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Taking out the trash

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I have a problem.  A trash problem.  It started about four months ago, when I moved in.  For the first time in over a year I found that it was my responsibility to take out the trash.  Well, that just sucked.

So I devised a plan.  I would take out the trash once a week when I was doing laundry.  I would take it out on my second trip to the laundry room when it was time to put the clothes in the dryer.  The trash bins are behind the laundry room, which is across the yard, next to the pool.

That worked for a while, until I got behind on my laundry.  I only got behind on my laundry because I kept forgetting to go to the bank and get quarters.  Damn quarters.

So as time went on and my trash bag sat in the floor next to the stove, I started having visitors.  Mostly male visitors.  Ok, fine.  They were all male visitors.  Very nice male visitors too.  Because each and every one of them offered to take my trash out for me.  Of course I had to decline, because, you know, pride and all.

I always told them that I was going to take it out in the morning, or later that day.  I never did.  Well, I did occasionally.  This went on for months.

Last night Bacchus came over.  We were sitting at the table talking and somehow the topic of my garbage came up.  Of course he offered to take it out.  I declined.  Then I told him that everyone tries to take out my garbage for me.  He admitted that it did bother him that I always had a bag of garbage sitting there.  I laughed.

He proceeded to grab the bags, yes there were two last night, and asked where the dumpster was.  I told him and he took it out.  When he got back I told him that he had completely fucked up my story.  Now it had an ending.  Or does it?

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Happy humping my fellow Oscars!

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99 problems but a prick ain’t one

So, I had an interesting night.  It started out that I was just supposed to ride to a neighboring city to hear Teacher‘s band play.  I’m friends with a couple in the band and my friend Bacchus was nice enough to offer me a ride.  Everything was fine until I found out that TB was supposed to be going also.  TB, short for Talker Bitch, is batshit crazy and everything that comes out of her non-stop mouth reeks of bullshit.  I noticed all this when I first met her a week ago, but I was drunk and was trying to have an open mind and make some new friends.  Damn.  That was a terrible idea.

So she rides with us to the bar.  We get there and Teacher’s band hadn’t started playing yet, so he was outside smoking with all of us.  While we were there he made a snide remark about E.B. and asked what time he was coming.  I didn’t take to that very kindly and quipped back that I had a very heavy purse in my hand and his head makes for a very large bald target.  TB quickly got all hyped up and kept telling me that I shouldn’t let him talk to me like that.  First of all, it was a joke.  I knew that.  Given the opportunity and the right mood, I would probably have done the same thing.  No worries.  I was fine.

As the night progressed, and TB drank more beer, she became an attention whore to the tenth degree.  That was fine.  I was sitting at my little table drinking my Diet Coke and minding my phone.  Oh yeah, by the way, I was the designated driver, hence the “no alcohol for me” thing.  This was probably only the second time in my life that I have been assigned “Designated Driver” duties and I took it seriously…well, seriously enough.  I had one drink because someone brought it to me, but that was it.

We did listen to the band for a while once they started.  Teacher was awesome as always.  No surprise there.  Then during the break we went back outside to smoke.  Somehow during the conversation, TB came over to me, grabbed my hair, and pulled.  I almost lost it.  I said, “What the fuck! Not cool.”  Of course she and Bacchus tried to play it off.  She especially.  She said, “I didn’t pull it.  I just did like this.”  Then she proceeded to gently run her fingers though my hair.  That just made my temper flare even more.  Hasn’t this damn girl ever heard that you don’t fuck with a redhead?  She needs to be schooled.  I was tempted, but I didn’t school her.  Oh, my God, I wanted to choke the bitch.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.  I overcame.  I was proud of myself.

Then once back inside, there was this whole other drama with this meth head bitch who looked like Twiggy, if Twiggy was raised from the dead a hundred years from now.  But of course, a lot of the guys thought that she was easy prey and tried their best to get in her pants anyway.  Even though she was high as hell and crazy as hell.

Then there was the narcissistic chauvinistic fat-ass lawyer who thought he was hot shit.  He gave me the creeps big time.  I just backed away slowly and went back into the bar like a good little girl.

If all that wasn’t enough to kill my mood, then the next part completed it.

