Archive | May 24, 2011

There’s so much I want to tell you.

There’s so much I want to tell you.  Unfortunately, I can’t right now.  I have to wait until I am completely moved out of here.  Skaterboi found out about my blog right after we met, so I have had to withhold certain information from you.  He says that he doesn’t read my blog anymore, but I can’t be certain of that.  Fear has kept me from sharing certain things.  Not being able to tell you everything has eaten away at me for the past six months.  Honesty is supposed to be the foundation of my entire blog.  I’m ashamed that I’ve let it go this far without doing something about it, but am finally making a change.

I came home after my appointment with the doctor yesterday.  I had a cloposcopy done yesterday.  After I went to my old doctor last month, I got a call from his nurse telling me that I had some abnormal cells show up in my pap test.  She scheduled the appointment for me at the women’s’ clinic so that I could have the cloposcopy done to make sure that the cells aren’t cancerous.  I should know by next Tuesday.  Until then I just have to be patient.  The doctor yesterday did tell me that it was only a small area that showed up with abnormal cells.  If it does come back as being something that needs removing they will just have me come back and they will freeze it off.  Ouch.  I hope I don’t have to have that done.

I can’t help but find it slightly ironic that my pride and joy, my best physical feature (although only known to my lovers) could be the cause of my eventual demise.  I’m a sexual being and if that were ever taken away from me I don’t know how I would deal with that.

Anyway, when I got home yesterday just before 5:00 pm Skaterboi wasn’t here.  He knew that I had to go have the cloposcopy done and he never even offered to take me to my appointment which was almost a three-hour drive from here.

He finally came in around 8:30 pm I think.  I had the door to my room closed and he didn’t knock or try to talk to me so I just went to bed.  He was gone again when I got up this morning.  He came in earlier today just long enough to take a shower and leave again.  Again, he didn’t say a word to me.

Every time he comes in I begin to shake uncontrollably.  I’m literally scared of this man.  He’s never hit me, but I have no way of knowing that he wouldn’t try to if he had the chance and was angry enough with me.

I plan on moving my stuff out by the first of June.  I’m going to go stay with my sister for a while.  She needs help with babysitting and I need a place to stay so it works out well for the both of us.  As an added bonus I get to see my nephew, Little Bubba, more often. 🙂  Thankfully she has satellite internet and tv now.  She lives in the woods and can’t get DSL or cable.  There isn’t even any cell phone reception in her trailer.  Yes, I said trailer.  It’s a large three bedroom trailer that needs a lot of work, and the landlord is an older man who doesn’t seem to care about fixing it up, so I’ll do what I can to help her fix it.  I’m pretty good with fixing small stuff around the house.

I look forward to the day when I can spill my guts so-to-speak and tell you everything that’s been going on lately.  I think you’ll be surprised and shocked to say the least.  Until then…happy humping. 🙂