I’m sick of not being able to write whatever I want just because I’m afraid to offend or piss people off. I’m mostly referring to Teacher. My last post about what has been going on with him was on April 20th. Quite a bit has happened since then and it’s past time that I get some of this crap out of my head. I have an unhealthy tendency to bottle my feelings up inside until I can’t hold it in any longer, then I explode. So before I do that I’m just going to go ahead and let it all out in a healthier way.
The day after that post on April 20th I started getting weird emails on my phone. I have an email that I had set up last year for a project that I was working on with Teacher. So we both had the email address set up on our iPhones. I quickly realized that the emails were being sent to that address because Teacher had mistakenly replied to Craigslist ads using that email address.
The ads that he replied to were personal ads for whores. The real kind, not just the slutty kind. At first I just sat in shock reading the emails. Then I sent my sister a text telling her what was going on and asking if I should just change the password on the email account. She wasn’t much help. She just shared my shock and disbelief.
As I was going through the emails that kept coming through, they suddenly disappeared from the inbox. He had realized his mistake, well, one of them at least, and deleted them. It was too late though because they had already downloaded into my Microsoft Outlook.
I finally sent him a text that said, “Really? You’re willing to pay for sex with a whore, but you wouldn’t fuck me for free?” He replied back apologizing, saying that he was just curious, he never cheated on me, and he guessed he was as much of a piece of shit that I wrote about on my blog. Then he ended it saying, “Yeah this is embarrassing and awkward. But I guess I deserve it.” I couldn’t even reply after that. I never called him a piece of shit by the way. I don’t think I even ever thought about calling him that. A selfish immature prick maybe, but not a piece of shit.
The next day, after stewing over what had happened, I sent him a text. I suggested that he not read my blog any more. That was it. I was done.
The next day he asked if we could meet for lunch and talk about all this. I agreed to meet him. Unfortunately I don’t think it helped much. Right off he wanted to say that he wasn’t going to actually meet any of those women, he was only curious. I didn’t have much to say. It was all I could do just to sit there and drink my tea and not break down crying. I didn’t even want to look at him. Because no matter what he thinks, I do still love him and I would have done anything to make it all go away and just go back to us being happy in our little cottage. I’m not delusional though. I know that can’t happen, mainly because he doesn’t know what the hell he wants, but it sure as hell doesn’t seem to be me.
So after that awkward lunch date, I thought maybe we could at least just stay friends, even if I wasn’t able to be around him yet without feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest all over again.
Things seemed to be going OK for a few days. He even let me use his van to pick up some groceries and stuff I left at the house. Then on Saturday, a friend and I went to the local bar/restaurant to hang out, drink some beers, and listen to the music. The problem was that Teacher and Jacket were providing the music. I actually knew that before we went. My friend also knew that Teacher would be there. It was sort of part of the plan.
A friend had told me Friday night that it would probably be good for Teacher to see me out with another guy. I guess she meant that it would prove to him that I am capable of moving on and going out and having fun. My guy friend was really cool about the whole thing. He knew what was going on, and he agreed that it would be for the best. It turned out to just be stressful and awkward though.
Teacher did come say hello during his first break, and yes, it was awkward. Then later he came back again after some other people had sat down with us. Then after the show I was sitting with CoolGal and catching up because I hadn’t seen her in a while, and she started telling a funny story about the night her sister was obsessed with my hair and kept touching it. Teacher had come up behind me and started demonstrating. Once would have sufficed, but he kept doing it. To the point that it became uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of everyone, plus I was so tensed up that I probably couldn’t have said anything at the time. He finally stopped and then left not long after. I did however send him a text later that night telling him to never touch me again.
So that’s what’s been going on in my world. It just keeps getting crazier and more stressful. Let’s all take a moment to pray that things start getting better.
Happy humping! (But don’t take naughty pics unless you want the world to see!)