Ok, total confession time. I’m sitting her at 8:47 p.m. drunk on Red Stripes and high from the hit I just took. I’m horny and tired of hanging out outside around the grill talking to rednecks that are married and unobtainable. I need dick and I need it now. Damn you Manwhore. Damn you Skaterboi. Damn you every man who I’ve ever enjoyed fucking. This isn’t going to work. I can handle being single, but I cannot and will not handle going without sex.
Just overheard my sister say, “I don’t know where [PD] is, but if she’s got a beer and a cigarette, she’s happy.” LOLOLOL
Today marks the 29th day before I turn 37. As I move closer to 37 my mind wanders. What are the things that I love and hate the most about myself? I’m going to use these last 37 days to find out.
Oh, sweet Jesus. Only 29 days left. Can I start to panic now?
I love that I am a relatively organized person, but not a clean freak. I hate doing housework, but I love having a neat and tidy home.
I hate that I have the ability to clean up my sister’s disaster of a bedroom in five minutes. I also hate that I am even willing to do it when she should be doing it herself.
Now that that’s done, my sister decided to have a party tonight. It started with five guests and somehow turned into about thirty people coming over. We have beer so I should be able to tolerate it. Actually if I drink enough I might even have a good time. 😉 If anything good or interesting happens I’ll be sure to update you tomorrow if I’m not too hung over.
Yesterday singlewhitealcoholicseekssame left a comment on my post 31 days until I turn 37. He said that we have “Two choices in life: Single and lonely or committed and agitated!” I replied, “I actually find being single more satisfying because I always feel like I have more options open to me. I guess I’m a bit of a control freak and I can’t stand feeling tied down.” He has a good point though because a lot of people feel that way about relationships. You either have to be single and lonely or committed and agitated or miserable. There is a third option though. You can be single and enjoy your life and still have sex with people without having to deal with the day-to-day annoyances of living with a person. (This is something that I’ve had to learn the hard way.)
I really do feel lighter and more open to whatever the universe has in store for me when I’m single. I’ll freely admit that I’m a bit of a control freak and a little selfish on top of that. Those two things are definite relationship killers. I know that and I’m working on it, but my progress thus far has been slow and not very promising.
I realized today when I was unpacking my things in my bedroom and getting it set up just how I want it that I like things a particular way, my way. I like to have my Hello Kitty collection, Willie Nelson pictures, and other girly stuff out where I can see and enjoy it all. I can’t do that when I’m living with a man because they act like it’s somehow going to diminish their manliness if it’s out for the world to see. I’m more than capable of being selfless and accommodating to the person that I’m in a relationship with, but I’d rather just be able to do things my way. When I’m able to do that, I feel so lighthearted and almost giddy with excitement and joy. Now how can that be a bad thing? Seriously, if you can explain it to me feel free to do so.
The most heartfelt advice that my grandmother ever gave me was to “stay single if possible.” I believe what she meant was that barring an unplanned pregnancy I should be able to stay single, avoid any shotgun weddings, and enjoy my life. I should have listened to her and at the very least never have gotten married. She was married to my grandfather for over fifty years. They had their ups and downs and survived infidelity and fights that involved gunshots and dishes being thrown, but in the end they still loved each other very much. That’s all I really ever wanted, just someone to love me no matter what and to stick it out with me until the end. Isn’t that what most people want? There’s definitely some wisdom in what she told me though. If a person can stay single, yet still have their physical and emotional needs met, then that’s a pretty damn good way to live. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s very feasible considering the fact that most people are going to get attached in some way to their lovers and eventually will want more than just a “friend with benefits” type of relationship.
My new favorite dance song. Sting is so sexy no matter how old or crazy he gets.