I walked inside to go to the bathroom.  The bar was closing up and Teacher was taking down the equipment.  He came up to me and said, “Would you mind driving me home?  I’d really appreciate it.”  Without thinking I said of course I would.  First, and I told him this, TB was about to give me an aneurism, and second I didn’t want him driving if he was drunk.  I do still care you know.

Well that didn’t go over too well with TB and Bacchus.  I honestly thought Bacchus would be ok to drive, but I guess I was wrong.  They got pissed.  I freaked out, but I didn’t let them know.  I said I’d see if Teacher would want to just ride with us.  So I went inside to tell him what was going on and he told me not to worry, just to take them home because I had already promised them.  FUCK.  Confession: I almost teared up when he told me to go ahead and take them home.  I’m not sure why.

I drove them back here.  I thought they were going to fuck in the backseat while I was driving the 45 minutes back, but that was mainly because that’s what happened the last time I was the “designated driver.”  I don’t think they did, and when we finally made it back I just wanted out.  We were waiting on her mom to meet us and pick her up, which was taking forever.  I was tempted to get out and just walk home from there, but I knew Bacchus wouldn’t let me do that.

Eventually, like this post, it all ended.  I got home, got some sweet tea, pulled out the laptop, and started writing this.  So there ya go.  Like the song says, ” I got 99 problems but a bitch prick ain’t one.”  She was definitely my top problem for the night.  No more TB for me.

Ahhhhhhhh.  Sweet silence.  It’s just you and me, girls & guys, just like it should be.

Happy (quiet) humping!

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P.S.  Yes, I’m actually writing a P.S.  My 40th birthday is next week.  Expect my 400th post on my 40th birthday to be one you’ll never forget.

Locked out of heaven: How I know when I’m in love

Music-is-Love-music-1123041_768_576Teacher and I have dated for about a month and a half now, and since it’s been a crazy few weeks I thought I should do a recap of what’s been going on.

Two weeks ago I helped Teacher move into his new place and had a wonderful weekend hanging out with him.  On Sunday night we were in his room, bringing stuff in, and he stopped me and told me he loved me.  I was surprised, but it wasn’t totally unexpected.  As I was leaving one night the week before, I thought I heard him let it slip out, but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t say anything.  It was one of those quick “love you, bye” type things.  Like I said, I wasn’t sure so I acted like I didn’t hear anything.

After that night I started thinking about it and couldn’t stop.  I kept wondering if I just really liked him and was mistaking it for something more, or if I was just getting ahead of myself, of if I just really wanted it to be love.  Self-doubt is a bitch.  All week I wondered if I should say it first or wait for him to say it, because what if he didn’t feel the same way…what if he’d think I was rushing things…what if…oh damn…too many “what ifs” to worry about.  I decided to just wait and see what happened.  Then he went and said it first, and he didn’t say it in bed!  Brownie points for Teacher! 😉

pkdividerA little over a week ago I was headed out of town to see Teacher perform at a local pub.  I was running late because my sister didn’t approve of my first three outfits, but I had to stop and get gas before leaving town.  When I was about ten miles out of town, I heard an awful clicking noise.  I let down my window and then I heard a really loud pop.  My car then lost all power and I had to drift off to the side of the highway.  Fortunately it was not quite dark yet, but it was getting dark fast and about to storm, and I couldn’t even turn my flashers on.

Besides being late, stuck on the side of the road, and about to be caught in a storm, my window wouldn’t roll back up.  I called AAA, but unfortunately I forgot to renew my membership, so I was screwed.  Then I remembered that my sister had AAA, so I called her.  She was not amused by my plea for help, but she did offer to let me call AAA myself and pretend to be her so that they could come and tow me back to town.  She’s so thoughtful.

So I called them and they said that they would send a tow truck “as soon as possible.”  I hate that phrase.  When AAA says that, it usually means you’ll be sitting there sweating your ass off for a few hours.  So I called my sister back and told her that it might be a while, and could she come and meet me there since I was in the dark and about to be in the rain on the side of the road.  She agreed, and off sis and Little Bubba went to rescue me.

While I was waiting on my rescuers to arrive, I sent Teacher a text telling him that I wasn’t going to make it and he immediately called me to see if I was alright.  I explained the situation and said I’d talk to him the next day.  After we hung up he sent me a text saying that he missed me.  I replied, “I miss you too.  Sing one for me. ;)”  His reply was pretty awesome.  He said, “I’ll sing all of them for you!”

