Archive | July 5, 2011

Dude, you’re freaking me out!

I did it.  I told EB that I was going to return the birthday present (earrings) to him, that we weren’t compatible, and that we shouldn’t see each other anymore.  I tried to be nice about it.  I hate being mean to people even when they’ve pissed me off or done me wrong.  Evidently even after telling me to “give the damn earrings back” he still was not satisfied with my decision to end our brief relationship.  He has texted and called me all day long.  These haven’t been short little text messages either.  They have been long rambling texts, usually several at a time, telling me how he really cares for me and we could have had something beautiful.  (This is where my gag reflex kicks in.)  Come on dude!  We’ve only seen each other three times!

Even when I was talking to him on the phone and almost completely lost my fiery red-headed temper with him he was still apologizing and trying to get me to come see him tomorrow.  It was all I could do to hold back and not rip into him like a chainsaw through butter, but I was good.  It was bad enough that I was apparently breaking his little heart, it would be just plain cruel to kill his ego as well.  Good thing I’m not an evil bitch.  Damn, sometimes I wish I were though.  If I had of ripped into him here’s some of the topics, or tips you might call them, that I would have liked to cover:

  1. Never tell a girl you love her on the first date AND in bed.
  2. Don’t ask the girl if she loves you while you are fucking her.  She’s either going to lie or ignore the question.
  3. Let the girl talk now and then, and not just when you’re asking her if she likes anal or swallows.
  4. Don’t call a girl “sugar tits” until you’ve dated for at least a month.
  5. Don’t try anal on a girl unless she gives explicit permission beforehand.
  6. Don’t talk about your ex’s unless asked about them.
  7. Don’t talk incessantly about your ex’s at all.
  8. Don’t ask a girl how many or what types of men she’s been with before you.  If she wants you to know she will tell you.  (It’s not a good idea to volunteer this information to a guy, ever.)
  9. Don’t treat your whiny little girly mini-dog like a baby in front of the new girl.
  10. If you find sex or bodily fluids to be too dirty or disgusting and you don’t want them on your sheets or bed, then don’t have sex!  Giving a girl a handful of tissues and telling her to stuff it in before you pull out is just wrong.  Hello!  OCD calling!  That plus getting immediately out of bed after sex completely cuts out the chance for any post-coital cuddling or enjoyment of the moment.  Just hire a hooker or buy a blow-up doll!
  11. If you’re going to cook for a girl, have the decency to let her eat it while it’s still hot/warm and not ice-cold.  Just because you don’t know how to time your cooking and/or you’re not hungry right then, she may be and cold food sucks.
  12. Don’t try to choke a bitch in bed.  Asphyxiation is not a turn-on for most women.
  13. Don’t pretend like you don’t know that you have a big cock.  That’s just sad.
  14. Get some damn self-confidence.  Being a whiny “I’ve been hurt so many times by women” pussy is not going to help in your quest for a decent girlfriend.
  15. Take a girl out, you know, like on a real date.  Cooking out at home and watching a movie is fine occasionally, but not every time.  I need to know how you act in public.
  16. Don’t lay in bed farting on the third date.  That’s not funny and not a turn-on.  I don’t know you that well yet.  Hell, I didn’t even like it when my ex-husband would do that.  It’s gross.

I could keep going, but I think that pretty much covers the main points.  Why did I not dump him after the first date you may ask.  Well, it’s simple.  I believe in giving the person a good chance before making a full conclusion.  However, after three dates, if this is the type of behavior that seems to be “normal” for a person, then something is definitely wrong and these are issues that cannot be ignored.  I do have my standards, even if they aren’t that high.

Happy humping & let’s hope for better luck next time!