As a follow up to 10 Things That Turn Me On, here’s my list of 10 things that turn me off.
1. Pushy, overbearing, controlling men. I do not need a man telling me what I need to be doing or should be doing 24/7. This includes texting/calling/emailing constantly to check up on me and see where I am and what I am doing. That can make me think that you don’t trust me or you have control issues. Plus I just need my space sometimes.
The Preacher does this to my Mom all the time, and he’s done it for as long as I can remember. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t trust her though, I think it’s because he worries about her and wants to know she’s alright. Before cell phones came out, he would track her down by calling the places that he thought she might be until he found her. He actually had an uncanny ability to find her very easily. That would drive me insane, constantly being checked up on. You can call/text/email, just not every hour of the day.
2. Men that don’t stop when a woman says “No” or “Stop” or “That hurts, please stop.” This should be a given, but some men just don’t seem to get it. I don’t understand it and don’t like it. If I tell you that it hurts and you need to stop, then stop, immediately. If you do stop when I ask, then I may also tell you what you can do to help things out so that we can continue without me being in pain or feeling like I’m being split in two.
I was in a situation many years ago where I was given the “date rape” drug and then woke up the next day not knowing where I was, who I was with, where my clothes were, I didn’t have my car, and I couldn’t find my purse. The guy that lived in the house that I ended up in was a guy that I had met at a bar the night before, but only briefly. I didn’t even remember his name. I assume I was drugged because I’ve never blacked out after only two cocktails before and I especially had never forgotten my purse at a bar before. When I woke up in the bed alone, I immediately had to run to the bathroom to vomit. After finding my clothes and getting dressed I went into the living room where he was sitting on the couch. There is no scarier feeling than being in that situation, not knowing exactly what he had done to me, and having to ask a man that you don’t know to take you home. I never found out exactly what happened to me, I just knew that I was vomiting and bleeding for two days.
Not all rapes are committed by strangers though. Sometimes you can be with someone that you’ve been intimate with already and still have sex forced upon you. I had one boyfriend who would guilt me into sex which is just as wrong.
Sex is no longer fun if it hurts to the point that the pleasure factor is completely gone and I’m left feeling violated.
3. Men that don’t like to lick the pussy. This one is so simple. If I’m gonna go downtown on a man and tear him up so good that he can’t think straight, then he had better be begging to go down on me. I see it as only being fair. Now, for you guys that don’t like eating the pussy, well, either learn to like it or make sure the woman you’re going out with knows up front that you just won’t do that. Honesty is always the best policy. Some women, like me, find oral sex, both giving and receiving, to be a very important part of intimacy. Maybe you’ll luck out though and get one of those women that find it icky and gross. That’s a whole other topic for another post though. Women that find it icky and gross probably just either have never had it done right, not done at all, or have issues with being comfortable with the body parts south of the border.
4. Bad or nonexistent personal hygiene. Guys I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to smell, taste & look yummy when you’re out with your girl. I understand that you’re going to be funky after basketball or gym or whatever it is you guys do that make you stink, but afterward, clean that shit up. Do NOT come to bed or come pushing up on me while you’re funky.
5. Arrogance. Confidence is great and wonderful, but being an arrogant asshole who thinks he knows it all is not attractive, ever. If you go through an entire date with a girl and you realize that she’s not been able to get a word in because you’ve been too busy talking about and listening to yourself, then you’ve definitely got a problem. Take a breather every now and then and let your woman contribute to the conversation, and for goodness sake, pay attention and actually listen to what she’s saying.
6. The Cheapskate. I know the first thing people are going to think when I say that I don’t like cheapskates is that I’m a gold-digger, but I’m not. What I’m referring to is when a man never takes you out, never buys you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day. My favorite is when a man takes me out, supposedly for dinner, but it ends up only being for a drink and then he tries to get me to go straight back to his place for sex. Or even worse, he calls and wants me to come over to his place for a booty call when we haven’t even gone out on an actual date yet. I’m not a prostitute or call-girl. I could probably avoid a lot of relationship drama if I were, but I’m not. I don’t want to feel like a guy expects sex just because he bought me one drink. I don’t expect a man to pay my rent or bills or buy me jewelry or anything, I just expect to be treated like a lady and with respect.
7. Men who never want to do things that I like to do. I think this comes from issues with my second ex-husband. I did everything I could to involve myself in activities that he enjoyed such as online gaming, comic books, and I even tried table top gaming a couple of times, just so he would see that I was at least trying. Over time I did come to enjoy a lot of those things, but what always bothered me was that no matter how many things that he enjoyed that I did with him, he rarely wanted to do anything that I enjoyed. This just pisses me off. I don’t care if you don’t like watching Glee or not, if I want to watch it for an hour a week, then be damn sure that I expect you to sit there with me and at least pretend to enjoy it. After all the times I sat through boring crap with you and put up with your hordes of friends coming over all the time, I deserve an hour a week sitting on the couch with the man I love watching a TV show that I like.
Ok, now that makes my ex sound really bad, but he actually wasn’t terrible. He did attempt to do a few things that I liked such as going to a concert where my absolute favorite singer was performing. That was sweet because I knew he wasn’t into it, but he did it anyway, for me. It made me feel special and showed me that he really cared. Sometimes it’s just the little things in a relationship that make me feel loved and appreciated.
8. Cheaters & Liars. These two seem to go hand in hand. Men such as the manwhore seem to think that it’s OK to lie to multiple women and cheat on them. Now if it’s mutually agreed that the relationship is not monogamous then it’s not a problem for both of you to see other people. However, if the women don’t know about each other and the guy is lying about where he is going, then it’s cheating. If he’s trolling the internet searching for women to fuck, then that’s considered intent to cheat. Because if he has gone that far, what’s to stop him from actually going through with it? I know this is a debatable topic. Feel free to let me know what you think about this one. I could go on about this one for days, but I’ll spare you. By the way, I’ve been a cheater, but never again.
9. Men that tell me they love me within the first three months of dating. This is a personal pet peeve. I think it just creeps me out. I’ve had way to many experiences where guys told me way too soon that they loved me. Not that I don’t want them to tell me that they love me, I just think that it takes time for a person to really be certain that they are in love with someone. If a guy tells me on the first date that he loves me, alarms immediately begin going off in my head. I’m not the type that likes to tell a guy that I love him first. The last time that I told a guy (manwhore) that I loved him before he told me, it turned out to be disastrous and I ended up heartbroken.
10. Men that constantly try to get me to have cyber or phone sex with them. I have nothing against either of those two things, it’s just that I’m not always in the mood for that. I’m more of a touchy feely need-you-there type of girl. I need to be physically and mentally stimulated by another person in order to enjoy sex. Constantly being nagged about performing phone or cybersex is just downright annoying and makes me never want to see you again.
Ok, wow. That was another long one. Actually I could probably think of another dozen things that turn me off, but I’ll save those for another time.
So, do you have any pet peeves or things that are definite turn offs for you? I’m asking both men and women. I’m here to learn and explore so I’d really appreciate any feedback or comments that you’d like to offer up.