Archive | October 15, 2012

Midnight Confessions and Self-Therapy

Happy Halloween! (Not my new car by the way.)

First of all, for those of you who read my earlier post, I now have a car.  So I can at least check one thing off my list.  Yay!  It came as a complete surprise Sunday morning.  My sister told me that her friend Horse Whisperer had a car that she was willing to sell me.  Praise Jesus, because I was about to go mad not having a mode of transportation.  I love my sister, but living with her, working in the same building with her, and having to ride to and from work and everywhere else with her was putting a huge strain on our relationship.  Now we’re both free to come and go as we please.

Now for the important stuff.  I have not been completely honest with you lately, and for that I do apologize.  I’ve avoided writing very much because without telling you the truth, there wasn’t much to tell.  Sometimes it’s just harder for me to admit who I really am and what I’ve really done.  I feel the need to keep up appearances, even to strangers who only know me as an anonymous blogger somewhere in the woods of Mississippi.  Admitting to certain aspects of my life, well, it just makes me feel like a bad person.  All that extreme religious crap that was engrained into me as a kid left a deep mark.  It’s one of those scars that will never completely heal.  The truth really does set me free, even if that means being brutally honest with myself.  I’m ready to be free.

I have a problem.  I ask for advice.  I listen to it and appreciate it.  Then I go in the completely opposite direction.  Is it that I’m just strong-willed and independent, or am I just stupid and can’t follow good advice?  Maybe all the above.  Anyway, when I wrote my post “Uncommon Whore” a couple of weeks ago, I told you about Harry.  Harry had issues, lots of red flags, and had stalker written all over him.  So what did I do with Harry?  I kept seeing him.  One of my other issues, is that I find it very difficult to say no to people.  Technically, I think that’s just an off-shoot of my subconscious need to seem to be perfect and keep up appearances, but whatever…Daddy issues, blah, blah, need therapy, blah.

Even though I really did halfheartedly try to run Harry off, I just didn’t try hard enough.  He kept texting, calling, asking me to dinner, and I caved.  I’m always afraid that if I make a snap judgement about someone then I might miss out on someone who may actually be the one.  So I try not to be too quick to judge people, and instead to give Continue reading