Archive | June 2014

99 problems but a prick ain’t one

So, I had an interesting night.  It started out that I was just supposed to ride to a neighboring city to hear Teacher‘s band play.  I’m friends with a couple in the band and my friend Bacchus was nice enough to offer me a ride.  Everything was fine until I found out that TB was supposed to be going also.  TB, short for Talker Bitch, is batshit crazy and everything that comes out of her non-stop mouth reeks of bullshit.  I noticed all this when I first met her a week ago, but I was drunk and was trying to have an open mind and make some new friends.  Damn.  That was a terrible idea.

So she rides with us to the bar.  We get there and Teacher’s band hadn’t started playing yet, so he was outside smoking with all of us.  While we were there he made a snide remark about E.B. and asked what time he was coming.  I didn’t take to that very kindly and quipped back that I had a very heavy purse in my hand and his head makes for a very large bald target.  TB quickly got all hyped up and kept telling me that I shouldn’t let him talk to me like that.  First of all, it was a joke.  I knew that.  Given the opportunity and the right mood, I would probably have done the same thing.  No worries.  I was fine.

As the night progressed, and TB drank more beer, she became an attention whore to the tenth degree.  That was fine.  I was sitting at my little table drinking my Diet Coke and minding my phone.  Oh yeah, by the way, I was the designated driver, hence the “no alcohol for me” thing.  This was probably only the second time in my life that I have been assigned “Designated Driver” duties and I took it seriously…well, seriously enough.  I had one drink because someone brought it to me, but that was it.

We did listen to the band for a while once they started.  Teacher was awesome as always.  No surprise there.  Then during the break we went back outside to smoke.  Somehow during the conversation, TB came over to me, grabbed my hair, and pulled.  I almost lost it.  I said, “What the fuck! Not cool.”  Of course she and Bacchus tried to play it off.  She especially.  She said, “I didn’t pull it.  I just did like this.”  Then she proceeded to gently run her fingers though my hair.  That just made my temper flare even more.  Hasn’t this damn girl ever heard that you don’t fuck with a redhead?  She needs to be schooled.  I was tempted, but I didn’t school her.  Oh, my God, I wanted to choke the bitch.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.  I overcame.  I was proud of myself.

Then once back inside, there was this whole other drama with this meth head bitch who looked like Twiggy, if Twiggy was raised from the dead a hundred years from now.  But of course, a lot of the guys thought that she was easy prey and tried their best to get in her pants anyway.  Even though she was high as hell and crazy as hell.

Then there was the narcissistic chauvinistic fat-ass lawyer who thought he was hot shit.  He gave me the creeps big time.  I just backed away slowly and went back into the bar like a good little girl.

If all that wasn’t enough to kill my mood, then the next part completed it.

I walked inside to go to the bathroom.  The bar was closing up and Teacher was taking down the equipment.  He came up to me and said, “Would you mind driving me home?  I’d really appreciate it.”  Without thinking I said of course I would.  First, and I told him this, TB was about to give me an aneurism, and second I didn’t want him driving if he was drunk.  I do still care you know.

Well that didn’t go over too well with TB and Bacchus.  I honestly thought Bacchus would be ok to drive, but I guess I was wrong.  They got pissed.  I freaked out, but I didn’t let them know.  I said I’d see if Teacher would want to just ride with us.  So I went inside to tell him what was going on and he told me not to worry, just to take them home because I had already promised them.  FUCK.  Confession: I almost teared up when he told me to go ahead and take them home.  I’m not sure why.

I drove them back here.  I thought they were going to fuck in the backseat while I was driving the 45 minutes back, but that was mainly because that’s what happened the last time I was the “designated driver.”  I don’t think they did, and when we finally made it back I just wanted out.  We were waiting on her mom to meet us and pick her up, which was taking forever.  I was tempted to get out and just walk home from there, but I knew Bacchus wouldn’t let me do that.

Eventually, like this post, it all ended.  I got home, got some sweet tea, pulled out the laptop, and started writing this.  So there ya go.  Like the song says, ” I got 99 problems but a bitch prick ain’t one.”  She was definitely my top problem for the night.  No more TB for me.

Ahhhhhhhh.  Sweet silence.  It’s just you and me, girls & guys, just like it should be.

Happy (quiet) humping!

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P.S.  Yes, I’m actually writing a P.S.  My 40th birthday is next week.  Expect my 400th post on my 40th birthday to be one you’ll never forget.

Just Say No Thank You

So I did end up jumping back into the sea of Plenty of Fish.  Even though Woody & Airman both found me offline, they contacted me online.  I still haven’t met Woody, Airman stood me up that day, and I went out with a new guy who I met on POF.  I had a really great time with him.  He was handsome, funny, and I really had no complaints.

The problem is that after our date that night he slowly stopped texting me.  Airman did the same thing.  So I have stopped texting them.  I don’t want to come across as pushy or even worse, desperate, so I’ll just let it be.  If either one of them likes me enough to want to talk to me or hang out again, then the ball is in their court now.

