Saturday night was one of those great nights where I had a good time, there were plenty of laughs, and I got drunk, but not to the point of getting sick. My sister and I went to her friends’ house for a cookout and party. They have a big deck and we hung out there for most of the night. There was a guy there that my sister and I met the weekend before at the VFW lodge who we call Happy Beer Man. He immediately caught a liking to my sister and his obsession continued Saturday night. HBM is about 55 or so and my sister is about to turn 28. He seems like a nice guy, but he is a drinker and I’ve yet to see him when he wasn’t drunk off his ass.
Again that night he was all over my little sister like white on rice and watching them was hilarious. My sister started drinking margaritas as soon as we arrived and she got drunk fast. As the night progressed and we all got more inebriated, HBM and my sister got into a predator vs. prey battle. HBM was relentless in his quest to get laid. My sister got quite outspoken the drunker she got and it was great. At one point a friend, Hunter, told her to ask HBM if he had his nitroglycerin pills with him. We all nearly wet our pants laughing.
Hunter was sitting next to me and kept poking me saying, “Watch this. I’m about to stir the pot.” I just kept encouraging him to stir away because it was the best entertainment we had all night. My sister or Hunter (I was too drunk to remember) joked about him being her pimp because he kept prodding them both towards getting it on right there on the deck. I asked Hunter if HBM would be getting the senior citizens’ discount. I thought it was funny, but I’m not sure my sister did. I do tend to make smartass remarks when I’m drunk.
The worst part was all the names that HBM kept calling my sister. He started with sweetie, sugar, angel, and good-lookin’, but as the night progressed and she kept backing off, the names got worse. His favorite seemed to be “bitch.” As you all probably know, I do not really care to be called that and I didn’t like hearing her called that either, especially by a drunk horny old man. I don’t think she would have gone home with him no matter how hard he tried, but just in case I made sure she came home with me.
We both woke up with hangovers the next day, but unfortunately we had to drive an hour to my parents’ house to pick up Little Bubba, my nephew. I was not a happy camper, but I survived.
It wasn’t as wild and crazy as some of our past adventures, but it was nice to see my sister let loose and have some fun.