Archive | April 2013

Customers of the week

Pissed-OFf-Girl[1]A chubby little girl about 8 or 9 years old came into the store with her dad.  As I was standing at the register I heard someone saying, “Hello?”, and then a few seconds later, again I heard, “Hello?”  This continued for a good minute and a half.  I looked over and the little girl was standing in front of the wall of house phones, picking up each handset one at a time and saying, “Hello?”  After picking up about six of the phones, she said, “Hello?  Oh, hi.”  Umm…who the hell was she talking to?  LOL

The other customer of the week was a nightmare customer.  He came in the door wobbling around, barely able to stand.  He then carefully placed a large black trash bag by the door.  As he walked toward the counter he was trying to tell me what he needed, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.  Once he got to the counter I understood why.  He was drunker than a teenage girl on spring break.  I could smell the alcohol from five feet away.

K-95PKI asked him again what he needed, which for me means me saying, “I’m sorry…what???”  What I really wanted to say was, “What the fuck do you want you drunk old man?”  However, my customer service training forbids it.  Instead I patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts and words, and to dig something out of his pocket.  As he fumbled around I began to get nervous and backed up a bit.  He must have noticed because he said, “Don’t be scared.”  That right there…made me scared.

He kept saying something about needing a charger.  I thought he meant he needed a charger for his phone, especially when he pulled out what appeared to be a hot pink old-school type cell phone.  I was wrong, very, very wrong.

He set it on the counter and I picked it up to see what kind of charger it needed.  It didn’t look like any phone charger I had ever seen, so I told him that we would probably have to order a charger for that phone.  Then he said, “Oh, that ain’t no phone.  That there’s a taser.”  Oh, my, God.  I immediately pushed it away from me (on second thought that probably wasn’t the brightest thing to do).  He picked it up and said, “Yeah, this thing has one million volts.  I’ll show you.”  I quickly said, “No, you don’t have to do that! I believe you!”

My pleas did nothing to stop him from demonstrating the awesome power of the pink taser.  He discharged the damn thing within three feet of me.  I jumped back reaching toward the aluminum baseball bat that sits behind the counter.  Fortunately I didn’t have to use it.  I kind of blacked out after he set it off, and I only remember trying to not piss my pants while simultaneously trying to get him the hell out of the store.  I felt like I was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same time.

girls-with-guns-27Once I had managed to order his charger and collect his money and get him the hell out, then I was able to breathe again, but barely.

The next day I told Bossman about the incident and he said that he was going to update the security system and put in a panic button for me.  Well, it’s about damn time, I thought.  Too bad it took me nearly getting tased for him to do it though.  It’s times like that when I really miss my Saturday night special.  Oh well.

And one last thing.  Unfortunately Hamster, my co-worker of nearly a year now has moved on to another better paying, more convenient job.  God bless him.  Now I have no one to accuse me of looking at porn on the company laptop, or ask me who I’m dating this week, or to talk to about customers once they leave the store.  So needless to say, he will be greatly missed.  In honor of Hamster, I’m dedicating this post to him, even though he’ll never know it.

Happy humping & stay safe!

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I could use somebody

Someone like you. Teacher is my someone. I’m seeing that now. Short, simple, and sweet. That’s how I see things now. 🙂

I’ll confess I’m listening to him sing and play right now. I’m smitten. There, confession done.

Steel Magnolias No More

steel_magnoliasMy mother and aunt arrived here on a Thursday afternoon.  Fortunately for me I was at work when they arrived.  Unfortunately for my sister, she was here.  She said that they didn’t even make it into the house before they started their bitching.  First it was about all the stuff on the porch, then it was about the house being too messy, then it was about there being dishes in the sink.  (Just so you know, we cleaned before they got here, and the stuff on the porch is crap that we cleaned out to throw away.)  Once they looked in the refrigerator they started bitching about us not having any food.  (Again, we are on a budget, plus we’ve tried to eat healthier and veggies don’t keep forever you know.)  I’m sure that the lack of Little Debbie snacks and fat-filled crap made them think that they were going to starve before they could make it to the grocery store.  (Yet again, you should know that my aunt and mom are both overweight and have no idea how to eat healthy.)  So that’s how the visit started…with them bitching about every little thing and nearly causing my sister to have an aneurism.

Ok, so we had two extra people in the house so far, and we still only had my bed, my sister’s bed, and Little Bubba‘s bunk beds.  It wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but my aunt is so big that she can only sleep in certain places.  So logistically she had to take my sister’s bed, because my bed is upstairs, and neither one of them can make it up the stairs without nearly having a heart attack.  So me, my sister, and Little Bubba all had to sleep in my bed.  Talk about family togetherness.  The worst part of that was having my nephew’s knees jabbing me in the back all night.

