Archive | February 2011

Oral Sex: Giving

As promised, here is part one of my two-part post on oral sex.  I’ve wanted to write about this for a while now.  I just had to figure out which direction to take it.  Oral sex is obviously very important to the majority of men and women.  Unfortunately, not everyone enjoys giving oral sex which is a damn shame.  However, I can understand why some people shy away from it.  There are a lot of factors involved that can make it either enjoyable or not fun at all.  Keep in mind that this is based on my personal experiences and in no way am I telling you that my way is the only way.  It’s just how I do it, what I like and things that I’ve noticed men tend to like.

Oral Sex: Giving to a Man

This is something that I enjoy very much.  Turning a man on this way actually turns me on.  The more I suck, the wetter I get.  It’s not that I love the taste or enjoy having a cock in my mouth.  It’s the joy of giving.  It’s the joy of exploration and finding out what he likes and what will make him moan with pleasure.

Not all men like the same things when it comes to oral.  Of course they all like having their cock in a woman’s mouth, but there are other subtleties to the act that you have to take into consideration.  Does he like you to also use your hands or not?  Rough or gentle?  Teeth or no teeth?  I’ve been with men that liked it rough and men that liked it gentle.  Some that even liked the feeling of my teeth gently scraping it.  Those were usually the same ones that enjoyed a side of pain with their orgasms.  It’s all a matter of paying attention and communicating with your partner.

The head of the penis is the most sensitive part so I always pay special attention to it, but I also like to do the lollipop thing and lick it up and down too.  That helps me get the whole thing lubricated.  Lubrication is key.  Keeping a glass of water or something close by is a good idea.  If you starting getting dry mouth then just use your hand for a minute and take a swig of water.

Your tongue is his friend.  Using your tongue you can give him different sensations.  Again, pay attention to how he reacts to see what is working for him.  If you’re lucky he might even tell you.  I also use my tongue to cover my bottom teeth and make sure that they don’t hurt him.

Don’t worry about whether or not you can deep throat it because few women can and unless you naturally have no gag reflex it takes a lot of practice to get to the point where you can deep throat.  From my experience most men aren’t expecting you to be able to deep throat it anyway.  Also unless the guy has an above-average sized penis you won’t have to work too hard to get most of it inside your mouth.

Don’t like eating pubic hairs?  Ask him if he’s ever shaved down there before.  If yes, then ask if he would again.  (If you throw in the fact that you’ll be willing to suck his balls if he’s shaven, then the next time you go down there it’ll be hair-free.)  I think it’s become more common for men to shave, mainly because they have heard that it makes their penis appear larger.  It’s true.  When a man shaves, or even just trims closely, more of the penis is visible and therefore appears larger.  Don’t forget though that not all men are showers, the majority are growers.

I’m not going to give you a huge list of how-to tips because if you do a search online for oral sex tips you’ll get over 3 million results.  My main piece of advice is to just pay attention to his physical cues, talk to him, ask him what he likes and doesn’t like.  Have fun with it.  Exploring and finding out how to please your partner can be one of the most enjoyable parts of a relationship.

Oh, and don’t forget to breathe.  It may sound silly, but breathing through your nose while going down on him will help to keep your stamina up.

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Image by Bearman2007 via Flickr

Oral Sex: Giving to a Woman

As a girl who enjoys receiving oral sex and finds it an integral part of a good sex life, I hardly know where to begin.

First of all I do not like when a man gets down there and just beats my clitoris to death with his tongue.  It should start slowly and gently with plenty of lubrication.  The same thing applies here as with the women.  Keeping some water close by is always a good idea.  If you’re really adventurous, try some flavored lube.

Actually a lot of what I stated above for giving oral to a man applies to giving oral to a woman also.  Your tongue is your friend, use it wisely.  Pay attention to how she reacts to see what she likes and what she doesn’t like.  Talk to her and ask her what she wants you to do.  Let her guide you.

Women are just as sensitive down there as men are so be gentle at first.  It takes time to build up to the much-anticipated (and loved – by me) sucking (not biting) of the clit or thrusting of the tongue into the vagina.

