say that I would drive all that way at the drop of a hat to see him?  Come on.  Who does he think he is?  Manwhore?  LOL

So I thought that things had calmed down a little, but not yet.  Things just keep getting weirder.

I had found a guy on POF who I found attractive and interesting and he only lives about twenty minutes from me.  He’s also the same age as me.  Sounds good so far right?  I added him to my favorites Saturday and then Sunday I got a message from him.  He said that I seemed “very unique.”  (LOL  If he only knew.)  I replied and since he had provided me with his first name, I signed my real first name at the bottom of my message.  You have to understand that my real first name is rather unique and 0.008% of females in the US have the same first name as I do.  So given that information, here’s what happened.

I woke up this morning to a new message alert.  It was from CBR (so named for the captive ball ring in his eyebrow).  His message said, “one of my friends from childhood in Alabama is named [PD] lol!”  Right away I started trying to remember if I went to grade school with anyone with his name.  I couldn’t think of anyone, and he said he was friends with her, so I should remember if we were friends, right?  No, because my memory sucks.  I can’t even remember some of the guys I’ve been with, let alone a kid who I may or may not have known twenty-five years ago.

To find out for sure I had to tell him that I too was from Alabama and I asked him where in Bama he was from.  Thank God he didn’t make me wait all day to find out.  He replied within the hour and told me what town he was from.  It wasn’t the same town that I grew up in.  Whew!  Now that that’s out of the way maybe we can get to know each other and see what happens.

It’s been a quiet day at the pond today.  Not a lot of fish biting right now, but just like in the real world, these fish mostly bite at dawn or dusk.

Happy humping!