They arrived about a half hour later while I was sitting in my car playing Candy Crush on my new iPhone (courtesy of Bossman).  After sitting in the truck with them for another half hour, AAA finally called me back and said that they couldn’t find a tow truck for me, and they asked if I could wait until the morning.  I didn’t really have much choice, so I agreed.  I got everything I could out of the car, locked it up (yes, even though the window was half way down I still locked it), and we went back home.

pkdividerOver the last few weeks I’ve received messages from Manwhore, Golfer, EB and others trying to talk me into meeting them for a little “fun.”  Flattery is often my weakness, as you’ve probably noticed.  This time it was just nice to hear, but didn’t make me want to see any of them.  I even received a very nice message on Facebook from Thord on Sunday.  Last week I changed my Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship with [Teacher]” and I guess Thord noticed.

His message said, “You could have just said you were dating someone.  😉  I wouldn’t have kept bugging you so much!”  I told him that he wasn’t bugging me at all.  In fact I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks.  Then he said, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. lol”  Now this is the kicker…he said, “Like… I feel like I had a delicious bite of ice cream, the best there is, then the place went out of business and discontinued the ice cream.  So sad!  Well, you have my number and my Facebook, and I hope that if you ever want to talk you will.  You’re an amazing woman and I hope that we can at least be friends.  I’ll do my best not to try and steal you away.  Oh, and just so you know. You really were absolutely amazing.”

How freaking sweet is he?!  Out of all the men I’ve dated in the past, he’s the one who deserves to find a great woman to be with.  I hope he finds her sooner than later, and that he doesn’t turn into a womanizing jackass like so many of the others I’ve dated.  Maybe it’s just his youth, or his shy nature, but I like to think that he’s just really a nice guy.

pkdividerSo how do I know when I’m in love?  Well, I usually don’t know until I’ve had my heart broken.  This time is different though.  When he looks at me, when he sneaks my name into a song, when he sings “I want to rock your gypsy soul”, when he holds me tight, when I can’t stop thinking about him, when I find myself worrying about him, but mostly, it’s when I have no desire to be with any other man…when their flattering words just make me smile and nothing more, then my thoughts wander back to him…that’s how I know.

Happy humping!

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Something’s got a hold on me

Soul_Rebels__36I had my date with Teacher last Friday night.  We went to dinner and then to a local club to hear a brass band from New Orleans.  Before they came on though, we had to endure a trio of trucker types playing original songs about bailing the wife out of jail and other stuff that I couldn’t even make out.  The brass band was awesome though.  However, we didn’t stay very long because I had to work Saturday, and I also couldn’t keep myself from being naughty and flirtatious and just wanting to hurry back to the hotel room.

In other news, I really need to change my phone number again.  My phone was vibrating non-stop that night.  I don’t usually want to just completely cut off contact with everyone, but for some reason I’m finding it all too distracting and annoying.  Right now, the only thing I want to concentrate on is being with Teacher.  That means that I don’t need Manwhore, EB, Endymion, and the Ox texting me all night while I’m trying to spend quality time with a really great guy.

I know what my problem is…I’m too nice.  Not all the time, but a lot of the time.  Of course I have my evil bitch moments, but overall I’m very nice.  That can cause problems when it comes to relationships that have ended, since some guys think they can just keep popping up whenever they feel like it.  That’s really getting old, and I’m getting tired of constantly deleting texts from guys I don’t want to talk to anymore.  I’m thinking a fresh start may be in order.  Kill the weeds so the new flowers can grow.

I know I tend to jump into things too quick when it comes to relationships, but I’d like to think I’ve grown and learned a lot over the last few years.  I’d also like to think that my taste in men has improved.  Luck or fate may have more to do with it though, and I think fate has finally smiled on me.  Of course it’s good to be cautious when first seeing someone, but being overly cautious can be bad.  I don’t want to live my life afraid of taking chances or giving things/people a chance.

My sister loves to remind me of the things I’ve said in the past about men I’ve dated.  I was talking to her last week and said something about how great Teacher is and how gentlemanly he is.  She was quick to remind me that when I started dating Skaterboi I said that he treated me like a princess.  We all know how that turned out.  He was hardly a prince and treated me nowhere near like a princess toward the end of the relationship.  But that’s just one relationship and one asshole.  Not all men are like that.

