Bedtime Stories

I had resorted back to trolling Plenty of Fish a month or so ago, purely out of boredom.  It possibly has to do with the fact that I had stopped taking my hormone medicines, but continued to take my Wellbutrin (or as I like to call them, my happy pills).  I originally started taking the happy pills because I read on a forum for premature ovarian failure that a side effect of Wellbutrin can be increased libido.  Luckily for me, it worked.

Also my moods have been a bit wonky lately, and the hot-flashes have started back.  It happens every time I stop taking my hormones.  Another awful side effect is that I’m tired a lot, but that could also because I’ve had crazy dreams lately and have not been sleeping well.  The dreams that I have had are usually sexual in nature.  They never have the same people in them though.  In one dream I found myself in bed with Stephan & Klaus from The Vampire Diaries.  I really don’t understand why they were there.  I’d rather have Damon & Caroline in my bed.  Anyway…

My raging libido and lack of a steady sexual outlet is making my mind go into turbo slut mode again.  All I can think about is sex.  It’s terrible.  I can’t focus on anything for very long without my mind wandering off into the gutter.  It doesn’t even take much to get me there either.  I’ve found myself staring at my bosses ass wondering why he doesn’t wear tighter jeans, gazing at the adorable blonde boy from the AT&T store next door as he walks to his car for lunch, and even flirting with every other guy who comes in to the store.  Granted, I’ve sold the shit out of some stuff lately, but I’m sure to the women, I’m just coming across as a big ol’ hoe.

Even my boss seems to think I have issues.  A couple of weeks ago he, my co-worker Hamster, and I were talking about my dad being a player, and my boss said, “So that’s where you get it from.”  Not that my boss has any room to talk.  From what I’ve been told, he’s been quite the player himself.  However, even though I have no desire to play home-wrecker, I can’t seem to keep myself from daydreaming about him.  Playing the player possibly.  I don’t even find him that attractive…well, until his ass is right there in front of me, then I can’t help but notice how nice it is.  Believe me, I’ve tried to stop these thoughts from entering my consciousness.  It’s just not working.  I don’t even think I’d ever act on them, even if he initiated something, but just that the thoughts are there bothers me.

My boss comes across as a prick a lot of the time, but then there are times when he’s really nice and playful.  Yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the stream of cute young guys that kept coming in, and all I could do was stand there with a goofy smile on my face after each one left the store.  One tall young guy came in and had long jet black hair.  He was asking my boss about something and then he left.  As soon as the guy left my boss looked over at me and my involuntary goofy smile was back and bigger than ever.  He said, “What are you smiling at?”  “Nothing” I replied, trying to sound innocent.  It didn’t work.  “Yeah, right.  I know exactly what you’re thinking you bad girl.”  Damn.  Am I that obvious?

Then there’s my co-worker Hamster.  He’s also married (to an older woman) with a kid, yet instead of being wound up tight like my boss, he has no problem talking to me about the latest toy he’s ordered for his wife from Adam & Eve.  (I believe my boss is a closet freak.  Either that or his wife has him so scared that he can’t even stand to hear anyone talk about sexual things.)  So Hamster is actually hotter and younger than the boss, but he has his quirks as well.  Like I said, I have no intentions of ever trying to seduce either one of them.  It sure has been fun to think about though.  LOL

One evening when we were getting close to closing time, a couple came in looking for a battery or something.  The boss, Hamster and I were all standing there around the front counter as I helped the couple find what they needed.  Then my boss tells Hamster that he has to go by one of our customer’s businesses on his way home.  The customer is a local retailer of “personal massagers” and DVDs.  It’s a very nice store.  I’ve actually been in there with my sister once.  So when my boss mentions the name of the place, the husband of the couple perks up and says loudly, “Oh, you gotta go there man?  I love that place!”

As I continue ringing his wife’s purchase up at the register the husband starts going into detail about some of the merchandise that the other store has to offer.  “They have this one thing that I got and what you do is…you get behind her and use that on her and then bam!  You give her that good sleep medicine man!”  As he went on and on about how to administer the “sleep medicine” he even went so far as to give us a mimed demonstration of how to do it.  I was dying with laughter inside, but outside I was just trying to keep from smiling too much.

His poor wife was staring at her cell phone the whole time.  I’m guessing she was too embarrassed to look at any of us.  When she finished paying, without even looking up at me, she said, “Thank you,” and walked out the door, leaving him behind.  It was priceless.

Then I looked over at my boss and he was turning bright red and his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.  Again…priceless.

As all this was going on Hamster was just standing there shaking his head in agreement, and occasionally saying, “Yeah, man.  I know what you mean.”  See, I knew Hamster was a cool guy.  He’s not ashamed to let his freak flag show.  LOL

Some days, I love my job.  Of course I couldn’t wait to get home and act out the entire scene for my sister.  I had us both laughing so hard I about pissed my pants.  It was awesome.

Goodnight my fellow humpers.

Happy humping!

5 thoughts on “Bedtime Stories

  1. Pingback: Old Habits Die Hard | Confessions of a Preacher's Daughter

  2. Pingback: Customers of the week | Confessions of a Preacher's Daughter

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