So my sister and I are both on Plenty of Fish, the dating website. I actually just restarted my account Thursday afternoon because I was bored. That was not a good idea. It turns out that there aren’t as many good fish in the sea where I live. Also, my sister and I still have problems sharing, men that is. Here’s a breakdown of what happened after I rejoined.
First, I took a look at the guys in my area and was severely disappointed. Not only were they the homeliest looking group that I’d ever seen, they were also the most uninteresting I’d ever come across. There wasn’t one redeeming profile among them.
Second, I started getting messages almost immediately and decided to show some of them to my sister. The first profile that I showed her was of a guy that she had already received a message from. Same thing with the next couple of guys. It was funny, but also a little scary. How can a guy find both me and my sister interesting? Granted we’re both pretty good-looking girls, but extremely different in our personalities, interests, and lifestyles. I started to wonder if these guys were just messaging every girl they could find in their immediate area.
One of the guys that it showed as being interested in me was a guy that she went out on a date with a couple of weeks ago. They sent texts back and forth for a couple of days and then he just stopped all communication. She had no idea why. Obviously he’s still alive and when I told her that it showed him as being on the site that day, I believe her exact words were, “That asshole.” I suggested that I message him and pretend to be interested and then when I’m reeling him in I say, “Surprise mother fucker!” and drop the bomb that I’m her sister. We both found that to be very amusing and we are still considering it as an option.
Sis and I discussed the situation and decided that we would have to check with one another when we want to contact anyone on the site so that there is no cross-contamination. I sure as hell don’t want her rejects or left-overs, and vice-versa. LOL
As I was looking through the guys that had added me to their favorites I noticed a familiar face. Before I say who it was I would just like to add that POF must not delete anything while your account is inactive because this one was added back on September 24th. Are you ready for this one? It was EB. Yep, crazy annoying non-stop talking Energizer Bunny himself. I haven’t even seen him since back at the end of August. That’s not even the best part. I looked at his profile, out of pure curiosity, and he had added a line to the beginning of his profile that said “Go Go..Energizer Bunny.. Go Go.. I keep going & going & going.. Lol..” What the hell? He knows I called him the Energizer Bunny and here he is flat-out stealing my material! LOL Don’t worry. I’m going to avoid that one like the plague.
Later when I had the site open in a window while I was working on something else I got a pop-up saying that someone wanted to chat with me. Damn! I forgot to turn the messaging thingy off. So I accepted his message and he said “hi” and asked how my night was going. It was the usual first contact chit-chat.
He told me his first name and what city he lived in. I took a peek at his profile, but he didn’t have a picture on it. Normally I would just ignore anyone without a picture posted, but I played along for the hell of it. I responded with “Hi, I’m [PD].” He said, “Really? That’s your name?” I didn’t find this odd at first because my real name is odd and I get that a lot. Next thing he says is, “Check your messages. I sent you a picture.” OK, so I went and checked my messages and there was a new one from him. As soon as I opened it and saw the picture I regretted ever getting back on that website.
I knew him. I didn’t just know him…I knew him in the biblical sense. Fuuuuuuuuuuck. This was not good. Bluegrass was one of the most annoying men I had ever been with. I have to explain this a little though. He’s divorced now, but at the time that I first met him he was married and lived a couple of hours from me. We met twice and slept together twice. That was one time too many. I only gave him a second chance because I thought maybe he was just nervous the first time or something. I was wrong.
He was not good in bed. Actually, he was terrible in bed. To top it all off though, he had little to no self-esteem and was constantly asking if his “wiener” was big enough for me and if he was good in bed. At the time I wanted to be nice and spare his feelings, but I think honesty would have been a better policy in that situation.
After the second time turned out to be another disappointment I decided that I was through with him and ignored his calls and texts and emails. I felt a little bad about it, but I just couldn’t deal with his constant whining and neediness. That was the end of that, so I thought. Now he’s found me again and I’m going to have to avoid him all over again, or just tell him the truth. Actually I did tell him that he annoyed the hell out of me before and that’s why I disappeared on him. He still wants to meet up again. He said that he thinks about me all the time. Shit. I guess it’s time to change my email, phone number, and instant messenger id again.
I woke up yesterday morning thinking that maybe things would have calmed down and all of my crazy exes would have gone to work and forgotten about me. I was wrong again. I’m wrong a lot. I’m starting to see a pattern here. Anyway, I woke up and went to check my email. I had a message that someone wanted to meet me. POF has this thing where you can click “yes” or “no” to whether or not you’re interested in someone and you get an email if they answer “yes.” Basically you look at a person’s picture and if you like what you see you click on the yes button. It’s shallow, but I find it quick and amusing. So when I log in and pull up my list of men who want to meet me, guess who I see. Yep, it’s another pop-up man.
This time the pop-up man was K9, a guy who I
went out with slept with a few times back in 2008. He was not bad in bed, and he was good-looking, but he was only two inches taller than me and he lived an hour away. All of that put him at the bottom of my “to-do” list at the time. What I don’t understand is why he would want to even talk to me again. It’s been three years. Seriously? I know I’m good and all, but come on. We didn’t even have that much in common, other than the sex.
My sister also was kind enough to remind me that the last time I was headed to go see him he called me and said he didn’t feel like hanging out that day. She said he was a jackass. I had forgotten about that. It’s so nice to have a backup memory around. She also suggested that I keep a “man log” since my memory isn’t that great. I told her that’s why I started writing a blog. 😉
So overall my reinstatement into the world of Plenty of Fish has not been very encouraging so far. At least I got some good blog material out of it though. Oh, and I learned quite a bit about my sister’s dating habits and taste in men. Apparently she doesn’t just like dirty old men. She also likes semi-older redneck men with lots of baby-mama drama. Well, maybe she doesn’t like them, but she does attract them.
*Just a quick piece of advice for you guys out there: playing golf does not qualify you for listing “athletic” as a body type. There’s nothing wrong with being “average”, but don’t exaggerate. 😉 Also, don’t use a picture of yourself wearing sunglasses as your profile pic. A close-up with your eyes in plain view is the best way to go.
Happy humping & I hope you catch a big one!