Old Habits Die Hard

*This is probably the tenth version of this post.  I keep starting and then stuff keeps happening. LOL

Well, I did it.  I finished reading my first book in fifteen years.  And that book is Fifty Shades of Grey.  Sad isn’t it?  The ending just pissed me off.  Then my sister told me that I had to read the second book for it all to make sense.  So I started reading Fifty Shades Darker and was somewhat appeased, if only temporarily.

I got a few chapters in, and just got bored with it all over again.  I do declare though, that I will finish these damned books if it’s the last thing I do.

Moving on.

Damn it all to hell!  I’m so frustrated with myself and with men.*  It’s my fault.  Maybe the monogamy thing isn’t for me after all.  I don’t say that because I’ve recently cheated on anyone.  In fact, I made it a point to tell the person I’ve been seeing that monogamy is very difficult for me and that I probably wouldn’t be able to do it given my history with men and relationships.  Actually why I told him that was because I still had high hopes that I would still get to see “the one I really want” occasionally.  That hasn’t happened though, so I’ve been forced to move on.

It is even more difficult for me to stay monogamous when I’m not in love with the person who I’m seeing.  When I’m with someone I am in love with then I rarely feel the need to check out how much greener the grass is on the other side of that imaginary fence.  Since there is no fence, and all the grass around here seems to be dead, I’m just going to graze wherever the hell I want.

*I noticed earlier in the week that Endymion had removed me from his friends on Facebook.  I sent him a message asking it he was upset with me.  His reply?  “I’m not anything with you. You might as well live in China.”  That made me a little sad to think that I had probably hurt his feelings by not coming to visit him since I moved.  He does know of at least one time that I’ve been back to New Orleans since then, but I didn’t tell him it was to visit my “friend.”  It’s probably a good thing that he unfriended me though.  I seriously doubt I’ll ever move back to N.O. and while it was fun, that chapter is over.

To hell with monogamy

Since I’ve been thinking about monogamy a lot lately, it seems only fitting that I finally gave in and agreed to meet the Golfer for lunch after four years of his messaging me.  When I first met him back in 2008 I was freshly divorced, but he was married so we didn’t do a lot other than making out.  I guess the guilt of cheating on my ex-husband made me more inclined to not help someone else become a cheater.  So I quickly put an end to our little affair.

He is a persistent man though, and I suppose he just finally caught me in the right mood and I gave in.  I met him for lunch last Monday.  I still hadn’t planned on doing anything with him, but things happen.  Hormones kick in.  Lust takes over.  You know the rest.  What I remember most was how he kept saying he was being “so bad.”  It was true, but also funny how he kept repeating it.  I was more than a little worried that he might be overcome with guilt at some point.  I don’t guess that’s happened yet because he wants to see me again this Monday.

why_do_we_still_believe_in_monogamy-460x307

In other news…

Thursday evening before closing it was just me and the Boss there in the store.  We were chatting a little and I mentioned that I had decided that I either needed to date younger men or married men because those were the only types of relationships that worked for and appealed to me.  My personal space and time is precious to me and I don’t like feeling like I’m trapped in a relationship.  So the younger men and married men are the only ones that also seem to understand that.  If only I had known…I would have kept my big mouth shut.

On Friday my boss asked me if my sister and I still had our basement rented out.  I told him that we had kicked them out a while ago.  Then he asked how much the rent was, and then he said that he will be needing a place to stay soon.  So there it is.  His wife must have finally had enough of his cheating ways.  Now I’m trying to be hyper-aware of my flirtatious ways because I don’t want him getting any ideas.  I need my job now more than I need a fling with the boss.  Oh, and I told him that the basement was not for rent, but we might have a travel trailer that he could buy.

At lunch he called me.

Boss:  Where’s the trailer?

Me:  What?

Boss:  I’m at your house, petting a horse.  Is it this big horse trailer?

Me:  What?  Where are you?  The trailer is in Georgia.

Boss:  I’m at your barn.

Me: (Realizing where he is.)  You’re at our neighbors barn.  That’s their trailer…and their horse.

Boss:  Oh ok.  I was wondering.

Me:  Our neighbors are probably thinking “who the hell is that in our barn petting our horse?”

Boss:  (Laughing)  Yeah, probably.

Me:  Don’t get yourself shot.  I need you to sign my paycheck.  Hurry back.

After nearly 39 years, this is my life.  Full of cheaters, rednecks, swingers, idiots, manwhores, pimps, preachers, donkeys, dogs, and little old ladies who need phone batteries.  So sad.

Happy humping!

7 thoughts on “Old Habits Die Hard

  1. WordPress just won’t let me like you today. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.

    Do you get more enjoyment out of being in a relationship or from dating?

    Speaking as someone who recently ended a short-lived whirlwind romance, I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to be smothered, I need time to myself & I’m fine with that. Dating is fun, it’s an exploration, a dance. Once I’m locked into a relationship I find that I sort of lose myself in order to take care of her since I really don’t need much, which is draining.

  2. I enjoy being in a relationship when I am in love with the person, but if I become feeling smothered, like you said, then I loathe it. I also enjoy dating. There’s nothing more exciting than that first date, among other firsts with a new person. 😉

  3. Pingback: It’s raining men, with the chance of an asshole | Confessions of a Preacher's Daughter

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