Archive | March 17, 2011

My new inspiration/muse/mentor

Chonda Pierce

Yesterday I discovered Chonda Pierce on YouTube.  She’s a preacher’s daughter, Christian comedienne, singer and author.  This woman has, over the course of the last twenty-four hours, become my new inspiration/muse/mentor.  Hopefully she won’t mind.  And no disrespect to my momma or the other women in my family because Chonda is like every woman in my family plus myself rolled into one hilariously sweet ball of goodness.  So it actually works out perfect that I should find her inspiring.

This was the first video of her that I found.  I couldn’t stop laughing because I was flooded with memories of my 1984 Ford Escort hatchback, my mother, and so many other funny memories of growing up in church.  Mostly it reminded me of my hour and a half trips up to see my parents in my little Mazda Protege with a radio that didn’t work.  That was my reality for the last two years.  A car with no radio will slowly suck the life out of a person.  That’s a lot of quiet time for someone who loves music and it sometimes drove me to the border of insanity.

I’ve never aspired to be an entertainer or famous or anything like that, I just want to be a good person that makes people happy.  I know I’m a long way from my goal, but I think I’m finally headed down the right path.  Oh sweet Jesus I think I’ve gone soft.  LOL

Be sure to look her up on YouTube and watch some of her other hilarious videos.  I especially like the one titled “My Mother Scares Me.” Reminds me of my little momma. 🙂

Many years ago when I was living in Brooklyn, NY, after I had just left my first husband, I would sit in my apartment every night watching TV, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and contemplating what on earth I was still doing in NYC.  I would sometimes also pass the time by working on my personal Hello Kitty themed website.  Either my sister or the Preacher must have shown the website to her (I don’t think she had ever been on the internet before) and she somehow figured out how to send me an email.  So one morning at 1:00 am I heard “You’ve got mail!”  Back then AOL was still the main way for common folk to get on the internet.  So I checked my email and found a message from my momma.  It simply stated, “No matter where you are just remember that your momma is always watching you.”

Now at one in the morning, drunk and half asleep, this put a fear of God in me the likes of which I have never felt again.  I was genuinely creeped out and scared to death that my momma really did know that I was up to no good.  Mothers have their ways you know.  And sometimes I wonder if my momma really does have a direct line to God where she can just call him up and say, “Ok, what’s she doing now?  I’ll beat her butt for ya if I have to.  Just tell me.”  I love my momma dearly, but she scares me too.

Anyway, here’s a video of Chonda singing.  Yep, the funny girl can sing too.  Enjoy & have a great day!

Jesus!…loves me!

Since I am the Preacher’s Daughter, I also have a Preacher’s Wife for a momma, that’s what we call mothers in the South.   She is a beautiful Christian woman inside and out, and she’s an ordained minister too.  So not only did I grow up with one preacher as a parent, but two.  I am doubly blessed, or so I’m told.

I never really considered her to be a preacher in the “behind the pulpit on Sunday morning” kind of way, to me she’s always been more of a “walk the walk and talk the talk” kind of preacher.  She ministers to people when they are down and depressed, have fallen on tough times, or just need a kind word and a smile.  She’s always willing to fill up a box of groceries out of her own pantry for a complete stranger (or even one of her own children) that has no food.  Because she’s been there herself.  She knows what it is like to be without, be sad, be lonely, and in need of a kind word or helping hand.

However,  she has her faults just like the rest of us.

When I was sixteen it was left up to her to give me driving lessons.  She had a maroon late-eighties Chevrolet Caprice Classic.  It looked like a boat on wheels.  It drove like one too.  I’m only 5’2″ now and I could barely see over the steering wheel back then and it was all I could do to keep it on the road.  It looked much like the one below.

Now a days the ones you see have been “upgraded” to look more like this:

Now if my momma’s Caprice Classic had looked like the one above, I would have been much less embarrassed while driving it.  Plus it would have just been downright hilarious to see my little 5’1″ momma getting in that thing and driving it to Piggly Wiggly.

Back to my driving lesson.  So while she was sitting in the passenger seat, seat belt securely buckled, every muscle in her body tensed up, trying to direct me on how to drive and where to go, it just so happened that the car in front of me slowed down.  This must not have ever happened to my momma before while she was driving because she yelled out “Jesus!”  And to cover her blaspheming she quickly added, in song, “loves me this I know!

Since that time when my momma gets nervous while riding along with me or my sister and yells out our name, reaches for the dashboard, and puts her foot on her imaginary brake pedal, we automatically start singing “Jesus Loves Me” and she immediately turns red and starts laughing.  We love making momma laugh.  Bless her heart. 🙂

Love & Sex Q&A #76

I found this little book while searching through the many boxes in my closet.  I don’t know when or where I got it, but I actually took a minute to look through it today and I fell in love with Love & Sex by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.  Such a small unassuming book should easily keep my attention.  It consists of 235 questions.  I’ve decided that starting today I will begin giving my answers to the questions in the book.  Since today is the 76th day of the year I’m going to start with question 76.  My logical/strange/OCD riddled mind just works better that way.

76

Do you think your friends believe your sex life is better or worse than it actually is?

Well, on one hand, my friends in the WordPress world know quite well that my sex life right now is lacking to say the least.  If you’ve read from the beginning you’ll also know that it wasn’t always that way, nor is that how I like it to be.  I’m a sex addict that loves men and sex and everything that gets us to the point of orgasm and beyond.

On the other hand, my real world friends probably think that I wouldn’t even be in a relationship with a guy unless the sex was at the very least good and often.  Some friends I am close enough with to be open and honest about such things, but not many.  I count my sister among these friends.  She is probably the only woman I know that I feel that comfortable with.  I could tell her almost anything.