Archive | January 23, 2012

The hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had.

I got legs like whip cream…creamy, white and easy to spread.  LOL

The hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had…now it is not as easy as you might think to come up with this one.  I did though.  I was looking through my friends on Facebook and came across an old flame.  One look at his picture and memories began flashing through my mind.  He was not the best piece of ass I’ve ever had, but he was definitely the hottest by far.  It wasn’t just that he was a beautiful Asian man with black silky hair halfway down his back.  It wasn’t his long hair, great smile, or even his tight beautiful body.  It was his wit, charm, and sense of humor.  Oh, and that he was a Kung Fu black belt and gave me heart palpitations.

I was 25 when I met him.  He was an actor and comedian.  We went out to dinner and then went back to my place.  It started slowly with us sitting on the couch and talking.  When he went in for that first kiss I felt my heart pounding.  He was beautiful and funny and had a beautiful smile that made me melt.  We sat on the couch making out for a while and then he stood up and held out his hand.  He led me into the bedroom and onto the bed.

We continued kissing as we took off our clothes.  His body was hairless, smooth, and firm.  The sex was pretty damn good, but that wasn’t the most memorable part.  After we finished he began meditating, right there in the bed.  I was still young and naïve and didn’t really know what to think of it.  I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he liked to meditate after sex.  That was the one and only time I’ve ever had a guy do that after sex.  Usually they just pass out or leave.  LOL

Just in case you were wondering, I do have many of my ex-lovers and ex-boyfriends as friends on Facebook.  Some have found me and some I’ve found.  It always fun and interesting to find out what they look like now and what they’re up to.  I usually talk to them once or twice after accepting the friend request, then after that I just sit back and observe.  After all, there isn’t really that much to talk about now is there?  We met, we screwed, and we moved on.  That’s the way life goes.  If you don’t believe me, just ask Manwhore. 😉

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: you need to crawl ‘fore you ball

Whore #9

This one came over last week and I’m just now getting around to writing about her.  When I walked in from work and saw her sitting on the couch the first word that came to mind was “Bozo.”  I swear her hair had a life of its own.  Other than that she was just the usual unattractive type that Manwhore has been dating lately.

While I was in the kitchen he asked that LL Cool Bean and I stay in my room for about thirty minutes.  Evidently Bozo was just a booty call.

When I told LL Cool Bean about Manwhore’s request for thirty minutes alone with Bozo, his reply was quite amusing.  He said, “Why? Is that as long as he can last?”  I thought I would piss myself laughing.  Not because what he said was that funny, but because he has no idea that Manwhore and I have actually dated, and had sex, in the past.  If only he knew how right he was.  I’m not saying that Manwhore was always that quick, but he had his premature ejaculation moments.

Whore #10

Manwhore told me that he had been out with this one a few times before, he had just never brought her here before.  She is Mystery Woman because I never actually got to get a good look at her.  From what I could tell she wasn’t too bad-looking, but then again she was mostly hidden under the covers.  I thought she might be back, but I haven’t seen her since that night.  Maybe he had performance issues and she decided he wasn’t the one for her.

Whore #8

Yes, the Troll is back tonight.  When Manwhore came in with her I almost couldn’t control myself.  She’s even uglier that I had first realized.  What the hell is he thinking?  Personally I think he is smoking entirely too much and it’s affecting his judgement.  I may have to arrange an intervention.  This is way out of control.  He needs professional help.

She’s staying over by the way.  It sounds like she’s hacking up a lung in there.  She’s a smoker too.  I know I shouldn’t let it bother me so much, but I know he could do better.  Hell, he did better with me…until he fucked it all up by being himself.  LOL

As for me and LL Cool Bean, things are going great.  I really couldn’t ask for anyone better, nicer, cooler, more well-hung, or more interesting.  It kind of sucks because now I am afraid that once Manwhore moves out I won’t have nearly as much to write about.

Oh, that’s another thing I haven’t told you.  Once I told Manwhore that I wasn’t in love with him anymore, he decided to make it official and tell me that he’s going to be moved out by April 1st at the latest.  He said he just wasn’t comfortable living here anymore.  Now that’s funny right there.  He’s not comfortable living here?

At first I didn’t really believe him.  After all it is about the fourth time he’s threatened to move out and stick me with this huge rent.  He always changed his tune the next day and apologized and promised he wouldn’t leave me in a bind like that though.

So after Manwhore’s little revelation I told LL Cool Bean about it and he said that if I wanted him to he would be more than happy to move in.  So, you guessed it, I said I wanted him to move in.  Now I know that it’s a bit soon for that, but when I look at the big picture it seems like the best choice.

Then shit got ugly.  It was about midnight one night and LL and I were in my room watching Farscape.  The episode ended and we started making out.  Things quickly got hot and heavy and I ended up laying on the bed completely naked while LL was lying at the foot of the bed in between my legs.  He has excellent oral skills by the way.

So as I lay there on the bed completely naked and on the verge of an orgasm, I heard the door knob turn.  Oh hell no.  Manwhore was not about to just walk right in without knocking.  Well, he was and I yelled out for him to hold on a minute.  Evidently I didn’t yell loud enough and he started to open the door.  I yelled out again for him to hold on, but by then it was too late.  He could see in and see me on the bed in the buff.

LL was livid.  Not only had Manwhore just seen me naked, although not the first time obviously, but he had managed to piss off my man and kill the mood.  He only killed it temporarily though.  Once he realized that we were in the middle of something, well, LL was in the middle, Manwhore closed the door.  I apologized to LL, but he said that it wasn’t my place to apologize because it wasn’t my fault.  He’s so sweet.  I did my best to get things back on track and did manage to get that orgasm. 😉

The next day I told Manwhore that we needed to make sure that we knock first.  I tried to be nice about it.  I knew he probably already felt weird about walking in on us.  He said that it just reinforced the fact that he needs to move out soon.  I agreed.  Having him as a roommate was fine as long as it was just the two of us, but now that I have a boyfriend and Manwhore has his whore parade, it’s just not working.  Especially now that he realizes that I will not falter from my path of monogamy, I think he’s having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he can no longer have me when he wants or ever again.

The next couple of months should be interesting.  LL Cool Bean has already been staying here full-time.  He and Manwhore have played nice so far.  I suppose that if I have to mediate at some point my .38 might come in handy.  Damn.  I need to go to the shooting range and work on my aim.  I wouldn’t want to actually hurt anyone too bad.  LOL

My new favorite song:

Happy humping!