My Greatest Fear

Are there two of me.  The the wanna be bad girl and the wanna be good girl?  Guess what?  I’m neither, or am I both?  People think life has to be so black and white all the damn time, but it’s usually just shades of grey.

My greatest fear is not what you might expect.  It’s not of snakes or spiders or of heights.  It’s not of small spaces and not of crowds.  It is of something far deeper seeded than any of those things.  It is of something that has happened to me ever since I was a child.  My greatest fear is of being judged.

I know we will all be judged in the end, but until then I wish to live free of judgement.  The times when I am able to completely open myself up to someone and not be judged are the most wonderful, almost magical times, that I ever experience.  The rest of the time though, I have this overwhelming fear that will not allow me to be the full me.  As hard as I try, I cannot shake it.

My coat of many colors has long since faded.  My parents may have made it, but over the years, I’ve added colors.  I have continued to add colors, but they become muted and faded as the years go by.  I now wear my coat of many colors proudly.  I choose not to fear your judgement, only to accept your words with openness and a desire to better myself.  That is my new promise to the world.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Here…listen to this awesome music that better expresses how I feel right now.

And now for a little Dolly…

And for the grand finale…

Happy humping!

3 thoughts on “My Greatest Fear

  1. “I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn’t then why would I say I am?” – Eminem

    Everyone likes to judge other people, but no one likes to be judged (unless they’re on American Idol) or they crave validation & attention. Your moral compass should tell you who you are & where you’re heading. Most people aren’t as one dimensional as they seem. Most people are two or even three dimensional. You can be “black & white”, and the grey that lies in between. The good, the bad & everything else in between is rather blurry & relative these days.

    If you don’t feel comfortable with something, be better than it. And if you aren’t sure of what to do, talk to your people, talk to us.

    As I once said in high school, “Some people are good, some people are bad & some people are good at being bad.”

    Take care.

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