Loving you is killing me: He said, She said

The week before last I was out-of-town for four days.  When I got back home on Friday all I wanted to do was to see Teacher, maybe get laid, and hopefully relieve some stress.  We went to our friends’ house and hung out that night.  I did manage to get drunk and a little high, but that’s about all I was able to do.  When I tried the getting laid part, things started falling apart.  He said it felt “cheap” because I was drunk and high.  He also said he was too tired to perform.  So basically he was telling me that I was a cheap drunk whore.  If you really want to make someone feel like a piece of shit, just tell them that.  It sure worked on me.

As I lay in bed with tears rolling down my face onto my pillow, listening to his snoring, I realized just how lonely and sad I had become.  My so-called wonderful relationship with Teacher, the man I had loved for a year, had become nothing more than source of stress and disappointment for us both.

On Saturday he had a gig and was gone most of the afternoon and all night.  Then on Sunday, when I thought we’d finally have some time together, he left again for four hours.  He came back later that night and told me we needed to talk.  Then he proceeded to break up with me.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

He said:

I’m a cold-hearted, unaffectionate, depressed, moody bitch.  He has been nothing but good to me and has only tried to make me happy.

She said:

He’s right.  Partially.  I can be cold, unaffectionate, depressed, and moody.  Usually only when I have reason to be though.  I didn’t realize I was being so unaffectionate though.  Geez.  I knew I was horny.  My shower head knew.  Evidently trying to have sex with him when I was drunk wasn’t the right choice.  So what’s a girl supposed to do?

He said:

When he would plop down on the couch next to me with his head next to me, that was him being sexy.  He was hurt by my rejection of his advance(s).  He specifically mentioned one time one afternoon when he pushed me onto the bed and I said, “I’m hungry.”  Well, I was hungry.  I can’t have sex when my stomach is growling.

She said:

I was lonely.  Very, very lonely.  He’s a musician so he works late a lot of the time.  I, however, work a regular 9 to 5 job.  Evidently those two don’t mix well.  But it was more than that.  Even when I was at a gig with him, hanging out, drinking, and doing the usual, I still felt like I was lost at sea.  Alone and unappreciated.  And one more thing…we hadn’t had sex in over a month because he “broke or cracked a rib” by getting drunk at a gig and falling onto a mic stand.  So it was supposedly better for him to sleep sitting up on the couch for a month.  Of course I had my doubts about that, because I’m not stupid, but I chose to believe him anyway.

He said:

Ever since the first of the year when all that stuff happened with the fertility doctor and my grandfather passing away, I’ve been depressed.  My depression was dragging him down and he just doesn’t have the energy to deal with it/me anymore.  He didn’t understand how my grandfather dying could have affected our relationship.

She said:

I honestly didn’t know what to say to that.  I never would have guessed he was actually a selfish prick who couldn’t support me through a difficult time like that.  And my grandfather’s dying didn’t affect our relationship directly.  It did directly affect me though.  I’m so sorry if such a stressful grieving time in my life caused you any stress or grief.  It’s not like he was my boyfriend who was supposed to love me and be supportive or anything.

He said:

There’s no chance of reconciliation.  We’ve grown apart.  It just isn’t working anymore.  He hates that it had to end up like this.  Blah, blah, blah.  One of us has to move out.  He still wants to part as friends.

She said:

I’ll be the one to move out. In fact, the sooner I get out of here, the better.

He said:

She said:

Everyone keeps telling me how strong I’m being considering what’s happened.  I find that hard to believe because inside I’m falling to pieces.  Having to hold it together at work and around people is not easy.  It eventually catches up with me when I’m alone though, and when I end up sitting here at home, alone, the tears start welling up in my eyes again.

I have to keep telling myself that it’s for the best, and that I’ll survive, because that’s what I do.  I have my heart broken, pick up the pieces, and move on.  It gets harder every time though.  Not sure how much more I can take.

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8 thoughts on “Loving you is killing me: He said, She said

  1. Appreciate the good moments and learn from the bad ones. Every relationship gives a glimpse into who you are and what you want.

    I am sorry that things ended the way that they did. Don’t define yourself by how long a relationship lasted. Define yourself by how much you loved and how much you’re willing to love again.

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