It just irritates me when people don’t at least say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ or ‘I’m just not that into you.’  Something is better than nothing.  It’s like the guy who I talked to a few weeks ago.  We chatted online, exchanged numbers, text messaged for a bit, and then talked on the phone for almost two hours.  He even sent me a text after we got off the phone and said that he really enjoyed talking to me.  Then I never heard from him again.

So I just don’t know what to think about these men anymore.  Even the ones who I think are nice decent guys end up not having the balls to say how they really feel, even if it means not wanting to see me again.  If I can’t find a great guy who sends me flowers and wants to woo me and be my best friend, then I wish I could at least find one that knows how to be honest.

Happy humping (or not humping)!

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Waking the Sleeping Giant

So I had an interesting weekend.  Saturday night I went to the local watering hole to hear some music and hang out with DC.  I had a great time hanging out and talking to her.  I almost didn’t go though.

I was supposed to go out with Woody on Friday night, but his motor home broke down on the way back from the coast.  So I didn’t hear back from him until about 4:30 am Saturday morning.  He then had to go to work, so our plans were pretty much shot yet again.

After a call from DC on Saturday afternoon, I decided to go out instead of wasting the weekend sitting at home.  So I got to the bar, had a seat, and ordered a beer.  While I waited for DC to arrive I glanced around the bar.  There was a big table of people at the other end of the bar.  I noticed one guy standing by the table and I sort of thought I caught him looking at me, but I wasn’t sure.  I was trying not to stare, but at the same time I was trying to figure out why he looked familiar.  I didn’t know if maybe I had seen him on Plenty of Fish, or if I had just seen him there at the bar before.

A little while later, DC arrived and we ended up going outside on the patio to smoke and talk.  We went through some of the profiles of guys who had messaged me on POF, and DC either gave them a thumbs up or a thumbs down.  As the night went on, and as they closed up, a couple of friends, the owner, and some of the staff joined us on the patio.  What I didn’t really notice at the time was that the guy from earlier was there sitting across from me.  Finally it was time to call it a night and DC gave me a ride home.

The next morning I woke up to my phone buzzing and vibrating.  As I usually do first thing when I wake up, I grabbed my phone and checked the number of emails, texts, Facebook alerts, etc. that were waiting for me.  Of course I also checked my POF app icon & it showed that I had a message waiting.  So I checked it first, thinking it would probably be more entertaining than anything else.

The message said, “I hope if I speak u won’t parade my pics around like the other guys u did tonight.  Is my age a problem?  My name is Airman I was at the bar tonight and would have spoken but u were with a friend.”  He had messaged me at 12:47 am.

HK boyshortsAfter a short WTF moment, I messaged him back.  Then he wrote, “Btw not to sound terrible but I noticed your Hello Kitty panties last night when you got up one time and I must say it’s kind of a turn on cause it’s something different.”  I couldn’t help but to laugh.  I did have on my black boy short undies with the hot pink “Hello Kitty” band at the top.  I didn’t know that they were peeking out the top of my jeans when I got up though.  Then he told me that the reason he noticed my undies was because he checked out my ass numerous times that night, and there’s something about a grown woman in cartoon panties that is a turn on.

Well, who am I to argue with that?  If this 26-year-old guy wants to come over and hang out in hopes of getting another peek at my Hello Kitty undies, then bring it on!

About 7 o’clock Sunday night, Airman showed up to my apartment.  He was cuter than I remembered, and beefy, very beefy.  Here I was in my living room with a guy almost fifteen years younger than me and all I could think was, this is going to be awkward.  See, I’ve been with younger guys before, as you all know, and I suppose I have high expectations from them.  I was spoiled by Endymion and Thord.  They were both extremely cool in and out of the bedroom.  How could this hunk of man candy possibly live up to my high expectations?

Well, it turned out that he’s a very nice guy, was in the Air Force, did a tour in Iraq, very laid back, and dammit if he didn’t have a very talented tongue too.  The guy could kiss, really kiss.  It wasn’t too sloppy or too aggressive.  It was great.  I had absolutely no complaints until he fell asleep, and he slept, and slept, and, oh my God.  Was he ever going to wake up and leave?  I watched tv and rubbed/scratched his back while he slept.  (He has a very nice firm back and butt.)

Eventually I grabbed my phone and sent my sister a text.

text 1As you can see, she was not much help.

Thirty-five minutes after that last text, he woke up and I told him that I needed to go to bed.  He gave me a kiss goodbye and went home, and I went to bed and passed out.

Today I got a text from Airman.  He said, “U want to hit replay tonight?”  As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I had laundry to do and I was just exhausted from a long day at work.  I had to tell him that tomorrow night would be better.  He tried hard to get me to change my mind, but I wouldn’t give in.  Then he sent me another text, but I can’t even post that on this blog.  It was flattering and graphic all at the same time.  I’ll just say it wasn’t the first time I’ve been exuberantly complimented on a certain part of my body.  It made me feel both shocked and all tingly inside at the same time.

So he’s coming back over tomorrow night.  It should be fun! 😉

Happy hump, hump, humping!

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