Archive | January 2012

Manwhore’s Whores: Stood Up

Oh, tonight, tonight, what to say about tonight?  It was a warm beautiful night in the Quarter and Manwhore and I went out to a local karaoke bar.  We were supposed to meet up with a potential Whore.  She was supposed to be there at 7:00 pm.  About 7:15 pm she sent him a text saying that she was trying to find parking.  While we were waiting he jokingly said that if she shows up and she’s ugly then he’s going to disappear and will just meet me back home.

At 7:45 pm she was supposedly parked and walking from about 10 blocks away.  Come 8:00 pm, she said she was three blocks away.  At 8:30 pm she still hadn’t shown up and wasn’t answering his texts.  At 9:00 pm she said she was in the bar.  Not true, or if it was true then she wasn’t looking too hard for us, or either she didn’t look anything like her pictures.  Manwhore was very frustrated by this point and was ready to leave, so we did.

Once we were home he got a text from her saying that she was at the bar, had sung a song, and was waiting on him.  By this time we both thought she was full of shit and just fucking with him.  He told her to lose his number.

At 10:00 pm we’re home and Manwhore’s backup hoe, Troll, showed up.  While she and Manwhore were on the balcony smoking, guess who showed up at our doorstep?  Yep.  The wanna-be whore who stood him up earlier.  She was downstairs calling his cell phone.  He wouldn’t answer of course because the Troll was right there on the balcony with him, and Troll is spending the night and going home in the morning.

Manwhore made it a point to come to my room and tell me that she was downstairs and was really pretty.  He was pissed.  Here he is stuck with the Troll now when he’s got a perfectly decent looking hoe downstairs, who even though she’s a crazy bitch, she’s here nonetheless.  Haha!  Oops, did I say that?  Fuck it.  LOL  What goes around, comes around, one way or another.

So, now he’s stuck with Troll for the night.

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: Stupid Hoe

Preach Nicki! Guess who’s the stupid hoe now!

Manwhore had Whore #11 over tonight for a little while.  They had gone out and stopped by here before he took her home.  She’s actually not bad-looking.  I even kind of thought I might like her until she opened her mouth.  She is another one with that high-pitched annoying redneck thick Cajun accent.  The accent itself isn’t that bad when I hear a man with it, but it just doesn’t sound right coming out of a woman’s mouth.

When he got back from taking her home he told me that she was a little off, as in crazy.  Oh well.  At least I won’t have to hear her talk anymore.

Other than that I’ve thought a lot lately about how easy it is to be honest about things concerning other people, but being honest with myself is the hardest thing to do.  That’s why I’m so glad to have my sister and friends like Manwhore who know me better than I know myself sometimes.

It’s also good to have my sister as a walking memory bank of my most extreme moments.  While I was up visiting with her last weekend, her friend Swamp Boy came up with his son and had dinner with us and spent the night.  While we were grilling out he said, “I didn’t know your sister was such a freak until that night at the bar.”  What?  He was talking about me being the freak by the way.  I understood that much, but other than that I was confused.  My sister said, “Yep, she was kind of wild that night.”  I asked them what the hell I did that makes me the freak.

They then told me about the night we all went out on Bourbon Street.  Swamp Boy said I saw the very hot shot-girl on the bar giving a guy a shot.  She was holding it in her cleavage and bending over so the guy could drink it.  Evidently I turned to Swamp Boy and said, “buy me a shot because I’ve gotta get me some of that.”  He did.  According to them I basically made out with the shot-girl right there on the bar, in front of God and everyone.  Holy shit!  How could I not remember that?  I know I was drunk, but damn, I didn’t think I was that drunk.  I do remember getting the shot from her, but I don’t remember any of the good stuff.  Damn.  I really need to stop drinking tequila when I go out…or maybe it was the two hand grenades.  Either way, I can’t believe I can’t remember making out with a hot black chick.

