After I kicked my husband out of the apartment almost a year and a half ago, he admitted to “trying meth a few times” with some girl he had seen. Well, over the past six months, or maybe more, he has sunken to new lows. He was living in a house with a bunch of junkies and whores, and now he’s completely hooked on meth. He told me before Christmas that he was not smoking it, but that they were injecting it. I didn’t even know that was possible, but then again, I’m not a meth addict. To be perfectly honest, meth is the one drug that totally scares the shit out of me and he knew that.
So one of the people living with him in the junkie house was pink-haired girl in her early thirties. To see her pictures on Facebook you might think, oh, she’s pretty, but those pics are old and I’m sure by now she looks like your typical meth-head. In fact, my husband looks like your typical meth-head now. Well, he’s been infatuated with this girl for a while now and still is, even though he told his mom otherwise so that she would think he was serious about getting clean this time. I don’t know what all is going on between them, other than the meth, but he’s been posting shit all over Facebook about how one day she’s the love of his life, and then next he hates her. I don’t believe a word he says about anything anymore.
Over the past couple of months I have tried to talk him into getting help, not only for himself, but for his son in particular. He doesn’t care about any one or any thing anymore. He had called his mom a couple of weeks ago and she came and got him and was letting him stay with her. I was happy about it at first because I thought that finally he was going to get the help he needs.
Well, last Wednesday he called me crying and talking crazy. He said he was driving around and didn’t know where to go. First of all, I didn’t understand how he was driving because he didn’t have a car. Or so I thought. Then he told me that his mom bought him an old car. That is the stupidest thing she could have done because that gives him the ability to go out and get more drugs. Then he texts me later saying that he was back at her house. I thought all was well again.
This morning I messaged his mom to let her know that I wouldn’t make it to church this morning. She asked me if I had heard from him because he got mad and left on Thursday and hadn’t been back. I immediately pulled up his Facebook page and saw that he had made a post three hours earlier saying he was stuck at Wal-Mart, broke, no food, no gas, and needed help. So I messaged him. He messaged me back saying he was at his mom’s. Of course I didn’t believe him because I had JUST talked to her. After I told him that he sent me a picture back and the message “Fuck off.”
There is so much more to all this than I can write about in one post, but this will have to do. The fact that I never could bring myself to completely stop worrying about him, or to block him from contacting me, or to stop hoping that one day he would decide to get help, has made my life stressful and depressing. Drugs like meth do that. They don’t just hurt the people doing the drugs, they hurt everyone in that person’s life. I have my own issues and problems, but I was trying to help the man who I married, and even though it didn’t work out and never will, I still wanted him to be safe, healthy, and happy. It doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen now.
I did block him after his hateful messages this morning. I am done with him and his fucked up lifestyle. If his mom wants to keep trying, then good for her, but I’m done. Meth is an awful drug that turns good people into bad ones, and the bad ones into even shittier ones. He’s one of the shittiest. He’s a manipulator, a whiner, a liar, a lazy bastard, and a heartless asshole.
I tried being a better, more forgiving, more helpful person and to keep hope alive, but it’s dead now. He probably will be soon too if he doesn’t go get some real help at a rehab facility.
I’m sorry I haven’t posted in such a long time, and that my first post back has to be about my meth addicted soon-to-be ex-husband, but sometimes life is shitty and people are shittier. Sometimes, you just have to let that shit go. That’s finally what I’m doing because if I don’t, it’s going to kill me too.
Until next time…
Peace, love, & happiness.