Archive | October 28, 2012

Disappointment

I had this big plan for this weekend.  Since I now have a car, I was going to take a trip down to New Orleans to visit a friend.  We planned it all out last weekend.  I was supposed to go down tomorrow, hang out, and spend the night with him.  I was all excited about seeing him and about getting out of town, and I let my excitement get the better of me.

Even though I can be incredibly selfish and narcissistic at times, deep down I am a very giving and caring person.  I had it all planned out to take him a gift.  Since he’s a musician, and I just happen to work in a music store, I thought it would be awesome if I made up a guitar care package for him as a surprise.  He’s a great musician and I adore him, and I just happened to notice once that he didn’t have a case for his guitar, so that’s what started the ball rolling in my head.  He could probably really use all of this stuff and would appreciate it.  He’s also a great guy who deserves to get a treat like this.  Not to mention that I had high hopes of seeing a big smile on his face when he opened it.

I gathered up a case, strings, pics, tuner, strap (a KISS one because even though it is a bit garish, it’s his favorite band), a wall hanger for his guitar, and some other random stuff.  I had to text him to ask what kind of strings he liked, and I tried not to sound too suspicious with my asking.  I wrapped it all nice and pretty in the music wrapping paper that we have at the store and put it in the trunk of my car.  It was all ready to go, and so was I.

Today I sent him a text just to say that I was really excited about seeing him, and that I had a surprise for him.  His response was not one of excitement, but more along the lines of ‘oh, you shouldn’t have.’  Then tonight I get a text from him saying that he’s had a family emergency and will be out of town tomorrow.  Now, I don’t know whether to believe him or not.  I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid, or if fate just doesn’t want us to ever see each other again.  After all, this is the third or fourth time that our plans to hang out have fallen through.

Of course I don’t want to ask him if that’s really the truth, or if my mentioning that I have a surprise for him may have scared him off, or maybe he just met someone else that he would rather spend his time with.  I opted not to ask him anything.  I just said “OK, maybe some other time.”

The worst part is how crushed I felt.  Not because I had the gift that I really wanted to give him, but because I won’t get to see him.  I was really looking forward to that.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen him.  Now I feel like I may have screwed it all up.

Then more thoughts run through my head about how he probably is just a flake and I shouldn’t waste my time on him.  What if I’m wrong though?  What if he is telling me the truth?  What if I’m just letting my insecurities take over?  It all just sucks.

I sent him one last text asking when he would be back.  I haven’t received a reply.  I’m guessing that’s not a good sign.  I could be wrong though.  I usually am about most things.