Have you ever felt that your involvement with your partner was more hard work than fun? If so, do you feel this is to be expected or is a sign that something basic is wrong?
This is an appropriate question for me now. Since I’ve been obsessing over Art so much lately, and it unfortunately reminds me of how I was with Manwhore in the beginning, this is something I really needed to explore. I also haven’t answered any of these questions in a while and didn’t want you to think I had abandoned my little pink book. 🙂
I do sometimes feel that the relationships that I’m in or have been in are entirely too much work and not worth the effort. I always wonder whether it’s a sign that the feelings I have for a person are not shared. I wrote once about being the moth or the flame. I still believe that that’s a great way of looking at it because if only one person in a relationship is the moth, then it’s probably not going to work out. Unless both people are both the moth and the flame, meaning both are attracted to one another and both are drawing the other in, it’s just not going to last.
In all honesty though, that’s very difficult to find, or at least for me it has been. Either men are really attracted to me, but I’m not that attracted to them, or vice versa. It’s enough to drive a girl crazy sometimes.
My relationship with Art is still new and in the infant stage. I am definitely the moth. I know that much for sure. It’s not that I am not physically attracted to a lot of men, because I am. However, I am rarely attracted to a man to this degree not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and creatively.
When I was with LL Cool Bean, I liked him because he was so nice and down to earth, but I just couldn’t reach that level of physical attraction that I need. I also had a problem dealing with his immaturity, and because of that I had a hard time opening up to him emotionally. I had the same problem with my ex-husband, the Ox. He was intelligent and a good person, but it was like we were on different levels mentally. The same can also be said for Bobblehead Nerd and Skaterboi.
On the other hand I have been with some guys who I found very attractive, but were either assholes, drunks or idiots such as BSL, EB, and Yankee Cowboy to list just a few. In fact, after I broke with Yankee Cowboy and moved back down South I swore that I would never go out with a “pretty boy” again. They were just too much trouble and upkeep. I decided that average looking guys were what I needed. I was wrong.
I know I tend to be shallow when it comes to what I find physically attractive, but I also try to look past the physical and see a person for who they are. Unfortunately, that isn’t always enough. It needs to be a package deal. Art is the package deal. I know that’s a bold statement to make so soon, but it’s obvious not only to me but to everyone around me. Now if I can just figure out if I’m not just his moth, but also his flame.
I did decide to go with him to visit his kids this weekend. If I can’t figure all this out by the end of our weekend together, then I really do have some serious issues going on. LOL Wish me luck!