When you start getting seriously involved with someone, do you want the person to stop going out with others? How deeply involved would you let yourself become before insisting upon this sort of commitment?
Sometimes I think this little book of questions was written just for me. I love this question in particular because I had to think about something that I normally don’t bother thinking about. I’ve decided that there are three ways that I can look at it.
- The way that I would like it to be.
- The way that it has been.
- The way that I am, or my hypocritical ways.
First there is the way that I would like it to be. When I start getting seriously involved with someone, I do want the person to stop going out with others. This is usually because I tend to have sex with a person entirely too soon. Once I have sex with someone I like to think that I am more than enough for them and they won’t even feel the need to see other people. I also think that to find out if things are going to work out with someone, they should focus on one person at a time to give it a fair chance.
So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that even in the early development stages of a relationship, and to give people a fair chance, a person should only date one person at a time. That would be ideal, but I don’t think that happens all the time.
Next there’s the way that it has been for me in the past. Many men don’t seem to think anything is wrong with dating multiple women at the same time. Many women don’t either, but I’m focusing on the men that I’ve dealt with over the years. I’ve dated many men who continued dating other people while they dated me. Of course I didn’t always know until later that they were dating other people, and I usually found out after it was too late. There’s nothing inherently wrong with dating more than one person at a time except for the fact that it seriously divides your attention and makes it difficult to give any one person a full chance. I just don’t think that is very fair. Because the beginning of a relationship is a critical time I don’t believe that waiting until you’re seriously involved with someone to become monogamous is going to help very much.
Lastly I have to admit my own faults and the fact that I’m a hypocrite when it comes to how I want men to act and how I tend to act. I may believe that it’s ideal to date only one person at a time, and want the guys I date to be monogamous from the get-go, but honestly that street doesn’t always go both ways. I guess it’s a subconscious fail-safe mechanism that I have that in theory will keep me from getting hurt, or too close too soon, or to keep some other strange unsubstantiated fears at bay. Sometimes though, it’s just that I can’t say no when a cute guy asks me out. So I can understand why men do what they do, sort of.
While writing this I had a thought. Don’t laugh. I really did. I forgot to mention that all this probably depends on what kind of dating a person is doing. Are they dating just to date and hang out with people, or are they dating to look for a serious relationship? If they are dating looking for a serious relationship then what I said above applies. If they are just dating to be dating, then I don’t think it really applies. If you’re just looking for a good time, then you should make that clear and then monogamy isn’t really an issue.