Archive | December 2011

Manwhore’s Whores: They not nuns, they hoes.

Welcome to the whorehouse.  We’re open from 5pm to 4am 7 days a week.  We’re currently running a special for those of you who are alcoholics.

Thus far Manwhore has had four five women over to the apartment.  It’s hard to keep up with them all so I’ve decided to blog about them.  😉  Here is a synopsis of each.  Oh, and I’m guessing this will become a continuing series of posts seeing as how Manwhore shows no signs of slowing down his dating marathon.

Whore #1

The first was before I even moved my stuff into the apartment.  She was a woman that he had never even met before and had only talked to online, via text, and on the phone.  She called him the night before I was supposed to get here and said that the man who she had been staying with got very aggressive and she and her daughter had to leave because they were afraid of him.  Now first of all, why was she on a dating site in the first place if she was already living with a man?  I’m guessing his anger management problems may have had something to do with finding out she was on a dating site.  Either way Manwhore felt sorry for her and told her she and her daughter could come here and stay, indefinitely.

When he first sent me the text telling me about the situation I was livid and looking for my bullets.  I hadn’t even moved in yet and he was moving one of his whores in, with her kid nonetheless!  I know I’m Continue reading

Nothing but the truth

Well here it is folks, the beginning of the next chapter of my life.  I’ve avoided posting this post like the plague, but I feel I can’t wait any longer.  Ugh.  I’m getting nauseous just thinking about posting this.

Anyway, I have finally finished moving, again.  The apartment that I found is a huge and beautiful apartment in a house that was built in the 1800’s.  It has fireplaces, wood floors, and 20 foot ceilings with chandeliers in each room.  I even have a balcony overlooking one of the best streets in New Orleans.  I’m definitely going to enjoy that come Mardi Gras. 🙂

That’s the good part, now for the bad part.  The bad part is that I’m having to hunt for a job ASAP, and I didn’t get my trike moped.  Well, those are two of the bad parts.  Another bad part is that I had to pay a price for this great apartment.  I have a roommate.  Now, at this point I could either avoid telling you the whole truth of the matter, or I could just flat-out lie, but I’m a terrible liar.  Instead I’m just going to go full-out and tell the complete truth.  You’re probably not going to like it.  I’m fairly certain that you’re going to think I’ve lost my mind completely.  Don’t be too quick to judge though.  I have my reasons for doing what I have done, even if they have become a bit fuzzy since I moved in here.

I have a roommate.  My roommate’s name is, drum roll please, Manwhore!  (I told you I dreaded posting this.)  I bet that wasn’t what you were expecting.  I wasn’t expecting it either, but as usual I did something without completely thinking things through first.  Now don’t misunderstand, I did think long and hard about it, but I just couldn’t get past the part where I’d be living in the best neighborhood in possibly the coolest city in the South.  I’m a sucker for a great location.  So shoot me.

I know you probably think I’m completely insane at this point, but please hear me out.  First of all, Manwhore and I discussed this in great detail before actually moving in together.  We tried to plan for any issues that may come up later on, and we both agreed that just being friends and roommates is the best thing for us now.  He knows how I feel about him and vice versa.  We are great friends, we both care about one another, and in a city this big it’s nice to know that I have someone watching my back.

Is it the perfect living situation?  No, of course not.  Is my relationship with Manwhore a severely dysfunctional one?  Definitely.  Will it eventually blow up like my sister keeps telling me it will?  Probably.  Has any of that deterred me from staying here?  Nope.

Now that I’ve dropped the bomb about my living with Manwhore I can move on to posting about some of the women he has brought home so far.  It has become painfully obvious that his taste in women sucks.  I guess that’s why he can’t commit to me.  I’m too good for him.  LOL  You should see some of the trash that he’s brought home so far.  Anyway, more on that later.

Don’t worry, I’ve had a few conquests of my own that I need to tell you about. 😉  Right now I’m headed up to my sister’s to babysit my nephew tomorrow.  Have a great weekend!

Happy humping!

The question I dread the most.

There is one question that I always dread and yet men always ask before having sex with me for the first time.  It’s also the one question that no matter what the correct answer is I’m going to lie.

“How long has it been since you had sex?”  I want to ask “Why?  Why do you have to ask me that?”  My answer is always, “It’s been a while.”  Why is that my answer?  Because it is ambiguous enough to keep me from sounding like a whore and yet also doesn’t make me sound like a complete prude.

Simply put, ask stupid questions and you’ll get stupid (lies) answers.

Happy humping!

Stalkers, parks and recreation.

CafeDuMondeDec06Waiters

I opened my Yahoo Messenger a few weeks ago and as soon as it logged in guess who I had a message from?  Stalker!  Yep, my one and only very own personal stalker!  I have debated whether to write about this one because it is a glaring example of my stupidity and bad taste in men.  However, the time has come to put it all out there for the world to see, or read, or whatever.  🙂  I’m going to post some of my entries directly from my journal so you can see just how this all went down.  I’ve changed the names of course.

