I’m dating these posts because I wasn’t able to post them until after I had moved out and left Skaterboi which I finished doing today. He found out about my blog right after we met (this is the post he first found) and I no longer had complete freedom in my writing.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I got an email from Manwhore. This was my reaction. After a lot of back and forth emailing, then text messaging, then phone conversations I finally agreed to go meet him to talk. This is what happened. Not good. Not good at all.
Sunday, May 15, 2011 10:18 am
As I sit here on Manwhore‘s bed thinking about last night I can’t help but wonder what’s come over me lately. I got here last night at 10:10 pm. I wasn’t supposed to be here until 10:30 pm because he was working the night shift. I had to leave early though because Skaterboi had come home from the bar at 8:00 pm and I didn’t want to deal with him any longer than necessary. I told him that I was going up to my sister’s, which I am going to do on Monday. Skaterboi was pissed off that I was leaving so late and that I was going to babysit again. He mentioned before I left that he did like having me around. I’d never know it from the way he acts. He comes and goes without so much as a word most of the time.
I was looking forward to going to the aquarium with my parents, little brother and nephew yesterday and we ended up having a good time. The boys loved it of course. The Preacher wasn’t feeling well so he was a little grumpy, but it’s nothing we’re not used to. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t tell him that Manwhore was going to meet us there so I could give him a book. I couldn’t be completely honest before because of Skaterboi, but I’ve been seeing Manwhore again for a few weeks now. I know this is probably comes as quite a surprise considering everything that happened with Manwhore and myself over the past year, but he’s a good friend to me and I need that now more than anything.
Monday, May 23, 2011
I know my judgement when it comes to men has been less than perfect over the years, but sometimes a girl just needs some attention and a shoulder to cry on. Manwhore is so much like me that we understand each other in ways that no one else can. He may not be perfect, but neither am I. When he first popped back into my life on April 10th I had a rush of emotions come over me. I cried. I cursed. I laughed. Eventually I gave in to him and went to see him.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Over the last several weeks I’ve been going to visit my family, but I’ve also been stopping by to visit with Manwhore before going up to my parent’s and sister’s houses. I know it was wrong, considering I was still living with Skaterboi, even though I had stopped sleeping with him. I was at a loss for what to do to remedy the situation. Manwhore started offering to let me stay with him, then he would change his mind, then he would change it back… It felt like a never-ending roller coaster ride. Finally though, I left Skaterboi, completely, and I was going to move in with Manwhore. When I got to Manwhore’s apartment yesterday I hesitated to bring my things upstairs because I was afraid he would change his mind again. He had asked me again yesterday morning to come over and bring my things. He told me that he loved me and missed me and wanted me here with him. I said that I would come. I wrote Skaterboi a note trying to explain things and telling him that I would be back within a week for the rest of my things. I put the note on the table and left.
While driving to Manwhore’s apartment which is 45 minutes away, I starting getting a very uneasy feeling, but I told myself that there was nothing to worry about. After all, he had just told me that he wanted to be with me and only me. “Too good to be true,” I thought.
Manwhore is bipolar. I knew that already and he had told me right after I met him that he was on medication for it. I also knew that he had stopped taking it last year before that shitstorm blew him up north to be with the Other Woman. He tells me today at lunch that not only is he back on the medication he’s started therapy. He also tells me that his doctor told him that he needed to get himself straightened out before getting into any type of relationship. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that bomb to be dropped on me. Of course the mere fact that he told me about this meant that he was seriously considering following the doctor’s advice. Oddly enough I agree with the doctor. Unfortunately for me this means packing all of my stuff up yet again, putting it back in my car, going up to my sister’s and telling her that I will be moving in with her after all. I had just told her last night that I was going to be staying with Manwhore. I told her the day before that I was going to stay where I was with Skaterboi because we talked and Manwhore had also changed his mind again. Confused yet? I am.
At this point, even I am thinking that I’m insane for doing all this back and forth shit with both Skaterboi and Manwhore.
After Manwhore asks me for my opinion on the doctor’s advice I had to tell the truth and tell him that it probably is a good idea. Please don’t misunderstand. I in no way am 100% certain that he will be able to actually follow through with all of this. He goes back and forth so much and when he’s down he always turns to the pussy. He will probably continue to date other women and even talk to the Other Woman.
I forgot to tell you that when I got here yesterday he was still working and he had asked me to clean his dresser off. I said I would and as I was doing so I saw a pair of big hoop earrings on the dresser. They obviously weren’t his so I assume he had a “friend” over this past week. (I last saw him on Monday when he drove me to the doctor.) This alone was a red flag for me not to unpack some of my things, but I did anyway. I didn’t mention the earrings to him, probably because I didn’t really want to hear his answer. (Deja Vu anyone? It reminds me of when I found the wedding picture cd on his side table last year.) I was in major denial. I didn’t want to believe that he had screwed me over and lied to me yet again, especially after I just left another man to come and be with him. Silly me.
I know this may be hard to follow because I’m all over the place emotionally and physically. I also know that I’m a moron when it comes to keeping my head on straight and not falling for the bullshit that men keep feeding me.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I finally got all of my stuff out of Skaterboi’s place today. That’s why I’m finally able to tell all. I’m completely ashamed of letting myself fall for Manwhore’s bullshit again.
I haven’t heard from Manwhore in a few days. I’m not surprised. I’m actually glad that he hasn’t bothered trying to talk to me. Maybe this will give me the push I need to move on and forget him.