Use your fingers (well manicured fingers of course).  When combined with the use of your tongue this can give her a mind-blowing orgasm.  Whether you’re fingering her while sucking her clit or licking around the outside or gently rubbing her clit while thrusting your tongue in and out, she’s going to squirm.

Don’t be afraid to put your tongue inside her.  When a man does that to me it’s almost better than being penetrated by a penis.  It’s definitely better than any sex toy.

Well there it is, part one of my oral sex post.  Part two will be about receiving oral sex.  Yes, there are things to be said about receiving it also.

If you have any tips or comments I’d love to hear them. 🙂

“Act like you feel it. That’s what the whore’s do.”

What better way to close out February, the month of Love (controlling urge to gag), than with a great quote from one of my favorite comediennes  LaWanda Page.  Most of you probably know her better as “Aunt Esther” from the 1970’s television show Sanford & Son.

“Act like you feel it. That’s what the whore’s do” is advice that probably many women already follow which I find to be a damn shame.  No woman should ever have to compromise her own pleasure and enjoyment.  However, I can completely understand why some women fake orgasms and pretend to enjoy sex in general.  Some men just don’t have a clue about how to please a woman and some just don’t care.  In both cases the answer is communication.  If you aren’t willing to talk to your partner about what each of you like and what it takes to get you both off, then shame on you.

By the way, today is “No Brainer Day” and that’s why I’m writing this post.  This one is definitely a “no brainer.”

Have a great No Brainer Day!

Warning: Not safe for work.  Good thing it’s Sunday and you’re not at work (hopefully).

The Preacher, His Daughter and the Funeral

As a preacher’s kid I get to go to more than my fair share of weddings and funerals.  Today was a funeral day.  It was a lady from the Preacher’s church.  She was a sweet God-fearing woman who had been confined to a wheel chair for many years.  My main memory of her was that she always had a smile on her face.  During the funeral service I found out that I wasn’t the only one who had noticed that about her.  I think that’s probably one of the best legacies a person could leave behind, the memory of being a joyous smiling happy person no matter what hardships you may have gone through.When attending functions such as weddings and funerals I like to sit back and observe.  Since I’m not really the social butterfly type it works out well.  It seems that even though the Preacher is usually the one giving the message at most of the funerals that I go to he does a lot of observing also.

Today before the service the Preacher said something that I had never really paid much attention to, but it made a lot of sense.  He said, “Have you ever noticed at funerals that the poorest people are the most emotional and the ones that fight the most are the ones that cry the most?”  It may not be a very politically correct statement to make, and maybe it’s just a Southern thing, but he’s right.  Thinking back to the funerals that I’ve attended, it’s true.

When I was growing up and attending church every Sunday, I was taught as a child to sit still and be quiet during the service.  My sister and little brother were taught the same thing.  We knew better than to be fidgety or rambunctious or noisy in church.  We were kids though and sometimes we slipped up, but the Preacher never hesitated to call us out by name from the pulpit and tell us to sit down and behave.  It was very embarrassing, so after him doing that to us once or twice that was usually all it took for us to learn to act respectful in church.

Today I noticed that children today don’t seem to have that same level of respect.  Even at a funeral, which is a more solemn gathering than a church service, the kids there were jumping around and acting like it was playtime at the McDonald’s playground.  What I don’t understand is why the parents don’t correct them and make them behave, or even take them outside if the kids can’t be controlled.  Why sit there and let the little hellions disrupt the funeral service?  As many of you know, I don’t have kids and don’t claim to have any expertise in parenting, but I do know a thing or two about how to show some respect.

The other thing that I noticed today was the way people were dressed.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fashionista or anything, but I do know how to dress conservatively, nicely and respectfully for a funeral.  You don’t have to be rich to be able to wear something clean and decent to a funeral.  One woman came in wearing a t-shirt and some wrinkled type of skirt, another was wearing a top that made it look like her chest might pop out at any moment, and most of the men were wearing jeans.  Some didn’t even bother tucking in their shirts, some looked like they were wearing the same clothes for the past few days and some didn’t even bother to shave or brush their hair.  Now I know God doesn’t judge a person by what they wear or look like, but there’s still a level of decency and respect that people should aim for when attending things like church services and funerals.  Unless you’re homeless, there’s just no excuse for that sort of thing.

