If tomorrow you found out that you and your partner had just conceived a child, how would you react? How do you think it might change your relationship?
Well, considering that today is Mother’s Day, I thought I’d go backwards and put this question up. I do find it a little strange that this is the very first question in the book. Why start out with this one? Maybe because it should be an easy one to answer, but as always with me, it’s never that simple.
First of all I’d have to have sex with my partner to conceive a child with him. That hasn’t been happening lately. Secondly, it would have to be an all out miracle for me to conceive a child because of my POF. So if I somehow got pregnant I’d probably faint when I found out.
If we’re talking specifically about my conceiving a child with Skaterboi then that would not be good at all. He doesn’t want kids or to ever get married. He said he doesn’t believe in it. How can you not believe in marriage? I can understand not agreeing with something, but marriage does exist. There’s no doubt about that.
So if Skaterboi and I were to conceive a child it would probably have a disastrous outcome. He would probably not want anything to do with it. I’d either have to raise it myself, or consider alternatives. I’m not going to get into the abortion or Plan B or Pro-Life debates because my personal feelings on those subjects would surely offend a lot of people and I’m not looking to offend anyone, not knowingly at least.
In a way I consider myself blessed by not being able to have children. It has given me the freedom to explore my sexuality without having to worry about any “Oops, I’m preggo” moments. Condoms aren’t 100% effective and neither is the pill. Also, when I was married, I didn’t use protection. Why? Well, because I just didn’t feel the need to. Heaven forbid if I had gotten pregnant by one of my ex-husbands, especially the first one, the Con Artist. That would have definitely been a disaster and a half.
I also believe that not being able to have children has made me more selfish than I probably should be. I’ve never had to make sacrifices for anyone other than my family. Children change most people and make them more responsible and unselfish. It’s an admirable thing. For me though, my selfishness has probably caused problems in most of my relationships. I’ve never felt tied down to one place or one person. That freedom is a wonderful thing, but it can also cause a person to roam aimlessly throughout life. I am learning that there are more important things in life than what I want. I hope God continues to open my eyes to things larger than myself.