Archive | August 7, 2012

Lost in the wilderness

I keep starting posts and then abandoning them.  Things are so crazy, hectic, and depressing here that I can’t even focus enough to finish one little post.  So I’m trying something different.  I noticed that all my posts were confined to specific topics.  Maybe that was the problem.  Maybe right now, my life can’t be confined to one specific topic.  So here.  Sit back while I share a little of my chaotic life with you.

Last week I thought that I was going to finally be able to get a car.  After selling my car earlier this summer to help fund the “save the house” project I started getting very depressed and bitter about the whole situation.  Here I was trying to help my parents and my sister and instead of feeling good about it I just feel like I’ve been beat down and abused.  The Preacher has not done much of anything other than make phone calls to lawyers and look at porn.  He’s not much help these days.  My poor mother has no clue what he’s been up to, and she’s just trying her best to take care of everyone.

We had someone come and look at the house yesterday.  My sister & I agreed not to even tell our parents yet.  We don’t want to get their hopes up.  The woman did love the house though and said she’s going to talk to her husband about it.  So we shall see if she actually comes through and buys the damn place.  I used to love this house, but not anymore.  It’s too big, too hard to clean, too…everything.  If she were to buy it next week and we had to be out in a month that would be fine with me, even though I have no clue where I’d go.

You’re response to my poll was great.  Most of you voted that I go back to New Orleans.  Part of me really wants to do that, especially now that Manwhore has left town.  We all know how that goes though.  He leaves town for a few months and then comes right back like a boomerang.  Oh yeah, he’s living with the Chicago gold-digger again.  I guess I should have started by telling you that I’ve continued to occasionally do website work for him since I moved.  That’s how I know what he’s up to.  After last week though, I’m not going to be doing any more work for him.

His business partner sent me an email a week and a half ago with a very long list of changes that needed to be made to the website and other promotional materials.  I had been waiting on the list for about three weeks.  So once I received it, on a Thursday, I told her that I would work on it on the weekend, which I did.  I spent an entire weekend making all the changes.  Once I was done I sent them the invoice for my work.  He immediately started texting me.  He said that I needed to fix some more stuff and that they would pay me half then and half once it was all done.  Well, first of all I did everything she had on her list.  The only thing that I hadn’t done was the list of additional changes that he gave me that morning.

I told him that once they paid me, in full, I would make the extra changes that he had just given me that morning.  That didn’t go over well.  He went on a texting spree and told me that I was charging them too much, that I was a rip off, that the website looked “crappy.”  That’s funny.  Before he got the invoice they both said that the website was awesome.  In a fit of desperation to get paid, and because he was so rude to me, I put an “Under Construction” page up on the website’s main page.  I also removed everything I had uploaded to Vistaprint for them to order.  That seemed to calm him down and by the end of the day I had my money, he had his website back up, everything was uploaded back to Vistaprint, and everyone was happy and appreciative.

I really don’t like having to be a bitch like that.  It’s just not naturally a part of my personality, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  After all of that I told him that I would not be doing any more work for him.  It’s just too damn stressful.

Now back to where I’ll go if we sell the house.  If Manwhore stays out of my life and hopefully New Orleans, then I would definitely consider moving back there.  The other thing that worries me about moving back there is “the one who shall not be named.”  I’ve kept in touch with him, and even seen him once since I left New Orleans.  I’m just afraid that if I move back there I’ll want to start seeing him again and he won’t want that.  I don’t know if he’s just wanting to be fuck buddies, or friends, or what, and I’m too terrified to ask.  I don’t want to piss him off, or scare him off like I did before.  If it came down to it, I’d rather just be friends with him than not have him in my life at all.

The fear of rejection can be a powerful thing.  How do you tell someone who you have a major crush on them and want to date them without sounding like a goofy teenager?

There’s also the matter of Endymion that I’d have to deal with.  If I moved back there and “the one who shall not be named” turned out to be against dating me, then I know I’d be disappointed, weak, and tempted to go back to seeing Endymion.  I really adore him, but I get the feeling that I would never be able to be his girlfriend.  In the bedroom the age difference disappears, but outside, it’s a different story.

Well, well, well.  I think that’s all I have to say about that.

Oh, back to the car thing.  I picked one out, got financing, and then was supposed to pick it up on Tuesday when the dealership called and said it wasn’t going to happen.  Evidently the odometer on the car had been replaced and therefore the finance company would no longer agree to finance it.  Damn.  That really sucked.  So now I’m back to looking for a car and saving up money, because of course as soon as they told us that, the water got cut off and the power was about to get cut off so my down payment had to go towards bills.  Have I mentioned that I hate this place?  I did?  Sorry.  It’s just that I really hate this house, town and state.

Until next time!

Happy humping!