On Friday, my dad and little brother arrived.  Thankfully I had to work again that day.  That night there was more bitching about food, the lack thereof, and how my sister was being unreasonable by trying to make sure we cooked healthy foods even while they were here.   Like they are allergic to it or something.  Shit, I am allergic to shellfish, but that never stopped them from cooking tons of shrimp and not worrying about what the fuck I was going to eat.  I always had to make do with salad or whatever I could find.  [Sigh] Sorry.  I know I’m ranting here, but I’m so stressed out by their being here.  I’m literally turning red and feel my skin heating up because I’m so angry with all of them.

That night my dad slept on his ancient camping cot thing and Little Brother slept on the couch.  Again me, sis, and Little Bubba all slept in my bed.

So we made it through Friday night, and I woke up Saturday morning and went downstairs to get my coffee.  I had my coffee and cigarette, took my shower, and got ready for work as usual.  When I came back into the kitchen my mom was going through the pantry.  She saw me and said, “Y’all don’t even have anything to make biscuits.”  I said, “Mom, [Fallen Angel] is on unemployment, and I don’t make that much, so we have run low on funds for food, but I promise I’ll get some groceries today.”  Mom sort of rolled her eyes and said “uh huh” in this disbelieving tone that really pissed me off.  Why she thinks we are living high on the hog I don’t know, but it’s really annoying considering we both moved here to help them and all they’ve done is bitch and moan about every little thing we’ve done.  If I could go back in time, I never would have paid the taxes on this damn house, and I never would have moved here.  I would have told them to shove it up their tail pipes and put a match to the damn place.

(Deep breaths.)

OK, so I’m stressed.  Not just a little stressed, but a lot stressed.  It’s not just the food issues, or the lack of understanding, or the constant bitching.  It’s also because I’m in a house with five other people, and I’m the ONLY ONE who IS employed.  And yet they feel that they have some god given right to tell me how to live my life and what to do with my money?  Oh hell NO.

(More deep breaths.)

Thankfully, Teacher had asked me to come hang out with him after I got off work on Saturday.  I had packed a bag and snuck it out with me when I left for work that morning.  I was all ready to go as soon as I closed up the store.  I had told my sister that I would not be back that night and I told her where I was going, but I didn’t mention anything to my parents about not being back that night.  I knew that there was no point.  They would just lecture me or ask a million intrusive questions or be very judgmental about it like they are with everything else I do.  So instead I just left.

I had a great time with Teacher Saturday afternoon and evening.  I got to hear him play and sing at a nice little bar/restaurant, meet some of his friends, and spend the rest of the night with him.  The next morning we went out to breakfast and then to a park for a little while before I had to head back.  I really didn’t want to leave, but I knew my family was probably already up in a tizzy because I didn’t come home the night before.  Plus it was Easter Sunday and we were supposed to have a family lunch/dinner and an egg hunt for the boys.  If it weren’t for the boys I wouldn’t have cared what the rest of them had planned, but I wanted the boys to have a good Easter.

As I was driving home I got a text from Fallen Angel.  It said, “Don’t get your hopes up on the ham.”  I wasn’t sure what that meant and she didn’t respond to my text asking her to explain.  When I was about half way home she sent me another text.  “Are you on your way home?”  I told her I was and she said, “Thank God.”  So of course my mind starts racing.  I didn’t know what to expect once I got there.  Would the ham be sitting on the front lawn, would they be screaming at one another, would I get verbally attacked when I walked in?  The wave of stress was overwhelming.  Then she sent one last text.  It said, “They saw the picture.”  (I had posted a picture of Teacher playing Saturday night on my Facebook.)

When I did get home and walk in, my mom saw me and just said, “Well, hello.”  Of course her tone is what said it all.  I knew what she really meant was, “There you are you little heathen. How dare you stay out all night while we’re here.”  So what?  It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve done something to piss them off.  They should be used to it by now.

The next few days were awful.  Usually it’s my sister and my dad who don’t get along, but this time it was my sister and my mom.  My aunt didn’t help either.  Their constant bitching about drove me crazy.  They finally left Wednesday and praise Jebus because I don’t think I could have taken much more.  I was just itching for them to say something to me so I could let the wrath of the redhead fall upon them all.

After they had all gone home I told my sister about them trying to convince me that I needed to move back there with them.  I told her that it would be a cold day in hell before I ever lived within two hours of them again, and I meant it.  Their drama is just that…theirs.  I don’t want anything to do with it.

Happy humping!
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