The other thing that got me to thinking about how my friends know me better than myself is that tonight Manwhore asked me how things were really going with LL Cool Bean and I tried to be honest, but it still came out a lie.  He quickly called me on it and told me that he’s not stupid, he knows I’m not totally happy with LL.  It’s true.  There are definitely things that I’ve contemplated over the last few days that really worry me, and those thoughts have made me reconsider having LL move in here permanently.  I just feel like it’s all too rushed, and we should slow things down.  I told Manwhore that and his response was that he believed I wasn’t really that attracted to LL.

I believe I told you already that LL is not the typical guy that I date, but I do really like him.  He’s a great guy, nice, considerate, generous, but he also has his flaws.  Flaws that are small, but they begin to pile up.  One of the things is that he’s constantly looking for me if I leave him alone in the room for more than five minutes.  Sometimes I feel a little suffocated.  I enjoy having my personal time and space.  He’s a little too needy and immature for my tastes.  He’s only a couple of years younger than me, but the mental maturity level between men and women is just too great sometimes.  I just don’t want to hurt him, and therefore don’t know what to do about it.

Here’s hoping that tomorrow will be a better day and I’ll have a clearer idea of what I need to do.

Happy humping!

Saturday Night Random Thoughts

1.  I turned on my Pandora and  “I Like To Move It” by Reel 2 Real was the first song that played.  I get a tingly feeling when I hear that song.  It brings back one particular memory of when I was living back in Alabama.  I was 22 years old and living with my cousin, Elvis, for a few months.  Well, he isn’t actually my cousin, but we didn’t know that at the time.  That was during the pre-DNA-test time period.  During that time I found out that he was going through a sexual identity crisis.  In other words he had started having sex with men and thought he might be gay.  He later decided that he was not gay, got married, joined the marines, and had a couple of kids.  Could have fooled me, but to each his own.  I still wouldn’t be surprised if I see him on a TV talk show one day confessing that he’s been having sex with men on the “down-low.”

Anyway, while I was living there I met a friend of his who was a few years older than me.  Prior to my arrival in town, the guy, Frat Boy, was actually infatuated with Elvis’ twin sister and they had hooked up a couple of times.

One night when she was working Elvis and I had a little party at our place and Frat Boy was among the guests.  We got a little flirty that night, but nothing really happened other than us getting drunk and dancing our asses off.   The song “I Like To Move It” was one of his favorites and I’ll never forget how he would dance to it.  Imagine a preppy 90’s frat boy dropping it like it’s hot and doing the booty bounce.  Oh my, and he did have a nice booty.  I love a man with a nice ass.

Later that week, while Elvis was in his room sleeping, Frat Boy and I were hanging out watching a movie and somehow ended up having sex on the living room floor.  It’s such a nice memory.  He wasn’t perfect or particularly great at it, but I felt so naughty that I couldn’t help but enjoy it. 😉

2.  There are some very strange people in the French Quarter.

3.  Whore #8, the Troll, was back over here Wednesday and Thursday nights.  When she first came in with him I just sort of ignored them.  I wasn’t too surprised that he had her back over, but then again, not much that he does surprises me these days.  I woke up Thursday morning and he told me that she was staying here while he went to work.  He claimed he woke up too late to take her back home.

She stayed all day and then that night.  I woke up Friday morning and they were on the balcony smoking.  Just before LL came in from work, Manwhore and Troll left.  I guess he overslept again because he called her a cab to drive her the thirty-plus miles back home.  Now that’s some expensive troll-pussy.

4.  I feel so uncomfortable when I’m laying on the couch watching television, Manwhore is also there, and then LL Cool Bean walks in and joins us.  It’s like my whole body involuntarily tenses up.  Is it because I’m afraid LL will see Manwhore look at me the wrong way, or because I’m afraid I’ll slip up and he’ll find out about my past with Manwhore?  The hell if I know.  Maybe it’s all the above and then some.

5.  Since we’re talking about Manwhore already… The song “Without You” by David Guetta just came on and reminded me of something that happened earlier.  It’s more of an association once removed.  That song came on the radio when he and I were out driving around looking for an apartment back in November.  When it came on he turned it up and looked over at me and smiled his oh so charming, yet completely transparent and devious smile.  I’ll admit it made my heart skip a beat, but you have to remember, I was still in love with him at the time.  As I told you just over two weeks ago, I had a major breakthrough one night and actually turned Manwhore down for sex.