The last thing that I noticed and that really irritated me was the fact that several people came into the funeral service late.  Now the funeral was set for 2:00 pm.  I arrived at 1:00 pm.  I had driven and hour and a half to get there.  Now if I can get there on time, early even, and I’m not even related to the woman, then why in the hell couldn’t her own family get there in time for the funeral service?  I would be so embarrassed if I had to walk in late to something like that.

So, at my funeral, I don’t want anyone going into hysterics and trying to jump into the casket with me, or cutting off pieces of my hair to put into envelopes to give to friends, or telling blatant lies about what a wonderful person I was.  Just be honest.  I know I’m not perfect.  The Preacher never sugar-coats his messages at funerals and I don’t expect any less at mine.  It is possible to be honest and respectful at the same time, all the while giving a good message about how life is beautiful and how we all need to appreciate it while we still can.

One last thing.  I had to play substitute for my mother today because she was sick and couldn’t attend the funeral.  Unfortunately I didn’t inherit my mother’s social graces and ability to offer comforting words to those who are hurting and in mourning.  I did the best I could to support the Preacher, smile politely to the friends and family and to offer a supportive hug to the grieving widower.  I just never feel like I’m meeting people’s expectations though, especially when I’m always introduced to everyone as the Preacher’s daughter.  I really wished my mom could have been there.  She’s so much better with all that stuff than I am.

Insomnia strikes again

It’s late/early and insomnia strikes again.  I’m hungry, horny, stressed, and worried about a whole list of things that came to me as I was in bed trying to go to sleep.  The hungry part is about the only thing I can take care of right now.  Skaterboi & Biscuit (the new pit-bull puppy) are both sound asleep right now & the house is way too quiet for me.  I never thought I would miss the noise of the city garbage trucks and sirens going off at 1:00 am.  When I first moved to Brooklyn years ago it was months before I could get to sleep at a decent hour.  It was so noisy and I was used to the quiet of the country.  It seems like every time I move I have to reacclimate.

Since I’m up I thought I’d share an interesting questionnaire I found on GMPIV.COM.  It’s called Family Relationships.  As I was in bed I was thinking about my family and adopted little brother in particular and this seems fitting. So here is the questionnaire and my answers (of course I’ll have to leave out real names to protect my anonymity).

Family (or its absence) has a profound impact on what shapes us.  This series of questions explores both immediate, extended, and adopted/surrogate family ideas, and how they might impact your persona.

Who were your parents?

They are wonderful people.  I’m not sure how else to answer this question.

Were you raised by them?

Yes.

What is your father’s full name?

Sorry, I can’t tell you that, but I do know it.

What is your mother’s full name?

Sorry, I can’t tell you that, but I do know it.

What did your parents and/or foster parents do for a living?

Mom is a preacher’s wife, housewife, domestic goddess, mother, grandmother, and the sweetest, most beautiful person I know.

Dad is the preacher, community activist, carpenter (yes, like Jesus), law enforcer, father, grandfather, and a stubborn, quiet, charismatic, charming man.

What was their standing in the community?

They have done a lot of good works in their community and many people love them.  However, there are always those people who either out of pure ignorance or out of jealousy just refuse to accept others no matter how much good they do or how pure their intentions.

Did your family stay in one area or move around a lot?

We lived in the same town until I was nineteen, then they moved to a neighboring state and I stayed behind.  They have lived in the same town now for about sixteen years.

How did you get along with your parents?

Overall I think I have a very good relationship with my parents.  We may have our disagreements, but we still love each other and they are very supportive.  I know for certain that there’s not much I could do that would make them turn against me.  Example: my DWI last year.

How would your parents describe you?  Answer this in the voice of your mother, then in your father’s.

Mom: “She’s such a sweet, smart, funny girl.  She worries me to death sometimes with the things she does, but she’ll always be my baby girl.”

