Since my last post I’ve been through the ups and downs of dealing with a breakup and eventual divorce. According to Psychology Today the seven stages are:
- Desperate for answers
- Initial Acceptance
- Redirected Hope
I have gone through them all in the past few weeks, but mostly I was in the Anger stage from day one. Even though I have moved on to acceptance and am now redirecting my hope, I am still very angry. I know from experience with breakups and divorces that I tend to hold on to the anger for a very long time. It took over a decade for me to let go of the anger that I felt towards my first husband. So I know it’s not easy.
With Buck I knew almost from the very first moment that I confronted him about his cheating and lying that we would never again be a couple and that I could not live with him ever again. When someone hurts you that bad, it’s almost impossible to just forgive and forget. There is no forgetting the pictures, the videos, the emails, and the text messages that I saw from him to various other people. The one girl in particular that he had seen without my knowledge hurt me more than the rest because not only was Buck calling me horrible names and making fun of me with her, he had her calling me those same awful names. And to top it all off he was bragging about all the lying, cheating, and how he was just using me for my money. Here’s a quote from one of his texts: “I need wifey to pay pigs bills so it can have money for you.” Does that sound like a good and decent human being? Fuck no. He’s a pig quite literally, because that’s what he likes to be called by his mistresses and princesses who he pays to abuse him and treat him like garbage. That is until they get horny and let him eat their pussy and assholes. Then he has the balls to brag about coming home to me and kissing me with their piss and shit and god knows what else on his breath.
Of course he denies it all and says that it was all “just talk.” Sound familiar? I think I’ve heard that disgusting pig Donald Trump say something similar.
The list is endless as far as the awful things he’s said and done. So, I may have already deleted all of his online accounts that I could get into, but the war is far from over. He dropped off the “do it yourself” divorce papers over a week ago. I still haven’t signed them and won’t until I’m satisfied that he has repaid the debt he owes me. I know revenge isn’t always a good plan, that maybe I should let karma handle it, but just in case, I am going to make sure he pays. No man or woman should be let off scot-free after they have destroyed someone’s life, self-esteem, and self-confidence like he has.
My only regret at this point is that I didn’t back up his old phone to my computer before he had a chance to report it lost and wipe it clean. That’s ok though because I did manage to get enough screen shots and pictures saved before he wiped it. I may not be the smartest cookie, but I know enough to be dangerous. And he found that out the hard way.
So for now I’m going to continue trying to move on with my life while also trying to expunge him from my life without feeling like he’s going unpunished.
Until next time…
Peace, love, & happiness.