Tonight though, LL had left for work and I was laying on the couch watching a movie.  Manwhore was on his bed and was also watching the movie.  He started talking to me a little, which is more than we’ve talked all week.  I was a little surprised that he was being so chatty with me considering we had a rather nasty yet short argument Thursday night.

As I looked at the television I could see him out of the corner of my eye.  Every now and then he would get quiet and I could tell he was looking over at me.  I found myself actually enjoying the fact that his gaze kept turning towards me.  Secretly, I think I almost liked the thought of him wallowing in lust and confusion, wanting me, but knowing he can’t have me anymore.

Then it hit me.  I could easily have sex with him if I wanted to.  It wouldn’t have to be anything other than sex, just fucking, nothing more.  Even I know that’s impossible though, especially on my end.  I may not be in love with him anymore, but I do still love him.

Just the thought of having him inside me one more time made me horny though.  I’m not sure if it’s that I had a moment of weakness and actually wanted him, or the possibility of being able to get away with it, or the feeling of power that I get by knowing that I’m the one in control now.

Then reality set in.  After the parade of whores that I’ve seen come through here over the past two months, I don’t want his dick anywhere near me.  God only knows what’s crawling around in his sheets.  Thank God for moments of clarity and the temporary boosts of willpower.  Because without them, I might be in bed with him right now, instead of writing this post.

It’s late, and I’m sick, so Happy humping and goodnight!

The hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had.

I got legs like whip cream…creamy, white and easy to spread.  LOL

The hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had…now it is not as easy as you might think to come up with this one.  I did though.  I was looking through my friends on Facebook and came across an old flame.  One look at his picture and memories began flashing through my mind.  He was not the best piece of ass I’ve ever had, but he was definitely the hottest by far.  It wasn’t just that he was a beautiful Asian man with black silky hair halfway down his back.  It wasn’t his long hair, great smile, or even his tight beautiful body.  It was his wit, charm, and sense of humor.  Oh, and that he was a Kung Fu black belt and gave me heart palpitations.

I was 25 when I met him.  He was an actor and comedian.  We went out to dinner and then went back to my place.  It started slowly with us sitting on the couch and talking.  When he went in for that first kiss I felt my heart pounding.  He was beautiful and funny and had a beautiful smile that made me melt.  We sat on the couch making out for a while and then he stood up and held out his hand.  He led me into the bedroom and onto the bed.

We continued kissing as we took off our clothes.  His body was hairless, smooth, and firm.  The sex was pretty damn good, but that wasn’t the most memorable part.  After we finished he began meditating, right there in the bed.  I was still young and naïve and didn’t really know what to think of it.  I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he liked to meditate after sex.  That was the one and only time I’ve ever had a guy do that after sex.  Usually they just pass out or leave.  LOL

Just in case you were wondering, I do have many of my ex-lovers and ex-boyfriends as friends on Facebook.  Some have found me and some I’ve found.  It always fun and interesting to find out what they look like now and what they’re up to.  I usually talk to them once or twice after accepting the friend request, then after that I just sit back and observe.  After all, there isn’t really that much to talk about now is there?  We met, we screwed, and we moved on.  That’s the way life goes.  If you don’t believe me, just ask Manwhore. 😉

Happy humping!

Manwhore’s Whores: you need to crawl ‘fore you ball

Whore #9

This one came over last week and I’m just now getting around to writing about her.  When I walked in from work and saw her sitting on the couch the first word that came to mind was “Bozo.”  I swear her hair had a life of its own.  Other than that she was just the usual unattractive type that Manwhore has been dating lately.

While I was in the kitchen he asked that LL Cool Bean and I stay in my room for about thirty minutes.  Evidently Bozo was just a booty call.