If I’m being completely honest, even the ones that turned out to be assholes were always assholes.  I just didn’t want to admit it in the beginning.  I knew those relationships probably weren’t going to work out, but I had ulterior motives.  Usually involving getting away from my family, great sex, or wanting to feel normal.  Well, fuck normal.  I just want to be with the right person for me.  And by that I mean someone who I have a lot in common with, can be myself with, not have to hide anything from, and just be happy in life’s little moments.  Who knows…maybe Teacher is that man.

I don’t want to be presumptuous, but he does do things to me that most men don’t.  No, I’m not talking just about sex.  Although the sex is awesome.  I’m talking about how he makes me feel and how I feel about him.  Like I said earlier, I don’t even want to hear from or talk to anyone else.  They are just too much of a distraction, when all I really want to do is focus on Teacher.  My interest in other men has disappeared, and that’s odd for me.  I only get that way when I really like someone.

If I look back to the times when I was a “cheater” I can see that it was usually because of one reason.  I wasn’t that into the guy I was with and allowed my sex drive to take over instead of my morals.  I allowed myself to become what I hate most.  I also knew that the ending of the relationship was inevitable and figured I could just hurry it along by cheating.  Of course that’s not the best way of going about it, but it worked.

I don’t seem to have to worry about any of that with Teacher though.  I can’t get rid of the pop-ups and lurkers fast enough.  Speaking of fast enough…I’m trying to contain myself and not move too fast even though everything in me is telling me to just let go and let it fly.  There’s a constant battle raging inside me, going back and forth between wanting to be the free spirit wanting to love and be loved, and the morally uptight prude who thinks I should hold back emotionally so that I won’t get hurt.  The latter is exhausting though.  It’s so much easier and less stressful to just let go and be with someone, not constantly thinking ahead and worrying about what might happen.  Sure, I could get hurt, again, but so what?  It happens.  Then I dust myself off and move on.

Oh, and one last thing.  Teacher knows about my blog, and he’s been reading it.  So far I think he’s up to August 2011.  The way I see it, if he makes it to the end and is still seeing me, then he’s a keeper for sure. 😉  Not all men can handle me and my crazy past and not be judgmental about it.  He seems to be the type that can though.

As always…

Happy humping!

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Midnight Confessions and Self-Therapy

Happy Halloween! (Not my new car by the way.)

First of all, for those of you who read my earlier post, I now have a car.  So I can at least check one thing off my list.  Yay!  It came as a complete surprise Sunday morning.  My sister told me that her friend Horse Whisperer had a car that she was willing to sell me.  Praise Jesus, because I was about to go mad not having a mode of transportation.  I love my sister, but living with her, working in the same building with her, and having to ride to and from work and everywhere else with her was putting a huge strain on our relationship.  Now we’re both free to come and go as we please.

Now for the important stuff.  I have not been completely honest with you lately, and for that I do apologize.  I’ve avoided writing very much because without telling you the truth, there wasn’t much to tell.  Sometimes it’s just harder for me to admit who I really am and what I’ve really done.  I feel the need to keep up appearances, even to strangers who only know me as an anonymous blogger somewhere in the woods of Mississippi.  Admitting to certain aspects of my life, well, it just makes me feel like a bad person.  All that extreme religious crap that was engrained into me as a kid left a deep mark.  It’s one of those scars that will never completely heal.  The truth really does set me free, even if that means being brutally honest with myself.  I’m ready to be free.

I have a problem.  I ask for advice.  I listen to it and appreciate it.  Then I go in the completely opposite direction.  Is it that I’m just strong-willed and independent, or am I just stupid and can’t follow good advice?  Maybe all the above.  Anyway, when I wrote my post “Uncommon Whore” a couple of weeks ago, I told you about Harry.  Harry had issues, lots of red flags, and had stalker written all over him.  So what did I do with Harry?  I kept seeing him.  One of my other issues, is that I find it very difficult to say no to people.  Technically, I think that’s just an off-shoot of my subconscious need to seem to be perfect and keep up appearances, but whatever…Daddy issues, blah, blah, need therapy, blah.

Even though I really did halfheartedly try to run Harry off, I just didn’t try hard enough.  He kept texting, calling, asking me to dinner, and I caved.  I’m always afraid that if I make a snap judgement about someone then I might miss out on someone who may actually be the one.  So I try not to be too quick to judge people, and instead to give Continue reading