August 22, 2008

I met Stalker.  We met in person in New Orleans on August 22nd.  He’s 47, from N.O., originally from Cuba, he & his family moved to the states when he was a boy, he’s worked for [company] for 24 years, is in the Navy Reserves & has applied to become a LA State Policeman.  He’s very nice & cultured, which I made the mistake of telling my sister that & now she thinks he is gay.  Anyway, we went to Cafe Du Monde with his friend & then walked around the French Quarter until 10:00pm or so.  His friend had gotten him a room at a timeshare that he has & it was there in the French Quarter so we decided to go back there & hang out & eat something.

Everything was fine, we ate, then I was going to sit on the couch & he pulled me in for a hug/kiss.  He was a very good kisser…nice full lips.  We went & sat on the couch & he pulled my legs up into his lap & he said that he loved my shapely legs, which is a first I think.  I don’t remember anyone ever complimenting me on my legs.  So we kind of went from there to the bedroom.  I was very hesitant to take off my clothes.  I had not planned on going there that night so I didn’t have any other clothes or anything with me.  We finally got comfortable & honestly I was completely shocked.  He is 5’5″ and I did not expect him to be so well endowed.  I also knew that he was very tired & didn’t expect him to last long, but he lasted a very long time.  So long that I was almost ready to tell him to stop.  Not that it wasn’t good, it was great, but he was going so hard & deep that I was beginning to get sore, not nearly as sore as I ended up being the next day though. OMG I could barely move once I got home.  My ass, stomach, legs & insides were all aching.  Before I left the next morning though, we made love again & I actually initiated it.  My damn medicine just makes me so horny sometimes that I can’t help myself.  Plus, why not take advantage of having a cock there while I can.  LOL

September 7, 2008

I met Stalker in [town] because it was his birthday.  We went & had pizza, hung out at a local park, then just sat & talked in his car for a while before I had to leave.

September 8, 2008

Stalker sent me a text saying that he could fall madly in love with me & he was already crazy about me.  Kind of scary considering we’ve only known each other a few weeks.  But to make things even scarier, the next day, he texts me that he will probably marry me.  How scary is that???

September 12, 2008

Stalker says that he knows he’s in love with me & he wants to fuck me so hard & so badly that he has to masturbate every day.

September 13, 2008

I met Stalker at 10:30 pm in [town] & stayed the night with him in a hotel there.  While making love he told me that he loved me.

I’m still not sure if I can handle his going on & on about things that really bore me to tears.  He says I don’t talk enough, but how can I if I can’t get a word in edgewise?

September 15, 2008

Stalker keeps texting me telling me that he loves me & wants to pound me & make me his little white, green-eyed, blind, barefoot & pregnant princess.  He knows I can’t have kids though.  He also has an eyeglass fetish I think.

October 11, 2008

I had an eye exam at 8:20 am in [town] and of course Stalker wanted to be there.  After all, it was his idea in the first place.  His “fetish” has gone a bit far.  Well, he met me there, went into the exam with me, talked to the Doc, and then we went next door & ordered new lenses for my glasses.  Then he wanted to go to Sam’s & do some shopping.  I hate shopping with him.  He really is a tight wad.  LOL

Then we went to Chik-Fi-La for lunch.  Again, he says he loves fast/fried food, but I don’t know if he’s just really cheap or what.  One day I’m going to try & get him to go to an real restaurant & see what happens.

Finally after driving all over the damn place, and spending a few hours at the office, he finally agreed to start looking for a hotel room.  I was starting to get what I thought was an allergy attack after we left the office, so I really just wanted to get a room & relax a little.  He just talks and talks and I barely say anything.  When I do try to say anything I have to butt in & I think I end up sounding a bit rude, not on purpose, it’s just that it seems that I only get to interject when it’s something I force myself to say.

I think I’m just more scared that he’s talking about marriage & babies already when I’ve only known him less than two months and have only seen him a handful of times.  He says he loves me & is crazy about me, but I don’t understand why that has to mean that we have to rush and go to a drive through chapel in Las Vegas!

My journal entries about Stalker end there mainly because I stopped seeing him once his “roommate” started texting me.  He had told me about her early on and said that they were just roommates, but she wanted to be more.  He also said that he was not interested in her.  Bullshit alert!

She found my number in his phone and started texting me telling me that he belonged to her and for me to leave him alone.  Done.  I wanted nothing more to do with him, but it’s never that easy.  He found out and continued texting, calling and emailing me.  No matter how many times I told him that I didn’t want to see him again he just didn’t get it.

I finally had to change my phone number just to get rid of him, or so I thought.

In February of 2009 I received a three page handwritten letter.  It was addressed to me at my dad’s mission.  I guess at some point I had told him that I was working there and the name of it, so he easily tracked down the address.  The letter went on and on about how much he loved me and how I should forgive him and give him another chance.  He said “I just want my soul back and you have possession of it.”  How sweet, and psycho of him.

I told my dad that if Stalker showed up at the mission he had my permission to shoot him on site.  I was genuinely afraid of what Stalker might be capable of doing.

He never showed his face again, but he did continue to email and send me instant messages.  I just ignored them.  To this day he still sends me a “happy birthday” message every year and occasionally pops up just to say “hi” and see how I’m doing.

I’m not afraid of him anymore, but then again I have a gun of my own now.  He’s the one who should be afraid. LOL

Happy humping!