When I told LL Cool Bean about Manwhore’s request for thirty minutes alone with Bozo, his reply was quite amusing.  He said, “Why? Is that as long as he can last?”  I thought I would piss myself laughing.  Not because what he said was that funny, but because he has no idea that Manwhore and I have actually dated, and had sex, in the past.  If only he knew how right he was.  I’m not saying that Manwhore was always that quick, but he had his premature ejaculation moments.

Whore #10

Manwhore told me that he had been out with this one a few times before, he had just never brought her here before.  She is Mystery Woman because I never actually got to get a good look at her.  From what I could tell she wasn’t too bad-looking, but then again she was mostly hidden under the covers.  I thought she might be back, but I haven’t seen her since that night.  Maybe he had performance issues and she decided he wasn’t the one for her.

Whore #8

Yes, the Troll is back tonight.  When Manwhore came in with her I almost couldn’t control myself.  She’s even uglier that I had first realized.  What the hell is he thinking?  Personally I think he is smoking entirely too much and it’s affecting his judgement.  I may have to arrange an intervention.  This is way out of control.  He needs professional help.

She’s staying over by the way.  It sounds like she’s hacking up a lung in there.  She’s a smoker too.  I know I shouldn’t let it bother me so much, but I know he could do better.  Hell, he did better with me…until he fucked it all up by being himself.  LOL

As for me and LL Cool Bean, things are going great.  I really couldn’t ask for anyone better, nicer, cooler, more well-hung, or more interesting.  It kind of sucks because now I am afraid that once Manwhore moves out I won’t have nearly as much to write about.

Oh, that’s another thing I haven’t told you.  Once I told Manwhore that I wasn’t in love with him anymore, he decided to make it official and tell me that he’s going to be moved out by April 1st at the latest.  He said he just wasn’t comfortable living here anymore.  Now that’s funny right there.  He’s not comfortable living here?

At first I didn’t really believe him.  After all it is about the fourth time he’s threatened to move out and stick me with this huge rent.  He always changed his tune the next day and apologized and promised he wouldn’t leave me in a bind like that though.

So after Manwhore’s little revelation I told LL Cool Bean about it and he said that if I wanted him to he would be more than happy to move in.  So, you guessed it, I said I wanted him to move in.  Now I know that it’s a bit soon for that, but when I look at the big picture it seems like the best choice.

Then shit got ugly.  It was about midnight one night and LL and I were in my room watching Farscape.  The episode ended and we started making out.  Things quickly got hot and heavy and I ended up laying on the bed completely naked while LL was lying at the foot of the bed in between my legs.  He has excellent oral skills by the way.

So as I lay there on the bed completely naked and on the verge of an orgasm, I heard the door knob turn.  Oh hell no.  Manwhore was not about to just walk right in without knocking.  Well, he was and I yelled out for him to hold on a minute.  Evidently I didn’t yell loud enough and he started to open the door.  I yelled out again for him to hold on, but by then it was too late.  He could see in and see me on the bed in the buff.

LL was livid.  Not only had Manwhore just seen me naked, although not the first time obviously, but he had managed to piss off my man and kill the mood.  He only killed it temporarily though.  Once he realized that we were in the middle of something, well, LL was in the middle, Manwhore closed the door.  I apologized to LL, but he said that it wasn’t my place to apologize because it wasn’t my fault.  He’s so sweet.  I did my best to get things back on track and did manage to get that orgasm. 😉

The next day I told Manwhore that we needed to make sure that we knock first.  I tried to be nice about it.  I knew he probably already felt weird about walking in on us.  He said that it just reinforced the fact that he needs to move out soon.  I agreed.  Having him as a roommate was fine as long as it was just the two of us, but now that I have a boyfriend and Manwhore has his whore parade, it’s just not working.  Especially now that he realizes that I will not falter from my path of monogamy, I think he’s having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he can no longer have me when he wants or ever again.

The next couple of months should be interesting.  LL Cool Bean has already been staying here full-time.  He and Manwhore have played nice so far.  I suppose that if I have to mediate at some point my .38 might come in handy.  Damn.  I need to go to the shooting range and work on my aim.  I wouldn’t want to actually hurt anyone too bad.  LOL

My new favorite song:

Happy humping!