Dad:  “My first born?  She drives me crazy and tests my patience sometimes, but she’s a good girl who just needs to get back to God and into church.”

Do you have any siblings?

Yes, I have a younger sister and an adopted little brother.

If so how many and what were their names?

Sorry, I can’t tell you that, but I do know them.

What was your birth position in the family (i.e.last born, only child, etc.)?

I’m the oldest by nine years.

How did you get along with each of your siblings?

My sister and I have a good relationship.  Having such a large age gap between us made me feel like more of a second mother to her when she was younger.  Now we have developed more of the normal sisterly type of relationship.

My little brother is cute and rambunctious.  I love him and am so glad my parents adopted him.  He’s always good for a smile and a hug when you need it.

What was your family life like?

It was fairly normal at first.  Then when dad became the Preacher it got a little difficult.  We went through phases of getting along and not getting along.  Now we just agree to disagree on some things.

List all current knowledge of family locations, spouses, children, birth dates, schooling and any important incidents that only you and they might remember.

Yeah, I’m gonna just skip this one. LOL

Are any or all of your family still alive?

Most of my close family is still alive and kicking.  I have one grandfather left alive.  I really miss my other grandparents.  We were very close.

If so, where are they now?

They are spread around, but most are within a day’s driving distance.

Do you stay in touch with them or have you become estranged?

I try to stay in touch with them, but since my grandmothers passed away we don’t get together like we used to which is unfortunate.

Do you love or hate one member of the family in particular?

I don’t hate any of them.  Some irritate me sometimes, but I love them all.

Is any member of the family special to you in any way (perhaps, as a confidant, mentor, or arch-rival)?

I have an aunt that is special to me because she is a unique intelligent woman and she is also a writer and I’ve always looked up to her.

Are there any black (or white) sheep in the family (including you)?

I’m definitely the black sheep of the family.

If so, who are they and how did they “gain” the position?

It took me many years of making stupid mistakes and doing things that others deemed crazy to gain the title.

Do you have a notorious or celebrated ancestor?

From what little research I’ve done I found out that my father’s ancestors came to America in the seventeen-hundreds and the first was a minister like my dad.  Going back even further I found that I’m of German descent and possibly related to Friedrich “Barbarossa” Stauffer.  I guess I now know where the red hair comes from.

If so, what did this person do to become famous or infamous?

Unfortunately he was among Hitler’s favorite historical personalities. (The invasion of the Soviet Union was called “Unternehmen Barbarossa”.)

What do people assume about you once your ancestry is revealed?

I’ve never told anyone about the “Barbarosa” thing before.

Do you try to live up to the reputation of their ancestor, try to live it down, or ignore it?

I don’t think I could or should try & live up to that one.

Have you begun your own family?

No.

If not, do you ever want to have a family of your own someday?

I’m happy with what I have.  I can’t have children and doubt I’ll ever adopt.

What type of person would be your ideal mate?

Someone who lets me be me, is not judgmental, is loving, affectionate, kind, blah, blah, blah, all that good stuff.

What would you be willing to do to protect such a person?

Anything within the limits of the law.

Is there anything you wouldn’t do to protect such a person and if so what?

I wouldn’t do anything illegal.

Would anything change your mind on this issue and if so, what?

Nope.  I’ve already spent 20 hours in jail.  I don’t want to repeat that.

Riding the Reading

Bob at Take a Ride on the Reading has nominated me for the coveted Stylish Blogger Award! Thank you so much Bob!  It’s an honor just to be nominated. 🙂

Stylish Blogger Award 2011

The rules are as follows:  I must list 7 things no one knows about me.  Then choose 6 nominees to pass on the Stylish Blogger Award.  Leave a message for each of the six letting them know you have something for them on your blog.

Seven Things No One Knows About Me

Since my entire blog is about things that I would not really feel comfortable telling anyone who knows my true identity this may be difficult.  I’m going to have to dig deep for these.

