I find it a little strange that two men from my past married women who look eerily similar to myself. In spite of what you may have heard I am not a megalomaniac or narcissistic. I have no delusions of grandeur. If I did I almost certainly wouldn’t be stuck here with Skaterboi wanting to stab myself with a fork. Sometimes I wish I were telepathic, just so I could figure out what the hell men are thinking.
Lately four words have been constantly repeating in my mind: miserable, bored, lonely, and depressed. What a sad state my life is in. I know it’s not as bad as it could be, but still, this relationship is killing me. I’ve avoided writing much lately because I don’t like being bitchy and a complainer, but I need to vent. So until I’m able to get out of my current living situation I’m just going to have to vent here.
It’s gotten to the point where Skaterboi hardly ever says hello when he comes in or goodbye when he leaves. It had been probably three or four weeks since we slept together, mostly because I didn’t want to deal with him. I decided two weeks ago that I would give him another chance. I went to the bedroom to go to bed thinking that he would be in later. I fell asleep and he eventually came to bed probably around 2 or 3 am. He woke me up early, around 6 am, wanting sex. This is where he went wrong.
I’m not a morning person and he knows that. I like morning sex, but for me morning sex should be gentle, not bang-bang goodbye. Skaterboi started out good, but within 60 seconds I was ready to get out of bed and just leave him there with blue balls. I didn’t though because I really was trying to give him one last chance. He started talking, asking “you want that cock don’t you?” I don’t like talking in the morning when I first wake up. I especially don’t like having to answer stupid questions. Forget talking dirty, I just want silence, coffee and a cigarette when I wake up. He then gets belligerent because I don’t answer him. That really annoys me, but to shut him up I muster enough energy to answer him in a whisper. That’s not good enough for him though. He says he can’t hear me. At this point I’m thinking, “What the fuck do you want from me? Just go away.” I let him finish even though I didn’t enjoy it at all, and I’m not proud of that at all. Of course he doesn’t cum in me, he cums on me as usual. Why? I still can’t figure that one out. He gets up immediately and leaves me laying in the bed. He doesn’t say anything, just gets out of bed, gets dressed and leaves. He didn’t tell me where he was going, when he would be back, nothing.
I’ve probably seen him a total of four waking hours over the last few weeks. He comes, he goes, he annoys. I should be happy that I don’t have to deal with him that much, but being stuck here out in the woods thirty miles from anything gets very boring very fast. I want to talk to him about what’s going on, but that’s hard to do when I never see him.
I can’t take this any longer.