The Joys of Being Single

Yesterday singlewhitealcoholicseekssame left a comment on my post 31 days until I turn 37.  He said that we have “Two choices in life: Single and lonely or committed and agitated!”  I replied, “I actually find being single more satisfying because I always feel like I have more options open to me. I guess I’m a bit of a control freak and I can’t stand feeling tied down.”  He has a good point though because a lot of people feel that way about relationships.  You either have to be single and lonely or committed and agitated or miserable.  There is a third option though.  You can be single and enjoy your life and still have sex with people without having to deal with the day-to-day annoyances of living with a person.  (This is something that I’ve had to learn the hard way.)

I really do feel lighter and more open to whatever the universe has in store for me when I’m single.  I’ll freely admit that I’m a bit of a control freak and a little selfish on top of that.  Those two things are definite relationship killers.  I know that and I’m working on it, but my progress thus far has been slow and not very promising.

I realized today when I was unpacking my things in my bedroom and getting it set up just how I want it that I like things a particular way, my way.  I like to have my Hello Kitty collection, Willie Nelson pictures, and other girly stuff out where I can see and enjoy it all.  I can’t do that when I’m living with a man because they act like it’s somehow going to diminish their manliness if it’s out for the world to see.  I’m more than capable of being selfless and accommodating to the person that I’m in a relationship with, but I’d rather just be able to do things my way.  When I’m able to do that, I feel so lighthearted and almost giddy with excitement and joy.  Now how can that be a bad thing?  Seriously, if you can explain it to me feel free to do so.

The most heartfelt advice that my grandmother ever gave me was to “stay single if possible.”  I believe what she meant was that barring an unplanned pregnancy I should be able to stay single, avoid any shotgun weddings, and enjoy my life.  I should have listened to her and at the very least never have gotten married.  She was married to my grandfather for over fifty years.  They had their ups and downs and survived infidelity and fights that involved gunshots and dishes being thrown, but in the end they still loved each other very much.  That’s all I really ever wanted, just someone to love me no matter what and to stick it out with me until the end.  Isn’t that what most people want?  There’s definitely some wisdom in what she told me though.  If a person can stay single, yet still have their physical and emotional needs met, then that’s a pretty damn good way to live.  Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s very feasible considering the fact that most people are going to get attached in some way to their lovers and eventually will want more than just a “friend with benefits” type of relationship.

My new favorite dance song.  Sting is so sexy no matter how old or crazy he gets.

11 thoughts on “The Joys of Being Single

  1. [background]
    I’ve been married for 10 years, but have known my wife for 19!
    We are in the process of getting divorced, in the next couple of weeks it will be final.
    Our marrage produced two wonderful daughters that I would literally kill for.
    I moved out the house three weeks ago and it’s been difficult to say the least.
    [/background]

    So i’m going to throw a spanner in the works here and say that I agree with what you say, single is good so long as you have never been attached for any lengthy amount of time, say 5 years.

    In my view when you are one half or in my case 1/4 of a entity, when that entity is suddenly taken away you feel empty and just a shell of your former self.
    I guess I’m overdoing it here, I do still see my ex-wife and kids, but it’ll never be the same and it’s a tough pill to swallow.

    I’m quite an accomodating person and I guess being like that, I blended or merged into my wife and kids, so much so that I really don’t know who I am anymore.
    I’ve been told that this is the first thing I need to do – find me, but to be honest all I want to do is find someone else, attach, and once again become just another fraction.

    And now the clincher… in response to your post and all I’ve been through, I would [read: will] do it all again.

    • Mike I can completely understand that after being in a relationship for so long a person can feel less than whole after it ends. My friend Manwhore felt that way and went from relationship to relationship with almost no break inbetween. He took it to the extreme though and actually got married over and over again out of a fear of being alone and on his own. He recently started seeing a therapist and was told that he needed to stay out of relationships for a while until he could become happy with himself and not feel like he always had to have someone with him.

      Divorce, or the end of a long-term relationship, is similar to the death of a family member in that there is such a great feeling of loss. It takes time to heal and to grieve after something like that. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. Just do what you need to do in order to feel whole again as a single person before bringing someone else into your life.

      My prayers are with you.

      PD

  2. You know. Once again I really like your post. You’ve got a lot of words of wisdom here. And I agree. Since I was a child, I made it clear that I’ll not be married or have children; much to the shock and surprise of my sisters, parents and the rest of the family.

    I am so very happy being single, having my own space (that is the biggie, I’m very selfish of space and me time)… where the rest of my very large family just does not get “it”. But at the end of the day, it is all about a personal choice.

    • It sounds like we’re a lot alike in this regard. I too have had to deal with my family not quite understanding why I enjoy being single so much. I used to want kids, but that was not an option for me so I learned to live with it. Now I am actually glad that I can’t have any because I enjoy the freedom of not being tied down to anyone or anything. After two failed marriages I think my family finally realizes that I’m ok being by myself and I can still lead a happy and productive life. 🙂

  3. I just subscribed and I enjoyed this to the max. I have never been single since I started dating at 13. Now I’m 26. The thing is, I’ve never committed either. I said I was but always ended up being unfaithful. Now I do not want to be such an immoral, uncaring pig anymore so I am newly single trying to find myself as I too do not really know who I am. I do relate to being a control freak and wanting my space set up a particular way. I don’t like to compromise and I do become miserable living with a man although I enjoy sex and intimacy. I’m hoping that I’ll learn to strike a balance in the future so I won’t have to sleep alone all the time.

    • I believe that there are always options and alternative ways of getting what we want and need. Once you are happy with yourself then you can be free to add someone else to your life and share your happiness with them. It’s difficult to make someone else happy when you’re not happy with yourself. It’s cliche, I know, but it’s still true. 🙂

      Friends are forever. Lovers are fleeting. Always make sure to surround yourself with good friends first, and love will eventually find it’s way to you. Damn, I sound like a greeting card now. Sorry about that. 🙂

  4. I have been living on my own for about 4 years now, I am really loving being in a relationship but living separately. It has taught me to grow and find out who I really am 🙂

    • I think it’s wonderful that you feel that way about it. Relationships take time to develop and if you move in together too soon it can all come crashing down. I tried to explain this to both Manwhore and Skaterboi, but neither seemed to get it.

      I’m so glad that you’re enlightened! 🙂

      • I am, and I have learned to say no. It’s not about the boy or what they want anymore. I am a strong woman, and if you want to be with me, do it my way, or fuck off. 🙂 I am going to be happy the way I want to be, not because you need a damn mother…

  5. IMHO, it’s easier for women to embrace your third option than men. There’s an old saying, “Women sleep with who they want to, men sleep with who they can.”

    As long as you’re willing to accept the judgments of society (i.e stuffy people calling you a slut) a woman can usually be single and still have sex more or less whenever she wants it.

    For most men, unless he’s got some real game, it’s a whole lot tougher. You find yourself going out on Saturday night futiley hoping you’ll meet someone you can have sex with. Then, after a dry spell, when you finally do get laid, you find yourself wondering if you’re really interested in this girl because you have a genuine attraction, or if your judgment is clouded by the fact that she’s the first person you’ve slept with in awhile.

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