  1. Every day after school I would get off the bus and check the mailbox and then head down the long dirt road to my house.  One day when I was about nine I did my usual thing and checked the mailbox.  As I walked down the long road home I noticed that one of the envelopes looked different from any other I had ever seen in our mail before.  It was an unmarked plain white envelope addressed to my Dad.  He wasn’t yet the Preacher.  Being the curious little nine-year old that I was I decided to take a peek.  After opening it just enough to see a little of what was inside I saw pictures of naked people.  This of course set my curiosity mode into overload.  I quickly stashed it inside one of my school books and when I got home I went in my room, closed the door and crawled under my bed (my usual hiding spot) to investigate further.  So I guess I have my Dad to thank for my introduction to pornography and sex.  Even though I didn’t really understand what was going on in those pictures I found them fascinating and now and then I would go back under my bed and take another peek trying to figure out what it all meant.
  2. When I was thirteen I prayed for God to make my Aunt Flow go away.  When I was fourteen she did go away, permanently.  Coincidence?  Maybe, but either way it stopped.  Since then I’ve found out that I have what they call Premature Ovarian Failure.  Sometimes I wonder if God really did answer the prayer of a stupid scared thirteen-year-old.  Since then I’ve had to live with the fact that I’ll never be able to have children of my own.
  3. I’ve kept journals since I was in high school.  No matter how many times I’ve moved or lost everything, I always managed to keep my journals with me.  They are still with me today, hidden away.  I reread them every year on New Years Day to see just how stupid and naïve I was and still can be at times.  It’s always good for a laugh or two.
  4. I now have a car stereo that works!  Thanks to Skaterboi! 🙂  That was a very long two years.  Thank God I don’t have to talk to myself in the car anymore.
  5. I have been in romantic relationships with a couple of women but have never and would never perform oral on a woman.  Therefore I made a terrible lesbian.  Plus that I found women to be crazier than men, so I gave up on being a lesbian.
  6. I was working as secretary at a church many years ago.  The pastor was the Preacher’s friend.  I was fired on the Preacher’s birthday.  Let’s just say I barely escaped with my freedom and my life.  That’s when I decided it was time to turn to the dark side, go to Atlanta and sow my wild oats.
  7. I’ve been homeless a few times.  I could have called my family and asked for help, but pride got in the way and I chose instead to find a way to get back on my feet by myself.  It wasn’t always easy, but I managed somehow.  I’m sure there was some help from above involved.

My 6 nominees to pass the Stylish Blogger Award on to are …

  1. Hiding in Plain Sight (http://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com)  I’ve been following Perversecowgirl’s blog since last year and her wit, honesty and openness is partly what inspired me to become a blogger.
  2. Single White Alcoholic Seeks Same (http://singlewhitealcoholicseekssame.wordpress.com)  Another very honest blog about relationships & dating & such, but this time from a man’s perspective.
  3. Babysitting the Biscuit (http://spikeg302.blogspot.com)  A rock and roll foodie’s dream.  If you like good music, NYC and really good food, this is a great blog to check out.
  4. Abstinent Sexblog (http://abstinentsexblog.blogspot.com)  Mousie762 has a great blog about being an abstinent Christian and being a lover of sex and fetishes.  His blog appeals to my voyeuristic side.  I like to read about how other people view sex and Christianity and how the two relate.
  5. Born This Way! (http://borngaybornthisway.blogspot.com)  I’m not gay (although I have tried it), but I do have several close gay friends and I support them fully and believe that they should have the right to live and love the way they want.  This blog is “A photo/essay project for gay adults (of all genders) to submit pictures from their childhood (roughly ages 2 to 12) – with snapshots that innocently capture them showing the beginnings of their innate LGBT selves. It’s OUR nature, our TRUTH!”
  6. Finally, the blog that I hate to love.  Citizen Renegade (http://roissy.wordpress.com)  No matter how much I find his posts offensive, demeaning, or downright ludicrous, I still can’t stop reading.  The idea that this “Game” that men play to get women to sleep with them is just so disgustingly intriguing to me.  The insight that I have gained from reading his blog has been great.  I know not all men think like he does, but judging by the comments, there are a hell of a lot of men that do.

Finally congratulations to Bob (Tarot/Quidmont) Johnston & to all of my nominees!  And thanks again for reading!